Chapter 27 Then Diana
THEN: DIANA
Something was wrong. Diana supposed there were lots of things wrong.
While the air at school was always full of the buzz of their upcoming graduation, and many seniors, like Diana, had selected which of the schools they wanted to go to, there was an unsettling energy that permeated the buzz of celebration.
A week ago, Coach Matthews had quietly been fired and asked to leave the premises.
And while the incident was something anyone could almost miss, the scandal surrounding the incident was not.
It hung around the former coach like a black cloud, and various parents, mostly mothers on the PTA, had been extremely vocal about it at school and around town.
Coach Matthews was a lesbian. Diana thought once the news had spread that she shouldn’t really be all that surprised, but she was never one to assume, either.
The woman always had a very masculine aesthetic, down to the way she walked and carried herself.
Her short hair and daily windbreakers certainly did nothing to contradict that image, even if she often wore lipstick and always sported bright colors on her long acrylic nails.
It was one thing, Diana knew, for people to suspect and make up rumors, and another completely for them to witness it.
And that’s what had happened. Somehow, fate had made it so that Mrs. Carol Wright would be at a movie theater two towns away.
Lost in Space had been a massive cinematic hit, and all of the movie theaters struggled to keep tickets in stock for it.
Diana had been shocked that Mrs. Wright would even be into such a quirky sci-fi thriller, but then again, the whole idea behind the film was that earth was dying, and it was down to an “all-American” white family to save it.
That was likely what drew her in. Either way, something had, as it had millions of others.
And so she had been in the parking lot that day, with Mrs. Jacobs and whomever else they gathered from their clique, one spring Saturday afternoon, at the same time Regina Matthews and her girlfriend were standing beside a white Ford Taurus.
Diana hadn’t gotten all the details other than they had done something “glaringly obscene,” but Diana had heard Janice’s take on the whole thing enough times to agree that all that had likely happened was the two women had kissed.
Diana imagined it was a very chaste kiss, just a quick one on the mouth, but likely packed with more love than those women were used to seeing between a couple.
Something that had unsettled them for any number of reasons.
They had been so unsettled that they’d spent the last several weeks pushing for Coach Matthews’ termination.
At first Coach Matthews had been allowed to continue teaching, mainly, Diana suspected, because she did everything the other coaches didn’t want to do and was also quite instrumental in working with so many graduating seniors on their career exploration and college application processes.
It saddened Diana that now many of those seniors to whom she’d provided advice or lended an ear had distanced themselves from her.
Like she had some kind of contagious disease.
There were a few students who remained supportive, Janice, Diana, and Maggie among them.
But it came with plenty of repercussions.
Diana heard the whispered rumors, given that all three of them were women.
Diana didn’t care; she would have the summer with Maggie on the orchard, continue to tease Julia about Janice, and then she would have Maggie all to herself in California.
Both were now legal adults and would be far away from the cloud of hate that seemed to hang over Maplewood.
Or at least, that’s what she wanted. But while she was optimistic about finally leaving the town behind, something was wrong.
Something had changed in Maggie. She had become more and more withdrawn, especially when Diana talked about their future.
Diana had been trying to ignore it for the last couple of days, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened, something more than Jay had happened to spook Maggie.
Diana nervously paced her room, because she also had the feeling that today was the day that Maggie was finally going to tell her what it was.
Diana tried to remain calm about it, but the anxiety had clawed its way deep into her gut.
It had taken root the moment Maggie had said “they needed to talk,” and then revealed that she would be catching a ride with Julia after school and not Diana.
It’s okay, we are going to school together, we are both UC Berkeley bound, and after our first year, I’ll use some of my trust to get us an apartment, we will be fine. Everything is fine.
Diana clung to these facts and aspirations and recited them in her head over and over like a prayer to the universe or God or whomever would listen.
They were so close to freedom.
Finally, long after dinner, which she’d eaten alone, Diana heard footsteps in the hallway outside her door, a sign that Julia and Maggie were back from it didn’t matter where because they were back.
She turned just in time to see Maggie enter her room.
