14. Isaiah #3
His body finally cooperated, and Isaiah shoved past the dickhead.
“Where are you going?” Matt called after him.
“Work,” Isaiah shot over his shoulder. “Maybe take a look at your own issues before you start a crusade, Matt. The only person hurting Ollie these days is you.”
He took the stairs two at a time, legs screaming from the run, lungs burning again. His room felt miles away. He burst inside, already stripping off his soaked top, his hands clumsy.
No time to shower. Mud streaked the floor as he dragged on a clean shirt even though he’d hardly keep it on for long. He wiped his face with a towel that smelled faintly stale. His phone buzzed on the desk.
Flash23
All good? You coming?
Isaiah stared at his reflection, flushed, damp-haired, eyes wide and shaken.
“Yeah,” he whispered, like he could will it to be true. “Yeah, I’m here.”
Quick
Hopefully ;)
But his hands wouldn’t stop trembling as he hit join.
Flash appeared on the screen, with a slight lag in the video. Isaiah felt the tension fall away from his body. This was familiar. Safe.
“Fuck, you look so good, baby,” he said, allowing the genuine lust pooling in him to bleed through in his voice.
Flash narrowed his eyes as if looking for something.
“You would not believe the day I’ve had,” Isaiah continued, pulling his top off. “I need this so much.”
“Keep your top on,” Flash said, and Isaiah faltered.
51 “Fuck.” Flash tugged at the brown hair curling around his ears.
Something about the gesture sparked a feeling of familiarity in Isaiah, but he couldn’t place it.
“I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day…and I’m so fucking sorry that I’m probably about to make it worse.
” Flash swallowed, then put his hands on the sides of his mask.
“Flash, you’re scaring me. What is it?”
Flash took a breath. “I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t fucking know until Thursday, and then, I… God, Isaiah, this is so fucking bad.”
Isaiah barely had the presence of mind to register the use of his real name, because Flash was pulling his mask off, and sitting across the screen from him, looking almost as devastated as Isaiah felt…was Chris fucking Green.
“No,” Isaiah said. His voice came out firm, insistent, as though he could change the facts staring him in the face just by stating it.
He closed the stream, instinct driving him to protect himself as the familiar feeling of betrayal surged up.
Minutes passed as he stared into nothing ahead of him.
Shock boiled over into rage as Flash—no, Green—sent message after message to him.
Pleading, apologising, rationalising. The cold feeling in his veins was undefinable at first; it echoed the chill of his parents asking him to leave, of Ollie and Matt. Violation. Breach of trust.52
The slightly stale scent of his dorm room grew oppressive, and the ancient walls felt like they were closing in.
He stared at the screen, tapping his fingers against the keyboard but not typing anything. Not knowing how to form the words to expel the emotions gripping his heart so tight he thought it might give out.
Flash23
I swear I didn’t know
I thought you might have been setting me up for something
But I know that was wrong
I don’t know how to fix this
Isaiah scoffed. Fix this? Fix what. Green was getting everything, and the only person losing here was Isaiah.
He was losing so much more than he was willing to admit.
Not just the revenue from the private shows, not just his anonymity, but his safe space, and the potential, the dangerous hope that had ignited in his chest. All of it dead.
Extinguished. He couldn’t believe a single fucking word Green was saying. 53
Quick
If you were planning to out me as some kind of malicious retribution for what I said, then you’re too late. Everyone knows.
The dread he’d felt during his conversation with Matt crept back up, it felt like a secret he couldn’t keep hold of anymore, like it was drifting through his fingers.
Flash23
I wasn’t. I wouldn’t do that, Isaiah.
Quick
Whatever.
Flash23
I’m serious. I don’t want to hurt you. I owe you so fucking much.
Quick
You paid for my services fair and square. Don’t make it more than it is.
Ice gripped his heart as the lies fell from his fingertips.
Flash23
I didn’t mean just this. You saved me.
Isaiah scoffed.
Flash23
Thank you for what you did for me. I know I didn’t make it easy. I’ll leave you alone.
Quick
I’m blocking you from the channel
Flash23
Yeah, that makes sense. You should. I would in your position.
Isaiah’s finger hovered over the actions button, where he could block users from his channel.
He hesitated, and he didn’t bloody know why.
Maybe it was because Green hadn’t argued back.
It was too similar to how he’d reacted in the office, which suddenly made a fuck-tonne more sense—he’d recognised him.
Shaking himself, he clicked it. Flash’s profile entered his short list of blocked users. It was what he wanted. He wanted him gone, so why did it feel like a hole had been carved in his chest?54