19. Chapter 19 Maggie #2
He stares at the floor for a moment before continuing.
"She just wanted the chance to see Sophie."
"How did Sophie do?"
A tired smile touches his face.
"Better than I expected."
He chuckles quietly.
"She spent ten minutes telling Stacey about Gerald before they talked about anything else."
I laugh.
"That sounds like Sophie."
"It does."
The smile fades.
"Then she asked if Stacey remembered what color her room was."
My heart sinks.
"Oh, Eli..."
"Stacey guessed pink."
He shakes his head gently.
"Sophie's room has been purple since we moved here."
Neither of us says anything for a moment.
I can almost imagine how that conversation must have unfolded.
The awkwardness.
The disappointment.
The quiet realization of just how much time had been lost.
Eli rubs a hand across the back of his neck.
"I've spent years wondering what I'd say if this day ever came."
He gives a humorless laugh.
"I had speeches prepared."
"I'm sure you did."
"I thought I'd be angry."
"Weren't you?"
He thinks about that.
"No."
The answer comes quietly.
"I was... sad."
He looks out the window toward the town square.
"Sad for Sophie."
Another pause.
"Sad for Stacey."
He turns back to me.
"And if I'm being honest..."
His voice grows softer.
"Sad for the family we never became."
The words settle heavily between us.
Without thinking, my hand starts to reach toward his.
I stop myself.
He doesn't notice.
He continues staring out the window, lost in thoughts I can't begin to untangle.
A week ago, I would have taken his hand without hesitation.
Yesterday, I would have.
Today...
Today I fold my hands together in my lap instead.
He finally looks back at me.
"I don't know what happens next."
I force a smile.
"I think you take it one day at a time."
He studies my face for a long moment.
Something changes in his expression.
Not hurt.
Not confusion.
Recognition.
He's noticed the distance.
He just doesn't understand it.
Neither do I.
Not completely.
I lower my eyes before he can see the tears threatening to form.
"I think..."
The words are harder to say than I'd expected.
"I think yesterday reminded me that some places belong to other people."
He frowns.
"What does that mean?"
I shake my head too quickly.
"It doesn't mean anything."
"Maggie."
His voice is quiet.
Concerned.
The way it always is when he senses something is wrong.
I meet his eyes and summon the brightest smile I can manage.
"I'm just tired."
He doesn't look convinced. But he's too kind to push. Instead, he nods slowly.
"If you ever decide you want to tell me the truth..."
He lets the sentence hang between us.
"...I'll be here."
The words should have comforted me.
Instead, they made my heart ache.
Because for the first time since I'd arrived in Cedar Hollow, I wasn't sure whether "here" still included me.
Mrs. Davis returns from church carrying a casserole she insists "accidentally" made too much for one person. Eli laughs for the first time all morning when she informs him that taking leftovers is not optional.
For a little while, everything almost feels normal again.
Almost.
Eli glances at the clock.
"I should probably get going."
I nod.
"She leaves this afternoon."
He stands, slipping his hands into his pockets.
"I promised Sophie we'd have lunch before I take Stacey back to the motel."
He hesitates. Then he smiles.
"I'll see you tomorrow?"
The question catches me off guard. Not because of the words. Because of how naturally he says them.
As though tomorrow is certain.
As though nothing has changed.
I force myself to smile.
"I'm sure you'll have plenty to do."
His smile fades just a little.
"I'll make time."
The tenderness in his voice nearly undoes me.
I lower my eyes.
"I know you will."
He waits another second, as though expecting me to say something more. When I don't, he quietly lets himself out.
The bell above the library door jingles once. Then the room falls silent again.
I stand perfectly still until the sound of his truck fades from the square. Only then do I realize I'd been holding my breath. I turn back toward the cart of books waiting to be shelved.
There is plenty of work to do. Work has always been easier than feelings. I reach for the first novel.
The front door opens again.
I look up, expecting Eli.
Instead, Sophie skips inside clutching Gerald beneath one arm.
"Dad forgot my library book," she announces, holding up a worn chapter book.
"I told him I'd run it in myself."
I smile.
"I think that's a very responsible plan."
She beams.
I scan the barcode and slide the book across the desk.
"There you go."
Normally, this is where she'd tell me three stories before leaving.
Normally, she'd ask if there were any new mysteries.
Or whether Gerald needed his own library card.
Today...I simply smile.
"Have fun this afternoon."
She doesn't reach for the book.
Instead, she looks up at me with a tiny crease between her eyebrows.
"Maggie?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Did I do something wrong?"
My heart stops.
"What?"
She twists the strap of Gerald's tiny backpack around her fingers.
"You didn't hug me."
The words are so quiet I almost miss them.
"I always get a goodbye hug."
For one awful second, I can't breathe.
Without another thought, I hurry around the circulation desk and kneel in front of her.
"Oh, Sophie."
I gather her into my arms. She hugs me back with the complete trust only children possess.
"I was just distracted."
She nods against my shoulder.
"I don't like distracted."
A tear slips free before I can stop it.
Neither do I.
Sophie pulls back just enough to look at me.
"You'll still be here tomorrow...right?"
I open my mouth.
No words come.
Because for the first time...
I honestly don't know how to answer.