Chapter 6 Imposter Syndrome
IMPOSTER SYNDROME
“Iheard a version from your father. I heard one from Blair. Now it’s your turn. Let’s start with the fact you knew exactly who I was that night.”
Ethan wasn’t asking. Wasn’t giving her a chance to lie and say she didn’t. He didn’t want to think she would, but why even put it out there?
She bit her lip, looked as if she was weighing her words, but finally said, “I did. I thought you recognized me, which was silly on my part. We’d only met a handful of times and I was a kid.”
He didn’t remember her and couldn’t figure out why.
“You have a better memory than me.”
“I’m pretty forgettable,” she said.
“Hardly,” he said sarcastically. “So refresh my memory.”
The fact Nora was here in his office the next morning bright and early in a black skirt, a floral print silk top, and black pumps told him she put more thought into her appearance today than the interview she’d had yesterday.
Her brown hair was pulled back at the base of her neck giving him a clear view of her sharp cheekbones, the minimal makeup on her face, her hazel eyes bright, but free of dark liner or shadow. Just enough to accentuate what she had.
Not that there was a problem with her tan pants and pretty blue summer sweater with cute wedges on her feet that she had on yesterday. He didn’t know why he had a weakness for the sexy mixed in with the casual.
Maybe because too many fancy women were throwing themselves at him and it’s not who he was.
He wasn’t over the top high maintenance like his brother Eli, but not laid back wearing shorts and Birks like his brother Egan.
He was him, the person he always wanted to be and didn’t take shit from anyone.
Well, he kind of did, but only a select few. His immediate family.
“First, can I ask why I’m here? For an interview for Blair’s job or because you’re feeling out of sorts at the way the night ended?”
He smirked at her. Her face was flush. It took a lot for her to ask that and he wasn’t offended when many would be.
“Both.”
“I deserve that. Which one do you want to start with? I have to admit I’m surprised you’d consider me for the job and just assumed it would be to find out the more... personal part of what happened.”
“If that was the case, why did you show up?”
She uncrossed her legs, switching them to the other side.
He knew it wasn’t on purpose to draw his eye there, but it happened, nevertheless.
Her fingers were curling some and relaxing, almost wiggling around. She was shifting in the chair, but the whole time her eyes stayed locked on him.
She was nervous, but she wasn’t backing down.
A trait he could appreciate.
“To clear the air. There are several reasons it wouldn’t work out with me being your assistant. But I don’t like the way I felt the next day, and for me to move past it, I’ve learned I’ve got to deal with it head on, no matter how uncomfortable it is.”
Talk about a shot to his ego. “How did you feel the next day?”
“Horrible.”
What the fuck?!
“Excuse me?” He fought not to lift his eyebrows but didn’t think he succeeded.
“Sorry. I’m not trying to insult you. Please, please don’t think that. It’s more an insult to me. I’ve never done that in my life. Ever.”
“Why did you then?”
She inhaled and then exhaled loudly. The scent of mint drifted toward him.
“Trying to break out of imposter syndrome.”
This was getting even weirder. “You’ll have to explain that to me.”
“It goes with why you don’t remember me. Think short, chubby, wild hair that was often falling out of a messy ponytail. A young girl sitting off by herself in the corner with a book and not a friend.”
His jaw dropped.
Holy shit.
He remembered that. Almost exactly.
“Wow,” he said. “Talk about a flashback. Damn.”
“See. And try being that person and having Norris as your father.”
His shoulders dropped with his exhale. “Enough said.”
“There you go. I’m not going to break down my life to you. It’s not about that. None of this is. We all figure it out at some point, even if some think it’s later than others. On the outside, I got healthy and showed off confidence.”
“But on the inside you didn’t have it?”
“It never seemed it. Not with men. I went to the casino that night to just experience a night out that I never had before. Maybe I thought that doing it in a strange place it’d be easier. You came over to me, not the other way around.”
“I did. I saw an attractive, confident woman sitting at the bar. I sat and said hi.”
“Which I’m sure you do all the time.”
“Not as often as you think,” he mumbled.
“But you did. And we talked. I was shocked that you approached me and maybe it gave me the courage to continue with that act.”
“So that is what it was?”
He wasn’t so sure he liked that, but it was explaining the different versions he’d gotten about her from her father and Blair. He was more in line to believe Blair and his own opinion mixed in.
