Chapter Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Eight
Time passed in a haze. May didn’t knock. She used her spare key to let herself in and found Emmy still sitting on the bed. When May sat beside her, pulled her into a tight embrace, Emmy felt herself begin to crumble.
“May… I can’t…”
“Shhh…” May stroked Emmy’s hair. “It’s okay.”
Emmy let the sobs break free. She keened like a wounded animal while her sister continued to stroke, to rock her, to make reassuring noises.
It took a long time for the tears to run their course.
When they had, May gently led a hiccupping Emmy to the couch in her little sitting area.
Emmy lay down on her side, feeling numb.
She welcomed it after so much pain. May went into the kitchen.
Emmy heard her clinking around, muttering to herself in a mixture of English and Japanese.
“Why is your tea never in the same place?” May grumbled, more to herself than to Emmy, but Emmy smiled a little anyway. Will would be equally frustrated if he saw her lack of kitchen organization. And that thought brought on a fresh tremor of pain.
“Emmy, ocha wa doko?” May called.
Trying to remember which random cabinet she’d shoved her tea into was a good use for her brain. It kept her thoughts off other things for the moment.
“Uh… try the cabinet to the right of the fridge.”
“That’s where I’m looking.”
“Oh.” She paused, tried to remember. It had been weeks, technically. She couldn’t remember when she’d last had tea in this apartment. Which cabinet would be her next go-to? “Corner cabinet by the stove.”
She heard May rifling around, then a kind of baffled, “What the…”
At that moment, Emmy remembered what else she’d stuck in the corner cabinet by the stove. She sat up on the couch in time to see May walking toward her with the Daruma cupped in her hand.
“Emmy… kore wa nandesuka?”
Obviously, May knew what it was. Emmy was sure she’d asked, “What is this?” because it was more polite than asking her emotionally wounded sister, “Is this the Daruma you stole from me back when we were kids?”
She wished she’d thought of a better hiding place.
In no way was she prepared to have this conversation.
She couldn’t read May’s feelings from her expression.
She looked a little confused that she’d found a little red wishing guy in the cabinet with the tea.
But what else was going on inside her head?
Was she angry? Emmy didn’t think she could stand to have her sister get angry at her now.
“It’s your Daruma,” she answered, her voice raw and hoarse from crying.
“My daruma? The one from my sixteenth birthday?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t you say you threw it out?”
“I lied. I kept it.” When May said nothing, Emmy began to fidget with the hem of her ducky pajama top.
“I wanted to tell you about it so many times, but I couldn’t handle the shame.
” That wasn’t it, she knew. She had to come clean.
Be completely truthful. “I probably had more trouble swallowing my pride than anything else. Admitting I’d kept it meant admitting that I… ”
Now May smiled a little. As if she’d read Emmy’s mind, she finished the thought. “That you believed throwing it out would somehow ruin my chances at love?”
Emmy shrugged, feeling like her teenage self all over again.
When the kettle beeped, May set the Daruma on the coffee table and went to prepare the tea. Emmy stared at the little red guy. He stared back at her out of one good eye. He always looked so angry. Why should he be angry? He could grant wishes.
May returned a few minutes later with two cups of green tea and a couple slices of buttered toast. She set the tray next to the Daruma and sat again, taking Emmy’s hand in hers.
“I need to tell you something,” May said.
“Okay.” It usually wasn’t difficult to meet her sister’s gaze, but she found it a little awkward at the moment.
“I know I believe in things more easily than you. I know you think that makes me na?ve. Don’t deny it!
” she added quickly when Emmy opened her mouth to argue.
“I won’t lie. I was angry and hurt when you told me you threw the Daruma away.
It took me a couple days, but I eventually figured out that it would have been cruel if you’d thrown it out just to hurt me, to try to…
” May paused, searching around for the right words.
“To try to deliberately crush my dreams, my wishes. It would have been cruel, and you’re not cruel.
Once that thought hit me, I was like ‘Oh, duh. She wasn’t being mean. She was trying to protect me.’”
Emmy tried to speak. Her lips parted. But words failed her.
May smiled, then, without warning, shoved some toast into Emmy’s open mouth. Emmy coughed once, grumbled, and took a quick bite. At least it gave her something to do instead of fidgeting under her sister’s knowing gaze.