Her face was flushed, her icy blue eyes were bright and watery—she looked like she’d been crying.
The doubt, the anxiety and the fear immediately evaporated from Diana, replaced by the need to make Maggie smile again.
“Mags?” she said questioningly, slowly moving towards her girlfriend, her love, as Maggie closed the door behind her.
While Diana moved slowly, Maggie moved quickly, and she was in Diana’s arms, wrapping her own tightly around Diana’s middle.
Maggie rested her face in the crook of Diana’s neck, as she often did, and Diana slowly rocked back and forth.
This was what it was all about. This is what it meant to have each other.
Diana would never let Maggie think or feel otherwise.
They were in love, they were made for each other.
And no matter what ugliness was outside, all of the Mrs. Wrights and Jacobs, all of the hate, the rumors, she knew she could stand it, could stand anything if Maggie just came back to her like this.
“Mags, talk to me—” Maggie cut her off with a kiss. Her mouth was hot and salty and Diana didn’t care. She’d kiss Maggie no matter what.
“Dee, please, I just, I need us, I need you,” Maggie uttered in between their kisses and embrace.
Diana would never deny her. She kissed Maggie back with everything she had.
She put everything she felt into every kiss, and every caress until she felt that Maggie was trying to undress her.
Understanding what Maggie needed, something that couldn’t always be put into words but could be put into feeling, Diana moved to remove her clothes.
They broke apart for a moment, and Diana mourned the loss of the touch, not wanting to be apart from Maggie for one more second, not when she was like this.
It was the anticipation of skin on skin, of them becoming one body that urged her forward, that had her undressing quickly, all while never taking her eyes off Maggie’s.
When they finally were naked, Maggie was pressed up against Diana once again, and Diana was determined to show Maggie just how well they fit together.
Diana began to move backwards towards the bed, guiding Maggie as they kissed one another with urgency, as if Maggie was trying to drink every last drop of Diana down.
Diana would let her.
They fell onto the bed, Diana bringing Maggie down on top of her, and they moved with practiced ease to the center of the bed.
Diana roughly palmed Maggie’s ass and raised a hand to begin massaging her breasts, rolling her nipple between her thumb and forefinger.
Maggie let out a gasp and rolled her hips against Diana’s thigh, seeking friction in a way that always lit Diana up.
She wanted Maggie to feel her, and feel them, everywhere.
As she normally did, she began to roll Maggie onto her back, and was surprised when Maggie pushed back.
Maggie pulled away slightly, just enough to say, “Let me, please Dee, let me love you,” and then went back to kissing Diana, who was flooded with such a wave of emotion that all she could do was sink back down into the bed.
Maggie liked it when Diana took control, and Diana did too.
She was a physical person and wanted to be the one to draw out the moans of her lovers, wanted them to be the ones falling apart underneath her.
That’s how things had been with Jay and so Diana was not surprised that she had wanted the same thing with Maggie.
So now, Diana sat back in wonder as she watched her girlfriend straddle her, configuring their legs in a way they’d mastered long ago, and positioned herself so they were joined at their centers.
Diana couldn’t help her eyes rolling back for a moment.
She had long ago thought this position impossible with any other woman other than one with a body like Jay, but she and Maggie had figured it out, more evidence that they fit.
They fit so well. Maggie rolled her hips and Diana let out a soft moan. The sight was almost too much, Maggie riding her in all her beauty, hair falling back, skin flushed, her lids heavy with lust and her eyes looking so tender, so full of love.
Once Maggie began to ride her in earnest, Diana moved her hands to her hips, keeping them locked in place as she ground down on her, as her girlfriend made love to her. They stayed like that for a long while, moving in sync, eyes locked on one another, their pleasure building.
Diana was getting close, and so she reached up and began to slowly rub one of Maggie’s nipples, a sure way to get her girlfriend there with her.
“Wait,” Maggie breathed, “I don’t want, I don’t want it to be over yet,” she managed to say but she rolled her head back and her hips began to speed up, her moans becoming more guttural.
“Don’t worry baby, we have time,” Diana breathed back.
This position didn’t allow for the most intense orgasms, but that wasn’t the point.
