Chapter Seventeen #2
“Yeah, I could use another cup myself.”
He refilled his mug and joined her at the table. It was clear he wanted to say something, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. Emmy waited patiently for him to sort out his thoughts.
“So um… did you learn how to say some stuff in Japanese because… I mean… you’re Japanese, right?
I realized I assumed, and I shouldn’t have.
But I can’t necessarily tell, and…” He let out a humorless laugh and ran his hand through his hair.
“Man, I am fucking this up. For the record, I am trying really hard not to sound racist.”
She laughed and touched his hand to stop him from babbling any more.
“It’s fine. I get it. Yes, I’m Japanese.
I’m second-generation Japanese American, actually.
The funny thing is, my parents were both born in America, but they met in Japan.
They were both studying abroad at the same time, but they attended different universities.
It was like… serendipity that they found each other.
They spoke Japanese at home with me and my sister.
English, too. We all kind of mix the two when we’re talking to each other.
I still understand Japanese really well, but I started to speak English more and more as I got older, so I lost a lot of my spoken vocabulary.
But… but just because I don’t speak it all the time doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of my heritage or something.
I’ve been to Japan. I want to go back on my own someday.
My dad said he’d help me brush up on the language after May’s wedding.
I’m proud of who I am.” She felt her voice hitch, tried to control it.
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Tears that had retreated during her initial battle now returned with a vengeance.
She could feel them pushing for freedom.
Pressing her hand to her mouth, she tried to hold back the sob, but it broke free anyway.
“Aw jeez.” Will pulled his chair around the table so he could put an arm around her shoulders.
He squeezed, and then lifted his hand to press her head down onto his shoulder.
Obviously panicked by the onslaught of tears, he began rambling at her.
“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.
I never thought there was anything wrong with you being Japanese.
And…” He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly.
“You’ll get out of this. I promise. You’ll see your family again.
You’ll practice Japanese with your dad. And if you miss your sister’s wedding, you can…
make her do a reenactment or something.”
“It’s not that.” Emmy wiped desperately at the tears, then murmured a quick thank you when Will grabbed her a box of tissues off the counter. She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. “Or not entirely. Fuck. I thought I was over this. It’s been months.”
Will frowned. “Over what?”
Emmy crumpled the tissues in her hands. She needed a second, so she got up to throw them out. Then she ran cool water in the sink and splashed a little over her face. Will rose and came to stand behind her, but she didn’t turn around. Maybe it’d be easier to tell him if she wasn’t looking at him.
“I was seeing a guy for a while. My best friend’s older sister worked with him.
He was the general manager at an upscale restaurant in Minneapolis.
Hot guy. Single. Sarah’s sister figured we had enough in common to make it through a first date since I’m a concierge.
Some overlap in our jobs. Hospitality and service industries. ”
“Sure.”
“Anyway, the first date was a winner. He was funny. We bonded over work stories. There are always weird or demanding customers to laugh at. We dated more. Then we started staying over at each other’s places.
It was going well, and we were talking about moving in together when his lease was up.
But I thought it was weird that we were discussing such a big step when I hadn’t even met his parents. He’d met mine already.”
Emmy paused, thinking back on those tumultuous last weeks of her relationship with Andrew.
It occurred to her that Lucy had been right.
Again. They’d never discussed moving in together.
Emmy had discussed it. Emmy had pushed for commitment.
Andrew had evaded. He’d never had any intention of taking that step. How had she not seen that?
Will waited patiently while she sorted through her thoughts.
“I talked to him about it one night,” she said finally.
“We were at my place, and I brought up meeting his parents. I’d mentioned it before, but this time I was a little more direct about it.
I gave him a kind of ultimatum, told him I wanted to move in together, but only if he finally brought me to meet his family.
He smiled in this kind of… pitying way, I guess.
He said we should hold off for a while longer.
I asked why, and he said it was because they were traditional people.
He said it like I was supposed to understand what that meant, but I thought he was talking about like…
how his parents believed a man and woman shouldn’t live together unless they were married. ”
“I’m guessing that’s not what he meant,” Will said quietly.
Emmy shook her head, leaned over the sink. She felt his hands on her shoulders. A gentle touch, but it was enough to bolster her. She had to finish this. Maybe telling him about it would free her of those last lingering demons.
“When I asked for clarification, he said they had certain expectations for him. He said… Fuck. He said they needed time to adjust to our relationship. That they needed to be prepared before he brought a Chinese girl home to meet them.”
“Motherfucker,” Will growled.
“Yeah. Motherfucker,” she whispered. “I have absolutely no idea why I corrected him. I think I was in shock, or it was knee-jerk or something. But I told him I was Japanese. To this day, I can’t remember if we’d ever talked about my background when we first got together.
But that’s a problem right there, isn’t it?
We were talking about… No, I was talking about us living together, and he never once expressed an interest in me.
Who I was. What my childhood was like. He never asked.
You’ve known me for less than a month and you asked.
I’m even meeting your parents this weekend.
God.” She pressed the heels of her hands to her forehead.
