Chapter Thirty-Four
Caleb
My head feels impossibly heavy, and my body aches with a level of pain I can’t even process. It’s everywhere, but especially on my left side, sharp and brutal enough to make breathing feel like work.
I have no idea what’s wrong with me.
The last thing I remember is being at Aston’s house. Now everything is black, my body won’t cooperate, and all I can hear is loud beeping mixed with dull, muffled noises I can’t quite place. Someone’s holding my hand, I think, but I can’t wake up properly.
Something is badly wrong.
And all I can think about is Indi.
I hope she’s okay.
“I love you, Caleb.” Her voice drifts through the fog, faint but real enough to make something inside me fight harder.
Indi.
I need to get to her. I need to see her. I need to know she’s really here and not another cruel trick my mind is playing on me. The fog lifts slightly when I hear her gentle sobs, and that sound breaks something in me, adding a whole new kind of pain to the agony already tearing through my body.
I try to move, but fire shoots through my left side, making me groan.
“Caleb?” Indi asks, panic threading through her voice.
“Indi,” I murmur, my eyes still closed.
“I’m right here, baby. I’m right here. Can you open your eyes?”
That’s all the push I need. Forcing every bit of strength I have into it, I drag my eyes open. The room is dim, everything blurry at first, but then her face slowly comes into focus.
My angel.
Only she looks wrecked.
Her eyes are swollen from crying, her face pale and exhausted, and seeing her like that hurts almost as much as whatever’s going on with my body.
“Indi,” I whisper.
Her bottom lip trembles before she bursts into tears. “Oh God, Caleb. You’re awake.” She brings a hand to her face like she’s trying to hide how hard she’s crying.
I lift my arm, even though every muscle aches, because I need to touch her. Right now, more than anything, I need to know she’s real. My fingers brush her arm, and she breaks completely, sinking back into the chair while clinging to my hand so tightly it hurts.
I don’t care.
“Where am I?” I murmur, blinking quickly as I try to pull myself together. Everything is foggy, painful, and confusing, but from the look on Indi’s face, it’s bad.
What the hell happened?
“You’re in the hospital,” she says, wiping at her cheeks. “You were in a car accident. Do you remember anything?”
I swallow hard, my brows pulling together as I bring my hand toward my head. The second my fingers touch the sore spot, I flinch from the sting.
“You have a laceration there,” she says, slipping straight into nurse mode. “Twelve stitches. Don’t touch it.”
I exhale and lower my hand until it rests against her arm again. “Last thing I remember, I was at Aston’s. I was drunk.” My chest tightens with dread. “Did I drive drunk?”
Her face softens, but she nods. “Yeah. If you drove from Oxfordshire, you nearly made it all the way here. You were found about five minutes from the hospital.”
A flash of memory cuts through the fog.
The dream.
Indi calling me.
The need to get to her.
“I think I was coming here to find you,” I whisper.
Her eyes widen, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. “Really?”
“I was going to make a grand gesture.”
A watery laugh escapes her as she shakes her head. “Well, this was a dramatic way of getting my attention.”
I half laugh, but pain rips through my side, cutting me off with a groan.
“Don’t move.” She’s on her feet instantly, her hands pressing carefully to my torso to keep me still. “You’ve had surgery.”
Even through the sheets, the feel of her hands on me sends something warm and aching through my chest.
“Surgery?”
“Your spleen was badly injured,” she says carefully.
“They had to remove it. There was an arterial bleed, but they found it and repaired it. You’re going to be fine, Caleb, but it could’ve been so much w-worse.
” Her voice cracks on the last word, and she looks down before forcing her eyes back to mine.
“What were you thinking?” she asks, her voice rising.
She’s mad.
And honestly, she has every right to be.
“I just wanted to be near you. I’ve missed you so much, Indi. I know I fucked up—”
“Shh,” she says, her voice softening again. “We don’t need to talk about this now.”
“Yes… we d-do.” My voice shakes, but I don’t care.
“I’ve been without you for five weeks. Apparently I nearly died tonight, so I need you to know.
I didn’t cheat on you. I didn’t leak our story.
And I love you so much I would die for you.
” Tears burn my eyes before I can stop them.
“I nearly did die for you.” A tear slides down my cheek, and I swipe it away angrily, but Indi just stares at me, her bottom lip trembling.
“How could you be so reckless?” she cries. “How could you get behind the wheel like that?”
