Chapter 21
‘So how did you cope?’ Kendra asked, pouring tea into a rather cheerful blue and white nautical cup. ‘Handing over the girls to Joel and his femme fatale, I mean.’
They were sitting at a small table by the window in the cafe inside The Driftwood Hub – a large building on the corner of Kelsea Road, a rural lane which led all the way to Kels Point.
As well as the cafe, the Hub housed the small village shop, a section of which was given over purely to souvenirs, tourist information, and nature and birdwatching packs for the many visitors fascinated by the wildlife at Kels Point.
‘I dealt with it,’ Jenna said cautiously, adding a drop of milk to her own tea.
‘I tried not to think about it, really. But the feelings kept flooding back. I was imagining them all together like a proper family. I thought, what if the twins really like her? What if they decide it’s more fun at their house than it is at ours? What if they want to live with them?’
Kendra hooted with laughter. ‘Yes, because that’s really likely, isn’t it?’
‘You never know,’ Jenna said darkly. ‘If we lived at Watersmeet all the time I’d say Joel and Annette were no competition, but when we go back to real life in a fortnight’s time it will be completely different.’
‘Oh, Jenna, you do talk bollocks sometimes,’ Kendra said with a sigh.
‘Lovely language from a vicar’s wife, I must say,’ Jenna said, pretending to be shocked.
‘You’re enough to make a saint swear,’ Kendra told her. ‘Here, have one of Mrs Miller’s scones, quickly.’
‘To stop you eating them all?’
‘No, to shut you up!’ Kendra grinned. ‘You do know you’ve got nothing to worry about, don’t you? As if the twins would rather live with those two than you! It’s insane. This,’ she said, leaning forward and fixing Jenna with a stern look, ‘is simply your insecurities speaking.’
‘Is it any wonder I’m insecure?’ Jenna asked miserably. ‘My husband is a serial cheat and now he’s left me to live with his secretary. I can’t—’
‘Serial cheat?’ Kendra’s eyes narrowed. ‘Are you saying he’s done this before?’
Jenna took a gulp of tea. ‘You didn’t know? I assumed Mum would have told you all after I finally confessed the truth about my pathetic marriage to her. I know what this family’s like.’
‘Your mum would never do that! Not without asking you first.’ Kendra shook her head. ‘I’m surprised you’d think otherwise.’
Jenna sipped her tea guiltily. ‘You’re right, of course. I’m not thinking straight, am I? My head’s all over the place. Honestly, I don’t know what to think about anything.’
‘So, Joel’s really cheated on you before?’ Kendra asked. ‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I should point out that I have clients who rely on me to listen to their woes and here I am, offering my considerable expertise without even being asked.’
Jenna gave her a wry grin. ‘Kendra, you’re a debt counsellor.’
Kendra wrinkled her nose. ‘That’s beside the point. I’m an excellent listener just the same.’
‘I suppose it can’t do me any harm. Might even do me some good. There are some things I could never tell my mum. This is between you and me, right?’
‘Jenna,’ Kendra said, calmly buttering her scone, ‘I’m a vicar’s wife and a trained counsellor, both jobs requiring absolute discretion. How much more convincing do you need?’
‘Fair point.’ She glanced around the cafe, which was extremely busy. Hardly surprising given the blue skies and sunshine outside. Just a few yards away, people were sunbathing on the beach. She lowered her voice and leaned closer to Kendra.
‘He cheated on me even before we got married,’ she confessed. ‘I never told anyone. Mum still doesn’t know. I thought we were going to have to call the wedding off at one point, but it sorted itself out just in time.’
‘When you say, “it sorted itself out”,’ Kendra said with a frown, ‘you mean what exactly?’
‘He came to his senses. It was all about nerves, you see, and I sort of understood that. I mean, it hurt like hell but…’
Kendra buttered the other half of her scone, saying nothing as Jenna told her about the time Joel had left her when she was expecting the twins, and how she’d taken him back because, well, what else was she supposed to do?
And how, since then, there’d been goodness knows how many affairs and meaningless flings.
‘I always sort of know,’ Jenna mused, gazing out of the window unseeingly. ‘It’s like, my brain picks up these little bits of information, but I don’t want to examine them too closely, so it stores them away for later use.’
She thought about it for a moment, stirring her tea for no good reason.
‘Like, one time he was seeing someone, I remember distinctly that he came home late one night, and I’d already gone to bed, and when he came into the bedroom he asked me if I’d prefer him to sleep downstairs.
I was half asleep, but I remember thinking, what a strange question.
And I told him of course not, and he got into bed and turned his back on me, and I fell asleep immediately because I hadn’t properly woken up. And yet…’
‘And yet your mind recognised the conversation as significant,’ Kendra said, nodding.
