Chapter 40 Aspen
Aspen
Not a second has passed where I haven’t thought about Genevieve, but it’s finally time to go home and all I want to do is sleep so I don’t have to be awake in this world without her.
When I unlock the front door to my apartment I’m totally startled by Derek. I forgot he was coming home today.
“You look like shit,” he tells me straight up instead of saying hi.
“Gee thanks, nice to see you too,” I tell him.
“No seriously, are you okay?” He asks. Then I notice most of his stuff is packed in bags.
“No, but what the fuck is going on?” I ask him, directing towards his things.
“Yeah so my old man isn’t doing too well and I’m gonna move back home for a bit to help out with things,” he says as my heart begins to sink.
“I’m sorry bro, I’ll pay next month's rent, but I can’t be over here knowing what’s going on you know,” he says.
“Look man, I get it. You do what you have to do, I’ll be here waiting for you when you come back,” I tell him.
As much as it pains me that he’s leaving, especially so suddenly, I have to be a good friend and support him, because I know he would do the same for me.
“Thanks man, I’m gonna miss you,” he says while coming in for a hug. This is probably the tightest hug we’ve ever given each other. I feel like now should be the time I come clean with him. If I don’t now, I don’t think I ever will.
We let go of each other and he’s about to get back to what he’s doing when I ask him, “Hey, do you need help?”
He looks back at me with glossy eyes. Is this mother fucker crying? I laugh at him.
“Don’t get all soft on me now,” I tell him.
“Shut up, but yeah, I’d love the help,” he says.
I follow him in the room and swallow my pride with what I’m about to tell him.
Here goes nothing.
***
“And when she left my heart sank because she didn’t even give me a chance to explain that I had quit for her,” I say to Derek, like he’s my therapist.
I tell Derek everything, I tell him about my drug addiction, about meeting Gen, about Gen’s father, about me quitting, everything. He’s just sitting on the edge of his bed, silent, soaking in everything I just told him.
“Wow,” is all he says.
“Yeah,” I tell him. “What do I do?” I ask.
“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna go to Nebraska and get her back. I’ve never seen you as happy, optimistic and fun as you were with her. You can’t let her go. You’re gonna go there and profess your love to her and ask her to move in here with you.”
I blink really hard, I don’t know what else to say. My throat is as dry as the Sahara desert.
“And before you say your car won’t make it, I’m going to take you,” he says matter of factly.
Wait what? Now I feel like I’m really dreaming.
“You’re gonna take me to Nebraska?” I ask him.
“Yeah, it’s not like a phone call is going to fix this, you gotta make a grand gesture in person.
Plus, it’s on my way to Louisiana anyway so I’ll just drop you off and she’ll have to take you back so then she can give you a ride back when she decides to move in with you. It’s perfect, roommate problem solved.”
“And how are you so sure that she’s going to take me back and want to move in with me?” I ask him.
“Because you’re you, you’re my best friend and if she doesn’t take you back then she doesn’t know what she’s missing,” He says.
“Damn bro, you became soft while you were gone,” I tell him.
“Say that again and I won’t take you,” he says. That gets me to shut up.
“Alright alright, but boss won’t let me go. He’s been struggling without you as it is,” I tell him.
“Leave boss to me, you’re going. Pack your bags, we leave tomorrow,” he says.
I leave his room and head to mine, collapsing face-first onto my bed. I stay there for a solid three minutes, letting the weight of everything settle in when I feel something jabbing at my stomach.
I really self sabotaged myself. How can I come back from this?
Will Geneveieve even forgive me?
How can she when I don’t even forgive myself.
I lift myself up a bit to let my hand fit and feel for what’s in the way, when I find what it is, I’m repulsed. It’s the last vile of coke I have. Without thinking I get up, march myself over to the bathroom, open the vile and drain the substance down the toilet.
I never want to be associated with cocaine again. I don’t even know why I kept the vile full in the first place. I should have done this a long time ago. Then this whole situation with Genevieve could have been avoided.
She would still be here.
I shake my head. I can’t go back in time, I can only move forward. I now find the courage to start packing. I don’t overthink it, don’t let myself second-guess I just pack. Because the truth is, I can’t function without Genevieve Brown.
My phone rings over on my bed and I’m tempted to ignore it, but it could be Genevieve so I grab it.
When I look at the caller ID I’m immediately disappointed that it’s not her, it’s my mom.
I still want to ignore it, but I don’t because I haven’t spoken to her in a while.
She typically just calls me whenever she’s going on a new trip.
It’s almost always with a different man, but I stopped caring after boy toy number three.
“Hey mom,” I say.
