Chapter Six Jake #3
“Oh, thank goodness, because that was hurting my ribs.” And he lets loose with the biggest belly laugh that has Rosie sitting up a little straighter and staring at Jake like there is something wrong with him.
Trying to pull himself together, he finally looks up at me again.
“Sorry, that was a bit mean. I shouldn’t be laughing when you’re hurt.
How does that feel?” He finishes with the last wrap around with the bandage and secures it.
“Sore, but I know it needs to be wrapped. It will help with my recovery.” And that’s when it dawns on me that I’m going to struggle to work if this is anything serious. I try to push those thoughts out of my head because I can’t be worrying about that until I know what the injury is.
Jake interrupts my thoughts. “You really need some ice, and I can’t do anything about that, obviously, but I do have some Tylenol. It’s probably not strong enough, but hopefully it will take the edge off.” He reaches into his little bag of goodies that I’m so grateful for.
“I’ll take it.”
I swallow them with some water, just a few sips, because the last thing I need to do is drink so much that I need to go to the toilet during the night.
Jake then asks about the fawn and I tell him the sorry tale about how she kept drawing me deeper into the woods, until I ended up here.
Sitting down next to me, he laughs along with me as I begin to see the funny side.
While we chat, he continues to stoke the fire to a warm blaze.
I’m beyond grateful, as the temperature will be dropping off steeply as we head into the middle of the night.
It might be the beginning of May and beautifully sunny during the day, but the nights are still cold, especially out in the woods.
“Now, on tonight’s menu, we have a variety of options. Would you like to hear the chef’s recommendations of the two most popular selections by our dinner patrons?” Jake drags his pack onto his lap and digs down deeper to produce the rations.
And since dropping my instinct to always fight with Jake, I’m starting to see a different side of him and how funny he can be.
“I’ve heard varied reviews of the chef, so I’m not sure how much I can trust him, but please enlighten me.”
Not that I’m overly hungry, but I’m hoping if I eat something, it will help the anxiety in my stomach settle.
Jake is trying so hard to keep me distracted, but the constant throbbing in my ankle makes it hard to forget; plus, there is the fact that we are in the middle of the woods, with dangerous animals all around us, including snakes, and I have nothing to protect me from them.
That’s enough to keep my blood pressure elevated and my heart pumping a little faster than it should be.
“Oh.” He places his hand on his chest. “I’m offended at the skepticism toward the chef. I know him personally, and he is a great guy.”
“So I’ve been told by your gran, but I think she is a little biased.
” I think back to the chat we were having on her porch before Jake came home, how Betty filled me in on Noel’s last wishes, and my heart swells before I firmly tell myself not to go there.
Betty missed her calling as a used car salesperson.
If I listened to everything she was telling me, I would be thinking that Jake doesn’t have one fault and is an actual saint.
“I don’t want to know.” He breaks out of character for a moment, shaking his head. “And I’ll just apologize in advance for her being pushy. It comes from a place of love, however misguided it is.”
“It’s okay. I think everyone deserves a gran like yours in their corner. You boys are lucky to get such a special year with her.” I know they wish it would have been with their grandfather as well. “Now show me what you’ve got.”
“Well, first on the menu tonight we have what some might say is a very appropriately named snack bar. It’s a well-rounded trail mix granola bar, studded with a selection of roasted nuts that are guaranteed to keep you well fed and very regular.
” He pulls out the first bar from his pack and waves it around like it’s some major prize, but the squashed and crinkled wrapping does not give it the gold-medal look he was trying to describe.
My guess would be it’s all broken into many pieces and will probably be best eaten poured into your mouth.
“Hmmm, sounds appetizing, but I would like to hear the other award-winning option, please.” I pull the blanket a little tighter around me as we hear the howl of a wolf in the distance.
Jake reaches out and puts his arm around my shoulder as he moves a little closer. “It’s okay, we are safe. They won’t come near the fire.”
