Chapter Thirty-Eight #2
Trying to breathe, but I can’t.
The pain hits harder, sharp and crushing, like something is physically tearing through my chest. I slide down the door to the floor, clutching at my chest, gasping.
It won’t stop.
Nothing I do makes it stop.
I rake my fingers through my hair, trying to breathe, trying to think, but all I can see is Amber.
Amber kissing Aston.
Amber carrying his child.
My entire body trembles with a deep, aching pain I can’t control. I grab a fistful of my hair and pull, desperate for anything to override the agony tearing through my chest.
It doesn’t work.
I pull harder.
A broken sound rips from my throat as I slam my head back against the door.
My phone rings again. The sharp sound cuts through everything, dragging me out of the spiral just enough to get to my feet. I start pacing the room, my chest tight, my thoughts racing.
I’m hurt.
I’m furious.
How could he do this to me?
Everything was good.
We were good.
And this whole time Amber bloody Leopard Print Pants has been carrying his baby.
A scream tears out of me as I grab the bedside lamp and hurl it across the room. It smashes against the wall, glass shattering everywhere.
I stare at it, my chest heaving.
Shattered.
Just like me.
My knees give out, and I sink to the floor, leaning against the bed as sobs rack through me. I don’t even know how long I have been crying. Time disappears into nothing but pain, noise, and breath I can’t seem to catch.
All I know is…
Aston isn’t here.
He’s with her.
Eventually, the tears slow.
Not because I feel better.
Because there is nothing left.
My face is wet, my chest aching, my head pounding as I push myself up and stumble toward the bar fridge.
I need something.
Anything.
I open it and grab every tiny bottle inside, tossing them onto the bed. My hands shake as I pick up the vodka, unscrewing the cap and throwing it aside.
I don’t think.
I just drink.
The burn hits instantly, harsh and unforgiving, but it doesn’t touch the pain in my chest.
I throw the empty bottle at the wall.
It shatters.
Good.
I grab another.
And just as I lift it to my lips—
The door slams open.
Aston.
He looks wrecked.
I swallow the alcohol and, without thinking, throw the bottle at him. He ducks, and it smashes against the door behind him.
“What the hell are you doing?” he snaps.
I laugh bitterly. “Fuck off.”
I reach for another bottle, but he’s already on me, ripping it from my hand. I fight him, but he’s stronger, and he tosses the rest across the room before I can grab them.
I fold my arms, glaring.
“So this is your solution?” he says, frustration bleeding into his voice. “Something goes wrong, and you go straight back to this?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I bite out. “Should I be calm about the fact you’ve knocked someone up?”
His jaw tightens. “That’s not what—”
“You’re going to have a family now,” I cut in, shoving past him. “So go be with them.”
He grabs my arms, pulling me back. “Annie… stop.” I struggle, trying to wrench free. “Annie, I love you. Stop.”
The words hit, and everything in me collapses. My strength drains, and I break, tears spilling again as my body sags.
“Will you just listen to me?” he says, his voice firmer now.
I shake my head, fury surging again. “No, you listen. You don’t get to go and knock someone up and expect me to be okay with it!”
I rip free and slap him across the face.
Hard.
The sound echoes through the room.
I drop to the floor, curling in on myself as sobs tear out of me.
“Jesus, baby…” he mutters.
I flinch at the word.
Baby.
He crouches beside me and pulls me into his lap. I don’t have the strength to fight him anymore.
“Annie, stop. Please, baby… just breathe. It’s not what you think. You’re spiraling over nothing—”
“Stop calling me that!” I choke out. “It is what I think. She’s six months pregnant. You were with her six months ago. It doesn’t take a genius!” My chest tightens again, my breath catching painfully as the panic builds.
He cups my face, his hands firm enough that I can’t look anywhere but at him. “A-Annie.” His voice cracks, desperation bleeding into every syllable. “The baby isn’t mine.”
The words hit me… and my brain rejects them.
They don’t make sense.
They can’t.
I’ve spent the last twenty minutes building a future around one devastating certainty, and now he’s asking me to tear it apart with a single sentence.
My chest is still heaving, each breath catching painfully as I stare at him, searching his face for the lie I’ve already convinced myself has to be there.
But I don’t find one.
I find panic.
Hurt.
Fear.
And something else…
Relief.