“Hey! Whatcha doing?” She asks.
“Just got off work,” I reply. I don’t need to tell her everything that’s going on in my life.
“Awesome, baby. I was just calling to let you know I’m going on a cruise tomorrow!
Can you believe it?” She says. Of course I can believe it, she goes on vacation every other week at this point.
But I lie to her and instead say, “no I can’t mom, that’s awesome!
” Truth is, I really am happy for my mom.
She deserves to be happy just as much as anyone.
She’s been through hell and back with my father so if all she wants to do now is island hop with younger guys, so be it.
“Junior and I are going to the Bahamas, Jamaica and Haiti! Want me to bring you something back?” She asks.
Junior? That’s this kid’s new name, how ironic. My mom is known for being a cougar, but his name just makes it all even worse.
“No, it’s okay, you two kids have fun. Call me when you’re back! Love you!” I tell her in an attempt to end the call.
“Alright then baby. Love you!” She says then hangs up.
Now I can really get to packing.
***
The next day we get up bright and early and hit the road. It was a bit bittersweet leaving the apartment with Derek for the last time because we would no longer be roommates, but I might come back with a different roommate who I’m in love with.
Derek starts the drive with his mostly packed Jeep wrangler and we hit US-34 West in no time. It doesn’t take us long to reach the Nebraska border, and once we do I’m starting to grow nervous by the minute.
“How do you even know where she lives?” I ask Derek.
“I may or may not have texted Lana and told her we're coming. She gave me the address,” He says.
“Does Gen know?” I ask a little hesitantly.
“No, relax dipshit. She said she wouldn’t say anything. But she also said to not screw it up. So don’t screw it up dipshit,” he says.
“Alright alright,” I tell him. Now I’m even more nervous. I wouldn’t put it past Lana to secretly know how to fight and flip me on my back if I hurt Genevieve again. Not that I’m going to hurt her, I never would. I just want to love her and hold her the rest of my life.
That’s all.
“Okay good, so tell me your game plan,” Derek says.
“Game plan? I thought you were just gonna drop me off, I find her and tell her I’m sorry,” I admit.
“You were really just planning on winging it?”
“Well sort of.”
“Yeah no, this is exactly how you lost her in the first place, you winged it. No more of that shit. I like her and I like her for you, so you’re gonna go big or go home buddy,” he tells me.
“I guess I’m going big,” I tell him, holding my breath.
He pats me on the back, shaking me a little, keeping the other arm on the wheel. “Now that’s the spirit! Mission win Genevieve back is in motion!” He says.
Yup, I think to myself. Letting my breath out. Mission win Genevieve back is in motion.
I just can’t screw this up.
My thoughts pause when I get a notification on my phone. It’s a message from my bank saying my direct deposit from my savings to my checking of two hundred dollars went through successfully. Now I have the money in my account, ready to send to my dad.
I stare at the screen, finger hovering over ‘Send,’ I could help him. But at what cost?
Why can’t I bring myself to send it?
We are now inching closer to a town called Grand Island. We shouldn’t be too far by now, the only thing in our way is the storm that just decided to downpour.
At first, it’s just a light mist brushing across the windshield, but within minutes it turns into a curtain of gray. Thick, blinding, and relentless. Derek turns the wipers up to max and squints ahead, his jaw tightening.
“Shit,” he mutters. “Didn’t think it was supposed to hit this early.”
Derek swerves the car after an unexpected puddle tried to move us off course.
The wind howls hard enough to rock the Jeep, since this Jeep is one of those you can take the roof and doors off, you can hear the wind sneaking through the little opening where the zipper probably ends.
The road starts to vanish beneath pooling water. I grip the door handle out of instinct, my stomach starting to twist—not from the weather, but from something deeper and heavier.
What if this storm isn’t just a storm? What if it’s the universe saying turn around, go home, don’t do this again? What if I’m only chasing something that doesn’t want to be caught?
“What’s up?” Derek asks, eyes flicking toward me. He can always tell.
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
But it’s not nothing, it’s the fact that I haven’t sent the money. It’s the fact that I don’t know what I’ll say to her when I see her again. It’s the fact that I hurt her once, and who’s to say I won’t screw it all up again?
The tires hiss against the slick pavement, the storm raging harder now like it’s trying to swallow us whole. I lean my head against the window, heart thudding.
Maybe this is stupid. Maybe I should’ve just let her go.
But then I remember her laugh. Her hands in my hair. The way she looked at me like I was more than just a guy with baggage and mistakes. Like I was hers.
And I know, I know, that I’d drive through a thousand damn storms if it meant getting her back.