“You’ve always tried to protect me,” May continued, brushing stray crumbs from her hands.
“You felt like you had to look out for me, didn’t you, Emmy?
Because you’re not cruel, but you convinced yourself the world was.
Cruel world; na?ve sister. You thought I’d get hurt when I realized that Prince Charming wasn’t coming for me, that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Daro?”
Emmy bought time to compose herself by taking another bite of toast, then washing it down with hot tea. “Yeah, you more or less nailed it.”
“I can’t tell you how loved I felt after I got my thoughts sorted out.
I remember you came out to apologize to me.
You apologized for throwing away the Daruma because it was easier than admitting you hadn’t thrown it away.
If you told me the truth, you’d also have to tell me why you hadn’t thrown it out.
You would have had to admit to having some fanciful, unrealistic thoughts.
” May’s kind expression kept the sting out of the words, but Emmy felt sufficiently chastised anyway.
May cocked her head to the side. “Were you planning on giving it back to me now? Because I’m getting married? ”
“Un. Your wish came true. You should get to fill in the other eye. I was going to give it to you after the rehearsal dinner, but… you’re here now.”
Emmy pushed to her feet. She was a little shaky, but she didn’t have to go far.
She made it to her desk, noted that the cup she kept on top of it for pens was completely empty.
She never did remember to put the pens back once she’d taken them out.
It took a bit of searching, but she eventually found a permanent marker in the drawer.
When she handed it to May, she saw her sister was already holding the Daruma in her free hand.
Emmy sat next to her again and watched as May uncapped the marker and filled in the right eye.
Something inside Emmy lifted at the sight.
The Daruma still looked angry, but at least he could see properly now.
May capped the marker and handed it back.
Without looking, Emmy tossed it in the direction of her desk, causing her sister to roll her eyes and shake her head.
“I want to thank you,” May said. “Seriously big arigatō. This is the sweetest thing.” She looked at the little wishing toy, then got up to set it by her purse, which she’d dropped just inside the door when she’d first come in.
She returned to the couch, sat down, nudged the teacup back into Emmy’s hands. “I need to tell you something else.”
“Masaka! You’re pregnant already?”
“What? No! Why did your mind go there? No, don’t answer that.
I need to tell you that I enjoyed making a birthday wish when I was sixteen, and seeing Lucy for a psychic reading before I met Victor, but I didn’t think that the course of my life hinged on those things.
I didn’t think, not even for a second, that you throwing out the Daruma put my chances at happiness in jeopardy.
I don’t even think I have Lucy to thank for the fact that I’m getting married this weekend. ”
“You don’t?”
“No, Emmy. Lucy didn’t make love happen for me. She basically just confirmed that it would, that I’d find my guy. But even if I hadn’t seen her, I still would’ve found him. Because I lived my life the way I wanted to, and in doing that, I put myself on the path to meet him.”
Emmy sat with that for a few seconds. She felt foolish now. Not to mention terribly ashamed for doubting her sister, for thinking May lived with her head in the clouds, waiting for life to hand her what she wanted.
“Why did you do it then?”
May shrugged. “It was fun. Like I said, I enjoyed it. Beyond that, I was… impatient, I guess. The older I got, the more ready I felt to put down my own roots. You’d understand about putting down roots.
” A small smile broke through her serious expression, and Emmy wondered at the fact that she’d never before noticed it was a duplicate of their father’s post-joke smile.
“I had established my career. Living the dream, in that part of my life. Ando is a great boss, and I get to do what I love every day. My other life goals needed to catch up, and sometimes I got frustrated or discouraged waiting for them. It helped to do something silly or impulsive every once in a while.”
How could she have known her sister her whole life, but not known her at all?
“I’m sorry, May.” Emmy borrowed her sister’s earlier words. “Seriously big gomen nasai.”
“Dōshite?”
“I underestimated you. A lot. I didn’t trust you could take care of yourself.”
May waved that away. “Nobody’s perfect, Emmy. You’re harder on yourself than you ever were on me. I’m glad we got that all cleared up, though, because I want to know what’s wrong. Are you up to talking about it?”
It all came back to her at once, and her hands shook around the rapidly cooling tea in her grip. She didn’t want to cry again. Physically, it felt like she couldn’t produce more tears. She swallowed back the rising panic and heartache.
“I’m not sure you’ll believe me.”