Chapter 26
Sam unlocked the door of The North Star and stepped outside into the gravel and earth car park at the side of the building.
Across the road he could see the trees that edged the front of Watersmeet, and the footpath at the side of the garden that led alongside the Humber Estuary.
Turning slightly, his gaze took in the gently lapping river, the pale sky and the yellow glow on the horizon that told him a new day had begun.
What, he wondered, would today bring? It was Sunday. In less than a week now, Jenna and the twins would leave to go home. Time was running out.
He’d decided, last night, that he had to face her and find out how he stood once and for all. She might not want him – the way she’d avoided him since they’d shared the kiss indicated that it was, in fact, unlikely that she did – but he had to find out for sure. Had to hear her say the words.
Once she’d told him how she really felt, he could put it behind him.
He had no idea how he was going to do that, but he could make it happen.
He’d already experienced a terrible loss in the past. If he could learn to live without his mum in his life, he could live without Jenna and the twins. He would have to.
Returning to the bar, he busied himself getting the place ready for the day.
‘What are you doing?’
He looked round, surprised to see his dad standing behind him.
‘What I always do,’ he said, frowning. ‘This pub doesn’t run itself, you know.’
His dad grinned. ‘I know that, lad. But I’m sorry to say you’re fired.’
Sam stared at him. ‘What did you say?’
His father’s hand grasped his and he gazed at Sam with undisguised affection.
‘You’ve done your bit,’ he told him. ‘You’ve kept this pub going for the last three years while I fell to bits.
I can never make it up to you, son, for all you did.
But your job’s done. Time for you to go back to doing what you really love.
Give that mate of yours a call and tell him you’re ready to start back on the building site tomorrow, or whenever he’s ready for you. I’ve got this now.’
Sam didn’t know what to say. ‘Are… are you sure, Dad?’ he managed at last.
‘Never been more sure of anything,’ Seb told him.
‘I’m raring to go. We both have our place in the world, Sam.
This is mine. Yours is with Luke. Not that I want you to leave here, you understand.
You can work where you like, but this will always be your home.
Now go and tell your pal that you’re ready for work. ’
Sam nodded. ‘I’ll call him,’ he said, heading towards the stairs.
‘And Sam?’
As Sam turned back, his dad smiled.
‘Thanks, lad.’
Sam grinned and waved a hand at his father before rushing upstairs to call Luke.
Leaning against the railings overlooking the river a little later, Sam reflected that the day had already taken an unexpected turn and it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet.
He’d called Luke, who’d proudly told him he’d just cooked a big breakfast as a Sunday treat for Katy, and they’d had a quick chat.
Luke was delighted that Sam was ready to start work and thrilled for his friend that The North Star was to remain in the family after all.
‘Why don’t we leave it until next Monday?
’ he suggested. ‘A new week and a fresh start. Take this week off and relax, because I promise you, you’re going to be working flat out when you come back.
’ He laughed. ‘It couldn’t be better timing, to be honest. I’ve just been asked if I can do a two-storey extension on a house in Roos, and I didn’t think I’d be able to, but with you back on board…
In the meantime, there are plenty of jobs you can help me finish up.
Get you back into the swing of things before we take on the world in January. ’
He said it lightly, but Sam knew he was relieved.
The new estate going up in Millensea was going to be a gamechanger for LI Builders, and Luke was over the moon that Sam was going to be part of that with him.
Over their drink and curry last night they’d already discussed Sam going into partnership with him, as had been the original plan.
They had ideas for expansion, and both felt energised and excited for the future.
With his dad back at work, Stella helping out at the pub, and a guaranteed roof over his head at The North Star until he wanted to look for somewhere else to live, Sam felt almost all his worries were over. Except one.
Of course, it would have to be the most important one of all.
‘Can you spare a minute?’
Sam closed his eyes for a moment at the sound of her voice beside him.
He would know it anywhere. So, this was it then.
And where else would it take place but standing here with this view in front of them, as if they were in a film?
If he’d written the script himself, he couldn’t have chosen a better setting.
In his mind’s eye he saw them saying a final goodbye, shaking hands, Jenna walking away, the camera panning round to show a sad, lonely man gazing out over the water…
‘Did you not hear me or are you ignoring me?’ Jenna asked, sounding slightly put out.
