Chapter Thirty-Two
Caleb
Five Weeks Later
Five weeks post-Indi, and I’m steadily falling apart.
I’m miserable. Completely and utterly miserable.
People say they can’t tell anything’s wrong when I’m on stage, but when I look at photographs or video afterward, I see it instantly. The agony in my eyes. The tension in my face. The way my shoulders slump like I’m carrying the weight of the world.
I feel alone all the time.
It doesn’t matter that my family and friends have basically refused to leave me alone.
Someone’s always checking in on me, dragging me somewhere, making sure I eat or sleep or shower like I’m some kind of emotionally unstable zoo animal.
But despite all of that, I still feel isolated.
Like there’s this giant fucking hole inside me nobody else can touch.
I still call Indi constantly. At least five or six times a day.
She never answers.
But I leave messages anyway.
Sometimes I tell her about my day. Sometimes I just say, “I love you.” Sometimes I beg her to call me back. Sometimes I don’t say anything at all and listen to her voicemail greeting because hearing her voice for three seconds is enough to keep me breathing for another hour.
I know Annie’s worried about me. Honestly, I think they all are. But I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending I’m holding myself together.
I need to see her.
It’s driving me fucking insane.
Right now I’m at the manor after rehearsals, tense as hell because we don’t have a show tonight, and that means too much free time to think. My skin feels too tight, like I need to crawl out of it or punch something or do literally anything to stop my brain from obsessing over Indi.
“Hey,” Aston says suddenly, tossing me a bottle of water. “Now that rehearsals are over, you wanna come back to my place for a guys’ night? You, me, Chad. We can do manly shit without these chicks for once.”
Annie scoffs loudly and slaps his chest. “Chicks? Is that all I am to you?”
“Yep,” Aston replies instantly. “Just some bird who won’t leave me alone long enough for guy time.”
Chad chuckles while Annie glares murderously at Aston.
“Mate,” Chad says wisely. “Everything you say will be used against you later. Be careful.”
“See?” Annie points dramatically. “Chad has his head screwed on. You should learn from him. Right, Caleb?”
I blink, realizing I’d completely zoned out. “Right. Yeah. Whatever.”
Aston studies me for a second before nudging my arm. “Come on, man. Guys’ night. We’ll cheer you up.”
I shrug half-heartedly. “I dunno. I just—”
“Oh, go on, cuz,” Annie interrupts. “It’s not often I let Aston off his leash. You’d be doing him a favor.”
They’re trying so hard for me that guilt twists through my chest.
“Guys’ night! Guys’ night! Guys’ night!” Chad suddenly starts chanting like an overexcited toddler.
To my horror, Annie and Aston join in immediately.
I shake my head, laughing under my breath at how ridiculous they all are.
“Come on, Caleb,” Aston says, slapping my shoulder. “Guys’ night.”
“Okay, okay,” I cave. “Guys’ night. But I’m hiring strippers.”
“What?” Annie screeches, glaring at Aston like this was somehow his fault.
“I’m kidding, cuz,” I say with a smirk.
She smacks me across the back of the head. “You suck.”
“That was the goal.”
She giggles despite herself while I wrap an arm around her shoulders and squeeze her tightly. She squeals dramatically.
“You better actually have fun tonight,” she warns Aston. “And make sure Caleb does too.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Aston replies with a mock salute.
After rehearsals finish, Aston rides back with me while Chad follows behind us. We pull up outside Aston’s parents’ manor, which is ridiculously huge in its own right, though not quite as massive or over-the-top as Colt and Dee’s place.
Inside, we settle into the man cave while Chad instantly claims the Xbox like his life depends on it. Aston and I are sprawled across the red leather couch when Johnny walks in.
He pauses in the doorway, looking between us. “Guys’ night?”
“I think it’s more of a subtle cheer-Caleb-the-fuck-up intervention,” I mutter.
Johnny smirks while Aston sighs dramatically. “Are we really that obvious?”
“Yes,” I deadpan. “Painfully obvious.”
“Oh well,” Chad calls out from the gaming chair. “At least tonight we get to fart and burp and be disgusting without the girls yelling at us.”
Right on cue, he lets out a monstrous fart that echoes through the room, and we all stare at him in horror before bursting out laughing.
“Jesus Christ, Chad,” Johnny chokes out. “What the hell did you eat?”
“Dunno.” Chad shrugs proudly. “That’s just natural talent. Been holding it in all day because Ella was around.”
Aston and I laugh harder while Johnny gags dramatically.
And for one brief second… I almost feel normal again.
Almost.
“How are you really doing?” Johnny asks once the laughter dies down.
Immediately, the heaviness crashes back into me. Indi’s face flashes through my head so vividly it physically hurts. “Not great,” I admit quietly. “I miss her.”
Johnny nods knowingly. “Breakups suck, mate. But if something’s worth fighting for, life usually finds a way of working itself out eventually. No point forcing things.”
