Chapter 13
JOY
Iburst through Aunt Victoria’s front door like a woman on a mission, my arms already full of extension cords and zip ties. The lighting ceremony was in exactly six hours. I still had approximately seventeen things left on my to-do list.
I should have gotten out of bed earlier.
It was my fault. I had been caught up in the best dream ever and I didn’t want to open my eyes and face the day.
Yes, that dream had a certain firefighter in the starring role.
I told myself I was suffering from hero worship.
He saved the day and now I was all twitterpated.
I just had to remember he was still a Grade-A Asshole.
He could be handsome and maybe have a couple of good qualities, but still an asshole.
“Aunt Victoria!” I called out, dropping my supplies on her kitchen table.
“Please tell me you have duct tape. I need duct tape like I need oxygen right now. I looked in the garage and can’t find it.
If I have to go to the hardware store, that’s going to take an extra fifteen minutes I don’t have.
And if someone is in there that wants to chat because you and I both know there will be, that’s another fifteen minutes.
I don’t have fifteen, let alone thirty.”
I was rambling. I rambled when I panicked. Cause and effect. The rambling only served to panic me more. I wondered if this was what it felt like for a hamster on a wheel.
“Good afternoon to you too, sweetie,” came her voice from the living room, calm as ever. “And yes, I have duct tape. Same place it’s always been—junk drawer next to the stove.”
I dove for the drawer, rummaging through batteries, rubber bands, and at least fourteen different types of screwdrivers.
“Where’s my left glove? I know I left it here yesterday when I was organizing all the extension cord connections, and now I can’t find it anywhere, and what if my hands freeze during the ceremony and I can’t work the light switches properly? ”
“Breathe, honey,” Aunt Victoria said, appearing in the doorway with a cup of coffee and the most annoyingly serene expression on her face. “Your glove is probably by the front door where the other one was when you took them off last night.”
“Found the duct tape!” I announced triumphantly, brandishing the silver roll like I’d just discovered buried treasure. “Now for the glove crisis.”
I rushed to the door and looked around the bench that served as a catch-all. Sure enough, there was my red glove.
“Crisis averted,” I said, stuffing the glove into my coat pocket. “Now I just need to double-check that all the outlet covers are secure, make sure the backup generator is properly positioned, verify that the hot chocolate station has enough cups, and—”
“Joy.” Aunt Victoria’s voice cut through my mental list-making with gentle authority. “Sit down for a minute.”
“I can’t sit down! I have a hundred things to do before tonight, and if even one thing goes wrong—”
“Nothing is going to go wrong.”
“But what if—”
“Honey, I drove past the square this morning. Everything looks absolutely perfect. The tree is gorgeous, all the lights are connected properly, and that beautiful star is sitting up there like it was always meant to be there.”
I paused in my frantic pacing, clipboard clutched to my chest. “Really? You think it looks good?”
“I think it looks magical,” she said with a smile. “Cooper did a beautiful job getting that star positioned just right.”
At the mention of Cooper’s name, I felt that familiar flutter in my stomach that I’d been trying to ignore for the past twenty-four hours. “He really did save the day, didn’t he?”
Aunt Victoria’s smile turned knowing. “That he did. Which makes me wonder if maybe your nervousness about tonight has less to do with event coordination and more to do with a certain heroic firefighter.”
Heat crept up my neck. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m just focused on making sure everything goes smoothly.”
“Uh-huh.” She settled into her favorite chair, clearly preparing for one of our heart-to-heart conversations. “So the fact that you’ve been glowing like a Christmas ornament ever since yesterday has nothing to do with Cooper Frost climbing up a fire truck ladder to help you out?”
“I do not glow,” I protested, unconsciously touching my cheeks.
“Sweetie, you absolutely glow. And every time someone mentions his name, you get this little smile that you try to hide behind your clipboard.”
Damn it, she was right. I had been smiling every time I thought about Cooper and the way he’d shown up with that fire truck.
I smiled every time I thought about how big of an asshole he had been at the school but ended up saving the day.
And the way he looked at the finished tree with something that might have been actual appreciation made my heart sing.
“Okay, fine,” I said, sinking onto the couch. “Maybe I’m a little affected by what he did yesterday.”
“A little affected,” Aunt Victoria repeated with amusement. “Is that what we’re calling it?”
“That’s what I’m calling it because that’s all it can be.” I set my clipboard aside and finally allowed myself to stop moving for more than thirty seconds. “He was just being helpful. His boss made him work with me. It’s all part of community service. A service you pay taxes for.”
“I think we both know that was above and beyond.”
When she put it like that, it did sound like more than just neighborly assistance. But I couldn’t let myself read too much into it. “He’s a good guy under that gruff exterior. At least he used to be. He saw a problem and fixed it. That’s just who Cooper is.”
“Maybe,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “Or maybe Cooper is more interested in you than either of you wants to admit.”
My heart did that stupid flippy thing again, but I forced myself to shake my head. “It’s not that simple.”
“Why not? You’re both single adults. You’re clearly attracted to each other. I’m just saying, there’s no reason two young folks like you can’t keep each other warm over the holidays.”
“Aunt Victoria!” I felt my face flame. “You can’t just say things like that!”
