Chapter 17
After the evening’s excitement, I had expected to sleep like the proverbial log, but I lay awake for a long time thinking about my father and Erik and wondering what was at the very heart of the dip in mood they’d both seemed to succumb to.
I also mulled over what it was that I had decided to write down, keep and release during the equinox ritual.
Just a couple of months ago it would have been impossible to even contemplate that I would be grateful that my job at Highfell had come to an end, but that was the thing I had felt moved to be thankful for because it had already transformed my life in so many positive ways.
The habit I had chosen to release was fretting about the future. I knew I had already gone a long way to achieving it, but I didn’t think a little bit of a boost courtesy of the magic of the season would go amiss.
‘Skylar! Are you up yet?’
I sighed in my restless sleep and felt myself resurface.
‘Isn’t it your volunteering day?’
My eyes flew open and registering the time I leapt into action.
‘Are you going to eat before you go?’ Rafe asked when I bowled into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on.
The cats, looking startled, scarpered from the room and I took a deep breath.
‘No time,’ I said and reached for an insulated cup and the instant coffee. ‘I’m sure Beth will be able to dig me out a biscuit.’
‘Here,’ Rafe said and handed me an Eat Natural bar, ‘take this, just in case.’
‘Thank you.’ I stuffed it into my pocket. ‘Did you have a good time last night?’
‘I had a super time and so did Dad. I thought what you came up with was perfect.’
‘I’m so pleased you liked it. Everyone else seemed happy too, didn’t they?’
Why was the kettle taking so long. I drummed my fingers on the countertop, willing the water to boil faster.
‘More than happy,’ Rafe said. ‘In fact, I can’t help thinking it’s a shame that…’
His words trailed off as I flicked the kettle off and poured the almost boiled water into the cup. A little splashed down the side and I only narrowly missed scalding my hand.
‘What’s a shame?’ I frowned as I mopped the spilled water up.
‘Nothing,’ he said.
‘It’s clearly something,’ I said back, stopping for the first time since I’d rushed in to look at him.
His expression suggested he was as tired as me. Either that or he was still worrying about something.
‘You’re going to be late,’ he said with a nod to the clock. ‘We’ll talk about it later.’
‘I’ll hold you to that,’ I said as I headed to the hall, because I really did need to go. ‘Don’t forget I’m clearing up at Prosperous Place before I come home, but we will talk.’
‘Watch the roads!’ he called after me as though I were a careless teen rather than a fully grown woman.
Though given how flustered I was, it was good advice.
‘Sorry I’m late!’ I panted breathlessly the moment I arrived at Cavell Care. ‘I overslept.’
I headed back outside again to shake out my umbrella, which would have been a health and safety nightmare had it dripped all over the floor.
‘Don’t panic,’ said the carer behind the reception desk. ‘You’re not late, my love. And you can stick your brolly in the bucket in the lobby.’
I did as instructed and mopped up the drips, then signed in and went to find Mabel.
I spent the time chatting to my new friend who had more tales from her past to share, including some of her time courting Arthur who she said again had been the love of her life, even though she had been seeing someone else when he arrived on the scene.
‘How did you know that Arthur was the one?’ I asked and she smiled.
‘Because I couldn’t stop thinking about him from the moment I clapped eyes on him,’ she confided, ‘even though I was almost engaged to someone else. Every time Arthur walked into the shop where I worked my heart went berserk. It didn’t take long to figure out.’
‘That sounds like love at first sight.’
‘I’m not so past it that I can’t remember there was some lust at first sight, too,’ she giggled and my mouth fell open in surprise.
‘Mabel,’ I grinned and she changed the subject.
Before heading off, I had a few minutes with Grandad George who was in his room resting, but buoyant, following his fun night out. It was so good to be able to pop in and see him whenever I wanted to and I felt determined to make up for all the lost years when Mum had been moving me about.
By the time I knocked on the door at Prosperous Place, I was feeling the lack of breakfast despite having devoured the snack bar from Rafe on the way back.
‘You look like a drowned rat!’ Erik said as he opened the door.
‘That’s why I came round the back. I didn’t want to drip all over the hallway, and thanks for that description.’
‘I only meant—’
‘I know what you meant and I’m only getting wetter standing here! Are you going to ask me in or what?’
‘Yes,’ he said and stepped back. ‘Sorry.’
