Chapter Forty-Four #2
I miss the chaos.
I miss Caleb.
I miss Sunday dinners with his family, Annie’s endless teasing, Aston dropping by unannounced, and the late-night FaceTime calls from whatever hotel room Caleb happened to be in halfway around the world.
God…
Some days, I even miss the drama, because at least back then, I felt something.
Now I drift through each day pretending I am okay.
Pretending I have moved on.
Pretending the best part of my life isn’t behind me.
Today is my day off, and Mick finishes work at two. We’re going to the movies afterward, just the two of us.
He really does look after me.
He treats me with kindness and respect, and although he insists on calling me Indica, which I absolutely hate, I let it slide because he never means any harm.
As I pull into the coffee shop car park, “Saving Grace” comes on the radio, and my breath catches.
I switch it off before Caleb’s voice has the chance to pull me under again.
Not today.
Not when I’m about to see my boyfriend.
I don’t need to be thinking about the man I’m trying so desperately to forget.
I climb out of the car, sling my bag over my shoulder, and head inside, but the knot in my stomach only tightens. The café is busy, filled with the usual lunchtime rush, and I force myself to smile even though everything inside me feels strangely unsettled.
Mick is behind the espresso machine when I walk in. He glances up, catches sight of me, and smiles so brightly that anyone looking would think we were the happiest couple in London.
I smile back.
He’s handsome in a quiet sort of way, with short red hair, a permanent five o’clock shadow, and none of the dangerous edge Caleb carried so effortlessly.
The two men couldn’t be more different.
Mick looks like the sort of man you’d trust with your laptop.
Caleb looks like the sort who’d steal your heart without even trying.
Mick catches my eye again and blows me a kiss.
I smile because I know I should.
Because he deserves at least that much.
But the flutter I’m waiting for never comes.
Instead, guilt settles heavily in my chest. I stare at him and wonder, not for the first time, whether I’m being fair to either of us.
He makes me laugh.
He makes me smile.
Is that enough?
Can affection eventually become love? Or am I simply asking him to live in the shadow of a man he’ll never be able to compete with?
Mick tells me he loves me almost every day.
I say it back…
But every single time, it is a lie.
Not because I want to hurt him, but because I can’t bear seeing the disappointment in his eyes when I don’t.
He knows someone broke my heart.
What he doesn’t know is that the pieces are still lying exactly where they fell.
I could grow to love him…
Couldn’t I?
I just need to let Caleb go. I need to stop comparing every man I meet to him because no one will ever measure up. Caleb was my first love—my only real love—and maybe that’s the problem. Once you have loved someone that completely, how do you ever expect anyone else to compete?
I need to let him go.
I draw in a slow breath, but before I can release it, every nerve ending in my body suddenly comes alive, and a shiver races over my skin. The tiny hairs on my arms stand on end, and my pulse stumbles so violently it steals the breath from my lungs.
I know this feeling.
Somehow…
… Caleb is here.
My head snaps toward the entrance, where he walks into the coffee shop with Aston beside him, a red-haired woman close behind, and two men in black who can only be security.
Panic instantly surges through me. I duck instinctively beneath the table, but my handbag catches the metal napkin holder, sending it crashing onto the floor, and the sharp clang echoes through the café.
Caleb turns.
Our eyes meet.
Everything else disappears…
The conversations.
The music.
The hiss of the coffee machine.
All of it fades beneath the weight of one look.
God… he looks broken.
I slowly rise from the booth, unable to tear my eyes away from him. He stares at me as though he’s seeing a ghost, his chest rising and falling with uneven breaths while disbelief, relief, and heartbreak all battle across his face.
Aston grips his arm and says something to him, but Caleb barely seems to hear it.
He shakes his head.
Then he starts walking.
Straight toward me.
Each determined step sends my heartbeat higher until my knees begin to tremble beneath me. I grip the edge of the booth to keep myself upright, terrified they will simply give way before he reaches me.
