Chapter 28
COOPER
Iwas still riding high when I spotted Katrina leaning against my truck.
She was demolishing a pork chop on a stick with single-minded determination.
She was looking at me with that particular tilt of her head that meant she was preparing to stick her nose into my business whether I wanted her to or not.
Twin telepathy was a thing, but I couldn’t actually read her mind. I just knew she wanted to butt into my life.
“What’s up?” I asked as I approached, jingling my keys.
She took another bite of pork chop, chewed thoughtfully, and fixed me with that penetrating stare that had made me confess to breaking Mom’s favorite vase when we were eight years old.
She knew things. I had a feeling her telepathy was better than mine. She might actually be able to read my mind.
“What’s up with you and Joy?” she asked without preamble.
I should have seen this coming. My twin sister had never been one for subtle approaches or gradual conversational buildup. When Katrina wanted information, she went straight for the jugular.
“Nothing,” I said, unlocking the truck and hoping she’d take the hint that this conversation was over before it started. “We’ve just been spending a lot of time together working on the Yuletide Festival. Planning meetings, coordinating stuff, that kind of thing.”
“Uh-huh.” Katrina pushed herself off the truck but made no move to get out of my way. “And all this time you’ve been spending together… it’s starting to feel like old times?”
Something in her tone made me look at her more carefully. This wasn’t just idle curiosity about my social life. This was Katrina in full protective older sister mode, despite the fact that she wasn’t exactly my older sister. Minutes did not mean older.
“I guess,” I said cautiously. “We were friends back in high school. You know that. It’s not surprising that we’d fall back into that dynamic.”
Katrina snorted, a sound that conveyed exactly how much she believed my casual explanation.
“Friends. Right. Cooper, you’ve been walking around for the past hour with a grin that could power the Christmas lights, and don’t think I didn’t see the way you two were looking at each other over that cider. ”
Heat crept up my neck. Had we really been that obvious? I thought we were being relatively discreet, but apparently my sister’s twin radar was more finely tuned than I’d given it credit for.
“It’s nothing,” I insisted. “Drop it.”
“No, I don’t think I will drop it.” Katrina disposed of her pork chop stick in a nearby trash can and turned back to face me.
She was all business now. “Look, Cooper, I want you to find happiness. I want you to find a good woman who appreciates what an incredible guy you are. And if Joy is the right one, then that’s awesome. ”
I waited for the “but” that I could hear coming from a mile away.
“But,” she continued, right on cue, “you need to make sure you two are on the same page about what this is and where it’s going.”
“Why does this matter so much to you?” I asked, genuinely curious about her sudden investment in my love life. “You’ve never been this concerned about me dating before.”
Katrina’s expression softened slightly, and I caught a glimpse of the worry she was trying to hide behind her usual directness. “Because I love you, you idiot. Because I watched what Lynn did to you, and I don’t want to see you go through that again.”
The mention of my ex-fiancée hit like a punch to the gut, even though it had been months since I’d felt that sharp edge of betrayal when her name came up. But Katrina was right. What Lynn had done had nearly destroyed me, and the idea of opening myself up to that kind of pain again was terrifying.
“Joy isn’t like Lynn,” I said, though even as the words left my mouth, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was defending against.
“No, she’s not,” Katrina agreed readily. “I’m not worried she’ll cheat on you and lie to you and make you feel like everything you thought you knew about love was bullshit.”
Her blunt assessment of my relationship with Lynn was more accurate than I was comfortable with. It still stung to hear it laid out so starkly.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I said dryly.
“I’m serious, Cooper. Joy is a good person. She’s honest and kind and she’s not going to deliberately hurt you.” Katrina paused, seeming to choose her next words carefully. “But this town was always too small for her, and she’ll probably leave eventually. Are you prepared for that?”
I flinched. I knew it was the reality I was ignoring. I’d been so caught up in the way Joy made me feel and focused on the present moment I had managed to push the reality of her temporary status to the back of my mind.
“She’s only here to get her shit together,” Katrina continued relentlessly.
“As far as I know, there’s no guarantee she’ll be staying in Calton Hill forever.
This might just be a pit stop for her before she heads back to the city for some fancy advertising job.