“I needed to get to you—”
“Then get to me sober!” she snaps, tears spilling over.
“Don’t fucking kill yourself in the process.
I could have lost you, Caleb. I could’ve lost you!
” She breaks, lowering her head to my chest as sobs shake through her body.
Her weight hurts like hell against my side, but I wouldn’t move her for anything.
If she needs comfort, I’ll take the pain.
“I thought I’d lost you,” I whisper, sliding my hand carefully into her hair. “I gave you time like you wanted, and you weren’t coming back. I missed you so fucking much, Indi. I love you so much.”
She cries harder, and after five weeks of emptiness, having her here, clinging to me like she never wants to let go, makes my heart pound so hard I can barely breathe.
But I still don’t know where we stand.
“Indi,” I say quietly, stroking the back of her head.
“I swear to you, I didn’t cheat. I slept with Sasha once.
You wanted to be friends, and I was confused, hurt, and drunk.
That doesn’t excuse it. I own what I did.
But I don’t remember calling her, and I barely remember anything that happened.
I woke up next to her the next day and felt sick because even though we weren’t together, it felt like I’d betrayed you. ”
Indi lifts her head slightly, listening through her tears.
“I’m not blaming you. I’m not. That was my mistake.
But after that, nothing happened with her.
I saw her again because I was desperate and needed someone to talk to, so I told her everything about us and our past. I asked for advice, and she told me to tell you how I felt.
So I did. That’s when we made things official.
After that, she wanted more from me, and when I said no, she lost it. ”
“So Sasha leaked my past and our story to the media?” Indi asks quietly.
“Yes.” Shame burns through me. “And I’m so sorry. I should never have told her any of it. That part is on me. I was confused and hurting, and I made the wrong person my sounding board.”
“It’s okay,” she interrupts. I stare at her.
She sits straighter, taking both my hands in hers.
“I don’t care anymore. Not about what happened or what didn’t happen.
I nearly lost you tonight, and that puts everything into perspective.
” Her voice trembles. “You’re the love of my life, Caleb.
Seeing you wheeled in here in agony tore my heart out. ”
My throat constricts.
“I don’t want another minute to go by without you in my life. We have issues, serious ones, and we need to work through them together. It’s going to take time and patience, and I need to change some things too. But if you still want to give this a real go, then I’m in.”
I can’t breathe.
“I don’t even care if our love is the kind that destroys us both,” she whispers.
“Because watching you tonight made me realize I’m already at that point where if you weren’t here, I wouldn’t want to be either.
I’m in too deep, Caleb. And I don’t care.
I love you so much I can’t function without you. ”
I try to hold myself together, but it’s useless. Emotion rips through me while my body shakes.
“Oh, Caleb,” Indi whispers, standing and leaning over me.
I wrap my arms around her as tightly as I can, which isn’t very tight at all, but I need her to feel me trying. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I choke out. “I should be more of a man than this.”
She cups my face, forcing me to look at her. “You’re all the man I could ever want.” Then she leans down and kisses me softly.
The kiss sends life surging through me, reminding me I’m here, alive, and she’s with me. Even through the pain, the medication, and the fear, Indi gives me something to hold on to. But then she accidentally presses against my left side, and a groan tears from me against her mouth.
She jerks back instantly. “Shit, sorry. I got carried away. Are you okay? Do you need more pain relief?”
I force a weak smile because the last thing I want is for her to feel guilty. “Just need another kiss. With a little less leaning, if possible.”
She wipes her cheeks and smiles properly for the first time. “That I can do.”
Moving higher beside my head, she leans in and kisses me again, slower and more carefully.
“I’m so sorry I fucked us up,” I whisper when she pulls away.
She sits back down and takes my hand. “I’m ashamed I ran again instead of listening to you.”
I shift slightly, trying to get comfortable, but it doesn’t work.
“Stop moving,” she scolds. “You’ve had surgery.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I glance at her through heavy eyes. “So does this mean we get to play doctors and nurses now?”
Her brows lift. “You’ve just woken up from four and a half hours of surgery, and that’s where your mind goes?”
“It’s where my mind always goes when it comes to you.”
Despite herself, she smiles, then her expression turns serious. “Caleb, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Dread shoots through me. “It’s my kidney, isn’t it?”
“No,” she says quickly. “Your kidney is fine. But your spleen was badly damaged. They couldn’t do keyhole surgery because of the trauma, so they had to make a larger incision.”