He tries to instill confidence in me but forgets I’m a vet and know that a fire won’t stop any animal if they really want to check us out or even attack us. But it is sweet of him to try, and I nod for him to continue with his big dinner description.
“Second on the menu tonight is hand-picked by the chef, an oat and raspberry bar, full of sugar and all those good preservatives that have random numbers attached to them, but of course, so good for your body. It is coated in drizzles of a brown smooth thing I believe is called chocolate.” He holds the other bar up in the air out of my reach as I lunge for it.
“You had chocolate this whole time and held out on an injured woman who’s full of anxiety?
Sorry, you’ve just lost some of the points you scored for rescuing me.
” I snatch it out of his hand while we both smile at the stupidity of our situation—battling over two small and non-interesting granola bars.
It makes a pleasant change from trying to tear strips off each other.
We eat in silence for a few minutes and try to make something that tastes like cardboard last as long as we can.
“Are these rations supposed to keep you alive or kill you quickly to put you out of your misery? Plus, you lied about the chocolate; that was something brown, but it’s blasphemy to use the word chocolate.
This is not giving you any points in your race for bestie status.
” Taking another big mouthful of water from the bottle we’re sharing, I pass it back with only a very small amount left.
“Sorry, I know we should have been keeping that, but I needed to wash that terrible taste down.”
Jake quickly drinks the last mouthful. “Same. But don’t worry, I’ll just walk back down to the creek and refill it.”
“No!” I yell and grab hold of his arm like he’s my lifeline.
“Please don’t leave me. I’m scared.” So much for not sharing how I really feel.
My fear has the words rushing out. My fingers are gripping his arm so tightly that even though he has a shirt on, I’m sure I’m still leaving indents in his skin from my fingernails.
“Ash, it’s okay. I won’t leave you. We can do without the water for now.
If we get desperate, then we can worry about that later.
” His hand softly settles over the top of mine ever so gently, and his fingers start stroking over my hand.
It doesn’t take long before my fingers relax against his biceps.
I don’t pull away and neither does Jake.
Instead, he takes my hand in his, slowly easing it off his arm and entwining our fingers together.
He lays our joined hands on my leg without realizing he has given me an anchor for my anxiety, which confuses me, but I’ll take it right now.
“Can I ask you something?” His voice is calm and full of warmth.
“Yes, but it’ll depend on the question whether or not I answer,” I cautiously reply.
“Can I call you Ash?” He’s tentative as he turns to face me.
“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting, but yeah, if you want to. People around here usually call me Ashley, Doc, or Doc Alleyne, but Ash is what I used to get called at school growing up by friends, so that’s fine. I’ll answer to any of them. It doesn’t faze me.” I shrug.
“Okay, good. I mean, Ashley is beautiful, but I just think Ash suits you too. And your surname, it’s different.”
“Yes, it’s of English origin, so not common here. I always forget it’s not obvious how to pronounce it, but with new clients I usually need to go through sounding it out, A-lean, and then they get it.”
“Well, I think it is just as pretty as your first name. And it’s nice to be a little different, don’t you think. Quite often we all just want to blend in and not be seen.” There is no way he could blend in anywhere; my gaze would gravitate to him every single time, whether I like it or not.
“Thank you.” The words slip quietly from my lips. His hand squeezing mine gently to reassure me, reminding me that he’s still right here. My anchor.
“How about your family? Is it big and sometimes complicated like mine?”
I can see he’s not being nosy or asking for small talk but is genuinely interested in getting to know a new friend.
“Nope, it’s just me and my parents. And all my extended family are across the other side of the country so we aren’t that close really, not like you and your cousins, it sounds like.
You know, I made a birthday wish every year for a sibling, but it never happened, so if I’m ever lucky enough to have a family, I want more than one child.
Being an only child is a lonely life at times. ”
I wonder what it feels like to have that many people around you who care about you so deeply. Something I wish I had experienced growing up.
