Chapter 41
THEN: DIANA
Diana looked out at the sea of black suits and dresses. Her own black dress clung to her in new ways. It had been forever since she’d last worn it; she had been younger then, a different woman, a layer less of the woman she was now. A mother, a divorcee, and now an orphan.
She felt the tug of the small hand in hers and looked down to look into the face of the only real thing in her life at the moment, her Lily. The little girl’s navy eyes mirrored her own, looking up at her, reminding her why it would all be okay.
“Who dat lady, Mommy?” Lily said in what only a three year old would consider a whisper.
“Who, sweetie?” Diana said, bending down to try and follow her daughter’s line of sight.
It wasn’t like Lily to inquire who someone was at gatherings, mainly because she never knew half the people.
But she had gotten way more interested in her surroundings since Gavin left.
Since Lily started looking around for him to come back.
Diana had half expected that he might make an attempt today, but still wasn’t surprised when he hadn’t arrived.
“With Aunt Jules,” Lily said, now pointing as Diana picked her up. Diana didn’t even have it in her to tell her not to point. Instead she followed her daughter’s gesture with her eyes, and her breath caught in her throat. Standing next to her sister was Maggie McDonald.
They hadn’t seen each other since the kids were born.
Kids, as in her daughter Lily, and then Maggie’s daughter, Maya.
Diana knew the name of her daughter, thanks to a new platform her staff had introduced her to called Facebook.
She had found Maggie, or Maggie had found her.
Either way, they had become friends and intermittently checked in with one another on the platform.
Beforehand, they’d still kept in touch via email, also sent intermittently, except when they had found out that they were both pregnant and began sharing information back and forth.
Information it turned out you could only get from being pregnant.
. For a good six months, it was like they had been in it together.
But, as their children arrived, they had less and less time to keep in touch via email.
Diana stared at Maggie for a beat, and Maggie didn’t even hide the fact that she, too, was staring. Finally, Maggie began walking towards her, with Julia in tow.
“Who dat? Who dat lady?” Lily said, growing more and more agitated at the lack of information.
“An old friend, love, an old friend of Mommy’s. She knew your grandparents.”
“Friend, friend!” Lily repeated back, to let Diana know she knew what the word meant.
Maggie reached them, her eyes never leaving Diana’s. “Dee, I’m so sorry, so fucking awful.”
“It was quick and painless,” Diana found herself deflecting. Maggie just looked at her with those ice blue eyes. Diana smiled weakly as her eyes stung. “Thank you, Mags, thank you for coming.”
Maggie returned her weak smile and then Diana watched her eyes slide to the toddler on her hip. “And you must be little Lily. My name is Maggie, I’m a friend of your mom’s. You know, I have a little girl about the same age as you.”
“Friend! Friend!” Lily said from beside Diana, and Maggie chuckled. Then Lily began to look around for the chance to hang out with another little girl her age.
Picking up on this, Maggie added, “She’s at home with her daddy.” Sliding her eyes back to Diana she said, “It’s just me.”
“Hey Lil, how about you keep Aunt Jules company?” Julia said, leaning forward to grab an all too willing Lily—she loved hanging with her aunt.
Julia smiled at her sister and then turned slightly so that Maggie could plant a chaste kiss on her cheek before she carried Lily away.
No doubt towards the table stacked with different mini versions of various desserts.
“So, I am not going to ask you how you’re doing because…” Maggie said, gesturing around the room.
Diana looked into her face. She had to look slightly up, as Maggie was wearing some very high heels. Diana had opted for what she wore all the time: flats. “Well thank you, I think I have answered that question by not really answering that question about a hundred times today.”
“Diana, I am so sorry. I know it was unexpected and sudden, and that’s all just so fucking awful.
” Diana could hear the genuine sorrow in Maggie’s voice and felt her eyes sting.
Because it had been awful. A freak accident, an amalgamation of everything going wrong in succession: the Alps, ice, a stubborn father who insisted on driving in a snowstorm, a drunk driver, on and on that list went.
Didn’t really matter though, her parents were dead.
She’d buried them that morning. They hadn’t always seen eye to eye, especially she and her mother, but they had been her parents, and no matter what she had believed, they’d both always done what they thought was right for her and Julia, because they wanted what they thought was best for them.
Annoying and misguided as it was, it was their love all the same.
Diana supposed that’s all you could give your children.
Your love. Your best. It was certainly more than Gavin would ever give Lily.
“Yeah well, nothing says you’re super rich like dying driving a fucking eighty-thousand dollar car through the Alps. Can’t say it’s a bad way to go, all things considered in the world.”
“Is Gavin, I didn’t—”
“Gavin isn’t here. He and I finalized our divorce about six months ago.
” Diana watched the surprise cross Maggie’s face momentarily before she squashed it.
It hadn’t been something Diana felt like sharing over email, not when Maggie was apparently thriving in her arranged marriage with Damien.
But now that she was here, now that her parents were six feet under, and Diana was facing an onslaught of complicated inheritance paperwork and single motherhood, it didn’t seem like that big of a reveal.
