Chapter Forteen #2
Right now, I swear if I burst into flames on this stage, I wouldn’t even care because at least I’d burn doing the thing I love most in the world.
I throw everything into the performance, singing like this might be my only chance to ever prove myself. And the entire time, I can feel Indi somewhere in the room.
I know that sounds wild, but I swear I can feel her presence like electricity crackling through the air, making every one of my senses sharper. Everything feels heightened tonight. The music sounds better, my voice sounds better, and the energy feels bigger.
If I could dive into the crowd right now and crowd surf all the way to the back of the venue just to get to Indi, I probably would. However, crowd surfing at your very first gig might be slightly overdoing it.
The song starts winding down, and relief floods through me, knowing Indi is here—I’m doing this for her.
The final chorus hits, and we finish hard. The crowd explodes into cheers and stomping feet as we all throw our hands into the air, soaking it in.
The place is going absolutely fucking wild.
And it’s all because of Staked.
My band.
They love us already, and now it’s time to really turn the charm on and win them over properly.
“Hello, London!” I shout into the mic while the crowd screams louder.
“We’re Staked, and we’re seriously fucking honored to have you here at our very first live show! You guys having a good time tonight?”
I hold the microphone out toward the crowd, and the response is deafening. One girl near the front screams so loud it nearly makes me laugh. Then she rips her shirt off and throws it onto the stage.
I blink once before bursting out laughing and walking over to pick it up. “Thanks for that, sweetheart,” I tease, stuffing it into my back pocket.
Nice gesture and all… but she’s definitely not the woman I want taking her clothes off for me tonight.
Please don’t let that piss Indi off.
The girl screams even louder while security moves in to escort her away.
“All right…” I laugh into the microphone, “… if everyone else could keep their clothes on for now. We can always take them off later.” I drop my voice, making it rougher on purpose, as I scan the crowd for Indi.
I’m saying it for her.
The girls scream so loudly it’s ridiculous, and then I notice one woman near the front literally fainting while security rushes toward her.
Holy shit.
Women are fainting over me.
This is dangerously addictive.
I decide I had better keep the momentum going before the crowd settles too much because this next song means more to me than anything else we’ve ever written.
I wrote it about Indi.
And she’s never heard it before.
I need the crowd to love this song so Indi can hear exactly how much I still love her. How badly I still need her. And how fucking incredible it feels finally getting to sing this to her while standing onstage in front of ten thousand people.
“This next song…” I say more softly into the microphone, “… is really close to my heart. I wrote it with my amazing cousin over there. Say hi, Annie.”
Annie laughs and waves while the crowd cheers.
“But yeah… this song’s about someone very special to me, and hopefully she knows who she is.” My heart pounds harder as I stare out into the crowd, searching for her somewhere in the darkness.
“This song is called “Saving Grace.” ”
Indi
Caleb’s voice is somehow even better now than it was when we were teenagers. It’s deeper, smoother, more controlled, and every note pouring from him feels like it’s wrapping around my body and dragging me toward the stage.
I can barely breathe.
The pull I feel toward him is overwhelming. Like if I got any closer, I’d burn alive in the heat radiating off him. Even standing all the way at the back of the venue, I can feel his energy surging through the room.
He’s magnetic…
And I’m trying so hard not to let myself be pulled in.
The only thing stopping me from walking toward the stage is the crowd packed around me. I hate crowds now. Hate the feeling of people pressing too close, the noise, the lack of control. Otherwise, I probably would’ve found myself standing right in front of him already.
Watching Caleb on stage is dangerous.
He owns the crowd effortlessly, moving with this confidence and swagger that makes it impossible to look anywhere else. The women near the front are already losing their minds over him, and honestly, I understand why. I always have.
That woman throwing her top at him should probably annoy me more than it does. The rock star charm, the flirtation, the performance… it’s all part of the image.
And God help me, Caleb was born for this life.
This is the first time anyone has ever seen Staked perform live, and women are already fainting over him before they even know the songs. Caleb is going to become huge. I can feel it as strongly as I can feel the bass vibrating through the floor beneath my feet.
And that realization unsettles me more than I want to admit.
How am I supposed to fit into his life now?
Even if we became friends again, how long would that realistically last before he’s touring the world and surrounded by beautiful women throwing themselves at him every night?
Maybe coming here was a mistake.
Maybe seeing him again at all was a mistake.
The problem is that Caleb has always been my weakness. My addiction. And now that I’ve seen him again, it feels impossible to force him back out of my system.
“Anyway…” Caleb says into the microphone, pulling me from my thoughts, “… this song’s about someone special to me. Hopefully, she knows who she is. This is called “Saving Grace.” ”
My stomach tightens instantly.
Please don’t let this be about me.
The music starts slowly, heavy with bass and emotion. Before he even reaches the chorus, I already know this song is going to become massive.
Then Caleb starts singing.
And every word destroys me.
The lyrics spill through the venue, telling our story. Of our childhood, of our love, of me leaving him behind.
I stop breathing somewhere around the second verse.
By the time he reaches the chorus, my eyes are overflowing with tears. I press my hand over my mouth, trying desperately to hide the sob threatening to escape me while Caleb sings about loving me from the start.
About needing me.
About me breaking him when I left.
My chest physically hurts as I listen to him pour all of this into the song.
And the worst part is… I believe every word.
When the song finally ends, the entire venue erupts into cheers, but I can barely hear any of it over the pounding of my own heartbeat.
Caleb lifts his head and scans the crowd like he’s searching for someone.
Searching for me.
I sway slightly on the spot, overwhelmed and struggling to steady myself. The woman beside me gives me a strange look like she thinks I’m about to faint.
Honestly, maybe I am.
I feel sick with guilt.
I had no idea he’d been carrying this around for six years. No idea he’d written a song about us.
About me.
And God, the way he sang it…
Like I was still everything to him.
A horrible ache twists through my chest because, despite everything, despite all the years apart and everything I witnessed that day at school… I still love him, too.
But can I trust him?
No.
Not after what happened all those years ago.
Not after seeing him kissing another girl after telling me he loved me.
Not after hearing him tell Annie at the hospital that I was “No one.” Yes, I overheard that when I left the room, and it hurt.
And definitely not after watching women throw themselves at him tonight while he soaked up the attention like he was born for it.
His career is only just beginning, and already women are screaming for him, fainting over him, and throwing clothes at him.
How am I supposed to survive that life?
I can’t.
The realization hits me hard enough that I start backing away from the crowd.
I need to leave.
Right now.
Because if I stay here any longer, I’m going to fall for Caleb McCormack-Slade all over again, and I don’t think I’d survive him breaking my heart a second time.
He’s going to become a star.
Women will throw themselves at him constantly, and eventually, he’ll give in to it because that’s the life he’s choosing—the life he was born for. And I can’t live wondering every night whether I’m enough for someone the entire world wants a piece of.
So maybe this is where I walk away… again.
Before I lose myself in him completely.
Before he forgets all about Indica Malone.
Because deep down, I know it’s only a matter of time before he does.