Chapter 71
SEVENTY-ONE
SUTTON
- Present Day -
M y emotions are reeling after gutting myself, laying myself bare. A weight lifts, just the thought that he finally knows after all of this time, and I can’t stop shaking, the tears keep falling.
There’s a part of me that is raw, empty and weightless after years of carrying a weight I placed on my shoulders and if I’m completely honest there’s a part of me that’s terrified he’ll look at me differently, pity me or go back to viewing me as the helpless girl he always felt obligated to look after when we were growing up.
I finally told him, now for better or worse there’s no going back from this moment.
“Sutton. Sweetheart. I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry I wasn’t there. Shhh. I’m so damn sorry. I-”
I should say something, make sure he knows I didn’t tell him this just to gain his sympathy, or to ease his mind over whatever he was worried about when it comes to Jonah.
My lips part, but before I can even think of something to say, to reassure him that there’s nothing he needs to be sorry for – why the hell would he need to apologize to me – his lips brush against mine, full of anguish and urgency and something more.
Like I’m something precious, something to be savored, cherished.
Holy shit. He’s kissing me.
And this time it’s different. There’s nothing between us anymore, no secrets keeping us apart.
Closing my eyes, for just one moment I finally let myself just be here, in this moment; just to feel this.
Feel him. He caresses my face, brushing away tears as he kisses me tenderly, his tongue trailing softly along my lips, hands running into my hair and angling my head to deepen the connection and without hesitation I open to him.
With a certainty I haven’t felt before, right here, in this moment I just know.
Without him having to say a word, I know.
He loves me. And of course I know that, a part of me has known that for years, even if I never let myself fully believe it.
He’s my best friend’s older brother. One of my closest friends for years.
Of course he’d care for me. He’s always shown me with his actions even if he never put it into words. It’s how I knew he would have dropped everything to be there for me when I was in the hospital, and why I couldn’t let him .
My tongue brushes lightly against his and it’s faint but I catch it, a soft groan – need and pleasure that match the flames burning through me.
My hands trail over his chest, fingers flexing, nails lightly scraping against solid muscle and this time there’s no mistaking his groan as he leans into me as I tilt up, nipping at his lip.
Breaking away, his mouth trails kisses along my jaw, sucking gently only to nip at the hollow of my neck, burning a trail where his tongue laves at my collar bone – leaving me gasping into his hair.
“Cal.”
He kisses against my breastbone reverently before pulling back to look at me, breathing heavily, the flames of desire in his eyes matching the pooling need that threatens to consume me.
“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.”
I don’t respond, too lost in the moment.
“ Sutton – Sweetheart, look at me .”
Fighting to catch my breath, I force myself to focus.
“Tell me to stop and I’ll walk away, right here.
Right now. But if we do this – really do this.
Just know there’s no going back. I’m in it.
All in. No more playing games. No more messing around.
I want you. All of you. And I know you’ve got history with him.
I get it. But I’m not going anywhere Sutton.
I’m not letting you go this time, Sweetheart.
You’ve been a part of me for years, and I’m not going to settle until I can be yours too.
And if that means I can’t have all of you, at least not right now, I get it.
I know there’s a lot that’s happened and it’s been years, but give me a chance.
Give us a chance. Please . Let me in. Give me a chance to be yours too . ”
Oh.
“I -” I swallow down the lump that’s in my throat.
He leans back, giving me some much needed room to breathe.
“Cal -”
I want this. I want him, dammit. But . . . I can’t . . . Jonah. This is all I’ve ever ever wanted and fuck me. I want them both. It’s selfish and it’s stupid but I can’t let that thought go.
Shaking my head, “I – Cal. I – Jonah and I -”
How do I even -
“Can you promise you’ll try? Just to give us a chance?
I get it..” He grimaces as he continues, “I don’t like it but I get it, but just – can you give us, give me, a fighting chance?
You don’t have to decide tonight but dammit Sutton, I need you.
Not just in my bed. I need you. In my life.
I lost you once and I can’t give you up again. Please, don’t ask me to. ”
“ Okay.” The word is barely above a whisper. I don’t know what this means, everything is still so new, so unsure, but when he’s looking at me like that – damn if I don’t want to try.
“Okay?” The relief in his voice is drowned out by the smile that breaks across his face.
Clearing my throat, I nod, licking my lips nervously. “Okay.”
