CHAPTER THIRTY
Beckett
Monday afternoon practice shouldn't have gone this well.
I lean against the boathouse wall, watching the others break down the boat.
Tyler's recording split times on his tablet, that little crease between his eyebrows that means he's trying to solve a problem.
Gray's silent as he racks oars, but it's a different silence than his usual controlling quiet.
This is a man wrestling with losing everything he's been raised to value.
And he might actually do it. For her.
Reese is coiling cables by the cox box, moving carefully.
She's trying to hide it, but I saw her wince getting out of the boat.
Cameron did a number on her Saturday night.
The possessive part of me that I didn't know existed until she showed up wants to be jealous.
But mostly I'm just... aware. Of her. Of the fading marks on her neck that her tank top doesn't quite hide. Of the way she favors her right hip.
Of the way my body responds every time she's within fifty feet.
"Good practice," Eli says, appearing beside me.
"Yeah." I watch him watching Jackson and Reese. She's showing him something on her phone, and Jackson's actually smiling. "You're going to say yes."
I can see it in how Eli's shoulders have loosened since yesterday, like he's stopped fighting something inevitable.
"Probably." Eli's voice is quiet. "The logic is sound."
"Fuck logic." I push off the wall. "You're doing it because you want to."
"Since when do you care what I want?"
"Since we're about to legally bind ourselves together for life." I study him. "Tyler's the real holdout, you know. Not Gray."
Eli frowns. "Gray's father—"
"Will disown him either way once he finds out about Reese. Might as well make it official." I shrug. "But Tyler? He's got that whole traditional family thing. Korean parents expecting a nice Beta girl from their church. That's a hell of a leap."
"He's practical though," Eli says carefully. "He sees the logic."
I snort. "Logic and family pressure don't always align."
We watch Tyler show Zane something on his tablet, both of them bent over the screen. They're discussing split times, Zane pointing out something on the tablet that has Tyler nodding.
"What about you?" Eli asks. "Beckett Monroe, committed to one woman for life?"
Three months ago, that question would have terrified me. I've carefully cultivated my reputation as the team's charming playboy. Rarely the same girl twice. Never anything serious. Never anything that could actually matter.
But that was before Reese.
"I don't know," I admit.
Eli looks surprised at my honesty.
"I mean, look at her." I nod toward where she's organizing equipment. "She commanded eight Alphas through our best practice in weeks, right after we dropped a pack bond bomb on her. She's got Jackson's bite, Cameron's marks, probably Bo's and Gray’s too, and she's still standing."
"That's not an answer."
"I know." I run a hand through my hair. "I thought I knew exactly who I was, you know? The funny one. The charming one. The one who never takes anything seriously. But with her..."
"It's different," Eli finishes.
"It's fucking terrifying." The admission comes out sharper than I mean it to. "Jackson's all intense passion. Bo's the protector. Cameron's got that quiet control thing. Gray commands everything. You and Tyler have your big brains. Zane makes her laugh. What the hell do I bring?"
Eli's quiet for a moment. "You see her."
"What?"
"Yesterday, when she walked in. You were the only one who noticed she was barely holding it together. Not because of Cameron – before that. You saw she was overwhelmed before she even sat down."
I hadn't realized anyone noticed that.
"You play the clown," Eli continues, "but you're probably the most observant person on this team. You just hide it better than Tyler or me."
Before I can respond, the others start heading out.
Gray mutters something about the library.
Tyler's got a study group. Jackson heads toward the gym.
Eli mentions something about meeting with his advisor.
Zane's arguing with Tyler about whether their split was actually better or if the wind helped.
Which leaves Reese and me.
She's still by the cox box, double-checking the equipment even though we both know it's already perfect.
"Need help?" I ask.
She jumps slightly, then tries to cover it. "I'm good. Just making sure everything's set for tomorrow."
"Bullshit." I move closer. "You're avoiding going back to campus."
"Maybe." She straightens, finally meeting my eyes. "It's a lot to process."
"The pack thing?"
"Everything." She gestures vaguely. "Saturday night. Sunday's meeting. The fact that we have maybe a week before Torres files her report. The way Quinton keeps..." She trails off.
"Keeps what?"
"Nothing. He's just been around a lot lately."
My instincts prickle. "Define 'a lot.'"
"It's probably nothing." But she's frowning. "He just seems to know things. Where I'll be. When we have team stuff. He texted during yesterday's meeting."
