Chapter Twenty-Two
Annie
My ears ring, heat flooding through me as the music playing in the green room drags me back to reality.
“Please Don’t Say You Love Me” by Gabrielle Aplin filters through the speakers, and the irony hits me like a punch to the chest.
Don’t say it… if you don’t mean it.
My head spins.
Why the hell would he say that?
“Annie?” Aston’s voice cuts through the noise, grounding me just enough to focus on him. “Annie, please say something.”
My eyes sting, tears blurring my vision as something sharp and painful twists inside me.
How could he do this?
“Annie, did you hear me? I love you,” he says again.
Everything inside me locks up.
My stomach churns violently, nausea rising as my thoughts tangle into something I can’t control.
“Annie!” he snaps, panic creeping into his voice.
I finally force myself to look at him. His face is tight with worry, eyes searching mine like he’s trying to piece me back together.
“Why?” I whisper.
“Why what, Lennox? Talk to me.” His hand lifts, brushing my cheek.
I jerk back, putting space between us. My chest aches, my heart racing so hard I can barely think. “Why would you say that?”
His brow furrows. “Why would I say I love you?”
“Don’t,” I snap, stepping back again, wrapping my arms around myself like I can hold myself together. “Don’t say that.”
“What’s going on?”
The tears come, fast and unstoppable.
He moves toward me, pulling me into his arms, but I shove against him, breaking free.
“We shouldn’t have done this,” I choke out. “It was a mistake.”
He freezes, confusion flashing across his face. “Jesus… I hurt you, didn’t I?”
“No, but this… this was a mistake.” The words feel wrong even as they leave my mouth, but I can’t stop them.
He steps toward me again, more urgent this time. “This wasn’t a mistake, Annie. Talk to me. What’s going on in your head?” He grabs me, holding me tight, but panic spikes through me.
“Let me go. Don’t touch me.” I fight against him, shoving hard until he releases me, and before I can stop myself, my hand swings—
Slap.
The sound echoes between us.
He stares at me, stunned, one hand rising to his cheek.
But this is his fault.
He did this.
“Annie… I’m sorry. Did I push you too far? Did you want to wait?” he asks, scrambling for answers.
“No,” I whisper. “I wanted it. It was… it was good.” My throat tightens. “But then you ruined it.”
His expression crumples. “Ruined it? How?”
“With your lie.” Silence drops between us. “I can’t handle lies, Aston,” I say, wiping at my cheeks. “Not from you!”
He reaches for my hand. “Lennox, you’re spiraling. We didn’t do anything wrong—”
“No. I didn’t.” My voice shakes, but I hold my ground. “You did. You lied to me. And I don’t trust liars.” I turn for the door.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he demands, following me. “Was I too rough? Did I hurt you? I was trying to be careful. Was it the blood? Annie, that’s normal. Just tell me what I did so I can fix this.”
“Fix this?” I spin back on him. “There is nothing to fix. We’re done. Just leave me alone.”
“Annie, don’t do this,” he says, grabbing my face, forcing me to look at him. “Talk to me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
If I look at him, I’ll break.
“Let. Me. Go.”
Instead, he kisses me and for a split second, I give in and kiss him back.
“I love you, Annie. Let me fix this.”
Something inside me snaps. My hand lashes out again, striking his cheek even harder this time.
“Fuck, Lennox,” he mutters, stepping back.
The door swings open.
Danger stands there, watching.
“Annie… stop! Don’t walk away from this. Don’t walk away from us. Annie… please,” Aston begs.
I wipe my face and move past Danger, needing out.
“Annie, talk to me!”
I glance back just long enough to see the tear slip down Aston’s face while a sob tears from my chest, but I keep walking.
“Want me to beat him up for you, lemon?” Danger asks casually.
I stop, raising a brow. “Lemon?”
“Your sister’s sweet like sugar. You?” He tilts his head slightly. “Not so much.”
I scoff and shove his shoulder, but he barely moves.
“Annie, please… tell me what I d-did,” Aston calls, his voice breaking.
“You’re a lying sack of shit, Aston Soulding,” I shout back. “And apart from the band, I’m done with you. Completely.”
He goes still.
Like he’s stopped breathing.
“You don’t mean that,” he says, rushing forward.
