Chapter 21
A LOT OF NEXT TIMES
“Do you want some more wine?” Brennan asked an hour later.
He had pulled his pants up and walked to her bathroom in the hall to take care of the condom, then returned to see Alana with a T-shirt and a pair of leggings on. He hadn’t expected her to keep her dress on but found that seeing her in more relaxed clothing was just as appealing.
“I’d love some,” she said, picking the bottle up and topping both of their glasses off.
They were on the couch in front of the fireplace, the flames high, giving a nice romantic feel to their night.
The last thing he’d thought he’d do was be rough with her, but something just clicked in his body, she gave him the green light, and he hit the gas to proceed.
“How are you feeling about things?” he asked. He wanted to make sure he didn’t scare her off or that she wasn’t thinking he was someone other than who she’d gotten to know.
He had a healthy appreciation for sex, but it wasn’t as if he partook in it often or with random women. He preferred to be in a committed relationship.
But there wasn’t anything wrong with exploring each other’s wants and desires.
Normally he didn’t do it the first time though.
“I’m feeling more content and relaxed than I ever have before,” she said, putting her head on his shoulder.
Her legs were over his thighs, the two of them cuddling into each other’s body.
There had been no talk on if he was spending the night, but it was early yet. Not even nine.
He’d like to stay but would wait to see her thoughts on it.
“I feel the same,” he said. “About earlier, I’m not normally like that.”
“Really?” she asked, curling her lip. “That’s a bummer. I’m not either, but I sure the hell loved it.”
He laughed. “I’m glad. I was worried afterward. During it I wasn’t thinking of much. It was more about us feeling each other.”
“I felt a lot,” she said. “And few thoughts went with it. Can I confess something to you?”
“I’d like you to,” he said, sipping his wine.
“I’ve never had sex with shoes on before. Nor have I purposely dressed like that intending to get sex.”
He was touched she’d done it with him.
“Now you know you like it and what the results will be next time.”
“I hope there are a lot of next times. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you I’m exclusive.”
“Never have to tell me,” he said. “We’ve both been on the receiving end of shitty exes.”
“And he sucked in bed,” she said, then slapped a hand in front of her face. “I didn’t just say that.”
He laughed. “Oh, you did.”
“That was mean of me.”
“It wasn’t,” he said. “I’m not sure you have a mean bone in your body.”
She wrinkled her nose and pursed her lips. “I can be mean, but what does it accomplish?”
“Standing up for yourself. Telling everyone not to walk all over you. I don’t think I’m a mean person either, but I can be a dick if I have to.”
“I should learn to be more of one,” she said, shrugging. “But it’s not in me. Don’t get me wrong. I was mad when I found out about Jonathan. I didn’t even cry that much.”
“Which means that it wasn’t right,” he said. He hoped it was that and there wasn’t some delayed grief or longing there that would hit her at another time.
“It wasn’t. I never felt first to him. It was a means to an end.” She drank more. “He wasn’t even good at using me or he would have married me years prior. It might have furthered his career then.”
He didn’t want to address her comment about being first.
Becca would always come first to him. She had to. He was the only proper parent his daughter had.
“Maybe he was more concerned with seeing how far he could go without the actual commitment. You said he cheated more than once?”
“He denied it, but I heard that. I don’t know the truth and I’m not sure it matters. The only purpose it’d have is to make me feel like a greater fool for not seeing it. The minute I found out, we were done. There were no second chances. Maybe that’s harsh of me. He said it was.”
“Asshole.”
“Yep. He was that. I give a lot of chances to people in life, but there is a line where it’s not possible. That is one of them.”
“The same,” he said.
His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out, then swore, and silenced it.
“Everything okay?”
He didn’t want to lie, but it was not what he wanted to bring into Alana’s life.
“Speaking of exes…I haven’t heard from mine in maybe six months and here she is calling late on a Friday night.”
“Becca’s mother?” she asked.
“Yes.” He should have expected it with the holiday next week, but he figured if she hadn’t reached out by now it wasn’t happening.
“So Becca doesn’t see her at all? Never?”
“Not really. It’s confusing to her. She knows Rene is Mom but not like an actual mother. It’s difficult to explain at her age.”
“I’m sure you do a great job with it.” When his phone went off again, this time with a text, he read it and closed his eyes. “Go ahead and deal with whatever you need to.”
She was being good about this. “She wants to see Becca this weekend.”
