Chapter 17
JOY
Iglanced at my laptop screen for the tenth time in five minutes, trying to focus on the Santa’s Night Market itinerary I was supposed to be finalizing.
Vendor assignments, booth layouts, and security arrangements were all over the screen.
It was all the mundane details that should have had my complete attention.
Instead, I kept finding myself touching my lips and reliving those three perfect, terrible seconds from last night.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I’d done it again. Kissed Cooper Frost and then bolted like a scared rabbit, just like I had ten years ago at the lake. Some things never changed, apparently. Including my complete inability to handle emotional situations like a rational adult.
But this time was different. This time I couldn’t just pretend it never happened and hope it would go away. I wasn’t leaving for New York. I couldn’t just steer clear of him and ignore the awkward aftermath of my poor life choices.
We had to work together for the next three weeks. I couldn’t spend that entire time avoiding his eyes and dying of embarrassment every time someone mentioned his name. I was an adult. No running. I had to face the situation and deal with the consequences of my impulsive behavior.
I had to fix this. Somehow.
Before I could lose my nerve, I grabbed my phone and typed out a text: Hi Cooper. Are you free for lunch today? I think we should talk about last night. The diner at noon?
I stared at the message for a solid two minutes before hitting send, my stomach churning with anxiety. What if he didn’t respond? What if he told me to go to hell? What if he—
My phone buzzed. See you at noon.
Not exactly warm and fuzzy, but at least he agreed to meet. That had to count for something, right?
I spent the rest of the morning trying to work on vendor schedules and failing miserably. Every few minutes I would catch myself rehearsing what I was going to say to Cooper. I ran through different versions of my apology, trying to find the words that would somehow make this less awkward.
By the time I walked into Meg’s Diner at five minutes to twelve, my palms were sweating despite the December cold. It was worse than junior high. It felt like I had passed a note to the boy I was crushing on and was waiting for him to check yes or no.
Cooper was already there, sitting in a corner booth with his back to the wall, and the expression on his face made my stomach drop to somewhere around my ankles.
He looked like a storm system, dark, turbulent, barely contained.
His jaw was set, his blue eyes were flat and cold, and when he saw me approaching, he didn’t even try to smile.
Oh, this was going to be so much worse than I had anticipated.
“Hi,” I said quietly, sliding into the booth across from him. “Thanks for meeting me.”
He just nodded curtly and picked up his coffee cup. We were off to a great start.
A waitress came over with the pot of coffee.
She filled my mug and topped his off. Then she left us alone to simmer in silence.
It stretched between us, heavy and uncomfortable.
I fidgeted with the sugar packets, then poured way too many into my cup.
The first sip felt like a mainline of straight sugar.
I played it off, refusing to show any reaction.
I was going to be up for a week.
“Cooper,” I started, then stopped when he looked at me with those guarded eyes.
“I wanted to apologize for last night. I was caught up in the moment, overwhelmed by how well everything went, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.
It won’t happen again. It didn’t mean anything.
In New York, I kissed all my friends like that. ”
He cocked his head to the side, and it was pretty clear he knew I was lying.
“It won’t happen again,” I reiterated, choosing not to address the lie.
“Won’t it?” His voice was rough, tired in a way that had nothing to do with lack of sleep.
“No. I promise. We have to work together until Christmas, and I understand that keeping our relationship strictly professional is the best thing for everyone involved.”
He was quiet for a long moment, staring down into his coffee like it might hold answers to questions I couldn’t even guess at. When he finally looked up, there was something hurt in his expression that made my chest ache.
“It just reminded me of old times,” he said quietly. “And I can’t handle someone toying with me like that again. I’m still too raw after Lynn.”
Lynn. He’d never brought her up with me before, not in all our conversations since I had been back.
The whole town had known about their relationship, their engagement, and their spectacular breakup.
But Cooper had never talked to me about it directly.
I didn’t dare bring it up. It felt personal, even if the entire town gossiped about it.
I didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he already did.
“What happened between you two?” I asked gently, leaning forward slightly. “I mean, if you want to talk about it.”
Something flickered across his face. Surprise, maybe, or pain. “That’s right, you didn’t come to the wedding.”
My heart clenched. “I had a work thing,” I lied smoothly, just like I had lied to everyone who asked at the time.
Even Aunt Victoria was surprised I wasn’t returning to see two of my best friends get married.
The truth was I couldn’t bear to watch Cooper marry someone else, especially someone who I used to call one of my best friends. It was too pathetic to admit out loud.
It should have been me, a treacherous little voice in my head had whispered.
If I hadn’t run away that night at the lake, if I hadn’t been such a coward about my feelings, maybe it could have been me.
Cooper had always been my crush. It was just a little irritating Lynn moved in on my territory.
Not that I had a claim. But Katrina didn’t want me messing around with her brother but seemed to be fine with Lynn marrying the guy.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t miss much,” Cooper said bitterly. “Since there wasn’t actually a wedding. Just an awesome humiliation ritual with yours truly in the starring role.”