They were connected, one’s ebb to the other’s flow.
Maggie lowered her head and said, “I love you Dee, so fucking so much,” and then Diana felt Maggie’s body tremble as her orgasm slammed into her.
As she slowly rocked her hips to chase her pleasure, Diana took one of her own hands and put it between them to send herself over the edge, coming with the same declaration as Maggie, who after a moment bent down and captured Diana’s mouth once again with her lips.
And it was then that Diana could tell that she had tears on her cheeks.
Maggie kissed her slowly as Diana cupped her face and wiped her tears away, until the other woman collapsed next to her. Diana rolled over to continue to wipe away stray tears on Maggie’s cheeks, worry beginning to repopulate in her gut.
“Mags?”
“Just hold me, Diana, okay? Please, just hold me,” Maggie said, rolling over so that Diana could spoon her.
“Of course, I’m never letting you go,” Diana said, and she knew she meant it.
Diana opened her eyes to find she was alone in bed. Turning, she was surprised to find Maggie up and dressed, pulling her hair into a high ponytail.
“Okay, someone’s up early,” Diana said, stretching. This sometimes happened, especially when Maggie was feeling restless, though after last night Diana would have preferred to have woken up with Maggie in her arms.
“Dee, we need to talk.” The words slid through Diana like ice, and whatever morning coziness she’d been hoping to lean into vanished. Maggie walked over to the bed and knelt beside it.
“Mags, does this have to do with why you’ve been so distant?”
Maggie nodded her head. Diana watched as Maggie clearly forced herself to look Diana in the eyes, and what Diana saw there was pure devastation.
“What’s wrong?”
“Dee, we can’t—-this is really hard for me okay, because you are the best thing, you have been the best thing in my life.”
Panic surged through Diana, and she sat up in bed a little higher, and Maggie pressed her hands against her as if trying to hold her back. As if she needed to get something out. Diana knew whatever it was, it was not going to be something she wanted to hear.
“I don’t think we can do this, I mean, you and me. You saw what happened with Coach Matthews, and I just, it’s not safe, for either of us.”
Diana couldn’t believe this was happening. Not now. Not when they were so close. “Mags, what are you saying? We just have to get through the summer and then we have Berkeley, we’ll have each other—”
“And what do you really think we will have or be able to do after?” Maggie said, her facial expression one part challenge, another part plea.
“I don’t know, but we will have four years to figure it out. I can’t make promises other than as long as we have each other—”
“And that’s it, isn’t it? We will never be able to make that promise to one another,” Maggie said sadly, and Diana watched the love of her life’s lip tremble, and then watched as Maggie steeled herself further.
This can’t be happening.
No. No. No.
“Maggie—”
“I am not going to Berkeley,” Maggie blurted out, and the words pulled Diana up short so violently she felt something inside her crack.
“What do you—”
“I also got accepted to other schools—”
“Right, and we both accepted Berkeley—-” But to Diana’s horror, Maggie was shaking her head. “Maggie?”
“I declined. I am going to school in Connecticut. They offered me a full ride and it's close to my parents and—” Maggie was stopped by the sob that had just left her throat. “I am not going with you Diana, we’ve had two years, we’ve had this, and it has been perfect but I just don’t see how in the bigger world—” Maggie was sobbing.
And Diana was sobbing because the love of her life was breaking her fucking heart.
“Maggie don’t, don’t do this, we can fix this, we—”
“Dee please,” Maggie wailed. “It’s done, please, okay? Please, let’s just let this be here, where it can be beautiful and safe, where the outside can’t touch it.”
Diana couldn’t comprehend what Maggie was saying beyond that she’d just ripped their future from them. All on her own. That betrayal almost cut as deep as the prospect of not having Maggie.
“Dee please,” Maggie continued to plead, and Diana was fully on her back now, arms raised over her face, as though if she hid from the now, she wouldn’t have to deal with it. As if she could will herself back to ten minutes ago, to the version of herself that had never known this loss, this pain.
When she finally pulled her arms from her face and turned her head, Maggie, like their future, was gone.