8. Becca
EIGHT
BECCA
“Hey, Ernest! Did I wake ya?”
T-Bone’s nails clack against the tile floor at Creek Shores, the nursing home where Ernest lives now—and where I haul away a chunk of change every month to make sure he lives comfortably.
“There she is! And she brought my fuzzy baby.”
Along with my land, I got T-Bone through Ernest and Kenny too. They had just gotten her when their health started to fail, and she’s such a gem that I’d never have considered putting her up for adoption. I lean in and we kiss each other’s cheeks.
“Hi, dollbaby,” he says. “Raise any hell lately?”
“Constantly,” I say. “You want me to get you up in the chair and we’ll go get some coffee?”
“Oh, don’t waste any time on old me.”
I scoff. “Shush, old man. I need my coffee fix.”
The coffee tastes like burnt cardboard water but Ernest acts like it’s the finest brew in all of Colombia or something. It’s never been about the coffee. It’s trying to make sure he doesn’t lose his mind since Kenny passed last year.
I get us propped up in front of the big picture window, and T-Bone sits next to Ernest’s chair with her head in his lap. He strokes her head and tells her what a pretty puppy she is, just like he does every time I bring her by. “How’s the farm holdin’ up?”
“Pretty good. Tell Kenny to get on giving me some good weather so I can sell out this weekend.”
Ernest shakes his head. “Kenny’d never believe you got pumpkins and kids trompin’ all over that place.”
My eyes feel hot and I try not to sniffle.
I both envy and fear what Ernest goes through without Kenny.
I want a love that rich and full, one that lasts beyond the grave.
But I fear the hole it leaves behind, and sometimes I wonder how Ernest gets up every day.
They say grief is just love with nowhere to go, so I try to give it somewhere to go.
I show up at least once a week, and if I can, I bring T-Bone.
Mamaw comes by too on her own schedule, and every now and then Dustin visits with Ada, but I’m here the most.
Plus, T-Bone is the best friend anyone could have, so who wouldn’t want to see her?
“I didn’t know when y’all left me this land that I’d become a chicken and pumpkin farmer,” I say with a laugh.
“And a husky farmer,” Ernest adds.
I chuckle. “You think I could make wool out of this fur?” I pet down T-Bone’s body and a clump of hair comes off, though she’s starting to put on her winter coat now. I look to where Ernest’s cloudy eyes survey the birdfeeder outside. “You get any new birds lately?”
“I almost called to tell you I saw a dang oriole!” Ernest says.
“Look at that,” I muse. “You can always call me with bird news.”
“Bah. You’re too busy all the time. You see any good ones on the farm?”
“Your hummingbirds are still hanging around, always visiting my petunias. You need to come do a porch day so you can watch ‘em. Once my truck’s out of the shop, I can bring you out.”
He blows out a fast “pfft.” “You don’t need to waste your time on me.”
“Like hell I don’t,” I laugh. “Hanging out with you’s a party. I think you overestimate my social life. I farm and I’m asleep by eleven at the very latest. And that’s a wild night.”
“I know you’ll be up in that beer hall again tonight.”
I chuckle. “You got a problem with it?”
“No. I want you to live big while you can. But don’t stop looking for somebody to live big with.”
My nose stings.
Somebody to live big with. I’ve been through just about every eligible contender in this tiny town.
Well, all but one.
It’s my favorite night of the week: line dancing night at the Legion Hall.
Even if I can’t make it to town any other night, I do my best to make it here.
I don’t let the fact that my ex is the bartender keep me from having a good time.
It’s his fault that he couldn’t get over his own shit enough to love me right.
I thought Stone was my forever. He stood strong when everything fell out between CJ and me.
I’d argue that friend breakups hit harder than romantic breakups, because there’s no bond quite like girlhood.
Stone got it, and he held me through it all.
He did his best to fill in the gaps where I was lonely and I appreciated his attempts.
He treated me like a princess and we made a pretty happy life together.
But things were never the same after the night we took home Darcy’s best friend, Brianna.
That weekend was a dream, and Stone seemed to be enjoying it too.
We’d had other guys in bed with us, but Stone never let the swords cross as it were.
He wanted to add a woman to the mix, and I was more than happy to make his dreams come true when Brianna hit the scene.
She was new to our social circle, and the conversation about a threesome came together pretty naturally.
I figured there was no harm, seeing as we were experienced at threesomes.
Stone couldn’t handle it though. Something about seeing me with another woman made him feel inadequate.
I spent the next year trying to prove to him that he was more than enough, that I wasn’t comparing him.
When Brianna came back to town the following summer, it was his last straw—and mine.
He didn’t want me to even speak to her, and I wasn’t about to treat her poorly just because he regretted his decision.
Tonight, he puts my beer and shot of choice on the bar, just like he always does whenever I’m here on his shift. I silently leave him cash. It’s a dance of mutual respect: we don’t want to talk but we still see and know each other.
I spot Tyler’s dad sitting at the bar, laughing with one of his cronies. I plop a hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze. I lean in between him and his buddy. “I expect no carousing out of you until you fix my truck, Mr. Davis.”
His deep chuckle sounds. “You know what they say, all work and no play.”
I wink at him. “Trust me. I know all about it. You gonna save me a dance tonight?”
He shakes his head and laughs again. “If I can get these old bones out there, they’re all yours.”
I don’t end up having to make good on my promise, because the dance floor is lively enough without Tyler’s dad.
A few guys I see on a regular basis ask me to dance, one of whom I’ve gone home with a few times.
I came into town thinking I’d like some company tonight, but now in the arms of just that type of person, it doesn’t sound as thrilling. What’s that about?
I put my energy into line dancing. After I’ve done the Watermelon Crawl, scooted my boots, and made sure everybody at the bar was getting tipsy, I step outside for a smoke to cool off. I’m having fun, but Ernest’s words keep ringing in my head.
Somebody to live big with.
My stomach tingles when I peek at the building next door.
The lights are on at Paint Auto and inspiration strikes. I finish my smoke and step into the bathroom, touching up my lip gloss and popping a piece of bubble gum into my mouth.
I smile at myself in the mirror. I’m about to pay Tyler Davis a visit.