36. Grace
36
Grace
D ark tendrils lanced my spine, my breaths raspy and echoing off the walls. My chin trembled as an invisible force pressed in on my chest, fighting my erratic heart, tripping into a chaotic rhythm.
I stepped onto the patio, my bare feet padding towards the pool, a storm brewing in my belly.
There's no choice.
I have no choice.
My world caved in, my skin slicked with sweat.
He has to let me go.
He won't.
I covered my face with my palms.
I can't walk back through his gates and into Andrés’ arms again.
I can't.
My tattoo burned behind my ear, the heat rushing through my skin as bile ate at the back of my throat.
I need it gone.
Digging my nails into the ink behind my ear, I dragged them down with a muffled cry, clawing at his claim on me.
"Are you okay?"
Leaping in place, I swiped away the tears tracking down my cheeks, crimson-tinged beneath my nails.
Alba placed a tray on the table surrounded by metal patio chairs and lifted the lid.
"I'm fine."
"I brought you some food."
"Thank you, Alba." I turned my back to her, hiding the damage I'd created and the tears.
"Let me know if you need anything."
Her footsteps retreated inside, leaving me to my destructive thoughts.
Jorge's rosary burned in my pocket.
Who will give her the rosary if I'm gone?
I need to think.
I walked closer to the rippling, heated pool.
"You're not going in there again." Elias stepped up behind me, his hands sliding down my shoulders. "Are you?"
"I was thinking about it."
His lips trailed down my neck and paused. "You're bleeding." He pulled away and spun me to the side, my limbs limp at my waist. "What happened?"
A strangled sigh escaped me. "I…I must have scratched myself."
"This is more than that." He spun me around, his chest to mine, his hands cupping my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. "You're crying."
"I'm fine."
"Tell me, Grace. Your honesty…remember?"
My chest clenched, the tightness in my belly gnashing. "I wanted it gone."
"Your tattoo?"
I nodded.
He sighed. "Why didn't you say something? We can have it removed."
His spicy scent embraced me, flooding my senses and calming the demons inside my head.
"I don't want it. I'm not his."
"And whose are you?"
I frowned and cocked my head to the side. "Yours."
His jaw ticked as I nibbled my bottom lip. "Do you want to be mine?"
I braved his fixed stare, his eyes darkening as storm clouds gathered within them. "Yes."
"Then you're mine." He kissed my forehead. "Not that you had a choice."
He cared for me.
Rosa said as much.
I nestled my cheek against his expansive chest, my pulsating heartbeat drowning out his steady rhythm. "I overheard your conversation."
His arms cinched tighter around me, then relaxed.
I drew back. "It was an accident. I promise." I shook my head. "You told me to come to your office, and, well, I went to knock on the door..."
He peered down at me. "What did you hear?" Elias' tone, soft and gentle like bubbles in a bath, cocooned me in a sense of ease.
"Miguel threatened you."
He chortled. "He could only hope that was a threat."
"Are you going to give me up to him?"
His fingers traced a seductive path down my shoulders. A firm hand cradled the nape of my neck, drawing me closer with an irresistible pull. His breath escaped in a tortured sigh. "I can't."
"But they'll die if you don't."
"And you will if I do." He stepped away from me, his heat vanishing as though I'd stepped into a walk-in freezer. "Do you think he'll keep you alive after what you've done?"
I took a marked step towards him, then retreated as his fiery gaze settled on me.
"You're staying in the safety of these walls."
My stomach churned as Rachel's innocent face flashed in my mind's eye. "What about them?" I jerked my hand out to the side. "Don't they deserve safety?"
He gave a decisive shake of his head. "You can't ride that fence. It's a crossroads. Either you continue to keep quiet and they die, or tell me where they are right now, and maybe, just maybe, they stand a fighting chance."
I gripped my belly and turned away from him—tears continuing their burning trail down my cheeks, my teeth biting into my lip. "You can't promise me they'll live."
He grabbed my upper arm and turned me around. "I can promise you they'll die if you don't tell me."
Metallic blood tinged the tip of my tongue.
I've done my best.
What option did I have?
He's right.
Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
His hand slipped off my arm as I rubbed my eyes and stumbled away. I grabbed the rosary from my pocket, the pad of my thumb rubbing the smooth, rounded beads as they clinked together.
