Chapter 12 #2
She stifled a sigh. At least it was only for a few minutes, and she didn't have to wear heels since no one would actually see her.
"Thank you," she told her various assistants who'd been helping her as needed throughout the day. "I appreciate all of your help."
"It's our pleasure, ma'am." Her stylist spoke for all of them.
Her senior aide held the door open for her to exit. Those in the room were among her very innermost circle, even closer than her family at times, but she still felt the need to be "on" while with them, at least somewhat.
The only time she didn't need to be at least partly on was by herself.
Maybe, someday, she'd be able to be the same with Jacob.
Completely let her hair down - or pull it up in a sloppy ponytail-bun thing and wear her most comfortable clothes, complete with a few holes from years of wear, with fuzzy socks then settle into a big chair with a favorite blanket and a pint of her favorite ice cream.
No one else had seen her do that. She'd never even done so in the monarch's apartment. Too many siblings who could randomly walk in without knocking, even though they knew they weren't supposed to.
Instead, she'd taken one of the rarely-used staff rooms, hidden deep in the second basement.
They'd never been fully updated with modern conveniences and were really only used when there were a substantial number of guests with staff who needed places to stay.
She'd managed to have a chair and lighting delivered there.
Some had no windows, but this one did, which was partially why she'd chosen it - that and the fact it wasn't on any of the palace tours.
As her mind wandered, Catherine walked through the corridor toward the outer door, Jacob appeared at her side.
They didn't talk as they walked out the door and through the garden.
Jacob held the cottage door for her. Catherine went straight to her dressing room and changed into her pyjamas before going back into the living area.
Jacob stood to the side as she passed, giving her the same tired smile she gave him.
A few minutes later, they were both in the chair they shared for a little while almost every night.
"How are you feeling?" Jacob asked with his cheek resting against the top of her hair.
"Exhausted. It's been a long day." She pulled the quilt up a bit closer to her chin. "A very long day."
Jacob pulled the quilt down a bit and lifted her left hand out from underneath it. "I do like the way those rings look together. I think the people appreciated that we did the exchange in public." His thumb rubbed the back of her hand near the knuckle.
"I think they did, too." His wedding band was clearly visible on the hand that held hers. "Everyone seemed to wish Mum had been here. I do, too, and I understand their rationale. I'd give up being queen for an extra fifteen years in a heartbeat for her to be here." She hesitated.
"But...?" Jacob prompted softly.
"But if she was still here, Mumeleine and the youngers wouldn't be. I wouldn't wish them away either." If she wasn't careful, she'd start crying.
"I understand that. No one would fault that logic. You love Mumeleine and your younger siblings."
His reassurance helped her feel a somewhat better. "Thank you for that. I feel like most people would understand, but it's the ones who wouldn't that would be the loudest. It never fails."
"No, it doesn't. The naysayers and critics are always loudest." They sat in silence for a moment. "I do have something to tell you. You may already be aware that it happens, but I didn't know about it until after the ball this evening when Byron told me."
That scared her a little bit. "Okay."
"Apparently, at events like this and maybe others, women slip phone numbers or other notes into pockets of prince consorts. I'd imagine it happened to your father, too."
She nodded against him. "Mumeleine has mentioned it in the past. How many did you get?"
"I don't know." He shrugged. "Several, but I gave them to Byron.
I didn't look closely at them, but I'm pretty sure one was from the Prime Minister's wife.
I didn't do anything to make her think that kind of overture would be welcomed.
If anything, I was afraid of being too cold and uninterested in the thousand things she was trying to do to impress me.
Besides, she's old enough to be my mother. "
"You didn't do anything. She's a social climber.
Everyone says that's the only reason she married him, because she anticipated he'd be influential in politics before long.
They've only been married a decade or so.
As queen, I was invited to the wedding, but I didn't go.
Papa didn't see the need for me to go. I was fifteen, and they didn't really want me there.
They wanted the queen. If Mum had still been here, she likely would have gone, but she was an adult.
