Chapter 14 It Was Him
IT WAS HIM
“I’m interested in that type of man,” Alana said. “But maybe it doesn’t matter that much.”
“It does,” he rushed out. “I’m making a mess of this and didn’t want to. Maybe I do better with Becca around when it comes to you.”
“Just be yourself,” she said. “Which is funny because normally I’m the one having issues on dates.”
“Issues?”
“Sure, we’ll turn this to me for now.” She winked at him, finding some confidence that she’d been missing around men in her life.
She’d had it with Jonathan until he smashed it like Thor’s hammer landing on the red blown glass ornaments she was painting.
“You don’t have to say much,” he said.
“No, I want to. That’s part of being on a date.
You know my history with my ex. I haven’t dated seriously since my breakup.
A few single dates and nothing more. Some of it was being afraid to try; the other part was I had to get myself into a better frame of mind.
When you’re angry at the way you’re treated, it’s not always best to try again until that anger is gone. ”
“True,” he said. “It is gone now?”
“Yes. It’s been gone for months, but here on the island, no one has caught my eye. Until recently.”
He laughed when she turned to look at him. Stare at him until he turned to see she was letting him know it was him.
“How did you get rid of the anger? Do you mind sharing? I know a little about it, and for me it was time I needed to help diminish it.”
She wanted to know about Becca’s mother and maybe this would lead into that.
“Time played a big part in it,” she said. “I had to hold my father and brother back. Kirk had words with Jonathan, I found that out recently, but my ex wouldn’t have cared. He was more concerned with losing his job after he cheated on me.”
“You said neither of you worked where your father was located though? It was a Bond business but not in the corporate headquarters.”
“Do you think that would have made a difference? It wasn’t just my father I had to worry about but Mitchell.
We are close to them. I grew up with Eli, Egan and Ethan.
Somewhat. Not super close like other cousins, but close enough they knew the situation.
Ethan works with his father. I had to assure no one did anything to Jonathan. ”
“Why?” he asked. “Unless you still loved him.”
“God, no. I know people don’t believe it, but love can be flipped off. I did it. I believe some things inflict such hurt and damage that they instantly destroy any positive feelings you had for someone.”
“One hundred percent agree,” he said.
She’d store that away for a bit. “For me, I didn’t want to be talked about or pitied any more than I was. If my father or anyone else sought vengeance out on Jonathan for what he’d done, they’d think it came from my directive.”
“From what I know about you, I highly doubt anyone would ever think that.”
“You’re probably right. Lots of people thought my family should have done something, but it’s not how I operate. We are big, protective, and loyal, but not dirty with it.”
“I can see you wanting to just be done with it.”
“That was it exactly. I wanted to move on, but I got sick of everyone talking about it. Whether or not they supported me.”
“What about before Jonathan?” he asked. “Any issues there?”
“What do you mean?”
“Just trying to get a feel for your dating history. Sometimes it’s a trend; other times it’s only once, but once is enough of a burn to scar for life.”
Her head went back and forth. “He was the only cheating ex I had. I guess you can say I was slow to warm up to people. I don’t think I’m a quiet or shy person, but slow to move or put myself out there.
Or I used to be. Men wanted to be friends with me more than anything.
Or they’d date my friends and I’d be the third party everyone was trying to set me up with. ”
That might have been the worst thing of all to her.
People were always suggesting the perfect guy for her, as if she were incapable of finding one herself.
That could be why she fell so easily for Jonathan.
He’d approached her. He knew little about her, just asked her on a date and she agreed.
He was cute and funny and he acted as if he was really interested.
“That doesn’t sound like fun,” he said.
“No. It wasn’t. Between us, I think Jonathan might have cheated on me more than once, but he always denied it. I never had proof. It was just a feeling.”
And one she should have pushed more but didn’t want to believe she’d ever be so stupid to fall for someone like that.
“Sometimes a feeling is enough,” he said.
“He made me seem paranoid and I tried not to accuse him of it often. I think that is where I’m scarred.
My trust was already fragile and he made it seem as if it was in my head.
I met Susette and her girlfriend when we went out one night.
It was months before I realized they talked so often.
But we actually went out with them together a few times. ”
Like an idiot she should have seen what was in front of her, but it was hard to when she felt no threat there.
“You can trust me,” he said. “I know that saying that means nothing, but I was cheated on in the worst possible way.”
“Can I ask how?”
He was looking at his canvas now while he talked. Maybe it was easier for him to talk about his experience if he wasn’t watching for her reaction.
“I know you are dying to ask more about Becca’s mother.”
“You told me she’s an international flight attendant and it was easier for you to have custody.”
“That’s the nice polite way of saying that Rene has no interest in being a mother. Her ideal life is about traveling the world. We dated for about five months before she found out she was pregnant.”
“How did you meet?” she asked.
“At the airport,” he said, laughing. “She worked a flight I had to Brazil. I went with a few friends. We laughed and flirted. She slipped me her number at the end of the flight.”
