Kailyn
Iquietly close the front door behind me, giddy after the events of the past twenty minutes.
Even after all this time, just a press of his lips on mine has sparks dancing up my spine and a warm fuzzy feeling settling at the bottom of my stomach.
His touch feels like a sizzling flame, warm and electric all at the same time.
My fingers brush my lips, replaying the moment over and over again on a loop that I don’t ever want to end.
There’s a cough that comes from inside the living room, and I turn my gaze towards the sound, watching as Lainey smiles at me before waving me over. I walk over, joining her on the couch and curling into her side.
“Did you have fun outside?” She winks, looking down at the hoodie I wasn’t wearing before.
I smack her arm lightly, feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks.
“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.” I try to feign ignorance, but from the quirked eyebrow and the way her gaze is intently directed at me, I know that I’ve failed miserably.
Smiling, I lean my head further into her neck, basking in her vanilla and sugar scent. “Yes, Lain, I had a lot of fun outside.”
Her head leans down on mine. “Good, because you deserve to be happy.”
As my parents and brothers join us and settle in for one of our traditional movie nights, stocked with lots of sugary treats, popcorn, and sodas galore, I come to a sudden realization.
Jake has put everything on the line, kissing me in front of my house with the potential that we could be caught. From the second we talked everything through in the PT room, he’s given a hundred percent of himself to fixing us and while I have as well, I don’t think it’s been enough.
Right here, right now, without him in this room, I have the chance to show that I’m all in.
Lainey shifts under me as I sit up and grab onto her hand, lacing out fingers together. She must see something in my gaze, because she squeezes my hand and nods encouragingly at me. With a couple deep breaths, I decide to put all of my cards on the table.
“Hey, before we jump into the movie, there’s something I wanted to talk to you all about.” I thought I’d be a sweating mess, my ears ringing and heart racing, but all I feel is a sense of calmness, like this decision is the right move for me, which empowers me to push on.
“Is everything alright, sweetie?” Mom asks, a bit of concern etched into her voice.
My voice comes out steady and even, confidence flowing through my veins. “It is. I want to talk to you all about something.”
So, I start from the beginning.
Not just the beginning of the season, but the beginning of everything. I relive those horrible days of high school bullies, bouts of insecurities wrapped up in self doubt and hurt. How I felt about myself growing up and how it shaped the way I navigated everything.
I tell them about Jake, kind, sweet, beautiful Jake who saw me and loved me because of me.
How I forced him to hide in the shadows because I was afraid to lose the one thing that meant the most to me.
I even tell them the messy truth of our breakup, how I misunderstood something that was my own creation, and pushed away the one person who never betrayed me, never made me feel small or worthless.
As I tell them the story, they each remain silent, but the shock of everything is written on their faces.
My parents never knew anything about the bullying, because I didn’t want to hurt them with the truth.
My brothers’ only knew a small fraction of the hate that I got, but I explain how I was trying to protect them.
Throughout this entire journey, Lainey sits right next to me, holding my hand and being my anchor. She periodically squeezes my hand to give me strength and silently stands by me as I spill my heart out about everything.
Brayden sits back against the couch, and his hands run through his messy brown locks as he blows out a frustrated breath. Brandon sits in a similar fashion, but his hands are fidgeting in his lap, a look of sorrow and remorse in his eyes.
“I hate that you had to go through all of that, Kailyn. That people were so nasty to you that you had to hide from the world, hide from us and keep everything a secret. You shouldn’t have to hide your love from anyone,” Brandon pauses.
His eyes are shining with unshed tears. The pain that shines across his features and the understanding that lays just under the surface make me wonder if he needs to hear these words too.
“You should be able to live the life that you want, not the one others forced you into. I wish we could’ve protected you more.
As much as I hate that it’s true, I think that it was always meant to play out this way.
You needed to grow and find yourself away from our last name and the people here, and learn to love yourself the way that we all love you unconditionally. ”
I hadn’t noticed the tears in my eyes until I felt them cascade down my cheeks. “Thanks, B.”
Brayden clears his throat, his hands resting on his legs. “I’m not as eloquent with words as B, but I agree wholeheartedly. I understand why you felt the need to do what you did, and it sucks that we couldn’t be there to support you both, because we absolutely would have.”
There’s a clear conviction in his voice that has me smiling at him.
“May I ask what changed after you left, sweetie?” Mom asks, tears also in her eyes but a soft smile on her face.
“After I left, I felt isolated and shredded to pieces. With some convincing…” I subtly squeeze Lainey's hand, a sign of how grateful I am for her.
