Chapter 44
ADMIRE HER STRENGTH
The following week, Brennan’s phone rang after dinner.
He picked it up off the counter and saw Rene calling, then answered after he’d shown it to Alana who was helping him clean dishes.
She was moving better despite him telling her to rest.
She’d said she got too stiff and wasn’t putting her life on hold for a few bruises.
He had to admire her strength.
Becca was in the living room lining up her toys like she always did.
“Hello,” he said.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m moving.”
He frowned. “Moving where?”
“You should be happy,” Rene said. “I am.”
He blew out a breath. It was like pulling teeth for her to give him a straight answer. He’d been dying to call her and find out what was going on, but didn’t want to poke the bear just yet. It hadn’t even been two weeks since he’d talked to her in Boston.
“Where are you moving to and why?”
He walked out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time. He didn’t want Becca to hear any of this.
“I was offered a job in Barcelona. You know I love it there. It’s a chance of a lifetime and that’s where I’m going. It was too good to pass up.”
This was just like Jonathan. Kind of ironic both of their exes had the same issue.
Selfish with their lives and careers.
“Then you’re not going for any kind of custody or visitation,” he said firmly. He didn’t ask it or give her a chance to ask again.
She was opting to move out of the country and there was no way in hell he’d take Becca on a plane there.
“No,” Rene said. “Not that you need to know any of this, but I ended my pregnancy.”
He shut his eyes and let out a breath. “Why are you telling me?”
“I know you hate me,” Rene said. “I get it. We aren’t the same people. I didn’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to be tied down.”
Her tone was matter of fact.
“Then why the fuck did you put me through hell saying you wanted custody?”
He knew his voice was loud when he heard the music turn up downstairs on the TV.
Alana must be encouraging Becca to dance as a distraction from him being upstairs.
He wasn’t the only one that wanted to put his daughter’s well-being first and it was just another reminder that he found the person he’d been waiting for.
“I don’t know,” Rene said. There was actually confusion in her voice. “Everyone around me was talking about babies and how great they are. I had a moment where maybe I thought I could give it a shot. Was I missing something everyone else had?”
He shook his head. “You wanted to give motherhood a shot like trying a new pair of shoes on that everyone else had and you wanted a piece of it?”
None of this made sense.
And if that was really her reasoning, it was sick.
“Don’t make it sound like that,” Rene said sharply. “It’s been a few years since I’d been around Becca as a baby. When I found out I was pregnant again, I had to decide. If it didn’t work, then Jake could have the kid.”
His skin was crawling right off his body with as callous as she was talking. So much for her feeling as if she wanted to try it. “So it was his child?”
“I don’t know. The test isn’t back yet. It doesn’t matter. It’s not what I want and it’s my choice. When the offer came in, I took it. I couldn’t pass it up and that told me right away, I don’t want a kid. I start next week and am packing everything up to move.”
There was nothing he could say to any of this.
At any point Rene could have done the same thing with his child and he had to be thankful he’d convinced her not to do it.
Or that she was mature enough this time to not put another child through what Becca might experience wondering why her mother didn’t love her enough.
He knew all along he was going to be doing it alone, but there was no way he was going down without a fight back then.
It had never come to that. But he wondered if Becca hadn’t been his, how things would have turned out.
No, he couldn’t let his mind travel a road of hypothesis.
“So now what?” he asked. Anything to get this conversation over with and some kind of closure. “Do you want updates on Becca? Anything?”
“Whatever you want,” Rene said. He could almost see her waving her hand as if she was swatting him away. “Let’s be honest. She’s more your daughter than mine. She was from the moment I said I was pregnant. I know you wanted a large family. You never made a secret of it.”
He hadn’t with Alana either.
She shared that vision with him.
“We don’t always get what we want.”
“As soon as I can, I’m getting my tubes tied. I’m not going through this again. I didn’t even want to end this pregnancy. It was scary. Just so you know, Becca won’t have any half siblings from me. You’re welcome.”
Her fear of the procedure was more than anything prior. It was what had tipped the scales for her to keep Becca.
“What?” he asked. Why the hell would she say he was welcome?
