12. Jay
JAY
They were all piled into the small living room. It was almost two o’clock and Davis and Iris, both obviously hungover, were all moved in—or at least their stuff was in Michaela’s old room.
“So this is it, sorry it isn’t anything crazy yet, we are still kind of figuring the space out,” Michaela said as Davis inspected the room, clearly assessing.
Iris looked to Jay and then to Michaela before looking anywhere but at them.
She was sans makeup at the moment, her long hair sat braided over one of her shoulders.
And she was in sweats. Davis was also in sweats, of course matching, and still somehow managed to look like the real life Ken doll movie star he always did.
“Thank you both so much, I never wanted–” Iris stopped and shook her head as if thinking better of what she had been about to say.
“Thank you so much you two. I am so sorry. I mean, we are supposed to be taking care of you. And you don’t know us, you both are so kind,” her voice dipped a bit and Davis leaned to the side to wrap an arm around her.
“We appreciate it and we will try to be the best guests,” Davis said.
“The best,” Iris quietly repeated.
“No way,” Jay began, lifting her hands in a placating gesture.
“You both live here, we are all roommates, we can figure out keys later. Besides, now Mickey and I get all the inside knowledge right at our door,” Jay added reassuringly.
She was happy to see Iris make eye contact and offer a small smile.
“I’m super happy you are here and safe,” Michaela said quietly. “I hope you know, I understand, I really do. I wouldn’t want you to be anywhere else right now.”
“Kayla!” Iris said, smiling and then dropping her head on Davis’ shoulder as she let out a few sniffles, covering the visible part of her face with her hand.
“My parents kicked me out when I was fourteen,” Michaela continued.
“Fourteen?” Davis and Iris said in unison, faces full of indignation.
“Yep, caught me in my mother’s clothes and lipstick. If I had stayed my father may have killed me, or worse, sent me away somewhere. Getting kicked out was probably the best option.”
“But you were just a kid,” Davis said, his face flushing, and Jay warmed at seeing his genuine anger on Michaela’s behalf.
“Yeah well, they didn’t care, I was no so—child of theirs,” Michaela said.
“That’s so fucked. I am so sorry—how did you survive?” Iris asked, and then her eyes widened. “When you said you understood, I mean at fourteen, you didn’t—”
“No, no,” Michaela raised her hands. “Well, not entirely. I moved in with a guy who wanted to be my boyfriend, but I think we both knew what it was. He didn’t want to admit he’s gay and needed a down-low lover, and I needed guaranteed shelter and food.
I still wanted to go to school and, well, it worked. ”
Jay let out a scoff, she hadn’t meant to, but whatever Brian was to Michaela, it hadn’t worked.
It was clearly the wrong move because Michaela’s head whipped in her direction and she said, “Out of all the choices I had, I picked the best one for me, Jay. I didn’t have some fairy godmother white woman backing me or whatever.”
Jay’s mouth fell open. She had never seen Michaela angry and Jay was trying to think quickly as to what had made her temper jump. And then she saw it across her friend’s face. Shame. She was afraid Jay was judging her.
“I’m sorry Mickey, I didn’t mean to sound judgy, you know how I feel about your ex, okay?
As a friend who thinks you just deserved better.
I’m not judging you for taking advantage of what opportunities you did have.
I am sorry. I know how easy it is for people like us, for the queer community to end up on the streets. ”
“Jesus,” Iris muttered, and Jay looked at her and shrugged and then back at Michaela, whose eyes softened and she nodded.
“Sorry, I am not mad at you, I am just mad at this whole situation. In a room of four, three of us, seventy-five percent, ended up homeless and neglected because of,” she gestured with her hands, “who we are, and you only are okay because someone decided to show you kindness?”
“Well there’s that, and I’m pretty sure she wanted me to stop fucking her daughter,” Jay said and at that Davis and Iris exchanged a look.“Would love to hear that story, doll,” Davis said.
Iris said quietly, “I hope you both know that the decisions I made, just know that I actually really enjoy what I do, we both do.” Davis vigorously nodded his head.
“But it still would make me feel better if you had felt like you had a choice,” Michaela said quietly, and Jay got it, she had been with Brian out of necessity, trying to find something positive in a relationship that clearly only ever tore her down. Jay’s heart hurt for her friend.
“But you are giving me that choice now,” Iris said, smiling.
“I have so many questions,” Jay said, and then when she realized she’d said that aloud, she added, “but for later.”
“You still want to live with us?” Michaela asked, ignoring Jay and looking at both Davis and Iris.
