24. Michaela
MICHAELA
Michaela thought she’d known nerves before. But the anxiety and anticipation running through her veins had catapulted her to another level.
“Let’s put on some music, maybe?” Iris said sweetly, and Jay went to the stereo.
Michaela was calmed by the fact that Iris’ manner had gone from mischievous to that of a woman clearly in her element.
They’d walked home in relative silence; Iris explained that she wanted both Michaela and Jay to think long and hard about boundaries and what they truly wanted to gain from the experience.
Once home, they went straight to Jay and Michaela’s room.
Iris instructed them both to strip to their level of comfort while she slid both mattresses onto the floor so they met in the center of the room.
Jay took off her pants and traded her Wonderbra for a cotton tank top.
Michaela wore a pair of panties, basketball shorts and her sports bra; underneath, she kept her stuffed Wonderbra on.
“This will be better with space,” Iris said, gesturing to the beds when they had change. “This room is big enough that you could do a double bed setup.”
“This okay, Mickey?” Jay asked as Maxwell’s “Ascension” began floating through the room.
Michaela swallowed. As if she cared about the music right now. “It’s fine,” she managed to get out.
“Great, let’s all get on the bed,” Iris instructed. Jay and Michaela got next to each other, and then Iris got on the bed with them, with Michaela in the middle.
“So is this going to be a threesome?” Michaela asked breathlessly. To be fair, the concept actually didn’t bother her, not considering Iris was here to help and was a close friend, but she wanted to be clear on what exactly was supposed to happen.
“There are infinite ways to have a threesome, babe, so technically yes. But I think I can guess what you mean?”
“Are we going to have a threesome–like sex,” Michaela clarified.
“It can be if you want it to be,” Iris began, “but I don’t think we will get there tonight.”
“Why not?” Michaela asked, curious and maybe a little disappointed. Yes, she was nervous and anxious and everything in between, but she also wanted so badly to get over her hangups about sex.
“Mickey—” Jay began but Iris cut in.
“There is no reason to rush. Besides, if you all were ready for a threesome, that’s what you would have asked me for,” Iris said.
“Tonight, let’s just get a sense of what you two need, what you want, and find out where our levels of comfort are.
Kayla, it sounds like you are looking to discover and expand yours? ”
Michaela turned to her friend and nodded. She had told Iris as much at the party; that’s how they ended up here.
“Kayla, one thing I require before I do anything with anyone is verbal confirmation. So, I am going to ask again. Kayla, are you here to explore your sexual comfort levels and grow more at ease with your sexuality as it relates to your body?”
“Yes,” Michaela confirmed.
“Great, and Jay, you as well, in addition to helping Michaela explore these things?”
“Yes,” Jay said from beside Michaela. Michaela turned to look at her girlfriend.
Michaela was on her back, and Jay was sitting up on an elbow, facing Michaela.
Michaela was relieved to see the pure adoration and care in Jay’s eyes as she looked down at her, like she was saying, don’t worry, I’m here, we’re here.
It grounded Michaela in a way that only Jay could.
Turning back to Iris, Michaela gave her a weak smile and nod.
She was surprised by how comfortable she was with Iris, but she figured Iris did this for a living, and well, was like her.
Also, Michaela’s eagerness to be intimate with Jay and finally explore that part of herself outweighed any discomfort.
And there was something to be said about the atmosphere Iris’ sudden professionalism created.
“Okay, thank you for trusting me with this, you two,” Iris began again, smiling at Michaela and then raising her head to look at Jay. “Alright, so how about you two just show me what we are working with?”
Michaela frowned. “You mean like, what we’ve done so far? But I told you—”
“I know Kayla, you’ve told me everything.
But physical intimacy is a form of communication; it’s a language.
I want to see what you two are saying to one another, how it’s being interpreted, how it’s being expressed.
I need to see how your bodies interact.” Michaela wanted to roll her eyes but she decided they were here, and she was going with the flow of things, all with the goal in mind for her to be as close to Jay as possible.
For her to finally have the command over her sensuality and sexuality, something she realized she’d never had before and desperately wanted.
“And you’re just going to watch,” Jay asked. Michaela turned to her girlfriend, who didn’t seem bothered but a little taken aback.
“I get paid to watch all the time,” Iris said flirtatiously.
