Chapter Twenty-Seven
Annie
They pull apart, and he’s smiling at her while she casually wipes her flaming red lipstick from his mouth.
My chest tightens so sharply my eyes start to sting.
I move to set my champagne on the bar, but I miss.
It slips from my fingers and drops to the grass, the glass mercifully intact, but the liquid spills out.
I can’t help thinking that’s exactly what my heart is doing.
“Annie,” Ella says.
“I can’t,” is all I manage before I turn and bolt from the gazebo.
She doesn’t follow, and I head straight for the back of the yard, to the one place that has always felt like ours. I reach the willow tree just in time to fold in on myself, sobbing into my hands.
He’s done.
He’s finally moved on.
I knew this day would come. It’s been over a year and a half… twenty-one long, painful months since I ended things. It was inevitable. I just didn’t expect it to hurt like this.
I sink against the trunk, dragging in shaky breaths. The party is far enough away that no one will hear me. No one except Ella, and she’ll know exactly where I’ve gone. It’s always here or my room.
This place used to mean everything.
Now it’s where I come to remember… and to regret.
I used to wonder if he still loved me. If maybe, somehow, he always had. But seeing him kiss Amber answers that question.
I’ve lost him. For good.
No amount of time or distance is going to fix what I broke.
We’re not fixable.
Not anymore.
Tears blur my vision as they fall faster, my breathing uneven, my hands trembling. I didn’t know it was possible to hurt like this. Watching him with someone else feels like something inside me has cracked wide open.
And the worst part?
This is on me.
I pushed him away.
I ended it before we even had a real chance.
I made the choice, and now I have to live with it while he moves on, while he lives the life he was always meant to live.
Him and Amber… they fit. They’ll be perfect. The kind of couple people write headlines about.
I can already see it…
And it hurts.
I tell myself I should want him to be happy. That after everything, he deserves that.
But the truth is uglier than that.
I don’t want him happy with her.
I want him happy with me.
Therapy has made that painfully clear. I see it now in a way I didn’t before. He could have loved me. Maybe he did. And I loved him, I know I did, but I let fear ruin it before it even had the chance to become something real.
I’ve known Aston my entire life. Eighteen years as best friends. One year as something more.
And I threw it all away.
I sit beneath the tree, wrapping my arms around myself as if I can hold the cold at bay.
It doesn’t work. The chill has already sunk in, deep and stubborn, and it has nothing to do with the winter air.
My tears have slowed to the occasional shaky breath.
I’m fairly sure there’s no makeup left on my face after scrubbing at it so hard, but right now, I couldn’t care less.
A figure moves toward me through the fading light. For a second, I think it might be Ella, though everything is still a little blurred so I am unsure.
“Annie?” she calls.
“Yep,” I answer, wiping at my cheeks one last time as she reaches me.
“Dad’s looking for you! Wait, have you been crying?”
“Doesn’t even matter,” I mutter, pushing to my feet and brushing grass from my ass.
“Annie, it does matter. Is this because of Amber?”
I nod, swallowing hard. “I knew he’d move on eventually. I just didn’t think it would hurt this much.”
She studies me for a moment. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard. But Annie… you’ve been snogging guys for the past year. Why is it different when Aston does it?”
I let out a breath that feels too heavy for my chest. “Because none of that meant anything. Every time I kissed someone, I was thinking about him. Now…” I shake my head. “Now I know when he kisses her, he’s only thinking about her.”
“If you love him, why did you let him go?”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “Because I wasn’t thinking straight. I was a mess. I probably still am. He’s better off without someone like me.”
Her fingers tighten around mine. “You’re not a mess. You’re figuring things out. And for what it’s worth, I think you’re finally starting to see things clearly.”
I don’t argue, even if I’m not entirely convinced.
“C’mon,” she says gently. “Let’s get back before Dad sends out a search party.”
I hesitate. “Do I look terrible?”
She smiles, reaching up to wipe beneath my eyes, catching the worst of the mascara. “Barely noticeable.”
Which translates to I look like absolute hell.
I manage a small smile anyway, letting her pull me back toward the gazebo. Inside, everyone’s already seated, waiting for dinner to be served. Relief hits me when I see Aston and Amber aren’t at our table, but it doesn’t last long. They’re directly in front of me, perfectly within view.
“Are you okay, Annie?” Dad asks as I take my seat opposite him.
I nod, keeping my head down as the waiters bring out the first course. It looks incredible, like everything always does, but I can barely manage a few small bites. My fork moves more than I actually eat.
