Chapter 47 #2
“Oh . . .my. . . god. You aren’t even listening to me.
” Abruptly she stops. Just altogether stops.
No more wailing. No more tears. No more shrill voice shrieking at me.
We come up to a red light and as I slow to a stop, I chance another glance in her direction.
She straightens, back rigid in her seat as she raises a manicured hand to brush away the trails of makeup streaking her face.
“Just take me back to your place so I can get my car.”
Jaw clenched, my knuckles are white as I reach for the signal to take a right.
The rest of the drive was a silent one, and apprehension has my gut twisted in knots.
Sarah is a lot of things, but patient isn’t one of them.
We’ve had tons of arguments in our on-again-off-again relationship and none of them have ever been like this.
She’s never been this quiet before. I don’t know what to think about it other than it’s not good, whatever this is. It’s not going to be pretty.
Turning onto my street, I bite the inside of my cheek, knowing I have to say something . Fuck if I don’t know what to say though.
“Sarah.”
She doesn’t respond.
“Sarah, I need you to promise me you won’t say anything.
” Shit. That just came out with no filter.
You were supposed to say something to make this right with her, jackass.
Not focus on your own issues. Fuck! Quick - say something else.
Say - oh hell. I don’t know what to say.
But what else is there, really? Nothing that comes out of my stupid mouth is going to change what happened.
Best I can hope for is to make her see that I screwed up, and hope that she doesn’t tell anyone what she saw.
Just say you’re sorry, dumbass! It’s not that hard, just open your damn mouth, and say those two stupid words that she needs to hear.
“I’m sorry, okay? I know I screwed up. I don’t even know what that was back there.
Please baby, I need you to understand that.
What you saw was nothing, okay? It -” My voice cracks and I clear my throat, wishing I had a few gallons of water to drown myself in right now.
Swallowing hard, I try to choke down the anxiety threatening to overwhelm me.
“Please don’t say anything.” My words come out in a broken whisper.
Okay, so I know this is asking a hell of a lot, but our last couple of years of whatever-the-fuck we are have to mean something, don’t they?
I know she’s mad right now, but I need to know she isn’t going to say anything to Coach.
Or the guys. Or hell, even her friends. .
. Shit. Especially her friends. I swallow hard at the thought of one friend in particular finding out.
He runs in the same circles that she does, and he would absolutely try to take out the blame on Sutton if he found out what happened. Shit, Shorty.
“It didn’t mean anything.” I say the words again, as if that would actually make her believe me.
My house comes into view and I realize belatedly that we’re coming in way too fast. Reflexes kicking in, I overcorrect, slamming on the brakes a little too hard.
The squeal of rubber on pavement loudly announces our arrival as the truck abruptly stops, jerking us forward in our seats.
“Sorry.” I mumble quickly, wanting to stay on the topic at hand.
“I mean it. What you saw back there? It was nothing. Less than nothing.” And it’s true.
That kiss back there? Well, shit. I mean, it was hot.
He is. . .well, hot too I guess. I mean, I’ve never really thought to put a label on it.
I’ve always been. . .aware of how certain guys look.
Just like I notice the way certain women look, too.
And if they both happen to get my dick hard, well, that’s neither here nor there.
He certainly isn’t the first guy I’ve ever kissed.
No, that honor belongs to Jared, my seventh grade lab partner from our old life science class.
It’s just not something I advertise, for obvious reasons.
Pretty sure my parents would fucking flip a gasket if they ever found out.
Well, Dad would anyway. Before she actually took off and divorced Dad, Mom was always too deep into whatever fuck-boy was her fling of the month to care what I did.
Except for when it interferes with Lena’s gymnastics.
But me being into other guys? Specifically getting into it with one of my teammates?
Well that is unacceptable on all sorts of different levels, even I know that.
Just like I know that what happened back in the locker room, whatever that was, can’t happen again.
One heated moment isn’t worth risking my entire future over.
“I screwed up. I know that. It’s fucked up and I’m sorry. But I swear it was nothing.” Unbuckling, I shift in my seat to face her fully. She’s still blatantly ignoring me, glaring out her window. It’s unsettling. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her so quiet.
“Baby, please. I need you to not say anything about this. Please. ”
“Baby?” Her voice is soft, so quiet I almost don’t catch it at first. “ Baby ?” Louder now, she yells, her voice incredulous. Shoving the door open, she jumps down and slams it, the entire frame of my old truck rattling with the shock of the force. I wince, rushing after her.
“Sarah. Sarah, wait!” I huff, reaching out to catch her wrist.
“Don’t you, ‘Sarah, wait” me! I’m done waiting!
I’m done with you.” Ripping her hand away, she shoves at my chest but I just take it, knowing I fully deserve this.
She may be a raging bitch at times, but even I know I fucked up this one.
She shoves again, and I take a step back. “You – you – Fuck you, asshole!”
A sharp stinging sensation spreads across my cheek, knocking my head to the side as a loud crack fills the air. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch movement. Glancing over Sarah’s shoulder, I catch wisps of brown hair before registering Sutton’s shocked expression.
“And now you’re looking at her ? Are you fucking serious?
That fat cow? “ Her voice is bordering on hysteria.
Normally I would tune out her bitching when it comes to other girls, but her words rip me out of my self-absorbed panic long enough to flash back to every conversation, every derogatory comment she has made in passing about the girl who has always been my constant, and I am done.
Done trying to make this work when we clearly are no good for each other.
Done trying to ignore the crazy simply for the sake of convenience.
Done with all the toxic bullshit. My gaze whips back to her the second those ugly words leave her mouth and I level her with a hard glare.
“Hey. You do not get to talk about Sutton that way. I know you’re pissed at me.
Fine, I deserve it. But if you’re gonna be nasty, aim it at me, and leave Sutton out of this.
I don’t want her name on your fucking lips.
” My quiet voice doesn’t erase the severity of my tone.
No one fucking messes with my Shorty. No one.
“She’s ten times the girl you’ll ever be.
But then, you already know that, don’t you? ”
I know she’s always been an insecure and jealous bitch.
But she’s hot, and I was too busy with hockey to care about trying to form any sort of relationship that needed real work.
I just wanted something easy. And Sarah?
Well, we both know she only wanted me for the status it gave her in school.
Ultimately, we both got what we wanted for the sake of convenience.
But I think I’m finally starting to understand where Sutton is coming from.
Once a bitch, always a bitch. I have nothing else to say.
She’ll tell people, and I’ll be fucked, or she won’t.
There’s nothing I can do except wait it out.
Either way, I’m just so fucking tired. Tired of her.
Tired of her need for drama, and the tension it creates between me and Sutton.
Tired of whatever the hell my life has turned into.
Of whatever. . . this . . . is. And suddenly, I feel as if someone just ripped a barbell out of my straining grasp.
I’m so exhausted and I’m just over it all .
“You know what? We’re done here.”
Turning on my heel, I walk towards the only thing that feels like home anymore.
“ Hey. Haven’t seen you around much lately. ”