Before he can reach me, Danger grabs him by the collar, holding him back.
“Put me down, prick,” Aston snaps, his eyes still locked on mine.
“Want me to let him go, lemon?” Danger asks.
I hesitate, just for a second, then shake my head. “Don’t. But I have to go.” My voice cracks. “Goodbye, A-Aston.” I turn and walk away with his voice following me, but I can’t make out the words.
I don’t stop.
I can’t.
My chest caves in as I stumble down the hallway, tears blinding me.
All I have ever wanted… is to be loved.
But that’s not something I get to have.
Not like that.
Mum, Dad, Ella—that’s different. That’s family. That’s an obligation.
But someone choosing to love me?
No.
I wasn’t even worth keeping. The people who made me gave me up, so how could anyone else possibly choose me?
That’s how I know he lied because no one could love me like that.
And if he can lie about something that big…
Then I can’t trust anything he says.
I find my way into a kitchen and sink onto a stool at the bench, dragging my hands over my face. Mascara is probably streaked halfway down my cheeks by now.
The refrigerator door opens, and I turn to see Ella pulling out a platter of fruit. “Oh, hey, sis. You hungry too?” she asks absently, setting the tray down in front of us. “Great show, right?”
I break. Full, uncontrollable sobs tear out of me.
She freezes, then rushes to my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Oh, Annie… what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I choke out.
“Right. Yeah. I can see that,” she mutters. “Who upset you? Can’t be Dad. He’s on stage, so that leaves Aston. Do I need to castrate him?”
A weak breath leaves me. “You sound like Dad.”
She lifts my chin, pulling my hands away from my face. Her expression softens immediately, and she pulls me into a hug. “Talk to me. I’ve got you.”
“It’s Aston,” I whisper.
She leans back slightly, brows lifting. “You guys had a fight? Must’ve been huge to get you like this.”
I hesitate, biting my lip. “We… we kind of—”
“Annie.”
“We had sex,” I whisper.
Her eyes widen. “Oh, okay. Was it bad?”
“No,” I say quickly. “It was… it was amazing.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because of what happened after.”
Her expression sharpens. “Did he hurt you? Use you?”
I shake my head. “No. He… he said he loves me.”
There’s a pause, and her brows furrow before she rubs my back slowly, like she’s trying to piece it together. “Okay… I might be missing something here,” she says carefully. “Shouldn’t that be a good thing? Don’t you love him?”
My chest tightens.
My stomach flips.
“I… I don’t know. Maybe. But that’s not the point. He said it… and it’s not true.”
“Annie…” she exhales. “I’m still lost.”
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, frustration bubbling up. “I thought you’d understand. How can someone love me? My birth parents didn’t love me enough to keep me, so why would anyone else?”
She frowns. “Mum loves you. Dad loves you. I love you. You don’t question that.”
“That’s different!” I snap, throwing my hands in the air.
“How?”
“Because you have t-to love me,” I say, my voice cracking.
“You’re my family. You don’t g-get a choice.
Aston does. And why would he ch-choose me?
” The words tumble out before I can stop them.
“I’m a mess. I’m moody, I’m angry, I’m selfish…
half the time I don’t even like myself. So why would he?
He wouldn’t. He’s lying to make me feel better, and I can see straight th-through it.
” My voice breaks. “W-why would he lie to me, Ella?”
She stares at me for a second, then shakes her head.
“You’ve got this completely twisted,” she says firmly.
“Aston loves you. I’ve known for months.
For years, even. This isn’t new… it’s just the first time he’s said it out loud.
” I look away. “And stop dragging your birth parents into this,” she adds.
“They don’t get to define what you’re worth. Not now. Not ever.”
I roll my eyes, though it lacks any real bite. “You don’t get it.”
“Yes, I do,” she shoots back. “You’re scared. That’s what this is.”
“I’m not fucking scared!”
She flinches slightly but doesn’t back down.
“Then what is it?” she asks quietly. “Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re terrified of someone loving you for real.
” My chest tightens painfully. “Let Aston in,” she continues.
“Don’t push him away like last time. You were miserable without him.
And if you do this again… he might not wait for you this time. ”
Jesus! Those words hit harder than anything else.