My shoulders tensed, my fist clenching around the necklace.
Dammit, Andrés.
Why can't you let me go?
I paced, a restless need shot through my system, setting my legs on fire as I moved through the patio, the scent of food hitting me like a wall.
My stomach growled, then overturned with nausea.
I can't eat.
"Relax, Grace."
"I can't." I shook my head. "There are too many options, so many variables. I-I…" My throat tightened, and I grabbed it as though the words choked me.
"Breathe." He reached me in quick strides, his arms pulling me into him. "Just breathe."
How could I? I didn't have the right.
I'd spent my time in luxury while Rachel endured God knows what, knowing that the only person in the world she had left was dead.
A fire ripped through my chest, heat flaming my cheeks, my fists tight against Elias' chest. The rosary dripped down my wrist, tapping against the thin skin.
"I need a map."
"You're making the right choice."
I shrugged off his hold, a bug of disgust rippling through me. "I'm not doing this for you or your revenge. This is for Rachel and the others left behind."
This is the right decision.
Javier walked out onto the patio with a large, rolled paper and a red marker. He handed it to Elias, who then unrolled it on the coffee table.
I snagged the marker from his hands, uncapped it, and found Piedras Negras .
My finger trailed the Rio Grande, running along the Mexico/United States border until I stopped at the little valley I'd been found in.
"We were caught here." I tapped on the large light blue and green map. "We traveled for a few days before that, heading north." I ran my finger south, tracing our estimated route. "You'll find a large white plaster compound with barbed wire on the top. There is one official entrance and exit, but a secondary exit leads out to the back alleyway."
I circled the nondescript location on the map, capped the marker, and dropped it on the paper.
I'm going to be sick.
Sitting back in my seat, I swiped my hand across my wet cheeks, then crossed my arms over my belly, hunching over.
"How many men does he have?"
I shrugged. "There were too many to count. Maybe fifteen against the walls."
"If you could give us anything that could help, it gives us a better chance at saving them." Javier pressed his finger into the center of the bullseye I'd painted.
"What makes you think he is still there?" I shook my head, my chin scrunching as I fought crying, the weight on my chest growing heavier. "You have me. He knows that. What stopped him from picking up and leaving already?" My chest heaved. "Hell, Rachel could already be dead."
Oh fuck.
What have I done?
My chest tightened, suffocating me.
I messed everything up.
I could have saved her.
I rubbed my chest. The rosary's comfort faded as my vision deadened around the edges.
Elias moved in front of me, sinking to his haunches. He rubbed my shoulders. "We'll get them, Grace."
"You don't know that." I shook my head.
"I'll do my best. That's all I can promise you."
Javier rolled up the map, took the marker along with him, and walked off the patio and into the house.
The surrounding space turned into a mix of hyperventilation and a deep need only one person could satiate.
I jerked forward, my hands twisting in his lapel. "I don't know what I'd do with myself if they died because of me." My mouth bobbed as I fought for the right words. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting them."
"You're speaking as if they are already dead, mi amor ."
My gaze struck his chocolate eyes, staring back at me. "They might as well be. I've done this to them."
Elias stood, dragging me with him. "Come on." Scooping me up in his arms, he carried me inside. "You've had a long day."
I buried my face in his neck, my arms wrapped around him tight. "I won't be able to sleep."
He opened his bedroom door and kicked it closed behind him before placing me on his gigantic bed .
"Come on. Get in the covers."
"But…"
Is he leaving?
I don't want to be alone.
I can't be alone.
"Will you stay?"
He glanced back at the door. "I need to leave if we have a shot at this."
I gulped and looked around his large room.
He sighed. "I'll stay until you fall asleep."
Nodding, I tucked myself into his sheets as he crawled in behind me, his arms wrapping beneath my neck and around my chest, his other crossed over the top, his hand tucked under my breast.
He swaddled me in his arms, tightening his hold. "It will be okay." His lips pressed against the back of my head. "You'll see."
My lids closed as my heart slowed over time, settling into him as though he were my centerpiece, the cornerstone I didn't know I needed and could no longer survive without.
An ache in my belly spread throughout my chest.
Elias would never feel the same.
I settled into a rhythm, taking breaths as he did, our chests rising with one another as though we were one unit until sleep swallowed me into a new world.