Chapter 31 A Good Buffer
A GOOD BUFFER
“Why are you so nervous?” he asked her three days later. “I had to meet three people. You’re just meeting one.”
“I wouldn’t have been nervous if you hadn’t told me that your mother was going to be as tough as my brother and father were.”
Alana wouldn’t say she was dreading this. That was too strong of a word.
Apprehension was more like it.
Maybe uncertainty.
Yeah, that was better.
She needed to make a good impression on Sadie Austin.
She knew how protective Brennan was of his daughter and she was positive it was a trait he’d learned from his mother.
“I just didn’t want you to think she was going to give you a hug and a warm smile. I mean, she might. I don’t know.”
It was a little after two. Becca was still napping and Alana had driven over so that the three of them could go to Sadie’s together.
It also gave the two of them a chance to chat in private.
“What did your mother think of Rene? Is it okay to ask that? Not after, I can guess that, but before Becca was born.”
He sighed. “My mother didn’t meet Rene until after I found out she was pregnant. It’s not like Rene was around much for it to work out. I hadn’t even told my mother I was dating Rene for a few months either.”
“Oh. So in her eyes you got someone pregnant you barely knew rather than several months of a relationship?”
“Let’s just be honest. I hardly knew her and it wasn’t a relationship in her eyes like it was in mine. Rene found out she was pregnant and I did all the right things hoping for a better outcome. I don’t regret a thing.”
Alana wasn’t so sure how she felt about him saying that.
She was going to assume he meant it in terms of caring for Rene for Becca. That everything he’d done had been for his daughter and not the woman who cheated on him with multiple men.
“It’s not for me to judge and I’m not. I only wanted to know what your mother thought of her.”
“She didn’t like Rene much. She said she didn’t think Rene was going to settle down, but I didn’t want to listen. My mother only said it that once and it wasn’t until recently that she told me how she really felt.”
“Why now?” she asked, frowning.
“Because she said if she’d told me back then it wouldn’t have changed anything. Rene was pregnant and I wanted to be part of my daughter’s life. It might have caused more stress with me having to choose between my mother who was going to help me, and a woman who I didn’t love. She let it play out.”
Kind of like what her parents did.
When Jonathan was out of the picture, she found out what their true feelings were.
They only put a good face on because she was in love with him.
Which brought her mind back to Brennan.
“Did you care for Rene?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know what I felt for her. It was a chaotic time in my life. I put one foot in front of the other and hoped to hell I didn’t end up with bloody and bruised knees tripping over every decision.”
That was an answer without really answering.
If he felt anything toward the woman, it was gone now and not worth her worrying.
“I’m sorry for being nosy. Your mother is the first family I’m meeting of someone I’m seeing in over seven years. I’m a little rusty.”
He laughed. “There is no reason to worry. She won’t bite. I promise.”
“Because Becca is around. Nothing like a three-year-old for a good buffer.”
“There is that,” he said. When her jaw dropped again, he yanked her in for a hug. “Relax. I mean it. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“I’m glad you did. At least my expectations are lower.”
“Maybe that was my evil plan all along.”
“Daddy!”
“Looks like someone is up early,” he said. “I’ll go get her and then we can leave. My mother is only putting snacks out.”
Brennan had told her that Sadie had offered to keep Becca overnight so they could have the evening together. He hadn’t asked, his mother offered.
That alone gave her hope that Sadie wouldn’t shut the door in her face before she could step a foot in.
Twenty minutes later, Brennan’s mother held the door open, a wide smile in place, and reached for her granddaughter.
“Grandma, it’s my friend Alana.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Sadie said. “Come in, please. I don’t have claws regardless of what my son might have told you.”
“He said little,” she said.
“That’s not nice, Brennan,” Sadie said. “You’re supposed to talk me up.”
She laughed. “I’ve heard a lot of wonderful things about you and how you raised Brennan.”
“That’s sweet,” Sadie said. “I’d like to think I taught him some things about being a single parent. Lord knows it’s all he had.”
Brennan had said Sadie never tried again because she was so in love with her husband.
There was nothing more in this world that Alana wanted than to feel that kind of love towards someone and have them return it.
She didn’t get it with Jonathan.
She wasn’t sure it was possible to get it with anyone, even though all her cousins were finding it.
Yet what she felt for Brennan in a few short weeks was heads over what she’d felt for Jonathan after years of being together.
Not love. Or so she was telling herself. Not there fully.
