Chapter 20 #3
‘At the risk of ruining this serene moment,’ Erik said, once he’d eaten a good amount of his risotto, ‘can we clear the air? I don’t like the mood between us.’
‘Me neither,’ I swallowed. ‘I’m sorry we had cross words this morning.’
‘I’m sorry, too. But I know it wasn’t just this morning that’s felt a bit… off. Was it?’
‘No?’ I asked innocently.
‘You must know it wasn’t,’ he said. ‘And the only thing I can think of that might account for the awkwardness, which seems to be growing, is that kiss. It feels like it’s changed things between us and that’s the last thing I want.
I’ve loved you being my PPO, but more than that, I thought we were shaping up to be really good friends. ’
His words were so heartfelt and the expression on his face so intent that I knew that I couldn’t tell him the truth.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that the kiss had changed things for me because all I could think of was the desire to repeat it.
I couldn’t tell him that when he so obviously wanted me to be his friend and especially as I wanted to be his friend, too.
If it was going to be a platonic relationship or nothing, then I’d be his friend any day.
‘We are really good friends,’ I said on an out breath. ‘I suppose I’ve immersed myself in planning this event so much that I’ve let other things, such as spending time with you, slide. I’ve probably taken over far too much—’
‘No, you haven’t,’ he cut in. ‘No one’s so much as hinted at that, and I didn’t mean to imply it this morning. It’s just that I’ve noticed how much you’ve taken on, and I suppose I’ve been worried about you as well as concerned about the consequences of the kiss on our friendship.’
‘Worried about me?’ I frowned. ‘Why?’
I had just been going to tell him why I felt so passionately about helping to increase The Chapel funds, but his concern cut the explanation off.
‘Because,’ he said, ‘old habits die hard.’
‘Old habits?’
‘Your work ethic,’ he elaborated. ‘Getting so stuck in with the details, making an event the very best you can, taking it all on yourself,’ he incisively reeled off. ‘Not in a controlling way, but in a…’ he cocked his head, ‘you can totally count on me kind of way.’
‘I see.’
‘To put it plainly, I’m worried that because of the hours you’re giving to this event, you’re going to end up as exhausted as you were when you arrived,’ he said.
‘You literally haven’t taken a breather since this idea was settled on, have you?
And before you contradict me, I know I’m right because I’ve walked the big change path myself, still am, and I know how easy it is to regress and revert to old patterns when the opportunity arises and before you’ve realised it. ’
I might have been using the event as a diversion tactic, but I realised there was also a lot of truth in what he said, and I wondered if Rafe had been planning to say something similar.
I had been trying to distract myself, but in doing so, I had reverted to type.
I had morphed into the event organiser I’d previously been, rather than considered ways I could get the job done differently if I hadn’t shouldered practically all the responsibility for it myself.
‘I have to say,’ I tutted and Erik winced in obvious antici-pation of a negative reaction, ‘I’m feeling a bit fed up that I haven’t picked up on what I’ve done. I should be fixing myself rather than looking for someone else to do it, shouldn’t I?’
‘You weren’t looking for me to do it though, were you?’
‘I suppose.’
‘And I haven’t fixed anything. I’ve just pointed something out in you that it took me a lot of mental turmoil and physi-cal pain to recognise in myself. Consider it my gift to you. What you do with it is entirely up to you.’
I smiled at that, and encouraged by my reaction, Erik carried on.
‘You might take it back to the store for a refund,’ he shrugged. ‘Or you might decide to try it on for a while. After all, you did come here with a view to potentially making changes to your life and the way you work, didn’t you?’
‘I did,’ I confirmed, realising how his words about trying something on echoed those I’d said to my father earlier.
‘There you are then.’
‘I think,’ I said after I’d thought the situation through further, ‘I’ll hand over to Kate and Luke, now. I could be a helper rather than the coordinator, couldn’t I?’
‘You could and that way you’ll have the opportunity to step back and enjoy what it is you’ve achieved,’ Erik suggested, and I did like the sound of that.
‘I suppose I am one day away from unpacking the headset and intercom, striding about and strictly issuing commands…’ I joked.
‘And no one wants that,’ Erik said as he reached across the table to squeeze my hand. ‘They’re not the actions of the Skylar we’ve come to know and love.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I blushed and batted him away.
‘Come on then,’ he laughed. ‘I’m still looking forward to working out where those moving eye pictures can create the most havoc.’
I shivered, but it wasn’t the thought of hanging the paintings that made me do it.