7. Then Diana
THEN: DIANA
“Saw that McDonald girl here again the other day,” Mrs. Blake said as Diana slid into her seat at the breakfast table they shared every Saturday morning. “I didn’t know you were friends.”
“I didn’t know you knew who she was,” Diana said, eyeing her mother defensively before stealing a glimpse at Julia, who shrugged, obviously just as surprised as her.
“Oh come now, dear I know who everyone is, it is really important to our—”
“Image and legacy, I know, I know,” Diana said, reaching for the freshly squeezed orange juice and suppressing an eye roll. She was already pushing it with her mother.
“Oh come now Diana dear, I’m just saying it helps to know who’s who, this way you can always know your next move.”
This time Diana was not able to suppress her eye roll, but luckily for her something Julia had or hadn’t done had caught her mother’s attention.
“Julia, are—”
“Mom, can we not this morning?”
There was a heavy silence in the air, the familiar push and pull of her mother and Julia.
Diana always admired the way her sister pushed back.
But she somehow thought that was part of her privilege as the second born.
Diana knew it would take time for one of them to break; until then, Diana let herself to check out.
She'd come back to the moment if her sister needed her, which Julia rarely did.
Their mother was a big traditionalist and had been a socialite in Manhattan for most of her youth.
Somehow, she had been completely taken by their father, who had been at Columbia for undergrad.
They’d met, and clicked, even though they were from two different worlds: he a small town farm boy, well off yes, but not city refined.
And she, a socialite, a sparkling Upper East Side princess.
Diana did have a feeling that her mother hadn't fully known what marrying into the Blake family business would mean, but it was also Diana’s understanding that she fought hard for the marriage and if there was one thing her mother didn’t like, it was admitting when she was in way over her head.
Diana supposed she actually did admire the way her mother exchanged silk blouses for flannels and heels for riding boots year round.
She also admired her mother for the ingenuity (and influx of cash from her trust fund, no doubt) that had helped the Blake business continue to grow from just the orchard and golf course into real estate.
Her mother was great at providing the vision of the business and her father was great at executing on it.
In that sense Diana supposed they were perfect for each other.
The only thing was, the ingenuity and strategizing that made her mother a formidable business partner to her father was what she applied to her daughters’ lives.
Hence, she knew everyone in town and everyone Diana and Julia could possibly be socializing with.
Could possibly be becoming friendly with.
What circles they could possibly be in, and how, of course, that would lead to who they ended up dating and marrying.
“Your father and I did not take things to the next level only for it to be handed to someone who doesn’t deserve it,” her mother would say to her and Julia.
Julia, however, hadn’t even let her recent haircut settle before she pierced her nose.
Julia was obviously and flashily rebellious, the one who had no intention of taking on the family business, and that left things to Diana.
Diana didn’t mind it; she actually loved the orchard.
She loved everything from getting her hands dirty to planning the small details in schedules and staff rotations.
During her time spent with Jay, she had learned to even love the concept of what an orchard actually meant.
How it was a means to feed people, to take care of those around her.
Sure people bought produce, but the orchard also provided Jay’s parents and family with a whole new opportunity to grasp a little of what Diana took for granted.
Jay, so beautiful and bold, their love, all of it would not have been if it weren't for what the orchard was able to provide.
And then finally, there was the freedom she would be able to give to her sister.
Diana was convinced that Jay had given her the gift of sight.
She had learned how to really see people.
And as a result, she learned that people didn’t always fit into the boxes society tried to construct around them.
Jay certainly didn’t in so many ways, and all of them were why Diana had loved her—and still did, if she were being honest with herself.
Perhaps Jay had been vying for a small piece of what Diana took for granted, but she found herself vying for a small piece of whatever Jay had fought for, and realizing she didn’t know how to fight.
But Julia did.
People like Julia and Jay were just born different, full of light that the world around them seemed determined to snuff out. And yet, they were able to fight. Just them against the world.
Just Julia against their mother at the breakfast table.
If Diana could spare Julia from being trapped within the family business, she’d do that.
Julia had dreams of the country. She wanted to be outdoors all the time, in a place where she could do that on her own terms. The orchard could never be that for her.
Julia needed something that was her own.
She wanted a freedom Diana suspected couldn’t exist under the rigidity of the way her parents currently ran their businesses.
“So, you’ll go?” Diana’s eyes focused with a start and she saw her mother looking at her. Her dark hair made her hazel eyes all the more striking. It was funny, Diana and Julia both were spitting images of their father.
“Go to? I—” Diana stumbled out but then Julia cut in.
“We talked about it right Dee? We would go to that dinner in Burlington, scope out all of the different suitors our dear mother wants us to see?”
“I never used the word ‘suitors’. This isn’t Victorian England, Julia, I am just saying it would be nice for you to meet some other families and youth who are more in line with, well, us., And you know, the Blacksmith’s son, Greggory, will be there,” she said carefully and shamelessly.
Right, the realization came back to Diana.
She said she and Julia would go so that their parents—well, their mother—would allow it to be just the two of them.
So that Julia could sneak off and meet up with a fling who went to the very boarding school Mrs. Blake had threatened her daughters with.
A fling who their parents certainly didn’t know about, especially given that their name was Anna.
Ironically though, Anna was the daughter from a prominent family and had just the sort of pedigree Mrs. Blake would love for her daughters.
Diana knew about Anna like Julia knew about Jay. It was Julia’s relationship with Anna that had given Diana the courage to explore her attraction to Jay in the first place, and for that, she would always feel indebted to Julia.
Feeling like she could channel Julia’s boldness in that instance, Diana said, “Oh yeah, so sorry, I have a lot on my mind. We are definitely going and I promise to come back with several marriage proposals, Mother, especially from Greggory Blacksmith.”