My attention keeps drifting back to Aston.
He’s laughing, really laughing, at something Chad says, his whole face lighting up in a way I know too well. Their table is loud, relaxed, easy.
Ours is quieter. Family.
Mum, Dad, Ella, Uncle Hux, Caleb, Macy, Nanny, Grandma, Granddaddy.
It should feel comforting. It usually does.
Seeing everyone together like this is rare, and I know Mum loves it, especially with her parents here.
Dad’s the same with Nanny, he barely leaves her side when she visits, like he’s making up for lost time.
Even Uncle Hux seems lighter when she’s around.
But none of it sticks.
Because every time I glance up, I see him.
And then it happens.
Aston slips his arm around Amber’s shoulders, pulling her in close like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He leans down, pressing a kiss to her head.
My stomach drops.
He used to do that to me.
Now I’m stuck watching him do it to someone else.
Someone I can’t stand.
No.
I push back from the table and stand. No one notices because they’re all too caught up in conversation, but I stay there for a moment, frozen, staring.
Amber turns toward him, smiling, and leans in to kiss him.
My hand flies to my mouth as a quiet gasp slips out, the pain sharp and immediate, like something tearing straight through me.
I can’t do this.
I can’t sit here and pretend I’m okay.
I need to get out of here.
Now.
I take one last look at Aston, and this time his eyes find mine.
A spark hits me instantly, sharp and familiar, and for a second, it feels like everything we were is still there. But as I hold his gaze, something’s missing. That glimmer he always had when he looked at me… it’s gone.
My chest tightens.
My eyes fill, and he frowns, brows pulling together like he doesn’t understand what he’s seeing. Amber says something to him, and just like that, he looks away.
The connection snaps.
I turn and run from the gazebo, tears spilling over again as I head straight back to the willow tree.
This time, there’s no doubt left.
He’s gone.
I felt it, that spark, but his eyes told a different story. And the way he looked away… that said everything.
By the time I reach the tree, the cold has settled deep into my bones again. I drop into my usual spot, pulling my arms around myself, but it does nothing to stop the chill. The thin fabric of my dress isn’t helping either.
My tears aren’t as violent this time, but they don’t stop.
We’ve been strangers for twenty-one months, and it still feels like I’ve lost something I’ll never get back. I sniff and glance toward the party, catching movement across the grass. Someone’s coming this way.
Quickly, I wipe my face, dragging in a steadying breath, trying to hide the evidence, while blinking hard to clear my vision.
At first, I think it’s Dad.
Then I see the shaggy hair, the leather jacket.
And my breath catches.
Aston.
And he’s alone.
I try to pull myself together as he approaches, but it’s useless.
“Are you crying?” he asks, stopping in front of me.
“What’s it to you?” I shoot back, the words coming out sharper than I intend.
He throws his hands up, frustration flashing across his face. “Jesus, Annie… when are you going to let this go? I didn’t mean to take advantage of you that night. You’ve treated me like shit ever since, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
I blink at him, thrown. “You didn’t take advantage of me. If anything, I took advantage of you. And then I panicked.”
“Why?”
I shrug, hating how small I sound. “Because you were my best friend, and I was scared. I thought… I thought maybe you didn’t mean what you said.”
His jaw tightens. “So you regret it?”
“No,” I say immediately. “Not for a second. But it doesn’t matter now, does it? You’ve got a girlfriend.”
“What the fuck, Annie?” he snaps, and I flinch. I’ve never heard him raise his voice at me before. He drags a hand through his hair and turns away, pacing a step. “I told you I loved you. I meant it. And you shut me out for nearly two years. Now you’re upset because I’ve moved on?”
“I know I messed u-up,” I say, my voice cracking as I step closer. “Seeing you with her just… made it real. And I—” I swallow hard. “I love you too.”
The words hang between us, heavy and far too late.
He turns back to me, and for a second we’re so close I can feel the heat of him, that same pull that’s always been there.
But he shakes his head, stepping back like he needs the distance.
His breathing is uneven, rough, like he’s holding something in. “It’s too late, Annie,” he says quietly. “You acted like I didn’t exist. I waited… and then I stopped waiting.” He swallows, his voice tightening. “I’m sorry. You took too long.”
It lands like a sickening blow.
The tears come before I can stop them, sliding down my cheeks as I stand there, unable to move. His back is to me again, and I can’t see his face.
He sniffs.