Chapter 22
THEN: MAGGIE
Maggie was the happiest she could ever remember being in her whole life.
While she still spent time at home being berated by her mother, especially about why she hadn’t met and begun dating a boy through “that Blake girl,” she and Diana had built something special over the last ten months.
Maggie knew it had been ten months, because she couldn’t wait to celebrate one year with Diana.
Maybe not a year together officially, but the day she had been assigned to working with Diana had been the day she felt like she’d woken up from a kind of sleep paralysis.
She would celebrate that for as long as she could.
Neither of them ever talked about being public considering there were so many reasons they couldn’t be, not in their small town.
Sure, Ellen Degeneres had recently come out as a lesbian, something Maggie thought was incredibly brave, but Ellen also had her own television show and her own money.
Besides, Maggie had heard some of the residents of her beloved Maplewood and what they had to say about the news.
Despite that, Maggie didn’t fear the whole town as much as she did her mother, and her father.
She imagined that would be a point of no return for her mother, who had been preaching normalcy and stability since she could remember.
Yes, it was her mother that she feared above all else, even Em and Mary, who for sure would abandon her, but as time had gone on, she found her friendship with them scripted.
Like she was going through the motions to fulfill a role she no longer believed in.
Besides, cheer took time away from her time on the orchard, the only place she ever was truly herself. The only place she felt free.
That was the mentality that had led her to stand outside Em’s house.
The July heat was fierce, and it was the first day of cheer practice.
Well, the first official day of cheer practice; the girls had all been hanging out with each other since the school year ended.
Maggie took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.
Almost immediately, the front door flung open, and there was Em, tanned and beautiful.
“Oh, hey Maggie, I thought you were Davie,” Em said breathlessly. They hadn’t really spoken or hung out in months, and the lack of time together stretched out between them, causing a tension Maggie only seemed to experience with the cheer girls.
“Hey Em, sorry I have been a little MIA.”
Em scoffed at that. As if her scoff had summoned her, Mary suddenly appeared from behind her.
“Oh, hello Maggie,” Mary said coolly, giving her an appraising look as if to say ‘can’t believe you gave up the opportunity to hang out with us this summer.’ Or at least, that’s how Maggie translated the stare.
“Yeah, well I am just here to say officially that I am quitting cheer.” There was silence at Maggie’s words as Em and Mary stared back at her. Maggie thought she understood why: this likely was unprecedented. Girls didn’t quit cheer, they were kicked out.
“Okay, wow, great thanks for letting us know.” Em slammed the door in her face. Maggie turned down the driveway to where Julia sat waiting for her in her car.
“How’d that go?” Julia asked when Maggie got into the passenger seat.
“I think you saw how it went,” Maggie said, fastening her seatbelt.
“Yeah but I figured I’d ask. Never thought you cheer girls did anything normal, so an eye roll and a slammed door could potentially be a mating call for all I know.”
Maggie laughed as Julia pulled the car out of the driveway and drove them back to the orchard. Back to safety. “Not a cheer girl anymore, remember?”
“Yeah, I imagine that took them by surprise, especially as a senior and all.”
“Yeah well, it’s my senior year, and I want to spend as much time with you and Diana as I can,” Maggie said, and she meant it.
Her mom would find out, no doubt, but by the time gossip reached her, it would be well, too late to reverse the decision.
On top of that, she was already planning on lying to her mother and telling her that Diana had really decided to take her under her wing this year, and that she would be attending more high profile events with the Blakes.
They’d concocted the idea one night while watching Pretty Woman, which apparently was a film that had confirmed to Julia that she was in fact very gay.
They pulled onto the property and Maggie instantly felt her body relax. Julia had taken Maggie to Em’s because Diana had been held up by their mother for something, and Maggie was anxious to get back to Diana and tell her how the whole thing had happened.
When they got inside the house, they found it empty save for a few day staff who were still on the property.
“That’s weird,” Julia said. “Let’s walk the grounds, maybe my mom still has her, god forbid she’s insisting on some kind of arranged marriage between her and Greggory this year, she’s been pretty relentless lately.”
But that’s not what they had found when they reached one of the processing buildings.
Instead, they had found Diana standing outside, across from a shorter woman who looked to be of Latin descent.
Standing next to her was a Black woman. Maggie knew who the former was by the presence of her parents standing off to the side with Diana and Julia’s mother.
“Holy shit,” Julia said, confirming that Maggie wished it had been Greggory Blacksmith standing there instead.
“Uh, hold on, Mags,” Julia tried, but Maggie’s legs carried her forward.
What did stop her finally was Diana looking up, and Maggie felt her heart crack.
She could have sworn she had caught the look on her girlfriend’s face before Diana had pushed it away: anguish.