“Not forty-eight hours’ notice,” she said, closing one eye at him.
“Nope. I could say no, but there is a part of me that feels I shouldn’t. She said she’s got gifts for her. I want Becca to know her mother. Or more like I don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t.”
“And you know what?” she said, swinging her legs off of him. “That’s not being mean. That’s not being nice either. It’s called doing the right thing.”
No other woman understood that. They definitely wouldn’t remain composed in such a situation.
“I’m trying. Do you care if I call her?”
“Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll get us some snacks unless you wanted to leave or needed to?”
“I’d like to stay if you’re okay with it. I have to get Becca early in the morning.”
“And I’ll go volunteer. We didn’t make plans this weekend and we don’t have to force it because of what happened tonight. I’m all good with just letting things happen the most comfortably they can for both of us.”
He leaned down to give her a kiss. “I really appreciate that.”
She nodded her head and walked into the kitchen while he called Rene. It rang four times before she finally answered.
“I didn’t think you’d return my call,” Rene said.
“I am. What’s going on?”
“I’m off this weekend. I’d like to see Becca. I’ve got some Christmas gifts for her. I can just stop at your apartment tomorrow afternoon or Sunday.”
He ground his teeth. “Rene. I moved. I told you this months ago. You didn’t reply. I don’t live in Boston anymore.”
“What?” Rene asked. “Where do you live?”
“Two texts,” he said. “I sent you two. Both you ignored. I can screenshot them to you and I saw you read them. I transferred to Amore Island for work. My mother lives here now and Gina got another job. I had to do what was best for Becca.”
“Gina? Is that your girlfriend?”
His fist clenched, his fingers aching at the tension. “Gina has been Becca’s nanny since the day you left.”
“Oh,” Rene said. “I don’t remember those things.”
“So I see,” he said. “If you want to see Becca, you need to come to the island this weekend; otherwise it won’t work.”
There was hesitation on the other line. “You can’t bring Becca here to my place?”
“No,” he said. He had the right to make this decision and he was.
As much as he wanted his daughter to see her mother, he wouldn’t give in to every request. “It’s too short of notice and the weather won’t be that great to bring her on the ferry.
We’d have to stay in the car and she’s hard to keep occupied sitting that long. ”
None of this was a lie.
He could do it and had before when they came back and forth a few times to visit and get housing set up, but most times he could entertain his daughter walking around the deck.
This time of year that wouldn’t happen.
“I have to check the ferry schedules and figure it out. I’ve never driven on a ferry before. Is there a taxi I can get to your house?”
He looked at Alana when she returned with a dish of fruit and cheese. “I can pick you up if you tell me which one you’ll be on.”
“That works,” Rene said. “I’ll let you know tomorrow once I figure it out.”
“I’ll text you the ferry schedule so you’ve got it,” he said. Because if he didn’t, she wouldn’t look until the last minute and then it’d be Sunday night before he got a text telling him what happened.
“Thanks, bye,” Rene said and hung up.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know you have a child and these things happen.”
“Rarely. It’s a lot of drama. Hang on for a second.
” He found the schedule and texted it to Rene and then put his phone down.
“I don’t want you to think I’m bending over backwards for her picking her up or anything.
Even sending the schedule. If I don’t do these little things, I might not hear from her for days, waiting for her to decide what she was going to do, only to find out she didn’t know where to locate the schedule. ”
“She’s someone with a lot of excuses, by the sounds of it.”
“One of many things,” he said, reaching for a slice of cheese. “She didn’t remember I moved even though I know she read the messages. I’ve got proof. I keep all those things. She just thought she could pop over to my place in Boston and then walk out again for six months.”
“That’s horrible.”
“That’s Becca’s mom. It’s not who I would have picked to be the mother of my child, but sometimes in life you don’t have a choice.”
“So I’ve learned.”
Alana climbed back into his lap like she’d been. “Thanks for being so good about this.”
She gave him a kiss. “It’s all for Becca. You know what’s right for her and it’s not for me to say otherwise. Please never think that.”
“I don’t,” he said. “I have in the past, but I don’t have that worry with you.”
She laid her head back on his shoulder, her hand on his thigh. “You’re struggling and I’m not sure if it has to do with me or Becca. If it’s me, put it from your mind. I mean it.”
He kissed the top of her head. He wanted to put it from his mind but wasn’t sure he could.