Calton Hill is not her end game. But it’s yours. ”
I knew this. Of course I knew this. Joy had been upfront from the beginning about her reasons for coming back to town, and she’d never suggested that those plans had changed. But somewhere along the way, I had started hoping that maybe, just maybe, she might find a reason to stay.
I said nothing.
“Would you move to the city for her?” Katrina asked, her voice gentler now. “If it came down to a choice between Joy and staying here, what would you do?”
“Hell no,” I said immediately, the response automatic and absolute. “I’m not moving.”
My life was here. The fire department and the community that had shaped me into who I was. The idea of leaving all of that behind for the anonymous chaos of city life made my chest tight with anxiety.
But even as I said it, I felt a hollow ache at the implications of my answer.
“Then that’s something you should probably talk about,” Katrina said quietly. “Before you both get in too deep to have that conversation rationally.”
She moved toward the passenger side of the truck, apparently satisfied that she’d planted enough seeds of doubt to keep me busy for the next several hours.
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again,” she said as she opened the door. “You’re finally starting to seem like yourself again, and I’d hate to watch you go through another heartbreak.”
I said nothing as I drove Katrina to her place. Katrina seemed to sense that I needed time to process everything she had said. But as I navigated the familiar streets of Calton Hill, her words echoed in my mind like a persistent drumbeat.
This town was always too small for her.
She’ll probably leave eventually.
Are you prepared for that?
By the time I dropped Katrina off at her apartment and made it back to my own house, the euphoria of the afternoon had been replaced by a growing knot of anxiety in my chest. I sat in my driveway for a long moment, staring at my front door and trying to sort through the tangle of emotions Katrina had stirred up.
I looked at my house. The house I bought a few years ago with the intention of me and Lynn starting a family. I had worked on the yard, getting a nice lawn, and even put up a fence in the backyard.
It wasn’t necessarily my forever home, but it was supposed to be my forever town. Lynn and I talked about fixing up the house, selling it for a profit, and buying something bigger.
All those fucking plans went up in smoke.
Was that what I was trying to do with Joy? I was trying to insert her into the hole Lynn left?
Inside, my house felt too quiet, too empty, the silence emphasizing the questions I’d been avoiding. I opened a beer and settled into my armchair, but instead of turning on the television, I found myself staring at the wall and taking a long, hard look at what I actually wanted.
After Lynn had fucked me over so completely, I hadn’t thought I would ever feel any kind of warmth or affection for another woman.
The betrayal had been so thorough and so devastating, I convinced myself I was better off alone.
Safer that way. Less vulnerable to the kind of pain that could knock you sideways and leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about love and trust and commitment.
But Joy had a way of breaking through all my carefully constructed defenses like they weren’t even there. She made me laugh. She made me want to take chances. She made me remember what it felt like to look forward to something, to someone.
And sex.
Damn, I missed sex. I had spent a long year celibate, and now that I had a taste of the good stuff, I couldn’t imagine going back to the self-imposed chastity. But I also couldn’t imagine sex with anyone other than Joy.
For the first time in a long time, I thought I might have another shot at happiness. Real happiness, not just the quiet contentment I’d been telling myself was enough.
But what if Katrina was right? What if Joy was just passing through, using our connection as a pleasant diversion while she figured out her next move? What if I let myself fall for her completely, only to watch her drive away when something better came along?
The thought of Joy leaving hit me with unexpected force. Not just leaving, but running away again, the way she had all those years ago when she’d kissed me and then disappeared from my life entirely.
That would destroy me. I knew it with absolute certainty. If I let Joy all the way into my heart, if I let myself believe in a future with her, and then she decided Calton Hill wasn’t enough for her after all, I wouldn’t survive it. No way.
But the alternative meant keeping her at arm’s length and protecting myself from the possibility of pain. It meant giving up on something that already felt more real and right than anything I’d ever experienced.
I finished my beer and stared out the window. I was no closer to an answer than I had been when I sat down. All I knew for certain was that Katrina was right about one thing: Joy and I needed to have a conversation about what we were doing and where we thought it was going.
The question was whether I was brave enough to risk finding out that our answers didn’t match.
Or worse, whether I was strong enough to handle it if they did match, and Joy decided she wanted something I couldn’t give her.
Everything suddenly felt a lot more complicated than it had a few hours ago.