Chapter 29 #2
When he finally began to move, I gasped his name. He linked his fingers with mine and raised them above my head, his body sliding over mine like warm silk, every inch of him caressing me as the ripples of another release twisted and curled deep in my abdomen.
He stared down at me. “Fuck, Haze, I can’t hold back with you.”
“So don’t.”
He rose up, sitting back on his heels, pulling me with him, sinking into me so deep, I gasped and clutched at him. At this angle, I was already trembling, my body taut enough to shatter, and he…
Went utterly still.
“No! Don’t stop. Please don’t stop!”
“I won’t,” he vowed, then began to move again, not stopping, not even when lights burst behind my eyelids, the pleasure almost too much. I cried out his name, and he came hard and gorgeously, shuddering in my arms.
Even as we fell to the bed, he kept a hold of me, his arms wrapped tight like a cast holding together what had once been broken.
When our bodies had cooled down and pulses recovered from the near stroke level they’d been at, I came up on an elbow and took in the amazing, mouthwatering view of the sprawled-out and lazily sated man next to me. “Do you know you look the same now as you did at seventeen?”
He grinned. “I was scrawny as hell. And way smaller.” He sent me a wicked grin. “Everywhere.”
I choked out a laugh.
“So you agree.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not feeding your ego. It’s big enough.” But it was true; he looked…amazing.
His grin widened.
“Cocky bastard,” I said with much more affection than I meant to. I chalked it up to the fact that my legs were jelly.
Because wow. That was…
Tucker stroked a finger along my temple. “Still with me?”
“Yes.” I smiled, but this time it somehow felt deeper—no pun intended—and more meaningful than anything we’d ever shared.
I didn’t know what to do with that.
It’s okay to let someone in. It’s okay to need…
Emma’s words played on repeat in my head.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Starving.”
Back in the kitchen, he resumed the grilled-cheese duty. Her Fluffiness padded sleepily into the kitchen, complaining with a yawn and a tired “mew” as she settled at Tucker’s feet.
He fed her a little piece of cheese.
I hopped onto the counter, smiling. “Isn’t that against the rules?”
“Apparently none of the women in my life care about rules or listen to me.”
“Maybe we listen; maybe we just don’t always agree.”
He brought me a perfectly browned grilled cheese. “Story of my life.” He leaned in and kissed me. “Eat. I have plans for you later.”
I snorted and took a bite, then moaned.
He smiled. “I know that sound.”
I felt myself flush.
He pulled himself up to sit next to me on the countertop, playfully nipping my earlobe. “In fact, I love that sound. I plan to get you to make it a whole bunch more times tonight.”
The parts of my body that I’d thought were tired suddenly perked up and came back to life. Maybe we had trouble figuring out where we stood, but in the bedroom, we seemed to have no such problem.
And just like that, my warm, fuzzy feeling turned quiet. Weightier. Was he even half as scared as I was that we’d mess this up as we had before?
He nudged me gently. “You okay?”
“Pretty sure you know just how okay I am…”
The Tucker I remembered would’ve responded with a joke, deflecting with charm and teasing. This Tucker reached out, tucking wayward hair back from my face. Eyes warm and curious, he gave me a small smile. “We were supposed to talk tonight.”
“Yes, luckily, I was assaulted and dodged a bullet,” I quipped with a smile.
He didn’t return it.
“Too soon?”
“Way too soon.” He studied me for a beat, contemplative. “Can you tell me about it?”
“Ricky?”
He gave me a long look. “The years you were gone.”
“Oh. Right.” I drew a deep breath. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
There was pain in his eyes, and I realized while I’d come to terms with what had happened back then, it was all brand-new information for him. “I’m sorry I didn’t—”
He touched a finger to my lips. “No more apologies. No more guilt. You were in survival mode, and frankly so was I. I don’t mean to bring up bad memories for you, but I…
I need to understand. How did you manage?
What was your life like? Did you stay away to punish yourself?
Punish me?” His voice was low, careful. “How did you live? Were you okay?”
The plate in my hands trembled slightly. He took it and gently set it aside, putting a hand over mine.
I gave him a weak smile. “Whew. I think I’m nervous.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I just…” He drew a long, ragged breath. “I’ve been imagining the worst, and it’s killing me.”
“I’m not sure where to start. I made a lot of mistakes.”
“You don’t have a patent on that.” The brown and green of his eyes swirled together, rimmed in gold. Warm. Patient. “No judgment.”