Sam took a steadying breath and turned his head to look at her. She was standing with her arms folded and an unusually feisty expression in her eyes.
‘I was just thinking,’ he said.
‘Oh, were you? What about?’
‘You. Us.’
‘Oh!’ She sounded surprised.
‘You didn’t imagine I ever thought about us?’
‘I didn’t imagine you’d just come out and admit it,’ she said. ‘I suppose I’m not used to people telling me the truth so easily.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I suppose you’re not. But I’m not like that.’
‘I never thought you were.’ She turned and leaned on the railings, mirroring his own posture. They both gazed out over the river in silence for a minute. Then she spoke. ‘Well… Joel and Annette have broken up.’
So here it was. Cue end credits and sad music. Sam nodded. ‘Right. That’s, er…’
‘Irrelevant really,’ she said, and he turned to look at her in surprise. She gave him a sideways glance and smiled. ‘Totally irrelevant, because he’s not coming back anyway. I made that very clear.’
‘You’ve spoken to him?’
‘I have. He turned up at our house yesterday, expecting me to forgive and forget. He was sadly disappointed.’
‘So…’
‘So it’s over, Sam. Me and Joel are history.
I could never love a man who didn’t love his daughters, and he doesn’t.
Sadly, if it had just been about me and him, I think I’d have gone on forgiving him, putting up with it all.
But when I realised that he just didn’t care about Hallie and Ada, that was it. They deserve better.’
‘They do,’ Sam agreed. ‘But so do you, Jenna. You always did.’
‘You’re right,’ she admitted. ‘I just didn’t see it. So, what happens now?’
He wasn’t sure what she was asking. ‘What do you want to happen now?’
‘Well… Obviously, the twins and I are going home on Saturday. Back to school next Monday for all three of us.’
‘Back to work for me,’ he said nervously. ‘I’m starting back with Luke in the building trade.’
‘You are?’ She beamed at him. ‘That’s amazing! Oh, but what about the pub? Are you closing it down?’
‘Jenna, you’re not going to believe this.
It’s like a dream. Dad’s decided not to sell the pub.
Stella’s going to help him.’ He grinned, still hardly able to believe it himself.
‘They’re going to set up a carvery and bring back the shanty nights that they used to have here when Dad was a kid.
He’s so full of plans now, it’s unbelievable. ’
‘Oh, Sam!’ Her eyes shone with happiness for him. ‘That’s brilliant! You can go back to doing what you love, and you won’t have to leave Kelsea Sands after all.’
‘No. Dad says I can live at the pub for as long as I want to.’ His smile faded. ‘But you’re going back home, aren’t you? I-I’ll miss you. I know you probably won’t want to hear that.’
‘Why wouldn’t I want to hear it?’ she demanded. ‘It’s exactly what I hoped you’d say!’
Sam frowned. ‘I don’t understand you, Jenna. Are you saying you do want to be with me?’
She took his hand. ‘I’m sorry. I know I must have confused you when I ran off after we kissed. Truth is, it was me who was confused. That kiss… Sam Hughes, you really know how to sweep a lady off her feet.’
‘I do?’ It was news to Sam. ‘You mean, you did feel something?’
‘Oh, Sam. How could you not realise it? Surely my response made that very clear to you?’
‘I thought… I mean, I hoped… But then you just said nothing and you couldn’t get away fast enough, and you’d warned me that you were afraid you wouldn’t feel anything and didn’t want to hurt me.
I thought you leaving so suddenly was to avoid telling me that what you’d feared was exactly what had happened. ’
‘It was the opposite,’ she said. ‘I felt… everything. It was insane. But it was confusing, too, because it was so different from what I was used to with Joel. You know, Mum once asked me an important question. We’d been talking about Mac’s gambling addiction, and her addiction to junk food, and she asked me what my addiction was.
And I couldn’t answer her because I was ashamed.
I couldn’t tell her that my addiction was Joel.
Pure and simple. But it turns out I was wrong. I wasn’t addicted to Joel at all.’
‘You weren’t?’
She shook her head. ‘Nope. What I’ve finally figured out is, I was addicted to that feeling.
That physical reaction that came with being with him.
The churning stomach. The thudding heart.
The racing pulse. All that adrenaline sloshing around inside me.