She wasn’t letting her heart completely open just yet.
But physically, he brought her to stages she hadn’t known her body could feel.
A need and craving threatened to remain unfulfilled until she was alone with him.
Emotionally, she was giddy at the thought of spending time with him.
His voice in the office made her pulse race, her palms get sweaty, and her fingertips tingle.
She looked forward to their talks. How open he could be. How honest he was with her.
He gave her the confidence to do and act the same with him.
“My mother did a great job,” he said.
“I’m hungry, Grandma,” Becca said.
“I’ll get the snacks out. We can’t have Becca be hungry,” Sadie said.
“See,” he whispered in her ear. “She’s fine.”
Alana was still reserving judgment.
“Is there anything I can help you with?”
“I’d love some help in the kitchen. Becca, go with your father into the living room.”
And this was where it’d come out.
Might as well get it over with like Brennan had with her family.
After her father and brother talked to Brennan alone, the rest of their time there was more relaxed. Her parents said they liked him a lot.
She believed them too.
Even Kirk had little to complain about.
The only advice they gave was to watch her heart and know that he was a package deal. That she’d have to accept that came with issues that she couldn’t always foresee.
She wasn’t an idiot. She knew that.
The two women were in the kitchen. “I should tell you that my cousin’s grandmother-in-law is part of your poker group. I found that out on Christmas Day.”
“Who is that?”
“Lucy. I can’t remember her last name. Crew Ackley is her grandson and is married to my cousin Emily. I just don’t remember if Ackley is her last name or not.”
“Lucy is a shark. Good lord, she’s a character too. Always trying to distract everyone and get a read on their cards.”
No way she was adding what Lucy said about Sadie having no tells. At least not today.
“I’ve always found her a little assuming,” she said. “But I wanted you to know.”
“I will bring it up next time I see her. Maybe she’ll cut me some slack on being the newbie of the group.”
“Something tells me you don’t care about that so much.”
It was the way Sadie was smirking.
“I don’t let too much bother me,” Sadie said. “It comes from being a mother and a father to my son. He’s seeing what it’s like, and though he does a wonderful job, I know it’s not what he wants in his life.”
“No?” She already knew this but wanted to hear what Sadie said.
“My son wants a traditional family. He always has. He won’t admit it, but he purposely went into a career that had little physical risk greater than a paper cut.”
“Oh,” she said. This was news to her. She’d never asked why he went into accounting. He hadn’t asked her either. It’s just not something that came up much.
“I loved my husband deeply, but his job made me nervous. My biggest fears came true. I didn’t want to try again and that’s on me. But Brennan got the short end of the stick. None of his grandparents at the time were close by and now they are all gone.”
“I’m sorry you went through that,” she said.
Sadie waved her hand. “Everyone goes through hard times in life. Seems you did yourself.”
“Nothing like that.”
“It’s not a comparison,” Sadie said. “Not when the heart is involved.”
“I’m not afraid to love again,” she said. “I hope you don’t think I’m jaded.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I’m not positive that Brennan has been in love. Not like he loves his daughter. I know he’s capable of it. I worry he’s too in love with the idea of this family life he didn’t get.”
She wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that. “So he’s looking for a mother for Becca?”
“No,” Sadie said. “Does he want that? Absolutely. But he wants that woman to treat Becca as if it’s her own child the same as any other children they’d have. I’ve told him many times you don’t know until the day comes.”
“I don’t believe that,” she said. “Otherwise how do people adopt children and love them as fiercely as a biological one?”
Sadie frowned and then smiled. “I’ve never thought of that before.”
“I think you know before it happens. Or love finds you before you can stop it. Becca is a very loveable little girl. She makes it hard for you not to want to have her in your life.”
“She does,” Sadie said. “And I can see you’re falling for her already.”
“I am.”
“Is it just her or my son that you’re falling for?”
She felt the heat fill her face. “Both. But we’ve both been burned and are hesitant to light a match for another fire.”
“You’re wrong,” Sadie said. “My son started that fire the day he let you into Becca’s life. What you’re controlling is the accelerant. It’s my hope that you’re careful with how much you pour out and at what speed so that no one gets more than singed.”
“No one wants that more than me,” she said.
Sadie moved closer to her and put her hand on her arm. “Everyone gets singed. That’s part of falling in love. I want that for my son. Without the heat, it won’t last. What I don’t want to happen is Becca to get scorched if you two can’t regulate the flames.”