The relentless pressure crushing my ribs falters, not disappearing, just… cracking enough for a breath to force its way in. My knees wobble so violently I don’t trust them to keep holding me, and the tears I’d been fighting spill over before I even realize they’re there.
I blink at him…
Once.
Twice.
My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. My thoughts are still trying to outrun each other, scrambling to rewrite everything I’d already accepted as truth.
“What?” The word barely exists, breaking apart as it leaves me. “W-what do you m-mean?”
“She told me she had the dates checked,” he says, steady and certain. “The baby was conceived three weeks after we broke up. We hadn’t even been together like that for a week before I ended things. It’s not mine.”
The room tilts.
“I think I’m gonna be sick,” I manage.
He doesn’t hesitate, lifting me and carrying me into the bathroom, dropping to his knees beside me as I barely make it to the bowl before everything comes up.
He holds my hair back and rubs my back as I retch.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry I let you get to this point.”
I barely hear him over the sound of my own breathing, my body purging everything… alcohol, food, emotion.
“I love you,” he says softly. “The only kids I’m ever going to have are with you.”
That breaks something open again, and I cry as I empty what’s left in my stomach.
Eventually, it stops.
I sag back, exhausted, wiping my mouth with shaky hands before he pulls me into his arms.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my temple. “I never want to see you like this.”
“She’s really not pregnant by you?” I ask weakly.
“No, baby. I swear. And even if she was… it wouldn’t change us. I love you too much to lose you.”
I start crying again, softer this time, completely drained.
“Hey,” he murmurs, brushing my hair back. “You’ve done enough crying for one day.” He helps me up and guides me to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Then he crouches in front of me, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I love you, Annie.”
“You’re not lying to me?” I whisper.
“I swear.”
He stands, already reaching for the shower. “Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah? Wash this day off you.”
I don’t argue.
I don’t have it in me.
Aston undresses me slowly, carefully, as though I might break, and I stand there, letting him. My mind is foggy, my body heavy, everything inside me wrung out. He strips down quickly after, turns on the water, and then pulls me into the shower with him.
The warmth hits my skin, and I lean into him, resting my head against his shoulder as his hands move gently through my hair.
For the first time since the restaurant…
I can breathe.
“I’m so sorry, Annie,” he murmurs against my hair. “I left as soon as I sorted things out with Amber. The second I knew for sure it wasn’t mine, I came straight to you. You’re the most important thing in my life, and I never want you to feel like I’ve betrayed you like that again. Not ever.”
“I’m sorry I just… reacted,” I say quietly, my voice still weak. “The timing… it all lined up, and all I could think was that you were going to leave me. That you’d go back to her… to your baby. I couldn’t handle that. I just needed to get away.”
“I wouldn’t leave you for her, Annie,” he says firmly, his hand still moving gently through my hair, the other gliding up and down my back. “Even if it was my baby… I wouldn’t walk away from you.”
I let out a soft breath. “Well… that’s good to know.”
He huffs out a quiet laugh against me. “I can’t get the look on your face out of my head,” he admits. “The second you realized… it nearly killed me.”
I tighten my arms around him, holding on like if I let go, everything might unravel again.
“I can’t lose you,” I whisper, pulling back just enough to look at him. “You know that, right?”
His gaze softens instantly. “You won’t,” he says, without hesitation. “I promise you that.” He leans down and kisses me, soft and quick, before pulling back with a small smirk.
“Now go brush your teeth so I can kiss you properly.”
A small laugh escapes me, the first real one since everything happened.
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
He tilts his head. “For what?”
“For loving me.”
His expression shifts, something deeper settling in his eyes. “I’ve always loved you, Annie,” he says. “And I always will.” He brushes a stray tear from my cheek, his thumb lingering there.
“You’re my constant,” he continues softly. “You keep me grounded. You keep me sane. And I don’t take that for granted… not for a second. I cherish you. All of you.”
My chest warms, the heaviness from earlier easing a little as something steadier takes its place.
Aston is my anchor.
Everything feels… lighter with him. Brighter. Even after a day like today.
The fear, the doubt, the spiral—it all fades when he looks at me like that.
Like I matter.
Like I am enough.
And maybe… just maybe… I can finally believe that I am.
I don’t have to fight it anymore.
I can just let him love me.
And love him right back.