I don't think Papa and Mumeleine were invited, probably because they weren't considered important enough. "
"That kind of makes sense. I guess that's why she decided to proposition me via a business card.
I don't know what she thinks might happen.
I don't have any power or control of anything.
If, for sake of discussion, I left you for her - which will never happen - no one would believe that I had any power or control, so I don't understand why I'd be appealing to her.
" His thumb continued to gently brush across the back of her hand.
"She wouldn't want you to leave me." Catherine surprised herself with a tone of nonchalance. "She'd want you to stay with me, have a clandestine relationship with her, and use you to influence me."
It was a bit odd to feel him take a deep breath and blow it out slowly.
"All right, then. I hope you know there's no reason for you to be concerned."
"I know." She still didn't know him as well as she should before getting married, but she did know that much.
Catherine let her eyes close as she sort of melted into the warmth and comfort of her spot next to Jacob, and felt herself beginning to drift. She needed to get up. To go to bed. To let Jacob get some sleep as well.
But she couldn't work up the energy to move.
It wasn't until much later that she opened her eyes to find herself still close to Jacob in the big chair.
Blinking, she realized the fire had died down to embers.
Had she ever thought about who built it for them so it was roaring but not left alone for very long so it could become dangerous? She needed to find out.
Turning her head slightly, she could see Jacob's head had fallen backward at an awkward angle.
Carefully, she managed to stand up without waking him.
She covered him back with the quilt and found a small pillow.
She moved to the other side of the chair and lifted his head enough to slip the pillow underneath.
When she made it to her room, the first thing she noticed as she slipped under the covers was how cool they were. With Jacob she'd been perfectly warm and cozy.
She fully expected they'd sleep in here together one day. They'd sleep in the same room wherever they were.
Being apart wasn't really a conscious decision they'd made together. Rather, Jacob had gallantly slept on the couch in the living area, telling her it was immensely comfortable. She'd confirmed that with a nap or two of her own, but she still preferred her own bed.
He likely would, too, but he never said anything about it or complained. What would precipitate the decision for him to join her? Would he ask her? Would she invite him?
Would it happen before they were ready to take certain... other steps in their relationship? Or not until after?
The coolness of the sheets on her own bed started to dissipate, and she started to feel perfectly cozy.
But at the same time, it definitely felt like something was missing.
Or possibly someone.
What exactly was she waiting for?
Catherine had one last thought as she drifted back to sleep.
Maybe it was time to ask Jacob if he wanted to join her.
Or maybe it was time to take an even bigger step.
Show him her secret hideaway.
Two days before the coronation, Jake got a text from Catherine. She wanted to meet him at the archives once everyone was done for the day.
The last tour group had already left. Madeleine and the others working were putting the last of their work away for the evening.
They all called a good-bye toward Jake as he sat in one of the conference rooms, trying to look like he was working.
Instead, he was trying to figure out why exactly Catherine wanted to meet him.
He sent her a text as soon as the quiet settled around him.
A few minutes later, he heard her walk into the main gallery. He went out to meet her and found her staring at her mother's first portrait as monarch.
"I wish she was here." Catherine didn't look at him. "I know if she was, I wouldn't be queen already, and Mumeleine and the younger kids wouldn’t be here, but I still wish she would be here for all the... festivities, I guess you'd call them."
Jake didn't respond verbally but did wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her into his side. Her arm came up and went around his back, her hand settling on his other hip.
After staring for another minute, she seemed to shake herself out of her melancholy mood. "Come on. I want to show you something."
She surprised him when she took his hand, but he let himself be led to the basement portion of the archives. Once there, she surprised him again when she didn't stop to look at any of the antiquities there. Instead, she took him to an out-of-the-way door.
On the other side, the modern palace didn't exist. The air was definitely cooler and the stone walls weren't as well-sculpted as the rest of the palace. The dim lighting came from sconces on the walls. There were no doors until they turned at a corner a ways down.