‘Later, when I thought about it, I realised that was probably the first time he’d slept with his latest fling,’ Jenna admitted. ‘If I’d just paid attention to that warning in my head… I don’t know.’
‘My mother’s ex-husband, who found himself in the same boat a few years ago, told me the same thing. It’s like, deep down he knew, but he just couldn’t face the truth.’
‘Which ex-husband?’ Jenna asked, knowing Kendra’s mum had been through quite a few of them.
Kendra shrugged. ‘Robert. Was he number three or four? Anyway, he said that when it all came out, all those little memories came to the forefront, and there was this big “aha!” moment. Like in a murder mystery. All the clues were there but he just didn’t put them together. Sounds like you’re the same.’
‘You must think I’m very stupid,’ Jenna said glumly.
‘Why would I think that?’
‘Because I’ve put up with it.’ Jenna blinked away tears. ‘I don’t even know why I have. He’s been a rubbish husband and father, and yet I still love him.’
‘Do you?’ Kendra asked curiously. ‘Are you sure about that?’
‘It’s all right for you,’ Jenna told her. ‘You have the perfect marriage. The perfect husband. You and Niall get on so well, and neither of you would do anything to hurt the other. You’re so lucky.’
‘Yes,’ Kendra said thoughtfully, ‘I suppose we are. Niall’s the only man I’ve ever loved.’
‘And Joel’s the only man I’ve ever loved!’ Jenna said wretchedly.
‘But the difference is, Niall’s loved me back. He’s never hurt me or lied to me. We’re a team, a partnership. I know I can rely on him completely and he can rely on me. Can you say the same for Joel? Could you ever?’
Jenna wiped her tears away with the heel of her hand. ‘Oh, God! Now my nose is running,’ she said, exasperated.
Kendra rummaged in her bag. ‘I’m sure I have some tissues in here somewhere…’
‘Tissue?’
They both looked up, startled, as Emmy Miller, whose grandparents ran The Driftwood Hub, handed Jenna a packet of tissues. ‘Sorry,’ she whispered, ‘but I couldn’t help noticing… None of my business, but I hope you’re all right.’
She patted Jenna on the shoulder and headed back to the counter.
‘What a lovely girl she is,’ Kendra said, smiling after her. ‘Always so helpful and friendly, isn’t she?’
Jenna nodded bleakly, pulling a tissue from the packet. ‘Yeah. She is.’
‘So, when you say you love Joel,’ Kendra said, after taking another sip of her tea, ‘are you absolutely sure that’s the case? Given that he began cheating on you so early in your relationship, are you sure it was ever the case?’
‘When Niall walks into a room,’ Jenna asked slowly as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, ‘how do you feel?’
Kendra smiled and leaned back in her chair.
‘My heart leaps,’ she admitted, her eyes sparkling as she gazed into the middle distance, clearly remembering such moments.
‘I feel all fluttery, like there are butterflies in my tummy.’ She returned her focus to Jenna and pulled a face.
‘I know, I know. Proper cliché, isn’t it?
But it’s true. He still makes me feel that way, even after all these years. ’
‘But that’s how I feel when I see Joel,’ Jenna said, confused. ‘My heart pounds, and my pulse races, and my stomach churns…’
Kendra gazed at her for a moment. ‘That doesn’t sound at all the same,’ she said at last. ‘That sounds more like a fear response, if you ask me. When I see Niall, I feel happy and warm and completely contented. Is that how you feel when you see Joel?’
Jenna considered it. She’d assumed that the churning and the heart thumping was a pleasurable experience, born of love, but could she honestly say she felt the way Kendra did when she saw Niall? There was no feeling of contentment, that was certain. But there was… anxiety perhaps?
When she thought about it, she realised that there was a certain urge to hold tightly on to Joel, because if she didn’t someone else might come along and take him away. She didn’t feel secure or safe or happy. She felt…
She mentally shook her head, not able to put into words how she felt. But one thing was certain, it didn’t make her look the way Kendra had just looked when she spoke about Niall.
‘When… when Sam arrived at the barbecue,’ she said falteringly, ‘I felt something else.’
Kendra’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, but she did an admirable job of reining them in and making them behave.
‘Oh?’ She was clearly trying to sound neutral about Jenna’s statement, but the curiosity and excitement in her eyes were obvious. ‘What was that?’
‘I don’t know,’ Jenna admitted. ‘But he did look ever so nice in that pink shirt and black jeans, didn’t he?’
Kendra grinned, all pretence vanished. ‘You’re not wrong there. Our Rosie was agog! I had heard that you and Sam had grown closer,’ she said cautiously.
Jenna was horrified. ‘From who?’