17. Collins
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
COLLINS
I stare into his eyes, and I can tell he has more to say. But the bell rings again, and he looks up at the ceiling, letting out a deep breath. “I should get that,” he says, and I shake my head furiously back and forth.
“No.” I feel like my whole body is shaking with nerves. “I’m not . . . I don’t think . . .”
“Collins.” Every single time he says my name, it calms me.
“I promise you I’ll be right by your side the whole time.
” I swallow. “I also promise you that it’s going to be okay.
Everything is going to be okay.” I don’t tell him I don’t really believe in promises.
They’ve been made to me for so long, and every single time I’ve been let down by the two people who are supposed to never break them.
The two people who are supposed to love you unconditionally from the time you take your first breath until their last.
He walks away from me toward the door, and I look around to see if there is somewhere I can escape to.
Maybe I can run out the back, but then where the fuck would I go?
“I’m so sorry,” I tell the baby as I put my hand on my stomach.
“I know there are a million other people out there who are more qualified than I am to be your mom, but we are in this together.”
I can hear voices, but the only thing I truly notice is the buzzing in my ears. I close my eyes and count to five before I open them again. “We are so sorry to be barging in,” the woman says, “but your father got called in this morning to take a half shift, and then I had to run into work.”
“Samantha,” a deep-voiced man says, “can you move out of the way so I can get in here? The bags are cutting into my hands.”
“They wouldn’t be cutting into your hands if you would let me carry a few,” she hisses at him, and I can’t help but roll my lips at her snarkiness.
“They wouldn’t be cutting into my hands if you weren’t hugging him like he just got back from war.”
“How about we all table this discussion for later,” Theo says, “when it’s a good time.”
“By all means,” the woman replies, “lead the way.” I cross my fingers together and place them in front of me.
Then I shake the nerves out of them. I really should have worn another outfit, I think, looking down at my cutoff jean shorts and white tank top.
In my defense, it’s not like I had a special dress hanging in my closet for this event.
Though I could have worn nicer shorts. I close my eyes, inhaling through my nose, and then softly exhaling.
Trying to relax as much as I can, but the effort is fruitless.
Theo enters the room, his eyes meeting mine. A beautiful woman with blonde hair is right behind him, and then a man with black hair. My eyes go to his hands; he has about five bags in each. “Collins,” Theo says softly, walking to me, “come and meet my parents.”
He stands beside me, his hand reaching for mine. “Mom, Dad, this is Collins.” He looks at me with a soft smile. “These are my parents, Blake and Samantha.”
“Hello.” I give an awkward little wave, and then I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole.
Who waves at people when they are first introduced?
“I’m sorry.” I take a step forward, holding out my hand to shake his mom’s.
“I’m Collins.” His mother looks at my hand and then back at me.
I know she’s going to see that her son is too good for me and not shake my hand.
But then she bypasses my hand and gives me a hug.
A hug that, as far as I can remember, my own mother never gave me.
She must have hugged me when I was a child, but as far back as I can remember, none of my memories of her or my father include hugs.
They did the arm-around-the-shoulder thing when pretending to be loving parents to pull off some scam.
But never have I received a full-on hug like this one.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Collins.” Her voice is so soft, and she smells like a field of daisies. “Thank you for coming.”
“Um . . .” I’m not sure I can articulate any words right now.
“You’re overwhelming her,” Theo warns.
“I am not.” Samantha gasps and steps away from me. “Am I? I don’t mean to.” She looks at Theo. “I’m just happy that—”
“Hi,” Blake interjects. “My wife has a tendency to not know when to stop talking.” That earns him a glare. “I would love to shake your hand,” he holds up his own, “but I can’t.”
“So dramatic. Come on.” Samantha motions with her head toward the kitchen. “We’ll be back. Do you want something to drink or anything?”
“You know this is my house, right?” Theo’s fingers slide between mine.
“Well, you suck as a host,” his father throws over his shoulder. “The woman could be starving right now, and you wouldn’t know.”
“She looks parched, and I don’t see a glass of water anywhere.” His mother looks around. “I don’t see a plate of food for her to snack on, nothing.” She shakes her head in disapproval.
Theo rolls his eyes, and I lean into him. He bends to kiss my head before leading me to the kitchen, which is right off the family room. “Do you want us to put away the things?”
Samantha looks at him as she starts to unload a bag onto the big beige island with long dark-brown veins all through it.
Four wooden stools are tucked up under it at the end that faces the big dining room table, which is a dark wood and seats eight people.
I wonder if he’s ever had eight people over at his house for dinner.
“Collins,” Samantha calls, “I’m sorry, I know I raised him better than that. Would you like something to drink?”
“I would actually love some water,” I reply softly and feel Theo’s thumb rub my hand.
“What the hell are you waiting for? Get the woman some water,” she hisses at Theo, making me put my hand to my mouth to keep from bursting out laughing.
“Do you want ice in that?” Theo asks, letting go of my hand.