“I can’t,” I whisper. “I just… can’t.”
She pulls me into her side, rubbing my back as I cry. “You don’t have to decide anything right now,” she murmurs. “Just… think about it, okay?”
“I know what I’m thinking,” I mutter. “He lied. I can’t trust him. That’s it.” I push to my feet, but she grabs my arm and pulls me back into a tight hug.
I give in, collapsing against her. My legs give out, and we slide to the floor together, her holding me as I cry into her shoulder.
How am I supposed to do this?
Six months on tour, seeing him every day…
I can’t even think about it.
The kitchen door opens, and we both look up to see Mum standing there. Immediately, I bury my face into Ella’s shoulder.
“Girls? What’s going on?” Mum asks, walking toward us.
I sniff, quickly wiping my face. “Just… girl chat,” I say, trying for normal, but it comes out thick and broken.
She lowers herself to the floor beside us. “Annie,” she says gently.
I glance up, biting my lip to stop it from trembling.
“Aston came to find me,” she continues. “He looked awful. Said he upset you, but didn’t know how. You ended things with him?”
My chest tightens.
“He’s devastated,” she says softly. “And you’re clearly hurting too. So talk to me. What happened?”
“I can’t,” I whisper.
She exhales slowly. “Did things go further than you were ready for?”
I look down at my hands. “Annie, if he forced you—”
“He didn’t,” I cut in quickly. “I wanted it.”
She nods, steadying herself. “Okay. So… you slept together?”
I nod.
“Were you safe?”
Another nod.
“All right,” she says softly. “Then why are you so upset? Do you regret it?”
“No,” I whisper. “It was… perfect. He was so gentle. So careful…” My voice trails off.
Her brows knit together. “Then what is it, sweetheart?”
I look up at her, tears spilling again. “He told me he loves me. Right after.”
Her face lights up instantly. “Oh, Annie, that’s—”
“I knew you wouldn’t get it,” I cut straight in.
She pauses, glancing at Ella.
“Annie thinks she’s not worthy of love,” Ella says quietly. “Because of her birth parents.”
Mum sighs, her expression softening with understanding. “Annie… my sweet girl,” Mum says gently. “So many people love you, you know that. You don’t question our love, or do you feel like you’re not worthy of that either?”
“I’m not worthy of anyone’s love,” I whisper. “But you all have to love me. That’s just… how it works.”
“Please tell me you don’t actually believe that?”
“Mum, I think Annie’s lost the plot,” Ella mutters.
I glare at her.
“Not lost the plot,” Mum corrects softly. “Just… a little lost right now.”
She reaches for me, her voice steady but filled with emotion.
“Annie, I love you… not because I have to, but because of who you are. You’re intelligent, beautiful, vibrant…
you light up everything around you. My life is better because you’re in it.
” Her hand tightens around mine. “That’s not obligation.
That’s a choice.” My chest tightens painfully.
“I know you struggle with your birth parents,” she continues.
“I know you’ve convinced yourself they didn’t think you were worth keeping.
But have you ever considered that maybe it wasn’t about your worth at all? ”
I shake my head, my panic rising.
“Maybe,” she says gently. “They weren’t worthy of you.”
The words hit like a shockwave.
My heart slams against my ribs so hard it makes me feel sick.
I hate this.
I hate talking about them.
I hate that they matter.
I hate that I still want to know them.
And I hate that something they did, before I could even understand it, still controls me now.
Anger surges through me, sharp and sudden. “I wish I had never been born,” I scream, yanking at my hair, trying to tear the ache out of my chest.
“Annie… stop!” Mum says, grabbing my hands, trying to pull them away.
But it’s too much.
Everything is too much.
I collapse to the floor, sobbing so hard I can’t catch my breath. My heart pounds in my ears, drowning everything else out. Heat floods through me, my body shaking uncontrollably.
I can’t think.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t make it stop.
I just…
I don’t want to feel this anymore.
My world starts to tilt, slipping at the edges, like I’m falling somewhere else.
Somewhere quieter.
Somewhere it doesn’t hurt.
Somewhere there’s only music.
Only sound.
Only peace.
Take me there.
Please.
Anywhere but here.
Somewhere I don’t feel this.
Somewhere I can just… stop.