All those chemicals! Basically, I was hooked on fear, jealousy and pain. It sounds crazy, doesn’t it?’
Sam listened, not wanting to interrupt her. He’d never seen her so animated. It was like a light had switched on inside her.
‘When I met you, I realised quite early on that I had feelings for you. Trouble was, I couldn’t recognise them for what they were.
You see, I thought love was all that heady stuff I experienced with Joel.
The adrenaline rush. The fear response. Then, when you kissed me – well, it was a totally different experience.
I just didn’t know how to react or what to do with all those feelings that I didn’t recognise.
‘It’s only in the last few days, as I’ve thought about it, that I’ve realised that love doesn’t mean fear.
It doesn’t mean a stomach that churns in dread, or a heart that thumps because you don’t know what’s going to happen next.
Love is so much more beautiful and gentle than that.
It’s kindness. It’s security. It’s feeling safe and knowing you can trust someone no matter what.
‘But when I kissed you, I didn’t know what to make of it, because there was nothing gentle about that.
It was all passion and longing and fierce excitement, and how did that fit with the other feelings I had about you?
But now I understand that they can go together.
And passion and longing and excitement, when shared with someone kind, someone you trust and feel safe with, is even more wonderful and beautiful than I’d ever imagined possible. ’
‘And that’s me?’ Sam asked, hardly daring to believe what she was saying.
‘Yes, Sam. That’s you.’ She grinned and nudged him with her elbow. ‘So, what do you say? Are you up for a new adventure? Me and you and two little girls who already think you’re brilliant? It’s a lot to take on and I wouldn’t blame you if you felt it was too much.’
Sam turned away from the river and surveyed her with curiosity. Her eyes were bright, her usually pale face was flushed with excitement, and the tired, heavy look she’d worn for so long had vanished. She looked vibrant and alive.
‘You’re so different,’ he said in wonder. ‘It’s like a weight’s lifted from you.’
‘It has,’ she said grimly. ‘About twelve stones of it.’
‘I don’t ever want to let you down,’ he said. ‘You and the twins – I want to make a life with you all. I don’t want anything casual, Jenna. I want a home and a family. I want a relationship that’s for keeps. Is it too soon for you to even think about that?’
Jenna stepped forward and put her arms around him. They snuggled together, seeking warmth from each other as the breeze from the river picked up strength.
‘I want to spend more time with the twins,’ she told him.
‘But I really want them to get to know you better, too. I want to get to know you better. I’m going home, Sam.
I have a job and a house, but it won’t be forever.
I told Joel that I want to stay put until the girls leave primary school, but after that we can go anywhere.
If we can find a house here in Kelsea Sands, that would be brilliant, but if not, there’s the rest of South Holderness to choose from. ’
‘I’ll build us a house if you want me to,’ he told her. ‘Anything you want.’
‘What I want is to be with you. But let’s not rush things, eh?
Let’s take this next year to get to know each other, settle the twins after all this upheaval.
We’ll visit you and you can visit us. And after that year, if we find we don’t want to be apart any longer, you can move in with us until we’re ready to sell the house and find our own little place.
Do you think you can do that? Do you think you can wait that long for this home you’ve always wanted? ’
‘I can wait,’ he told her, his eyes shining with happiness. ‘Now I know it’s going to happen, I can wait for ever.’
‘Gosh, not that long, I hope!’ she said. ‘I mean, I’m thirty-two now. Biological clock and all that.’
As his eyes widened, she laughed. ‘You made it very clear you wanted children.’
‘But you already have the twins, so I didn’t think…’
‘I would love to have another baby,’ she told him. ‘This time, it would be with a man who really wants it and will love it as much as I do. But first things first. A year of stepping out together. Courting, as my mum would say. Is it a deal?’
Sam whooped and picked her up, and she laughed and kissed him, and he slowly lowered her to the ground and they carried on kissing, oblivious to anything around them.
Perhaps, if it had been a film, the camera would have left the lovers at that moment and panned round, taking in the wide expanse of the Humber, the sun glinting on the horizon, the leafy trees and red roof of Watersmeet, and the white walls and bay windows of The North Star, before returning to focus on Jenna and Sam, still kissing, still wrapped in each other’s arms, and only just beginning to discover the wonderful truth about love.
But this wasn’t a film. It was real life.
And it couldn’t be any more perfect.