“Yes, and so, thank you for giving us that choice,” Davis said and Iris nodded, and Jay thought she truly looked a little happier.
“And thank you for this, again,” Iris said.
“What’s the point of a silly name like the Collective if we aren’t going to actually be there for one another?” Michaela asked.
Davis laughed and said, “Community is everything for people like us.”
“Everything,” Iris agreed, and Jay knew it was true.
Iris slouched further into the couch. “This couch sucks,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, we were thinking of bean bags or new pillows in the future.” Michaela said, and Jay chuckled.
“Like I said, we haven’t had a chance to fix it up or anything,” Jay added.
Iris looked around, her eyes back to assessing again.
“It’s cute, with uh, a little this and a little that,” Iris said, eyeing the space.
Jay opened her mouth to say something when Iris stood up and clapped her hands.
“Okay, I know exactly how I am going to rid myself of the shame of having to rely on you two lambs, especially since we are supposed to be showing you the way.”
“Iris you don’t—” Before Jay could say anything Davis clapped his hands, a knowing gleam in his eye as he turned to his best friend.
“Do tell, Madame,” he said playfully.
“We are going to go shopping and get some shit for this room!” Iris exclaimed.
“Oh, we are going to, just when I have a job and some money,” Michaela said.
Jay decided to try and jump in again. “You don’t have to—” but again Jay was cut off.
“Nonsense, it will help me shake my shame, make me feel like I am still taking care of you two, and also, since we are living here for now,” she added pointedly, “we might as well make the place feel a little more like home.”
Jay didn’t try to fight this time; she couldn’t really argue with that.
She looked at Michaela and they shrugged at each other. They knew they were not going to win this battle.
“I’ll get my things,” Jay said.
“Same,” she heard Michaela say from behind her.
Once in their room, Jay turned to face Michaela, “So we are doing this?”
Michaela smiled back at her. “We are doing this.”
A couple hours later, they had returned and furnished the suite.
The shopping trip had been fun and airy in a way Jay now always wanted for Michaela.
They’d gone thrifting and found a few things Davis called “statement pieces,” notably a lava lamp and a very ugly clay sculpture.
No one could agree on what it was, but it had personality according to Iris.
They also found two very comfortable but ugly, massive, poison green pillows for the couch.
Davis picked out a shag carpet that Jay had been skeptical about and had insisted on beating, and then vacuuming twice, before she accepted it as sit-down ready.
A rug she and Michaela were both currently sitting on, facing the small end table they were using as a coffee table of sorts, while Iris and Davis sat on the couch.
All of them were somewhat pooped. It had been a lot of walking and carrying of various items.
Jay admired the rest of their work. They’d found some old movie posters for E.T.
, Do the Right Thing, and The Princess Bride, which Iris insisted on, and hung them behind the couch.
They’d missed dinner, and conceded that they’d have to make it up to Callie and Kevin later, because they’d also missed dinner.
Instead, they each held a white cardboard container of Chinese takeout.
Jay dug her fork in to scoop more Lo Mein into her mouth as Iris and Davis gloated about their handiwork.
Michaela used chopsticks like their other two guests.
“I’m just saying it all came together,” Davis said finally, and Michaela let out a bark of laughter. Jay noticed that Michaela had laughed more than she had in previous group settings and took it as a sign she was feeling more at ease with their new friends. Jay hoped so, at least.
“It looks like a teen’s basement room from the previous decade threw up in here,” Michaela said, laughing.
Jay had to laugh at that because she was right.
Their current funky-colored living room in the midst of a sterile white and blue college suite looked like a teen was trying to make a space their own with whatever they could find in their parents’ attic or basement.
But there was something charming about that, too.
Something that made the space truly feel like it belonged to all of them.
She couldn’t help smiling when thinking about that.
Jay knew she had been lucky when she found the Blake sisters, Diana and Julia, and more so, that they were such open minded and kind people.
It had given her a sense of community right off the bat, and she was happy now to have it in college.
Even more so, she was happy that Michaela might also finally have it.
“Should we also cheers to this place? I think the beers should still be sorta cold,” Davis said, standing and moving towards the small hallway where they’d plugged in a mini fridge. It had been on clearance because it stood unevenly.
“You do know you need to leave it plugged in for like a day before it can keep or make anything cold, right?” Michaela said, but she was smiling as she watched Davis return, holding the six pack, taking one from him after he wrestled it out of the plastic rings.
Jay took hers a second later, and then once Davis and Iris had theirs, they clinked their cans to community and a new beginning.