“Be careful what you wish for with siblings. I’m so blessed, but like I said, it’s not always as perfect as it seems. My parents were great, although my dad could be hard on us, but only in a way he thought was good for us.
I have a sister who’s married and a brother that I have a very complicated relationship with. ”
And I can tell by the expression that comes across his face for a split second that there’s deep pain there.
“Those weren’t my questions, though.” And he quickly changes direction away from talking about it.
“Well, you better hurry up. I have places to be and people to see.” It brings a smile to his face.
“Sorry, I know you are in high demand.” He shifts his body slightly, so he’s now more face on. “Why don’t you date? You are an extremely attractive woman, and from what Gran tells me, you have a lot to give, so how the hell are you still single?”
Crap, how do I answer this without sounding pathetic and weak? Do I just blurt out the truth that my heart was stomped on three years ago and left in tatters, or the stock standard answer I use for the town gossips?
Taking a long deep breath in and letting it slowly escape, I let the words out into the rapidly cooling night air.
“I’m just so busy being the only vet in town that I don’t have time.
The only males I spend the night with are usually of the four-legged variety.
” I can’t look him in the eyes to say it, though.
Fixating on the fire and watching the flames dance around, I try convincing myself that’s the answer too.
But I’ve never been good at lying.
Jake
Her words sound so hollow I know that’s not even close to the truth.
“Is that your rehearsed answer, Ash? Because that’s not going to wash with me.”
She doesn’t answer me, hoping I will just swallow her bullshit.
While she sits watching the fire, I look at her, and I can see the hurt that is sitting just under the surface. And the reason I can see it is because I see that same look in the mirror every morning I wake up alone, again.
“I can wait you out all night, Ash. Unlike you, I have nowhere else to be. I mean, you can tell me you don’t want to talk about it, and that’s okay, but don’t feed me lies.
I’ve been lied to by a woman before and hate it with a passion.
” I don’t know what it is about being out here on our own in a place no one else can hear or touch us that I feel so free to say the words I haven’t shared with anyone else.
“Maybe it will help if I tell you why I’m on my own and resigned to be that way for a while—well, at least twelve months, anyway.”
Waiting for an answer, I can see her breathing a little quicker but still no words come out.
“Just over a year ago, my girlfriend, Danika, walked out on me after seven years. She pulled the rug out from under me with the words that we aren’t the right fit.
I mean, what the fuck had we been doing for all those years?
I wanted to get married and settle down with kids while she just wanted to go off with all our money and travel and fuck every guy who would have her.
Am I over her? Yeah, but does it still hurt?
Oh yeah, like a fucking knife in the heart.
” Even saying it out loud brings that pain in my chest, although in time, it’s now not quite so severe.
More like a dull ache than the stabbing pain it once was.
Slowly her head turns toward me, and I can see the pity there. Yeah, it’s the same way all our friends looked at me each time we would meet up.
“I’m so sorry, Jake, that sounds tough.”
And I realize this isn’t pity, it’s someone who cares, someone who understands exactly the kind of pain I’m talking about.
“Who hurt you, Ash?”
“You don’t give up easily,” she murmurs.
“Not when it’s important,” I plead as something in my gut tells me if I don’t get it out of her tonight, then there’s no chance once we are back in our everyday life.
“Just remember what Gran said, ‘what happens in the woods stays in the woods.’ That goes the same for words that are spoken. Tonight, there’s no one but us here, but tomorrow, all the deepest secrets shared will float away with the rising of the morning sun. ”
Come on, just take that little step and share a part of yourself with me.
“I just can’t look at you when you are being so compassionate and see that same arrogant man from the first day we met and every day since then.
I’m getting the feeling that all that bluster you showed me is so far from the real you.
How do you go from being an asshole to someone so caring and gentle? I’m still trying to work you out.”
You and me both.
And I wasn’t expecting you to be the person to help me possibly find out.