I stare at the floor and nod slowly.
“Right,” Johnny says suddenly, clapping his hands together. “What food do you idiots want?”
“Chinese!” Chad yells instantly.
We all stare at him.
“What?” he says defensively. “I want vegetables.”
That sends Johnny into another fit of laughter.
“Okay, Chinese it is. I’ll order.” He turns toward the door.
“Johnny,” I call after him.
He glances back.
“Call Boozeline too, yeah?”
His grin widens immediately. “Now it’s a proper party.”
The second he disappears, Aston turns toward me, frowning. “Should you really be drinking?”
“What? Are you, my dad?”
He lifts his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying… last time you got drunk, you made some pretty catastrophic choices.”
Fucking fair point.
“Can I stay here tonight?” I ask instead.
“Obviously. You don’t even need to ask.”
“Then it’s settled,” I say. “If I drink, I stay here. No driving anywhere to do dumb shit.”
Aston studies me carefully before nodding slowly. “Okay. But I’m confiscating your cell phone before bed so you can’t drunkenly invite chaos over here.”
Honestly? Smart.
“You know you’re weirdly intelligent sometimes?” I say, handing him my cell immediately.
He pockets it with a laugh. “You’re gonna be okay, you know that?”
The question hits harder than expected, and I swallow thickly. “I honestly don’t know anymore.”
Silence settles over us for a moment.
“It’s killing me not knowing where she is,” I admit quietly. “Or if she’s okay. Thinking about her hurting like this and not being able to fix it…” I scrub a hand over my face. “It’s fucking torture.”
Aston’s expression softens. “I’d lose my mind if Annie disappeared on me too. So trust me, I get it.”
He nudges my shoulder lightly. “And I’m here whenever you need me, all right?”
“Thanks, mate.” I manage a weak smile. “You’re basically the little brother I never had.”
Aston gasps dramatically. “Was that your weird way of saying you love me?”
“What? No. Absolutely not.”
“Yes, you do.” He bats his eyelashes at me obnoxiously. “You love me, Caleb.”
“Shut up. What are you trying to do, marry me through my cousin?”
“Oh no,” he says dramatically, clutching his chest. “You discovered my secret. I’m hopelessly in love with you.” He puckers his lips and leans toward me.
“Fuck off!” I laugh, shoving his chest before he can get close, and he falls backward onto the couch, cackling.
“Made you laugh though.”
“Yeah,” I admit, still grinning despite myself. “But if you ever try kissing me again, I’m punching you.”
“Noted.”
Right then, Chad lifts one leg and unleashes another horrifying fart into the room.
Aston and I both groan while laughing all over again.
After absolutely demolishing enough Chinese food to feed a small country, Johnny and I moved on to bourbon while Chad remained glued to the Xbox like his life depended on it.
Eventually, Johnny disappeared off to bed, leaving Aston and me at the poker table attempting to play Blackjack while Chad continued yelling at strangers through his headset.
At this point, I’m well beyond tipsy.
Honestly, I can barely count to twenty-one anymore, so the game’s become less about skill and more about trusting Aston not to scam me completely.
“Hit me,” I slur confidently.
Aston looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Really?”
I nod dramatically. “Absolutely.”
“You’re sitting on twenty.”
I blink slowly before looking back down at my cards. “Oh yeah.” A hiccup escapes me. “Still. Hit me.”
Laughing, Aston tosses another card down.
Ten of clubs.
“Aww, crap!” I throw my cards onto the table dramatically before dropping my forehead onto my folded arms with a groan. “I think maybe we’ve had enough Blackjack for tonight,” Aston says between laughs.
“Yeah,” I mumble into my arms. “Only because you’re winning.”
Aston chuckles and pats my back while I close my eyes for a second and immediately picture Indi’s face.
“God, she’s beautiful.” The thought slips out before I can stop it. “How did I ever score someone like her anyway?”
Aston and Chad both look over at me.
“She’s stunning, and I’m just some long-haired bad boy. Girls like Indi don’t usually go for guys like me.”
“Yeah,” Chad says thoughtfully from the Xbox. “How did you pull that off?”
I lift my head slowly, blinking at him.
Wait.
Did I say all that out loud?
“What would you know?” I scoff drunkenly. “Mr. I’m-In-Love-With-Ella-But-Will-Never-Tell-Her.”
I point at him proudly. “Ha! That rhymed.”
Chad rolls his eyes. “Shut up, dude. You’re hammered.”
“Yep.” I nod seriously. “Very drunk.”
My forehead hits my arms again.
“I think we call it a night,” Aston says.
That makes me look up immediately. “You love Annie,” I announce loudly.
Aston smirks. “Pretty sure that’s public knowledge.”
“But you haven’t told her.” I squint at him accusingly. “Not properly.”
He leans back in his chair with a sigh. “Just hasn’t felt like the right time.”