‘And I’m sorry for snapping,’ I apologised as I peeled off my soaked coat and Erik took charge of the umbrella that hadn’t been much use on the windy walk back. ‘I hoped I’d be feeling serene this morning after the ritual last night, but now I’m soaked and starving.’
As I stood up from undoing my boots, my stomach gave the loudest rumble to prove the point.
‘You’re hangry,’ Erik said with a smile and I tried not to feel mortified that he’d heard. ‘Tired and hungry are never a good combo. Come on, I’ll fix us some lunch.’
With a plateful of a combination of leftovers to tuck into I began to feel better. Not quite serene, but certainly better.
‘Where are Kate and Luke?’ I asked, once the painful pangs had started to subside.
‘Out somewhere,’ he told me. ‘But they haven’t stopped talking about last night and the girls were full of it before school. Everyone had such a great time. It was a perfect celebration thanks to you, Skylar.’
‘I really appreciate you saying that.’ I blushed. ‘Though I’m not sure Rafe would agree with you.’
‘Oh?’
‘He’s got something on his mind, but I haven’t had a chance to get to the bottom of it yet. And I haven’t forgotten you weren’t at your happiest last night either.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ he quizzed. ‘You haven’t known me long enough to see me at my happiest.’
‘Don’t digress,’ I tutted. ‘You said it was a family situation, so what’s going on? A problem shared, remember? Your PPO has the right to know.’
‘That would be a fun slogan,’ he said and I couldn’t suppress a smile. ‘It rhymes and everything. Though it would only work if the world knew what PPO stood for and as we’re keeping it to ourselves…’
‘Enough of that,’ I commanded. ‘Now, come on. Out with it, Mr Svensson.’
He emitted a little shiver.
‘Don’t call me that,’ he said and dithered again. ‘It reminds me too much of my father.’
‘And is your dad the reason why you’re out of sorts?’
Erik leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his broad chest, then, perhaps realising how defensive the gesture looked, unfolded them again and rested his elbows on the table. I tried not to think about how big his biceps had looked in the close-fitting sweater he was wearing.
‘Partly,’ he said. ‘But there’s other stuff, too.’
‘So, tell me then. I promise it will help to share. And I can say that with absolute authority because I’ve felt heaps better about everything since our heart to heart in The Dragon a fortnight ago.’
Given how much had happened since, it felt much longer ago than that.
‘September is a tough month,’ Erik began with no preamble.
‘It’s the start of the rugby season and a stark reminder of everything I’ve lost. I’ve been trying not to think about it, but then I happened to see some training photos online after we’d set up for the party yesterday and my head started to go over it all again. ’
‘Did you stumble across the photos? Or did you go looking for them?’
The look he gave me was all the answer I needed.
‘I know,’ he said, sounding frustrated as he rested his head in his hands so I could only see the top of his head. ‘It was a classic self-sabotage manoeuvre, and combined with further interference from my father, I’ve been mentally paying for it all last night and today.’
‘You know, you’ve never sounded happy when you’ve mentioned your dad. What’s the deal with him?’
Erik looked up again and sat back in his chair.
‘I do try and be patient with him,’ he sighed and screwed up the paper towel he was using as a napkin.
‘But sometimes I boil over with frustration because he won’t listen to me.
He still thinks he knows what’s best for me, just like he always has.
You see, after Mum died, we threw ourselves into my rugby and that meant… ’
His words trailed off as the back door opened and Kate and Luke rushed in out of the rain.
‘Have you talked to Luke about this?’ I asked urgently.
‘Not really. Not all of it anyway, but it’s fine. I can handle it. I can deal with Dad, and I promise I won’t do any more scrolling online.’
He seemed to think that was a suitable tactic for dealing with what he was going through and clearly didn’t want to carry the conversation on in front of the others, so I took the hint and piled our plates together.
‘Here she is!’ Kate said. ‘The saviour of our celebration.’
‘Everyone had the best time, Skylar,’ Luke added.
‘I’m so pleased,’ I smiled. ‘I really enjoyed helping, and now, having pinched some of your leftovers, I’m going to clear up the dining room and sort the pots, if that’s all right?’
‘You’re a star,’ Kate said. ‘But don’t rush off after you’re finished, because there’s something we want to talk to you about.’
‘And you won’t need to take the pots over to the bothy because Freya and Finn collected them earlier,’ Luke told me. ‘They thought it would save you having to do it.’