40. Becca
FORTY
BECCA
“Alright, we’ve got a mystery reader today. Can anyone guess who it is?”
A burst of tiny voices shout until Miss Kristen says, “One at a time, raised hands please,” over top of them. Guesses are made, but T-Bone’s ears perk up when Ellie guesses. She can’t help herself, so she peers around the corner and starts pulling on her leash to get to Ellie.
“T-BONE!”
I let go of the leash as the kids surround and love on my first little angel.
It’s strange to think it, but now I have two little angels and both are positively beaming right now. Ellie has permanently stolen T-Bone from me as her bedmate, but it’s all working out. I have a new bedmate who I’m pretty fond of too.
I fight a blush thinking of what he did to me before the sun was up this morning.
I’ve done about everything a human body can do and blushing about it disappeared a long time ago. But when I think about who I’m married to and how he’s growing just a little brighter every day, I want to squeal and kick my feet.
“And Miss Becca,” Miss Kristen laughs. “How are you?”
“Good!” I say, taking my tote bag off my shoulder and removing a book. I flourish it to the handful of kids who aren’t giving their attention to T-Bone. “Ready to read to all these little turkeys about some chickens!”
Ellie didn’t know I was coming, and now that she’s done worshiping her fuzzy best friend, she scurries over to sit on my lap while I settle in to read to her class. I savor the moment, sniffing her sweet hair and having that scary, fleeting thought that she’ll only be this small once.
I read three chicken-themed books to her class, stopping to ask them to make noises and tell me some favorite thing of theirs.
I love my niece Ada, and I started my kids program because I genuinely like kids.
Some vague part of me has always known I’d want kids someday, but sitting here with all these bright eyes on me and a warm little tush in my lap, that tiny spark of hope shows its face again.
Ellie’s certainly enough if Tyler later decides he doesn’t want more kids, but it’s hard not to want the whole experience with him: bringing a new life into the world together, getting to share the milestones with each other, with Ellie.
The thought alone makes my insides tickle.
When I close the last cover, I show off a few progress pictures of the chickens. I pull out a container and hold it up. “Now, Ellie and her daddy love banana bread, so I thought maybe her classmates might be hungry for some too. Was I right about that? You guys want some banana bread?”
My question is met with much enthusiasm and Miss Kristen and I hand out small slices for each kid.
“This is so good, Becca,” Kristen says. “I knew it had to be something extraordinary that made Tyler settle down with a wild child like you.”
I debate how to answer her slight dig. “Actually, you know what my secret is?”
Kristen leans in, ready to get the hot dish from me. I’ve always admired her sense of entitlement. She can dole out insults, then still expect to reap the rewards of friendship. “What?”
“My stunning personality and magical pussy. Really keeps him coming back for more.”
“Daddy!” Ellie runs into Paint Auto with her arms flailing. “Becca was the mystery reader!”
“No way, shug!” Tyler cleans his hands and crouches to hug his daughter. He kisses her cheek, then smacks his lips like he’s tasting something. “Did she bring banana bread too?”
“Yes! Our favorite!”
“That Becca sure is something,” Tyler says, winking at me. He stands and holds out his arm, tucking me into his body and speaking in his low, grumbly voice. “How’s my baby? You save me a slice of banana bread?”
I blush before he kisses me, because I still fold every single time he calls me his baby. “I didn’t. You get enough of it at home, mister.”
He pats his stomach. “Are you insulting my physique?”
I pop it with the back of my hand. “No, you’re just a grumpy bear when you sugar crash.”
Tyler’s jaw drops. “I can’t believe you’re calling me out like this.”
“You’ll get over it,” I say.
“What are you girls getting into?”
“El and I are going to grab lunch, then go out to see Ernest.”
One of my favorite things about being married to Tyler is visiting him at work and feeling like I’m somewhere I shouldn’t be, in the best way. Does being a mechanic make you a celebrity? Absolutely not. But I feel like I’m backstage with my rockstar boyfriend when I go see him at the garage.
Could I do repairs as good as the guy Ty hired to help him out? Probably, but I won’t hurt his ego by proving it. I lean over to greet him in the next bay. “How are you, Johnny?”
“Good, Reba!”
He’s overheard Tyler calling me Reba so many times that he thinks it’s my real name. I think it’s cute, so I’ll never correct him.
“You bring my puppy?” Mr. Davis asks.
“If you wouldn’t mind watching her,” I say.
He whistles twice and T-Bone saunters over to get adored by another member of her fan club.
“You girls mind if I crash your lunch?” Tyler asks.
“Ellie, can Daddy come with us?”
She nods, and after Tyler finishes up what he’s doing, we walk to Betty’s Diner hand in hand with her in the middle.
Sometimes, the ADHD demon comes for me. It says things I shouldn’t, makes me hyperfixate on things that could seem inconsequential mere minutes later, and is an overall impulsive gremlin. Since today was full of kid-friendly vibes, my hyperfixation du jour is having kids.
Perhaps the ADHD demon finally met the ovulation monster.
I’m washing dishes, Tyler is drying and putting them away, and Ellie’s in the other room watching a show.
The words tumble out. “Do you want more kids?”
Tyler’s lips part and his face grows increasingly red as he fails to breathe. The demon got me good this time.
“Don’t forget to breathe,” I remind him. This is bananas. I just threw a massively important question at him like it’s whether he got the mail today.
He obeys and stares down into the soapy dishwater. “Well.”
He says nothing for another few minutes, and I hear the closing song on Ellie’s show. We don’t have much time before one of us starts winding her down for bed.
“Well,” he repeats. “I think I want Ellie to have a sibling. And I don’t want them too far apart in age.”
I shrug. “Okay. So, yes, you want another kid and you can’t wait too long or you’re at a five year gap.”
“Yes, however . . .” He sighs. “It might be a while before I’m ready. I wish I could be ready now, but I know I’m not. Things are going well between us, and if things keep going well, then it’s probably a possibility down the road.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” he asks. “That’s it? You ask a massive question and follow up with ‘okay?’”
“Yep.” I don’t mention that “probably a possibility” makes me want to kick and scream until he explains what the hell that means.
My body is basically begging for reproduction, but saying that would be manipulative given the circumstances.
Plus, there’s a piece of copper in my uterus that would stop any such reproduction from taking place, so the point is moot.
He stops what he’s doing and turns me so we face each other fully. “Do you want kids?”
“Yes,” I admit, trying to make sure I’m diplomatic. “And while I’d be happy starting whenever, I understand why someone would want to wait. And I think whenever my partner and I decide we want children, it will be the right time.”
He chuckles. “Your partner, huh? And who’s that?”
“A theoretical person who would be committed to me.”
“Hmm.” He scratches his chin. “I wonder,” he draws the phrase out, “what you’re not saying.”
“Daddy!” Ellie yells from the other room. “Come look at what I made Pussy do!”
“You’d better go see about that,” I say.
Tyler gives me a smack on my ass. “To be continued.”