Their mother just scoffed and took a sip of orange juice, which meant that while she didn’t appreciate Diana’s flippant tone, she had gotten the answer she wanted.
“Thank you again,” Julia said to Diana as they left the dining room and began making their way through the house and out onto the property.
“Yeah of course, I think it’s cool that Anna is willing to at least see you,” Diana said quietly.
“Dee, Jay is in California, Anna is literally like an hour away,” Julia said, knocking her shoulder into Diana’s and forcing Diana to look up.
She and Julia were the same height and build, save for Julia definitely having what she called a “horseback booty”.
Julia was also more of an ash blonde and had inherited their mother’s hazel eyes, though on Julia they looked light years softer than Diana had ever seen on her mother.
Julia also had her father’s playfulness, which made her permanently look intriguing and approachable.
Diana knew she’d gotten her mother’s hard lines and she didn’t really like people, so when she scowled, she knew she scowled.
“You sure you don’t want to come with me and maybe we find a party or something?
I mean Burlington is no New York City, but it isn’t bumble-fuck nowhere Maplewood either.
I have no idea how things will go with Anna, but I mean, I am sure we can find something and maybe, someone to get your mind off of Jay?
I swear to god, Dee, I can’t listen to any more Garbage.
If I hear ‘I’m Only Happy When It Rains’ one more time—I think I liked it better when you were in your sad pop stage of grief. ”
Diana sighed. She really had graduated from sad love songs to just straight misery, finding solace in the grungy sounds of Garbage and Hole. Maybe a party would be great, but she also didn’t quite have the same prowess her sister had, at least not in her current state.
“Or maybe,” Julia continued. “Are you seriously just going to spend all night chatting with Greggory?”
Diana smiled. “Not really feeling like going out and well as far as our boy, you know Greg is gay.” They’d accidentally stumbled across Greg and an older boy making out the summer before, and before Greg could freak out, Julia had promptly stated that she liked girls, though she hadn’t kissed one yet. All of fourteen years old.
“You mean like us?” Julia said easily.
Diana scrunched an eyebrow. “I don’t know if I am though,” and when Julia raised her eyebrow she elaborated further, “I mean, yes, okay, so now we know I like girls, but I have never stopped lusting after Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Like when I picture my ideal babe, I don’t know that their parts are really in the mix.
Not sure what to call that though.” After a pause she added, “What I do know is it isn’t what Mom wants. ”
“Well no, but it does mean maybe you can marry a dude, and not like, hate it the way I would.”
Diana let out a small laugh. “I am a blonde white woman, I don’t think men are raised to really see me for my brain, and besides, putting it like that sounds depressing, like I would be resigning myself to it just because I what, can?”
“Okay, so then, it’s actually super cool because you have so many options?” Julia said, smiling over at Diana and Diana felt part of her melt. She loved her sister and how she was able to just unwind some of the tension Diana started building inside herself.
“They all have to like me back Jules, the world isn’t my buffet,” Diana said laughing.
“I mean you say tomato…”
And Diana continued to laugh at her ridiculous little sister as they continued down through the property as they tended to do on the weekends.
“So, Margaret McDonald?” Julia said slowly as they reached a line of honey crisps.
“Yeah, what about her, and she prefers to go by Maggie?”
“Oh does she?” Julia said with a raised eyebrow and an annoyingly knowing expression.
“Yes, I am just saying it so you don’t have to learn the hard way.”
“Uh huh. Well, I don’t know, Mom said she’s been hanging around here?”
“For class—”
“Uh huh, have to admit she’s stunning,” Julia teased.
And it hadn’t been like Diana hadn’t noticed.
The truth was, while Maggie hung out with the cheer girls who were all polished and sparkly in a way that screamed Cher and Dionne, Maggie wasn’t.
There was something dark and mysterious about her, despite her light hair and eyes.
Unlike Diana’s navy eyes, Maggie’s were a pale blue and almost haunting.
Her light brown hair—Diana could tell she’d done something to try to lighten it further, though quite unevenly—was dull and wispy.
It made her stand out amongst her high-res clique in a way that made it difficult for Diana to look away now that she was getting to know her better.
That was the other thing; Maggie seemed to have something underneath her guise, something that Diana could only describe as real.
She connected with Diana’s dry sense of humor and had ceased correcting her when she took tiny jabs at the absurdity of the cheer girls, like it was something Maggie understood all along and it pained her to know it.
“Your silence is very loud,” Julia said, and Diana realized her mind had drifted.
“Shush, she’s just—different than I expected, that’s all,” Diana responded, shaking her thoughts away.
“Oh? In a ‘’popular girl that’s secretly misunderstood except that only you can understand her,’ way?” Julia said with full air quotes. Diana scoffed. Her sister read too many Fear Street books. “Well? She’s cute, right?”
“Yes, she’s cute, but she's so tightly wound an…” The truth was Diana wanted to know what was under that wrapping, wanted to know what Maggie was like at her core, wanted to take her apart piece by piece and— “God, can we stop?” She didn’t want to begin thinking of Maggie McDonald like that.
One because it felt like a betrayal to Jay, which she knew was stupid, but two, because it was pointless.
“And you both have been hanging out, for like…” Julia pressed.
Diana shook her head but felt herself trying to fight a smile so it felt like a smirk. “For like two weeks? We had a presentation on how we are going to raise our baby or whatever, and this week we are getting said baby.”
“Right, right, I’m an aunt! Did you guys figure out a name?”
“She wanted something like Samantha or Samuel, depending on if we get a boy or a girl so I said let’s just go with ‘Sammy’ and then it won’t matter.”
“Brilliant, kinda like Jay,” Julia said, smiling softly.
Diana weakly and then fondly smiled back. “Yeah, kinda like Jay.”