“It’s fine if you don’t have it.” He kisses the side of my head again as he walks past.
“Sit down,” Samantha invites. “Take a load off.”
I move to the stool, feeling like I’m walking down death row. I sit and watch the three of them busily unpacking. “So, Collins,” Samantha pulls out a ready-made fruit platter, “tell us about yourself.”
“Mom,” Theo says with a warning tone.
“What?” She turns her head toward him, then throws up her hands. “I’m nervous, okay? And I’m trying to get to know her.”
“It’s okay,” I soothe Theo’s uneasiness. “What do you want to know?”
“What do you do for work?” I wonder if she can see how nervous I am, so I start lightly.
“I’m a paramedic.”
“No way,” Blake says. “That’s amazing. I’m a fireman.
” I look at him, surprised. “We work hand in hand with the paramedic crew.” He opens the fridge to put away the milk.
“I always say you guys have the hardest job. It’s one thing to put out the fire; it’s another thing to make sure someone doesn’t die. ”
“Blake,” Samantha snaps, “could you be more morbid?” She places the fruit tray in front of me.
“It’s okay, we can get some pretty hard calls.”
“Theo, get Collins a plate,” Samantha orders him. “She is going to have some fruit.”
“Does she want fruit?” Theo asks, looking at me. I dip my chin and hide my smile. Like I would say no to his mother. If she told me to eat the whole tray, I would shovel it down and pay the consequences of throwing up after.
“I can have some fruit.” My mouth waters for the yellow pineapple. It looks juicy and sweet, and I wait for her to hand me a fork to grab a piece. The minute I put it in my mouth, the sweetness hits my tongue.
“See? She’s starving, and you’re just dillydallying around, expecting the food fairies to come and feed her.” She cocks her hip. “Seriously?”
“Mom.” I can’t help but laugh at the expression on his face. “She ate not an hour ago.” I don’t know why he’s looking at me. Does he think I’m going to go against anything his mother says?
“So how did you two meet?” Samantha asks, extending her hand on the counter beside her.
“I was at the side of the road one night after my shift”—I put the fork down—“and I got a flat tire.” I look at Theo and then down, my hair falling to the side.
I tuck it behind my ear. “He pulled over to help me.” I leave out that it was the only night we had with each other until I ran into him.
That can be a secret between the two of us, at least for now.
“He fucking better have,” Blake gives him the stink eye.
“Well, I did,” Theo says, sitting next to me, “and I’m happy I did.” He looks into my eyes. “Why don’t we go and sit in the living room? There’s something we need to tell you.”
The minute he says those words, Blake and Samantha exchange a glance. Theo holds out his hand to me, and I take it. “Theo,” I whisper as we walk back to the living room. I think he can see my fear.
He holds my face in his hands. “It’s going to be okay.” He kisses me softly, right in front of his parents.
“Oh boy,” Samantha says, “this looks serious.” She puts her hands on her knees. “Is it serious?”
“Why don’t you give them a second to sit down, and then they will tell us what they need to tell us?” Blake leans back on the couch, relaxed, and puts one hand over the back of it. I bet everything I have, which isn’t much, that he is not guessing the words that are about to come.
“We wanted to come up this weekend,” Theo starts, “first, so you could meet Collins and see how amazing she is.” He picks up my hand and kisses it. “Then the second reason is to tell both of you—”
“That you’re getting married,” Samantha bursts out, holding her hands in front of her in a gleeful position. “Are you getting married?”
“We are not,” Theo states, and I take a deep breath in, “but we are having a baby.” He says it as if he just said, I don’t want chicken for dinner, I think I’ll have the steak.
A gasp fills the room, and I have no choice but to avoid their faces. “I know this might be a shock to you.” Theo puts his arm around my shoulder. “It was a shock to both of us.”
“How long have you guys been together?” Blake asks, and all I can do is look at my nails.
“Does it matter?” Theo replies with a tightness to his voice.
“No, of course not,” Samantha assures, trying to calm the vibes in the room. “We’re just surprised.” I can feel her staring at me, and I look up, my eyes finding hers. “It’s a blessing.” She inhales. “When are you due?”
I swallow. “December 14.”
“A Christmas baby.” She looks at Blake. “Isn’t that nice?”
Blake stops staring at us and turns to his wife. “It’s very nice.” I can hear in his tone that he’s not as happy as his wife.
I focus on my fingers, feeling Theo get tense beside me. “I’m—” I start to say and then feel like I’m about to have a full-blown panic attack. “I’m going to use the restroom.” I blink away the tears that are fighting to come out.
“I’ll show you.” I’m about to tell him I’m okay, but he just takes my hand and walks to the side of the staircase and shows me the door. “I’ll be here waiting,” he reassures softly.
“You should get back to your parents,” I urge, trying not to be loud, knowing they can probably hear this conversation. “I’ll be okay.” I walk into the bathroom, turn on the light, and close the door, and only then do I let a lone tear run down my face.