The pain in his voice made me want to reach across the table and take his hand, but I kept my fingers wrapped around my own coffee cup instead. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
He was quiet for so long I thought he might not answer. Then he took a deep breath and started talking.
“I was so excited that morning,” he said, staring out the window at the gray December sky. “I mean, I had doubts. Doesn’t everyone feel that way on their wedding day? Wondering if you’re doing the right thing, if you’re ready for such a big step?”
“I don’t think so,” I said softly. I’d never felt that way about anything I was truly sure about.
He glanced at me, something unreadable in his expression. “No, I guess you wouldn’t. You always knew exactly what you wanted.”
If only he knew how wrong he was about that. How many nights I’d lain awake in college thinking about blue eyes and gentle hands and the boy I left behind. How many times I had picked up the phone to call him and then chickened out at the last minute.
“Anyway,” he continued. “I was nervous but happy, you know? Ready to start this new chapter of my life. And then…” He trailed off, his hands tightening around his coffee cup.
“Then?”
“Me and my groomsmen were standing at the altar waiting for her. Then my best man got a text from Lynn saying she was sorry, but she couldn’t go through with it. She was in love with someone else.”
My eyes widened. Maybe I knew the story, but I didn’t know that particular detail. When Aunt Victoria told me the wedding didn’t happen, I was so relieved and selfishly happy. Like it mattered. It wasn’t like it meant I would get him. If my aunt told me about another man, I wasn’t paying attention.
“Cooper, I’m sorry.”
He smirked. “It was her tennis pro at that gym downtown. I just thought she was really into tennis. I should have suspected something was going on. Her text said they were leaving town together that morning and that was that.”
I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. “Oh, Cooper.”
“The worst part wasn’t even that she left,” he said, his voice getting rougher.
“I mean, it hurt like hell, but if she wasn’t happy, if she was in love with someone else, I would have understood.
The worst part was how she did it. She could have called things off at any time.
I wasn’t pressuring her to get married, wasn’t demanding she stay with me.
She was the one that dropped not-so-subtle hints for a year that she wanted to get married.
But she waited until I was standing at the altar in front of half the town with all of our families and friends expecting a celebration.
I think she did it on purpose. She wanted to hurt me. ”
Tears pricked at my eyes as I imagined Cooper in his tux, waiting at the front of the church, slowly realizing that Lynn wasn’t coming. The humiliation, the confusion, and the raw hurt of being abandoned so publicly had to have been devastating.
“She could have had the decency to break up with me in private,” he continued.
“Getting dumped hurts, sure. But not nearly as much as getting left at the altar. It was cruel for no reason. Whatever faults I have, I never did anything to deserve that kind of cruelty. To have my heart stomped on by someone I thought loved me.”
His voice cracked slightly on the last words.
I had to bite my lip to keep from crying.
This was why he’d been so different when I came back to town.
This was why he couldn’t stand Christmas anymore—because Lynn had destroyed him right at the start of what should have been the happiest season of the year.
“I can’t go through that again,” he said, looking directly at me. “I can’t let myself be vulnerable with someone who’s just going to run away when things get real. I don’t have it in me to survive that twice.”
The words hit me like a physical blow because I knew he was talking about more than just Lynn. He was talking about me and my pattern of kissing him and then disappearing. About how I hurt him that night at the lake, even if I’d been too young and scared to understand it at the time.
“I understand,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “And I promise I’ll keep things strictly business from here on out. No more… complications.”
Even as I said it, I wanted to lean across the table and kiss him until he stopped looking so hurt and closed off.
I wanted to tell him that Lynn was an idiot for letting him go, that any woman would be lucky to have his heart.
I was dying to tell him I had been thinking about him for ten years and regretting my cowardice every single day.
But I couldn’t. Because he was right. I was a runner. I had hurt him before, and he was smart to protect himself from me doing it again.
“Good,” he said, but there was no relief in his voice. Just resignation. “So. The Night Market. Let’s talk about that.”
I pulled out my laptop with shaking hands, grateful to have something concrete to focus on.
“Right. Santa’s Night Market. I’ve got the vendor applications processed, and I think we can set up the booths along both sides of Main Street, leading up to the square.
That way the tree will be the centerpiece, visible from everywhere. ”
“Makes sense,” he said, his tone carefully neutral. Professional. “What about crowd control? There’s going to be a lot of people funneling toward the tree.”
“I’ve arranged for extra security, and the police chief said he could have some officers stationed at key points. Plus, with the fire department on standby…”
We spent the next hour going over logistics, vendor assignments, and safety protocols.
It should have been boring, routine planning stuff.
Instead, every accidental brush of our fingers when we reached for the same document, every moment when our eyes met across the table, felt charged with everything we weren’t saying.
It was going to be the longest three weeks of my life.