“Why should it matter? It’s not like I would have been less insulted if he’d gotten it right, if he’d said his parents wouldn’t want him bringing a Japanese girl home, so what the fuck difference does it make? ”
“Because it’s… I was gonna say adding insult to injury, but that’s not… big enough. It’s more like… what am I trying to say? Bulking up? Bulking up the insult?”
“Heaping it on?” Emmy suggested.
“Yes! Thank you. It’s heaping insult onto injury.”
Emmy allowed herself a small smile and finally turned to look at him. “Truth. Got it in one. Bad enough to find out your boyfriend is a racist shithead, or that he barely knows you after months of being together. To find out both at once? Huge sucker punch.”
“I’m so sorry, Emmy.”
She thunked her head against his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. The movement soothed her enough to wrap up the story.
“Suffice it to say, he didn’t see it as a big deal that he’d gotten two completely different nationalities mixed up with each other.
He actually got this indulgent smile on his face, like he thought it was so cute that I would insist on making the distinction.
And then he corrects himself with this tone like he’s humoring his pampered girlfriend.
He was all, ‘Of course. I’m sorry. They would be uncomfortable to see me with a Japanese girl. I’d rather ease them into it.’”
“Please tell me you punched him in the dick.”
“If I hadn’t been in shock, I would have.
I probably would have wasted my breath on a lot more talk, too, so I guess I’m glad for the shock in retrospect.
It’s not like I would have been able to convince him not to be a racist shithead.
As it was, I just told him to get out. He looked genuinely surprised, and he pulled a lot of stuff along the lines of ‘Don’t be like that’ and ‘Let’s talk about this.
’ I opened the door for him and waited until he got the picture. I almost told him to go die.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I guess I’m a little superstitious. What if he got hit by a bus right after I said that? I didn’t want that on my conscience, so I told him—in Japanese—that… uh…” She frowned as she tried to translate. “I basically told him he better never come near me again.”
“Okay, saying it in Japanese was a good touch. Did he try to say anything back to you?”
Emmy turned so the side of her head pressed against his chest. “I slammed the door in his stupid face right after, so no.”
“He got off easy.”
“Yeah. I probably should’ve told him to go die and lived with the guilt if something bad happened to him.
” She sighed. “Not that he deserves to die, but… less than a week after I’d gotten around to throwing out the last of the things he’d left behind in my apartment, I heard he’d found himself a nice white girl to shack up with. ”
“I repeat: Motherfucker.”
She nodded. “A couple days before I woke up in your bed, I stalked him on social media. They were still going strong. I bet she met his parents. Anyway, it messed me up enough that I went to see the stupid sex psychic who sold me the book that we are now in.”
“I think I’m going to need to hear a little more about that.”
“Yeah. Do you have any chocolate?”
“I think there are some Oreos left.”
“Good enough.”
She grabbed the Oreos from the snacks and sweets cabinet and poured herself a glass of milk.
It didn’t matter that she’d just eaten breakfast. Emotional upheaval called for chocolate, no matter the time of day.
They sat at the kitchen table, and she told him all about May’s romantic journey and how that had led to her drunkenly insisting that Emmy go see the same psychic.
When she finished the story, she shoved the empty cookie package to the side and drained the rest of the milk.
“I guess her plan worked. I definitely got my mind off of Andrew.” She grimaced. “Well… for a while anyway. Apparently there was still some stuff in there that needed to be exorcized.”
“For the first time since this whole thing started, I’m glad I’m stuck in a book,” Will told her.
“What? Why?”
“Because if I were in your world, I’d definitely track this guy down and punch his Hitlerjugend face in.”
Emmy snorted out a laugh. “I’m not sure I would have stopped you.”
“I wouldn’t have given you the chance to stop me, but I would have expected you to post bail for me after.”
She wrinkled her nose as she thought. “Still might be worth it.” She sighed, then smiled wanly at him.
“Thank you. For listening to all that, and for asking me about who I am. And for being on board with introducing me to your parents as your girlfriend. Even though it’s a fake relationship, it matters to me. ”
He smiled back at her, reached out to take her hand. “No problem.”
His eyes crinkled a little when he smiled.
Emmy couldn’t get enough of those eyes. That smile.
He was such a solid, reassuring presence.
Talk about being a rock. He was going through an emotional tornado unlike anything any human being should have to endure, and yet he still found the time to sit with her while she ate Oreos and told him about all her problems.
The warmth she felt in her chest was quickly followed by a wave of dread.
No. No warm feelings. She could not feel anything even close to warm about this guy. This guy, who might never exist in her world no matter how much he wanted to.
“You ready to watch some intense crafting television?” she asked, purposefully breaking the mood.
“Hell yeah. Let’s do it.”
Woodworking guy’s show wasn’t on, but Bright would have been delighted to know they passed the time watching a quilting program.
After Will left for work, Emmy stayed on the couch, watched as the quilting came to an end and home cooking took its place.
Because it was better than thinking about Will’s crinkle-eyed smile or any feelings she may or may not have about it.