“Oh, thank fuck!”
His lips are back on mine, his kiss all-consuming, hands in my hair before trailing down my back, pulling me closer.
I grasp at his arms, biceps bulging as I squeeze them desperately trying to hold on to this moment.
This time there is no hesitation as I open to him, exploring his mouth, my tongue caressing and tangling in a desperate need and his groan matches my own.
I feel his desire as he pulls me to sit in his lap, straddling him and I rock against his hard length. His breath comes out in a hiss of pained need, and I do it again, trailing my hands over his chest and down his waist, exploring.
His fingers brush against the skin of my lower back and I slide my hands under his shirt, tracing his abs as I urge his shirt up and over his head.
Cal takes control once more, flipping us so I’m lying on the couch, staring up at his mouthwatering frame, denim bulging and defined muscles of his toned chest heaving with deep breaths as he pauses to take me in.
Quickly helping me out of my own shirt, he leans down once more, kissing along my chest, gently biting against the skin where it meets the edge of my bra before pulling out my breasts, the fabric of the cups pressing them up for his mouth to lick and kiss.
Sucking one nipple into his mouth, his tongue laves and circles as he gently grazes his teeth over, eliciting shivers of pleasure as goosebumps ghost over my skin.
Hand replacing his mouth, he trails to the other side, giving it the same amount of attention as I groan in pleasure.
I rock up, needing more, needing friction and he pulls back, sitting on his heels.
I groan again, this time in frustration, but he just grins, looking down at me, hair mussed from where my hands tugged at him.
“Look at you Sweetheart. So fucking perfect. ”
My heart skips a beat as he bends to brush a soft kiss against my lips, his hand trailing down my stomach, hollowing out as he unbuttons my pants.
And then they are off, panties flying across the room with them, and I ‘m exposed but for once I don’t feel self-conscious as he takes me in, trailing leisurely kisses down my body, licking across my hips and then his mouth is there and my eyes roll back at the intense pleasure that washes over me.
Sucking gently, one hand reaches up to play with my nipple, flicking and twisting in time to his tongue licking and lips sucking at my clit.
For one moment, one blissful moment I think this is it.
This is heaven, there can’t be anything better than this and then his other hand slips down, fingertips trailing over my thigh before running back up and slipping inside me.
I’m slick already, practically dripping and then his finger curls, finding that sweet spot and I swear my soul leaves my body.
It transcends to some higher plane, floating in a state of ecstasy as he works me over. I don’t even realize I’m shaking until I shatter beneath him, skilled hands and mouth working through the waves that seem never-ending.
“Cal!” My voice is a gasp and he finally, mercifully eases up, kissing his way up my body once more while he works to remove his own jeans; until our mouths connect in a kiss that is heated and messy, my desire coating his lips and I can taste my own need but somehow it only adds to the moment as our tongues connect, our groans filling the room.
And then he’s there , throbbing and hard, I can feel his head press against my entrance but he is careful as he slides against me, rubbing my clit and eliciting another wave of pleasure before he slides down, entering me.
I gasp at the intrusion, his cock stretching me as he slowly pulls back before easing further in and I can’t help but tense at the fullness and he’s not even in all the way.
“ Jesus, Sweetheart. You’re so . . . damn. . . tight. ” His breath is shaky and I can feel his muscles tremble, his restraint hanging on by a thread.
“I’m gonna need you to relax, love.”
He pulls back again, and a hand slips between us, fingers finding my clit as he kisses my neck before pressing forward once more. This time, I let go, hips tilting up as I lean into the feel of his lips, his fingers and sigh.
And then he’s filling me and we both groan, and he kisses my neck once more before moving back to my mouth. We move together now, finding a rhythm that is just us, breaths and moans of pleasure filling the room as we lose each other in this moment, in each other.
“Cal – c-oh, oh god. I’m gonna -”
“I know. F uck. You feel so fucking good. ”
“Cal -” I can’t catch my breath. I need -
“I know, love.” His fingers connect with my clit once more, pushing me over the edge.
“Let go, Sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
“I-”
I’m seeing stars, the world explodes around me as I shatter and Cal tenses, “Jesus – fuck. Sutton!”
He pumps again, rocking into me as I ride the waves, floating back down from a high I didn’t think I would ever get to experience with this man.
Holy shit.
His forehead connects with mine as we both fight to catch our breaths.