Chapter 27 Lofton #3
Brianna squinted. “I’m sorry, did you think he was a virgin? Because, Lofton, I gotta be real here. There’s not a man in this house who hasn’t taken a woman to bed before us.”
“He claims he didn’t sleep with Levee,” I corrected.
Brianna let out a loud laugh. “Then why are we even talking about this woman? Girl, you told us yourself you saw a man you wanted, you went after him, and now he’s in so deep he’s out there floundering and getting fired because you found out he has an ex?
I kind of feel like you already won this one. ”
“The ex that he lied to me about,” I shot back, hurt crawling into my voice.
“Psh, the man was embarrassed. Their egos are so fragile.” She curled her legs up beneath her, a whimsical smile splitting her lips. “You want to teach him a lesson, you’re welcome to join me and Alex and John—”
“No!” Rhion yelled.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to teach him a lesson. I sure as hell don’t want anyone else. I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been falling for this man who was so thoughtful and fiercely honest, but in reality, he’s just like everyone else.”
“Okay,” Sarah said carefully. “Can I say something you might not want to hear?”
I laughed, wholly sad. “Apparently that’s what we’re doing tonight.”
“You’re gonna have to stick with me for a minute, but I swear I have a point.”
I chanced a glance up at her. “Okay?”
“I might not know you well, Lofton,” Sarah said. “But I’ve known Brianna for a while, and she’s always hated how people, especially men, put her on this pedestal of perfection because she’s this gorgeous model.”
“Oh God,” Brianna groaned, flopping back dramatically. “One stretch mark and suddenly I’m a cautionary tale. Don’t even get me started on the heinous crime of—” She gasped, clutching her chest. “Being bloated during my period.”
Sarah’s focus stayed on me. “Is that something you’ve dealt with?”
“Of course,” I said automatically. “Everybody does.”
Sarah shook her head.
Rhion crinkled her nose.
Mira stared at me like I had two heads. “That sounds exhausting.”
“I mean, it’s kind of the job.” I glanced at Brianna for backup. “Right?”
“Absolutely,” she said. “Still sucks though. It’s why I love Alex and Joh—”
“Dammit, Brianna,” Rhion snapped.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I promise.” She lifted her wine to her lips, her crossed fingers on full display.
Mira giggled.
Rhion cussed.
And Sarah leaned toward me and patted me on the thigh. “I think you might have put Devon on that same pedestal.”
My head snapped back. “What? I don’t care if Devon gets stretch marks or gains weight.”
She shook her head. “Not that pedestal. Devon’s your bodyguard.
Your protector. Always controlled. Always reliable.
Always the one who has the answers.” She popped one shoulder.
“You trust him to keep you safe. And I think, when you two got together in a different way, you assumed that same perfect reliability would transfer to guarding your heart as well. But he’s not perfect, Lofton.
So when he inevitably made a mistake, it cut deeper than you ever could have imagined.
Because in your eyes, Devon’s always been the salve, not the pain. ”
I opened my mouth, closed it, and then something hot exploded across my skin.
Shit. Had I done that?
I’d spent my entire adult life resenting people who only saw me as one-dimensional. Lofton Beck—movie star.
Beginning, middle, and end. Full stop.
My job didn’t define me. I was a person made up of dimensions and facets, a whole kaleidoscope of colors. I had real thoughts. Real fears. Real flaws. I’d spent years fighting to be seen that way.
But Sarah was right.
I had put Devon on a pedestal.
And it hurt worse than anything about Levee Williams ever could, because it made me a complete and total hypocrite.
Devon was my steady. My constant in chaos. Never once showing me anything that didn’t fit neatly into this expert, competent, perfect version of him I’d decided was safe to trust. I’d given him one-dimension. Singular. No matter what I’d told myself.
I’d told him I wanted his colors.
All of them.
I’d begged for them.
But the moment he gave me something real, unpolished, complicated, and entirely human, I faltered.
Like it changed him.
Like it erased everything that had come before.
Like he wasn’t allowed to make mistakes, and when he did, it made him less.
But it didn’t.
It just made him real.
Devon had never once made me feel like I needed to be perfect for him. He had proven over and over that just being myself was more than enough. And he had done it so effortlessly, I didn’t even realize I needed to give it back to him.
“Oh God,” I croaked, scrambling off the bed. “Oh my God, I did that.”
“Hey,” Sarah said, standing up after me. “Relax. Everything’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.” I started pacing, the entire argument in the driveway slamming back into me all at once, burning straight through the haze of wine.
“Oh, shit. I was awful. I told him I was slipping into Levee’s shoes.
” My pulse skyrocketed, each word I’d thrown at him coming back with a serrated edge. “I told him I was a consolation prize.”
I covered my face as if I could disappear behind them.
“I told the only man who has ever truly seen me that I was a consolation prize.” My lungs seized, like there wasn’t enough air in the world to make up for that level of stupidity.
Rhion was suddenly in front of me, her hands landing on my shoulders. “Deep breath. In through your nose. Out through your mouth.”
“You don’t understand,” I choked. “He’s done everything for me. Everything. And I lost my mind on him for what? Falling in love? Right, because I’ve never done that.”
Eyes still locked on me, Rhion called, “Mira.” And then slanting her head to the door.
Through my panic, I barely noticed Mira walking out of the bedroom.
Shame consumed me. “I stayed with my ex for years after he cheated on me. Did Devon judge me for it? No, that man hugged me, and held me until even I could forget the filth of my past. I compared him to Sebastian. What is wrong with me?” My breath came too fast, too shallow, my hands pressing flat against my sternum like I could physically hold myself together.
“Oh my God. This is so bad. So, so bad. I asked him who was better in bed. The rock star or the actress. I literally said those words to him.”
“Okay, so you were mad. He’ll understand,” Rhion said.
“And what if he doesn’t? What if these are finally the human parts of me that he can’t overlook. What if I’ve lost him?” My shoulders shook with a sob.
“Girl, get it together,” Brianna muttered, rising to her feet. “He didn’t jump off a roof. He’s right there.”
“Lofton,” he called, his voice carving through the room, like an arrow through water.
I spun around to find him standing in the doorway, his broad shoulders filling the space.
The muscles in his neck strained as his gaze swept over me, head to foot, searching with a warmth I didn’t deserve.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted, the words tripping over each other as they tumbled out. “I didn’t mean it. You’re not—” My voice broke on itself. “There’s not a crack in your foundation. That was my wound, not yours, and I put it on you because I didn’t know what else to do with it and that’s not—”
“Lofton.”
“I was projecting. I was hurt, but now I realize I’ve been holding you to a standard I’ve never held myself to. That’s not fair. You’re allowed to have a past. You’re allowed to have made mistakes. I, of all people, should understand that and instead I just—”
“Lofton.”
“I’ve never felt like this before. It’s scary, Devon. And when I heard about her, I just—”
“Lofton!” he boomed, loud enough to startle me.
It also finally shut me up.
I stood there, eyes burning, holding my breath, feeling like an absolute fool.
He lifted his hand and curled his finger.
“C’mere, babe.”