“Fuck, Diana, why didn’t you say anything?”
Instead of answering, Diana decided to go on the offensive. “What are you doing here Mags?”
“I came to check in on you and Julia, I mean when I heard from Mom—”
“Your mother have a lot of nice things to say these days?” Diana said icily.
“You know she doesn’t,” Maggie said.
“Hmmm,” Diana said, and she looked away from Maggie’s piercing stare, catching her sister wiping chocolate from Lily’s face.
“Is there somewhere we can talk?” Maggie said quietly, and Diana felt her eyes cut back to her, the air between them expanding with things they were not going to say aloud. Maybe not ever.
“Come by at eight? After Lily has gone to bed.”
Diana closed her eyes at the intrusion of morning light, understanding the moment was over, her time when only she and Maggie existed was done.
Maggie had given her everything she asked for and then some.
She had fucked Maggie, then Maggie had taken over and fucked her.
Biting and clawing Diana until all she could feel was them.
All she could taste and smell was them. All she could see was Maggie.
It had been glorious. But now, the outside world was creeping in, one second at a time. She opened her eyes and let out a sigh.
“What is it?” Maggie asked from beside her.
They were both still naked and spent, in the dark of Diana’s bedroom.
The sheets clung to their sweat-soaked skin.
Diana rolled over and grabbed her glass from the nightstand.
The ice had melted down, but that made no difference. The whiskey was still good going down.
“Nothing, just had a few moments where I wasn’t thinking, and now I am back to thinking.”
“Want to share?” Maggie asked.
“Not really.” But then, because Diana suddenly was struck by how much she didn’t want to be alone, she said, “Just start talking to me, about anything. You could probably get me to tell you anything right now,” Diana said, sitting up and leaning against the pillow behind her, taking another sip of her watered-down whiskey.
She felt the bed shift as Maggie also sat up, her hands in her lap. “When we were in high school, when we got docked a few points for a prolonged cry with little Sammy—”
“It was me, I overslept and didn’t realize they were crying till they had been for likely some time,” Diana said quickly, taking another swig of her drink.
“I fucking knew it! You had me thinking I was a bad fake mom!” Maggie exclaimed. After a beat, both women laughed. Diana let the absurdity of the question and feeling spread warmth throughout her tired body.
They stopped after a few moments. Diana felt her eyes sting, this time not for her parents, but for not having Maggie through this. For knowing the small moment of comfort was entirely temporary.
“How’s Jules taking it? She seemed okay when I spoke to her?” Maggie said as their laughter settled down.
“You know Jules, she and I have each other, but she is going to need her alone time.” In her peripheral vision, Diana saw Maggie nod.
“Where’s Gavin?” Maggie said after another long stretch of silence.
“Under the floorboards,” Diana deadpanned.
Maggie laughed, “I’m serious, Dee, you never said anything. What happened?”
Diana pursed her lips, and then she finished the remaining whiskey in her glass and set the glass back on the nightstand. “He left.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.” But because that wasn’t the whole story, Diana continued. It was better than talking about the current tragedy. “He just never understood who I am. He thought we’d get married, I’d somehow give him the business and then go on to pop out our heirs for the rest of my time.”
“Jeez, yeah he doesn’t know you at all. But I mean, you still have the business? Like everything even after the divorce?”
“We had a prenup, pretty ironclad. Still, he thought I would want the business in name only.”
Maggie scoffed. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“It sucks, but I don’t know.” Diana paused and then decided not to finish the sentence.
Maggie had picked up on the sentence drop. “Are you okay? Did you love him? I mean, were you both happy?”
Diana hadn’t been happy, not with Gavin.
She had tried, driven into resignation by the idea that perhaps her mother did know best. She’d fallen for two women who had easily left her.
And while she and Jay still kept in regular contact, Jay would choose Michaela every time.
Diana was very clear on the boundaries of their relationship.
And it didn’t matter, because while she loved Jay, her love was one that now existed in gratitude.
Gratitude because it had allowed her to find and love Maggie, the woman she knew was meant to be by her side.
Without her, choosing the path her mother had outlined for her felt no different than not choosing it.
It was a bonus that it kept her mother off her back and Julia’s back.
She was happy with Lily though, and that’s what mattered now.
“Are you happy? With Damien?” Diana asked instead.
Deflection. Deflection. Deflection.
After a long while, Maggie said, “I am. We love each other, and now we have Maya, and she’s just so beautiful inside and out. I can’t believe I get to be her mother.”
Diana was happy for Maggie, but for some reason her answer felt like a stab to the heart. Like even though she wasn’t in love with Damien, she was still happier with Damien, and what he provided her was more than whatever Diana could.
“I’m happy for you,” Diana said tightly.
“Di—”
“You should go,” Diana said, cutting her off.
“I can stay, I don’t go back until tomorrow,” Maggie offered.
Diana wasn’t strong enough to push Maggie out of her bed. And when the tears came, she let Maggie hold her, kiss her, and soothe her till she fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
When Diana woke up the next morning, she wasn’t surprised to find she had woken up alone.