This wasn’t anything he asked for. Nothing he wanted to deal with in his life.
“Brennan. You hate me. I know it. I’m not so fond of you.
It is what it is. But you won’t have to worry about this in the future.
That’s why I said you’re welcome. Kids aren’t for me.
When Becca is older, maybe we can have a relationship, but for now, I’m going to live out my dreams. No worry about you trying to bridge a relationship with Becca and a sibling. ”
It was always all about her.
“Yeah, whatever, Rene.”
She snorted out a laugh and hung up on him.
His body sagged, his ass hitting the edge of his bed, his phone dropping to the mattress.
Was it really over?
He didn’t want it to end this way, but he also wasn’t surprised by the conclusion.
Nothing Rene said or did should have ever come as a shock to him.
“Everything okay?”
He lifted his eyes to see Alana standing in the doorway.
“Where’s Becca?”
“Watching a movie. I told her I’d make popcorn in a minute if she could just wait while I checked on you.”
“It’s over,” he said.
“Rene won’t pursue custody?”
“Nope. She called to tell me she’s moving to Barcelona to live out her dream. The offer was worth ending the pregnancy.”
“I need to sit for this,” she said.
“Yeah, I was confused too. Considering she wanted Becca in her life more, you’d think she’d want a child.”
“Did you ask her about that?”
“She was volunteering more than I thought. Or did you hear me yell at her?”
“I heard it,” she said.
“And that’s why the TV got louder. She said that she was hoping to try motherhood again. You know, like is coffee ice cream the rage everyone says it is. If she didn’t like it, she’d give it to Jake to deal with.”
“Wow,” she said. “Dare I ask what his reaction was to this or didn’t you ask?”
“I didn’t ask. He’d told her if it wasn’t his kid she had to get out. It’s not as if there was a relationship there. I’m only guessing, but once she ended the pregnancy, he was probably done.”
Jake didn’t seem all that excited about the prospect of being a father.
Not like Brennan was when he found out.
And there was nothing wrong with that.
He knew it now.
Parenthood wasn’t for everyone.
“So nothing is changing?” she asked.
“Doesn’t seem it. I didn’t ask, but told her she’s not getting to see Becca more now that she’s moving.
She didn’t appear to care. She said she’s not meant to be a parent and was getting it taken care of permanently.
” He turned to look at her. “She said that she knew I hated her and she didn’t care too much for me. ”
“What a bitch,” Alana said, her eyebrows drawn together, her palms slapping her thighs.
“I always knew that,” he said. “But she gave me one thing. She acted like it was the best gift imaginable and I suppose in a way it was. She knew I always wanted a big family and said she wouldn’t have any kids and I wouldn’t have to worry that Becca had a sibling out there to get to know.”
“If it was any other person or situation, I might, and I mean might, say that was nice of her to at least give you that much.”
“In her eyes, she did her good deed.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this,” she said.
“But she did more than that. She gave you Becca.
That is the greatest gift. Your daughter will be so much better off only having one parent in her life who loves and wants her as much as you, than having two and knowing one couldn't care less. You need to look at it that way too.”
“I am,” he said. “My mother did it alone and I know I can too. I don’t want to, but I know I can.”
He pulled her close to his side.
He wanted to add that Becca thought of Alana like a mother, but it was too soon for that.
They’d cleared a few hurdles in the past month, and coming on the heels of the information he’d just shared, it was best left unspoken... for now.
She leaned her head against his chest. “You’re doing a wonderful job, Brennan. Let no one put doubts in your head.”
He kissed her hair. “The same can be said to you.”
“Daddy, Alana!”
“Better go get her popcorn,” he said.
They stood up and walked down the stairs. Becca ran toward them. “I don’t want popcorn. I want to dance. Will you dance with me?”
He looked at Alana. “How about you and I make up a new dance and put on a show for Alana?”
“Yes!” Becca said, her fist in the air. “I’ll get the boas.”
He rolled his eyes, but he wouldn’t change a thing.
The look in Alana’s eyes told him everything he needed to know.
He had the woman he always wanted and the family he always dreamed of right here.