“Why not? I’m old enough to speak my mind, and you’re old enough to handle a little romantic advice from your favorite aunt.”
“You’re my only aunt.”
“Which makes me your favorite by default.” She leaned forward with that conspiratorial look that usually meant she was about to give me advice I didn’t want to hear. “Seriously, honey, what’s stopping you? You like him, he obviously likes you—”
“He doesn’t like me,” I interrupted. “Not like that.”
“But I think there’s a spark. Where there’s a spark, there’s a chance.”
“Aunt Victoria, Katrina told me the guy went through a nasty breakup. I don’t want to be a rebound.”
She waved her hand like it wasn’t a big deal. “Lynn Ziegler is old news.”
The name hung in the air between us like a dark cloud.
Everyone in town knew about Lynn and what she had done to Cooper.
How she left him at the altar last Christmas Eve and that he had been different ever since.
Quieter. More closed off. And completely allergic to anything Christmas-related until yesterday.
I knew Lynn. She had been part of our friend group before I left for college. It pissed me off that she had done what she did. It was pretty bad when I had heard about it all the way in New York. I had been invited to the wedding but didn’t go. I was glad I didn’t.
“That woman really did a number on him,” Aunt Victoria said softly. “But maybe what he needs is someone who can help him make new Christmas memories. Better ones.”
“Or maybe he’s too damaged to trust anyone again,” I said. “You see how he is around anything holiday related. He can barely stand to be in the same room as a Christmas tree, and I’m literally the person in charge of the biggest Christmas celebration in town.”
“And yet he climbed that tree for you.”
“He climbed it because he’s a decent person who doesn’t like to see people disappointed. Yes, he’s the Grinch in real life, but he’s still got a hint of the old Cooper in there. That doesn’t mean he’s interested and I’m certainly not trying to take on a project. Cooper is a project.”
“Joy Elizabeth Murphy, you are many things, but naive is not one of them. Don’t pretend you don’t see the way that man looks at you.”
I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it again. Because the truth was, I had noticed the way Cooper looked at me sometimes. Our eyes had met across the crowd yesterday and there had been something in his expression that made my stomach flip and my heart race.
But there were so many complications.
“Even if you’re right,” I said carefully, “there’s still the Katrina situation.”
Aunt Victoria raised an eyebrow. “What about Katrina?”
“She’s his sister. And my friend. And back in high school, she made it very clear that Cooper was completely off limits.
She said it would be too weird if we dated, and if things went bad, it would mess up the whole friend group dynamic.
I mean, he got with Lynn and they had blown up spectacularly. ”
“That was high school, honey. You’re both adults now.”
“But what if her feelings haven’t changed? What if I make a move on her brother and it ruins our friendship? Katrina’s been one of my best friends since we were twelve. I can’t risk losing that.”
I could see Aunt Victoria processing this, and I knew she was probably right about the high school thing. But the fear was still there, lodged somewhere between my heart and my stomach. The fear of messing up something good, of taking a risk and having it blow up in my face.
“So you’d rather spend your time wondering ‘what if’ than find out if something wonderful might be possible?”
“I’d rather not complicate my life when I’m trying to get things on track,” I said, standing up and reaching for my clipboard again.
“This job is important to me. This is my chance to prove I can do something important, something that matters to the community. I don’t want to let you down.
I can’t afford to get distracted by other things. ”
“And you think having feelings for Cooper is a distraction?”
“I think having feelings for anyone right now is a distraction I can’t afford.” But even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t entirely true. The feelings were already there, whether I wanted them or not.
Aunt Victoria studied my face for a long moment, then nodded. “Alright. I can respect that. But don’t use your job as an excuse to hide from something that could make you happy.”
“I’m not hiding,” I said.
“Of course you’re not.” She stood up and grabbed her coat from the back of a chair. “Come on then. Let’s go make sure your lighting ceremony is absolutely perfect.”
“You’re coming with me?”
“Someone needs to make sure you don’t organize yourself into a nervous breakdown before the big event.”
We gathered up all my supplies and I caught myself checking my reflection in the hallway mirror.
My hair was still neat in its ponytail, my lipstick wasn’t completely worn off, and the red sweater I’d chosen actually did look pretty good on me.
I wore my black heeled boots that I knew made my ass look great.
And I wore my favorite black skinny jeans. Very slimming.
Not that I was trying to look good for anyone in particular. I was just being professional. Event coordinators should look put-together.
“You look beautiful, by the way,” Aunt Victoria said as we loaded everything into her car.
“I look stressed.”
“You look like a woman who’s about to pull off the most successful Christmas tree lighting this town has ever seen. And if a certain firefighter happens to notice how lovely you look while you’re doing it, well, that’s just a bonus.”
I rolled my eyes, but I was smiling despite myself. “One crisis at a time, Aunt Victoria.”
“Fair enough,” she said, starting the car. “But after tonight, when your big event is behind you and you’ve proven to everyone what a capable, successful woman you are, maybe you’ll be ready to tackle a different kind of challenge.”
Even if I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Cooper had looked at that completed tree, or the way he smiled when he’d tasted that peppermint mocha, I was not letting myself get involved.
One crisis at a time, I reminded myself.