“You’re a very attractive man,” she said. “I could see that happening.”
“I’m not as outgoing with women as I was before. Honestly, it was more my buddy egging the situation on than anything. Not that I didn’t find her attractive, but it’s not like me to do something like that.”
“Good to know,” she said. She didn’t want to think he was the type of person hitting on women when he was out.
“Those months we dated, we saw little of each other. I never got to know her well. We might have seen each other twice a week if I was lucky. We had texts going back and forth and calls, but she worked crazy hours and was not always available to text.”
“Did you move in together when you found out she was pregnant?”
“Not right away. It was hard to pin her down to figure out our next steps. She kept saying we had time. But they pulled her out of work in the third trimester. She was retaining water and having some other issues.”
“Being on her feet and in the air couldn’t have been good.”
“No. She had a horrible diet of fast food and processed snacks. I’m sure it was always being on the run, but she wasn’t taking care of herself and it caused fights. She moved into my place when she was out of work.”
“So you could take care of her?”
Seemed like maybe she wasn’t the only one doing everything for everyone else.
“Yes. We got on each other’s nerves quickly. I don’t want to speak ill of her, but I’m going to tell you the way it was. I don’t want you or anyone to think there is any love lost, but I also don’t want you to think I’m this horrible person trashing her.”
“I don’t think it.”
“You didn’t trash Jonathan.”
“Oh, I did. I just don’t do it to many people. There is a difference.”
Brennan laughed and looked at her. “I’m glad to hear that.
My mother got the brunt of what I felt. Just know that Rene is a very selfish person.
It’s all about her and what she wants. I did everything in the house and she barely moved off the couch.
If the doctor told her she had to stay like that, I’d understand.
I even gave her the benefit of the doubt that the changes going on in her body were causing all the mood swings. ”
“But that wasn’t the case?”
“I’m sure it was. Or that just attributed to it being magnified. She didn’t want to be pregnant. She didn’t want a child, but she was afraid to end the pregnancy. I wanted the baby and I think in her mind she thought it’d be easy and I’d take over everything.”
“Which you have done since you’ve got custody.”
“I set up daycare and how it was going to work,” he said. “Because you’re right, with her schedule, it was going to fall on me. A few weeks before Becca was born, I was cooking dinner and there was a knock at the door. I went to get it and some guy was standing there asking for Rene.”
“Oh boy,” she said.
She could see this playing out in her head based on the information she had.
“Yeah. I heard her gasp behind me on the couch, then asked who he was. He said he was the father of her baby.”
She whipped her head to look at him. “Becca looks just like you other than the color of her hair.”
“She’s my daughter,” he said. “I made sure of it before she was born. I had to know. Alana, you don’t know what kind of pain I was in hearing that.
For months I was preparing for her birth.
Planning it all. I loved her already. I struggled to stay in the same room with Rene, but I loved my unborn child.
To hear she might not be mine was devastating. ”
“I can’t even imagine someone saying that to you.”
No one would ever doubt the kind of father that Brennan was. She’d bet anything he pampered Rene just for the care of his child.
“Rene denied it, but then later admitted she had an affair. One of many before and during the pregnancy until she showed.”
“That’s disgusting,” she said. How could someone do that!?
“She got a thrill out of picking men up on her trips. In her mind, it’d never come back to her. But the guy who knocked on the door was a frequent flier for work. They’d hooked up several times. He asked about her and heard she was pregnant and then found out where she lived.”
“I’m speechless.”
“So was I. It was my place. She had nowhere to go. I went to my mother’s to clear my head and stayed there while I figured it out. Thankfully it hadn’t taken long to get the DNA results in. I’m not sure what I would have done if I found out after I held Becca in my hands. If she wasn’t mine.”
What Brennan went through during that time made her situation seem trivial in her mind.
“But she is.”
“Yes. Rene went back to work six weeks after Becca was born. She got her own place and moved out. We were done. There was no doubt there. I sought an attorney right away to get primary custody. I had to with her work schedule. Becca needed a routine and I was going to provide it. Rene never fought a thing. Like she didn’t even care. ”
“You have a stable life and you do wonderfully.”
“I try,” he said.
He grabbed another bite to eat and sipped his wine. They continued to paint.
Her curiosity got the better of her; she just had to know more. “Does Rene see Becca often? I’m going to assume she’s still in Boston.”
“She hasn’t seen her in months. Maybe six. I’m not sure. I stopped sending her updates over a year ago when she didn’t seem to care. If she wants to see Becca, she has to give me forty-eight hours’ notice and I can deny it if it doesn’t work out.”
“Being a mother is not meant for everyone.”
“No. I realized that. Now it’s more about finding someone who understands that Becca is my world.”
He didn’t need to say those words to her. She saw it when they were together.
It wouldn’t hurt either.
But one of these days, she’d like to be some guy’s world.