"That's not nothing, Reese."
She sighs, shouldering her bag. "I know. I know he’s interested in me and he seems to be trying to be respectful, but he’s just a lot. I can't deal with him and everything else right now."
"Want to not deal with it somewhere else?" The words come out before I can stop them. "I mean, we could grab food or something. Unless you need to—"
"Food sounds good," she interrupts, and something in my chest loosens.
Twenty minutes later, we're at a hole-in-the-wall taco place off campus. She's halfway through her second taco, and I'm pretending not to watch her lick salsa verde off her thumb.
"You're staring," she says without looking up.
"You've got salsa on your chin."
She wipes at it with a napkin. "Better?"
"You missed a spot." I reach over, thumb brushing the corner of her mouth. Her breath catches. "There."
We both freeze for a second before I pull back.
"So," she says, voice slightly rough. "Torres is really filing her report this week?"
"That's the word. Kinsley's been in her office every day, playing the victim."
"And you know this how?"
"I have my sources." I steal one of her chips. "Plus Kinsley tried to corner me yesterday. Wanted to know if Gray was 'emotionally available' yet."
Reese snorts. "Emotionally available? Gray?"
"Right? Told her he was about as emotionally available as a brick wall."
"What did she say?"
"That he would change his mind when you 'showed your true nature.'" I watch her reaction carefully. "Whatever that means."
She goes very still. "She said that?"
"Word for word. Want to tell me what she meant?"
She's quiet for a moment, then: "My ex at Westlake. Andrew. He was obsessed with knotting, kept pressuring me to let him even though we'd only been together a few months. Said it was the ultimate high."
"Sounds like a dick."
"Gets better. When I wouldn't let him, he started fucking Andrea Sloane behind my back.
She was the one who spread it around that I was an Omega sleeping with every Alpha I could find.
" Her laugh is bitter. "My dad threatened legal action to shut everyone up, but apparently Andrea still told Kinsley her version. "
"Which was?"
"That I'm a knot-chasing Omega who ruins teams." She meets my eyes. "Kinsley probably thinks history is repeating itself."
"Except it's not."
"Isn't it? Jackson claimed me, Cameron nearly knotted me, Bo and I..." She trails off. "Maybe Andrea wasn't entirely wrong."
"Bullshit." I lean forward. "You didn't chase any of us. If anything, we've been circling you like sharks since day one. And Gray's halfway in love with you already."
The words slip out before I can stop them. Reese stares at me.
"That's not—Gray doesn't—"
"He does. We’re all on our way there, in our own fucked up ways." I run a hand through my hair. "Look, I'm not good at the serious conversation thing."
She laughs, but it's shaky. "Could have fooled me."
"I mean it. I usually deflect with humor or sex or both." I meet her eyes. "But with you, I can't seem to do either. You make me want to be real, and that's terrifying."
She's completely still, watching me.
"The pack bond thing," I say. "It should terrify me. One woman for the rest of my life? That's the opposite of everything I've built my identity around."
"But?"
"But when I think about not having you?" I shake my head. "That terrifies me more."
"You barely know me."
"I know enough." I lean forward. "I know you command better than coxswains with years more experience. I know you put the team before yourself every time. I know you're carrying secrets that are eating you alive but you still show up."
"That's not—"
"I know you let Jackson claim you even though it could destroy everything. I know you went to Cameron when you needed to stop thinking. I know you trust Bo to take care of you." My voice drops. "And I know every instinct I have is screaming that you're ours. Mine. Pack."
Her breath catches.
"I don't believe in fate," I continue. "Or destiny, or any of that shit. But this? Us? It feels bigger than biology."
"You're talking about fated bonds," she says quietly. "Those are just stories."
"Are they?" I reach across the table, not quite touching her hand. "Because I've been with a lot of women, Reese. Never felt anything close to this."
She turns her hand palm up. An invitation.
I take it.
The contact is electric, even though it's just our hands. Her pulse jumps under my fingers.
"I can't be what Jackson is to you," I say. "That intense, all-consuming thing. I can't be Bo's protectiveness or Cameron's control. I can't be Gray's leadership or Tyler's logic or—"
"I don't want you to be them." Her fingers tighten on mine. "If I wanted only them, I'd be with them right now."
"Then what do you want from me?"
She's quiet for a long moment. "Honestly? I don't know. You see too much. You make me laugh when I want to cry. You notice things others miss." She looks up at me. "You scare me."
"I scare you?"