“Indi.” The sound of my name on his lips almost undoes me.
God… I’ve missed him.
“Indi… is it really you?”
Before I can answer, he’s pulling me into his arms.
I should push him away.
I don’t.
My body betrays me, melting against him as though it’s finally found the place it has been searching for.
“Caleb?” I whisper, breathless beneath the strength of his embrace.
“Oh, b-baby.” His voice cracks. “Where have you been? I swear to God, I never slept with Sasha—”
The moment her name leaves his mouth, every wall I’d spent three months rebuilding slams back into place, and I pull away from him.
“How could y-you?” My voice is barely more than a whisper. “She was my one hard limit, Caleb.”
“I just told you, Indi, I didn’t—”
“And what? I am supposed to believe you?”
“Yes.” His eyes search mine desperately. “Because it’s the truth. I never touched her.”
“I don’t believe you!” The words echo through the café, drawing every pair of eyes toward us. “You ruined me, Caleb.”
Pain flashes across his face. “Indi, please—”
Movement catches my attention.
Mick is hurrying toward us from behind the counter. “You okay, Indica?”
I nod automatically and step away from Caleb, desperate to put some distance between us before I completely lose my resolve.
“What the fuck’s it to you?” Caleb snaps as he reaches for me again.
“Hey!” Mick grabs my arm, gently pulling me behind him. “Keep your hands off her.”
The moment Caleb’s fingers slip away, a hollow ache settles in my chest.
“And who the fuck are you?” Caleb demands. His eyes never leave mine. “Indi… please. Just talk to me.”
Mick squares his shoulders. “I’m her boyfriend.”
The words hang in the air… while Caleb goes completely still.
His eyes drop briefly to Mick’s name badge before lifting back to my face.
“Mick?”
“Yeah.”
The color drains from Caleb’s face so quickly that my anger almost falters.
Almost.
“So what is it?” he asks quietly. “Mick the Dick… or Mick the Prick?” His mouth twists into a humorless smile. “Maybe Indi should give Mick the flick.”
I close my eyes.
Seriously?
“Shut up, dickhead,” Mick fires back.
I place a hand against his chest before either of them can make things worse.
“Indi,” Caleb pleads.
I slowly shake my head. “I can’t,” then turn toward the back exit.
“No… Indi, wait.” His footsteps follow immediately.
Mick moves between us. “Leave her alone.”
Caleb laughs—a short, bitter sound. “Or what?” He shoves Mick in the chest.
“Caleb!” I shout.
Mick shoves him back. “Or you’ll have me to deal with.”
Everything happens at once…
Caleb’s fist connects with Mick’s jaw with a sickening crack.
Someone screams.
Aston and the security guards surge forward, dragging Caleb backward while Mick stumbles to the floor.
“Mick!” I drop beside him. “You okay?”
He groans, rubbing his jaw before looking up at me. “You know this guy, Indica?”
Before I can answer, Caleb’s voice cuts across the room. “He calls you… Indica?” His brow furrows. “You hate that.”
Mick turns to me. “You do?”
I sigh. “Yeah.” And the single word feels heavier than it should. “I really do.” I stand and walk back toward Caleb, fury finally overcoming everything else. “You can’t just walk in here and assault my friend.”
He barely seems to hear me before his hands cup my face so gently that it steals my breath.
“I love you, Indi.” His eyes shine with unshed tears. “I would do anything for you.”
My heart shatters all over again.
“Sometimes…” My voice trembles. “Sometimes love just isn’t enough, Caleb.”
A sad smile touches his lips. “Sometimes…” he whispers, “… it is.”
Before I can move, he closes the distance between us and kisses me.
I hear Mick say my name.
I hear Aston calling for Caleb.
I hear people shouting around us.
But it all fades away beneath the feel of Caleb’s mouth on mine.
No one has ever kissed me the way he does.
No one ever will.
I should pull away.
I should fight him.
I should remember every reason I walked away.
Instead…
I kiss him back.