I nodded. “I stayed in a women’s shelter after the hospital.
The director’s brother was a contractor.
When I felt better, he hired me as a day laborer.
I soaked up the work, loved it,” I told him when he sucked in a breath at the idea of me working as a day laborer.
“When he found out that I’d worked for my dad in construction since I could hold a hammer, he taught me more about finish work.
When I eventually moved on, I kept learning.
” I shrugged. “Built a life that worked for me at the time.” The worry on his face…
“I survived, Tucker. Even enjoyed myself.”
He listened like I was telling him something sacred.
“I missed everyone,” I admitted. “I missed you.”
“But you stayed away because…”
I swallowed. Grimaced. “I didn’t want to fall back into the girl who couldn’t see past her own mess. Every time I thought about it, I got so anxious, I could hardly breathe.”
He looked gutted at that. “Anxious of what?”
“Not being worthy of coming back.”
His face fell. “Haze—”
“You wanted the truth.”
“I did. So you’re back because of your dad’s health.”
Something in his tone gave him away. I wasn’t the only one nursing a hurt. “Yeah. At first,” I agreed and held his gaze, watching my words affect him. “But somewhere along the line, it became more. Like…my feelings for you.” I gave a short laugh. “Wow. That sounded really cheesy.”
He cracked a smile. “I love cheesy.”
“I’m still working on myself,” I warned. “Still working things out. I don’t know how to be someone’s…person. Hell, I’m still figuring out how to be my own person, how to not turn tail and run when I feel too deeply.”
He cocked his head. “You’re scared.”
“Yes.” I tossed up my hands. “Join me, won’t you?”
A small smile curved his mouth and warmed everything inside me.
“Why are you smiling?” I asked, helplessly smiling back.
He yanked me into him. “Because you’re one of the fiercest women I know. You didn’t used to do scared.”
“Maybe cautious is a better term,” I decided, running my hands up his chest. Damn, I loved the feel of him. “Let’s be cautious.”
His smile went wicked. “Where’s the fun in that?”
I drew a breath. I wanted to say, What if I go all in and you don’t? It was only my stupid pride that kept me from voicing it. “You know what I think we should do right now?”
“Does it involve continuing this conversation?”
“Yes.” I stepped into his arms and nipped his bottom lip. “But let’s converse in the way you and I do best.”
He had one hand in my hair, the other on my ass. “You might be on to something.”
Outside, the world kept turning. But inside this quiet kitchen, wrapped in his warmth and this tender, aching honesty, I felt it: hope. Not perfect. Not painless.
But real.
Maybe, just maybe, for tonight, it was enough. And maybe, just maybe, we could start building something real. One nail, one wall, one guarded heartbeat at a time.
The next morning, after a long shower—the kind that involved more soapy hands than actual rinsing, resulting in a second round, half of it with no hot water because we’d run out—I was digging through a drawer for something to wear.
“I like what you’ve got on,” Tucker said from the bed, head propped on one arm like he had all the time in the world.
“That’s because I’m wearing your T-shirt and nothing else.”
His grin was slow and satisfied, the kind that made my nipples perk up like they hadn’t already gotten the memo.
My phone dinged. “It’s Kiera,” I said. “She wants to borrow a sundress of mine. Said if I drop it off, she’ll feed me.”
“She’s gonna want to grill you about yesterday.”
“Maybe she wants to grill me about last night. Maybe even to tell me I could do better than you,” I teased.
His smile turned smug. “After those sounds you made last night, I’m pretty confident in where I stand.”
I snorted, then caught the gleam in his eyes and the way his fingers were absently brushing the inside of my wrist like he didn’t want to let me go just yet. Like maybe he was memorizing me.
The joke caught in my throat, tangled with something that felt dangerously like longing.
He leaned in, resting his forehead to mine. “You scare the hell out of me, Haze. But I want every second.”
My chest squeezed. “Even the chaotic ones?”
“Especially those.”
I brushed my lips over his, soft and slow, like a promise. Then, with a rough sound of hunger, he pulled me in and deepened the kiss.
I moaned and threw my arms around his neck and held on tight.
“You gotta go,” he said against my lips.
Damn. I did.
“Tell Kiera hi,” he murmured, pulling back just enough to see me. “And if she grills you, tell her she can come over to see how much info she can get from me.”
My heart did a ridiculous, hopeful little lurch. “You never break.”
“Exactly.”
I walked out of his house with sore muscles, a lighter soul, and the terrifying suspicion that I’d fallen, and fallen hard.