Michaela watched Jay think this over before Jay looked back down at Michaela. “And you’re okay with that? This is all okay? Because I don’t need to be physical with you, Mickey. There is nothing wrong with the way things are now. I just want your happiness, is all.”
Michaela melted at her girlfriend’s words.
Of course Jay would never push her into something she didn’t actually want to do.
She wasn’t Brian; there was no “we eventually have to do this, so get used to it.” Michaela reached up to cup one side of her lover’s face.
“I know, Jay, I know, but I do. I need this. I need to reclaim this for myself, because I want this for me as much as I want this for us.”
Jay turned her head so that she could kiss Michaela’s palm, the gesture sending tingles throughout Michaela’s body. “Okay baby,” Jay said, “you know I will give you everything I can.”
Jay slid a pillow between them like she had before, explaining it to Iris, and then Iris went through gaining verbal consent about where she could or couldn’t touch each of them.
Jay gave her free range, but Michaela mentioned she wasn’t sure how she felt about being touched on her intimate areas yet, so Iris rested a hand on Michaela’s thigh while she made out with Jay.
Michaela knew Iris’ hand was there just so her presence wasn’t forgotten.
It wasn’t a surprise that it took a while for Michaela to get into the makeout session.
It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable, but the added layer of what they were doing made it feel a little bit like a performance.
But, as Jay continued to slide her tongue against hers, her desire soon took over.
As if on cue, Toni Braxton’s “You’re Makin Me High” started playing, and Michaela felt herself give into the heat spreading through her body.
She wasn’t sure Iris’ hand was working though; it felt like something distant, her mind on Jay’s hot mouth, her soft full lips and dominating tongue.
Michaela tangled one her hands in Jay’s hair at the root, holding Jay in place as if the other woman might pull away, relishing the way Jay’s soft hand cupped the back of Michaela’s head, her thumb brushing her cheek with each thrust of her tongue.
A moan escaped Michaela as Jay slid her hand from the back of Michaela’s head down her back and began to brush up her stomach.
She knew she was hard and yearning for friction, but with that desire came the same creeping anxiety as before, made worse when Jay slipped her hand under the band of her sports bra.
With a gasp, Michaela pulled back, feeling Iris shift behind her to accommodate her sudden movement.
“Sorry,” Jay breathed.
“No, I–fuck,” Michaela said, scooting and rolling so she could lie on her back. She covered her face with her hands.
“Kayla,” Iris said, gently but firmly. “Can you talk us through?”
Michaela paused to take a deep breath and steady herself. Frustration and shame washed over her. “She was–she was going to touch my chest.”
“And you don’t like your chest touched?” Iris asked. There was no judgment in her voice.
Michaela thought about this. With Brian, she had largely felt like he was touching someone who wasn’t her.
There was a heady shift now that her chest felt like her own; she was all too aware that Jay was trying to touch her.
But more overwhelming than that headiness was the nerve-wracking thought that her chest didn’t feel like the chests of the women–the woman–in Jay’s past. “I guess, it’s just that, well, I don’t have boobs.
” Michaela blurted out. She uncovered her face to look up at the two women peering down at her.
“You have boobs,” Jay said incredulously, and Michaela saw Iris raise a hand.
“Jay is right, babe, you have breasts, everyone has breasts.”
“You know what I mean,” Michaela said, feeling ridiculous.
“I think I know what you mean, but everyone has breasts.”
Michaela rolled her eyes. “So what, I’m flat chested?”
Jay piped in, “I mean so am I, all the hotties are. Have you seen runway models?”
Michaela rolled her eyes again. Leave it to Jay to compare herself to actual models.
Jay made another scoffing noise, “Whoa, do not insult us ladies on the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.”
This forced Michaela to laugh. “The what?”
“You’ve never heard of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee?” Iris said, laughing, and Michaela couldn’t help but giggle even more.
“No,” she said between bouts of laughter.
“Well, I for one am a fabulous member,” Jay said, flipping a curtain of hair over her shoulder as she looked into Michaela’s eyes. Michaela stared back at her girlfriend and realized that Jay wasn’t even being funny. She was dead serious.
“Hun, why do you think Wonderbra even exists? Do you know how many women feel insecure about their chest size? The babes that society tells aren’t ‘feminine’ enough with small boobs. It’s for flat-chested babes like us,” Iris said.