“I ended up in therapy, which taught me so much about myself and forced me to confront everything I thought I knew and find the real me. Years of healing and growing on my own helped me so much, but when I was faced with the choice to come back, knowing that Jake was here, I still took that leap and hoped that it would give me the final answers I needed.”
“And I’m assuming it did, based on the way you two were tonight?” My dad hints, a small chuckle in his voice that really solidifies that opening up to them was the best choice not only for us but for me.
Being this raw and emotional, and telling them everything is as much for me as it is for Jake. I needed this final push to really accept all the parts of myself that they always have.
“You mean when she gasped at dinner and tried to play it off really badly?” Brayden teases.
I throw one of the pillows at him in mock anger.
“Jerk,” I mumble.
“Hey, now.” Mom scolds. “There’s no throwing of my pillows in this house.”
“Mom!” I shout, a laugh bubbled under the fake hurt.
“I’m just saying.” She shrugs.
“So, you caught onto that, huh?” I ask, relieved that they’re not upset with me.
“We might’ve been oblivious to things in high school, but most of the guys on the team have been able to clock Jake’s mood shift. He’s happier, lighter, more carefree. And when you walk into a room, it’s game over.” Brayden says.
“Bray and I figured maybe it was something brand new, or maybe you both connected before you moved back somehow, but it makes sense now that we know your history together. We figured we’d let you come to us when you both were ready.
And honestly, it’s really beautiful what you two have.
” Brandon adds with a wistful tone to his voice.
My heart lights up, and it reminds me that I have the best family in the world. Even when I felt alone, they were always there for me through everything. I failed to notice their unwavering love back then, but not anymore.
“Anyway,” I pause, catching my breath. “Yes, It did. Jake and I talked about everything, like I said, and right now things are good between us. But I want things to be different this time. He deserves to know that I’m all in, and after tonight's dinner, I realized that until I let go of the past and finally tell you all everything, we wouldn’t truly be able to move on and build something new. ”
Hums and nods blanket the living room, but nothing is said for a long moment. Right now is the first time I’ve been even a little nervous, my heart racing just slightly, but I continue to breathe and not focus on the what ifs.
“Kailyn.” My mom stands up, walking over to my other side and sitting down, pulling me into a warm embrace.
“You are such an integral part of this family, and we love you so much. I wish we had known about the bullying so we could have protected you better, but you’re right that dwelling on the past will get us nowhere.
At the end of the day, all you father and I want is for you kids to find happiness and joy in this world.
To hopefully one day find a love like we did, and live your lives the way that you want to.
If that means that Jake comes around the house more, then I see no issues with that.
He’s already family, anyway.” She hugs me even tighter as I bury my face into her neck.
“I agree with your mother, but please no PDA where I can see it.” Laughter fills the room at my dads attempt at a joke.
We sit and chat some more, my parents gushing over how much they love Jake and how happy they are that I’ve found my way back to him.
The twins try to act nonchalant the rest of the night, and I let it go until we’re all walking out the front door. Lainey hugs us all goodbye before jumping in her own car to drive home.
Before we reach Brayden’s truck, I stop them in their tracks. “Hey, you both know how much I love you, right?”
It’s Brandon that steps up first, enveloping me in his arms. His hugs always feel soft like a teddy bear, even though he’s got muscles for days and a six pack to match.
I lay my head on his bicep, giving us both the comfort of this hug.
After a few moments, I feel another strong presence on my back as more arms are wrapped around both of us, Brayden’s head resting on mine.
“We love you, too, Kailyn. You’re our sister, and that means everything.
” Brandon starts, speaking in a more hushed tone now that we’re outside.
“We’re so proud of the incredible woman you’ve become.
You’re doing an amazing job as the new interim lead trainer, and you’ve grown so much in your confidence and ability. Jake is one lucky guy.”
I hadn’t realized I needed to hear these words until now. I’m so grateful for my brothers, for all of their love and support.
Brayden steps back after a moment, allowing me to pull back as well as we all face each other.
“I need you both to know that my decision back then not to tell you wasn’t because I didn’t trust or love you both.
If I could go back and change everything, I would’ve listened to Jake more when he asked me to tell you about us.
” I look both of them in the eyes, hoping they understand everything I’m saying.
“I hate that you didn’t tell us, and that you both had to suffer in silence. I’m just glad that you both are getting this second chance, because you both deserve happiness after everything you’ve been through.”
I smile up at them, letting those words settle in for a beat before finally following them to the truck. Settled in the back seat, I can’t help the smile that overtakes my face the entire ride home and the peace I feel at finally letting go of the past and pushing for a better future ahead.
One where hopefully, Jake and I are standing side by side.