“So that’s Jay?” Maggie said once they were alone in Diana’s room, sitting on the floor with a now empty pizza box between them. Julia had just left to go to her own room, likely sensing the growing tension and doing her best earlier to offset it.
“That’s Jay,” Diana said quietly, not looking at Maggie, making the sickness inside Maggie intensify.
She had never felt this way before. She both wanted to scream in Diana’s face and run from the room.
She felt like her own blood was on fire, and knew she was on the verge of both angry and sad tears. She also felt nauseous.
“So that’s it? That’s all you have to say?
” Maggie said. She needed Diana to hear, no, feel the intensity of her emotions, and she needed Diana to match them.
She wasn’t exactly sure why that would make her feel better, but she knew it would.
Anything, she decided, was better than this subdued version of Diana she had never seen before today.
“Well, what do you want me to say? That was Jay, you met her. And, that was Michaela,” Diana said, finally making eye contact with Maggie, which didn’t help because Maggie could definitely still see the agony there.
“Her friend from school?” Jay had introduced her as such, but Maggie didn’t know what else to say. Diana scoffed.
“Yeah, her friend as in her new girlfriend, Mags,” Diana said, and there was uncharacteristic bitterness in Diana’s voice. It cut through Maggie like a knife. “They’re here finally visiting Jay’s parents and I guess, going to see New York City next before heading back to California.”
“So they aren’t staying for long,” Maggie didn’t even try to hide the hopefulness in her voice.
“Nope, they are leaving tomorrow,” Diana said, also not hiding anything in her clearly disappointed tone.
“Well by all means, if you want to spend some time with them, don’t let me stop you,” Maggie said hotly.
Diana looked to be holding back an eye roll, but before Maggie could relish in the reaction she said, “They are here to spend time with Jay’s parents, not me, I just said that.”
“Okay, and what, you’re jealous? I mean Diana, how the fuck do you think that makes me feel, that I have to what, comfort you right now because you came face to face with your ex? What the hell have we even been doing?” Maggie said, getting to her feet and feeling her eyes grow hot.
Diana stared back at her for a moment, her expression steadying.
“I don’t care that Jay is here with Michaela, or that they are visiting her parents,” Diana said so bluntly, Maggie believed her and her relief gave way to confusion almost immediately.
“Then why are you sulking?”
“I am not sulking, I—” Diana took a deep breath and then stood up. She looked at Maggie and Maggie thought her mood was just registering to her girlfriend. “I am upset because Jay never mentioned that they’d gotten so serious.”
Maggie’s confusion deepened. “What do you mean, never mentioned, was she supposed to call you once she got a new girlfriend and let you know?” Diana’s eyes widened slightly and something clicked for Maggie.
“Wait, have you been talking with her, like still in communication with her this whole time?” Maggie’s stomach seemed to drop and the rage sick feeling reappeared. She now understood it was jealousy.
“Mags—” Diana took a step forward.
“How long?” Maggie took a step back.
“Since middle of junior year,” Diana said easily, too easily.
Maggie just stared at her. This was so much worse. Much worse than her girlfriend just discovering her ex was with someone else and becoming jealous.
“The middle of last year,” Maggie repeated quietly, “and what, what are we—”
“Mags, Jay and I have always talked? I didn’t realize–”
“Didn’t realize what? That I would be upset that you are with me and yet you’re still talking to your ex?”
“Mags, we are just friends, we’ve just been writing emails back and forth with updates, that’s it I swear.”
“You swear,” Maggie repeated, seemingly only able to repeat the words Diana was saying. As if repeating them would somehow make them make less painful.
“Mags, I am with you, I love you, this,” Diana gestured between them, “is ours.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Maggie heard the wound in her voice.
“I don’t know? I mean it’s just email, like once a month or so.
I mean we are still friends and it didn't feel like it was a part of this,” Diana waved a hand through the air, “like it’s not a part of my day to day life you know?
Not like you are. I should have mentioned it but I didn’t because honestly, I didn’t consider it to be a part of real, actual life. ”
“Well,” Maggie said, and she felt her lips tremble and knew the sobs were on their way, “it’s pretty fucking a part of your real life now.
” She turned and walked out of Diana’s room.
Knowing that she couldn’t go home, she went to the one other place she felt safe—she knocked on Julia’s door.
A moment later, she heard Diana’s footsteps behind her.
“Mags—”
“Don’t, I can’t right now, okay? Please, just leave me alone.” At that Julia opened her door. Maggie saw her give a knowing look over her shoulder at Diana, and then Julia welcomed her into her room.
“Give it time,” she heard Julia whisper to her sister as she closed the door.
Wordlessly, they both got into Julia’s bed.
Julia had just gotten her arms around her when Maggie began to weep.