“The short version. We had a few drinks, you were easy to talk to. When you jokingly threw out the suggestion for your room, I was going to say no, but that wasn’t the word that came out.”
He wanted to grin at that, but held it in. “It was a great night.”
Her face flushed deeper. “It was. And then I woke up with the ‘oh shit’ moment. Having never done it before, I didn’t know what I should do, how to act, nothing.
It was better for me to leave on my terms. I only went to my room.
Let’s be honest, I’m sure you could have figured out who I was if you wanted with Eli owning the casino. I know you have some shares too.”
He wasn’t surprised she knew that. “I could have. I didn’t.”
“And by you not doing that, it told me what I already knew but saved me even more embarrassment that I was just another mark on a list.”
“Actually,” he said, leaning back. “Since you’re being so honest, I’ll share the same. That isn’t why I didn’t do it. My brother and Griffin—”
“Griffin?”
“Eli’s head of security and best friend. He’s like the fourth Bond son. I didn’t need them to know I’d been ghosted. I’d never hear the end of it.”
“And that’s the only reason?”
“It is. I wanted your number. I wanted to know more about you. I hadn’t wanted it to end that way.”
“That’s why I’m here? For that reason?”
“Some. The other is the job.”
“You’d really want me to be your assistant after what happened?” she asked. “I’m not sure that’s wise and you come across as a fairly intelligent man.”
“Thanks, I think,” he said, laughing.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to insult you.”
“It’s not nearly as bad as waking up to an empty hotel room.”
“Sorry there too, but I told you why.”
“You did. Moving on to the second reason you’re here.”
“That’s it?” she asked. “You’re going to act like it didn’t happen?”
No, he wasn’t. He didn’t want to.
But she did. And in order for him to have another shot at her, he had to let her think he was doing it.
“Isn’t that what you want?”
She held his gaze. “It’s for the best.”
“I can put it behind me if you can. If you can’t and would rather not proceed with the interview, I’m good there too.”
“You are?”
“Well, no, I’m not. I need the assistant more than I need a woman in my bed. Sorry for being crude.” Which he never was and his mother would slap him upside the head for that statement, but it was what it was.
“Don’t apologize. I find it refreshing. It’s the delivery that normally makes things harsh, not always the words themselves.”
“See,” he said. “We think alike there. If you want to put that behind us, knowing I can, then I’d like to move forward with the interview. But that’s your call.”
She hesitated for a moment, he held his breath. He didn’t want to beg, but he was damn well going to get his way.
“We can continue. I’m here, so why not?”
“Why not?” he asked, laughing. “Blair told you what the job entails. To me, this is more about our personalities. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I have an edge here since I knew you yesterday.”
“Does anyone know that?” she rushed out.
“No. And no one will. It won’t come from my lips.”
“It sure the hell won’t come from mine. I’m very professional at work. Especially with my father here. Which is another thing.”
“You won’t have much interaction with him. Other than a meeting you might have to sit in on, but it’s rare. Most of my meetings, my father’s assistant is there taking notes, not mine, but there are times this position requires it. Some late night meetings or even early morning ones.”
“What are your expectations of hours? Not what the hours of the job are, but the expectations overall. Everyone works differently. Early, late, weekends?”
This was where it got tricky. “Blair said that she’s available for me. She told me she’d said that. It’s not a constant expectation as much as I rely on her. She set that stage. Not me.”
“How so?”
“She’s single and has time on her hands.
She was used to putting in long crazy hours with your father in the office.
I don’t require that unless there is something going on.
Because I stay until seven doesn’t mean you have to.
When four rolls around, I’d appreciate you checking in to see if I need anything that might have come up, if I don’t, you’re free to leave around that time or five like most others.
I’m not locked on five on the dime because there will be days it could be later.
Or, I might send you emails after hours.
You don’t have to read them or reply. It’s me working while I’ve got it on my mind.
But if I do text, it means I’d like a reply if possible. I don’t text often.”
“That’s fair. More than fair and not what I expected.”
“I think whoever is in this position and I will find the flow that works for us.”
“I wish I had bosses like that in the past.”
He was winning her over. He could see it. Nothing he was saying was a lie either.
“Make no mistake, when you’re here, you’re working hard. I don’t think I’m a difficult boss, or maybe Blair just found my weak spots.”
“She said you like chocolate. Can’t be you eat too much of it.”
“She’s already giving away my secrets. Chocolate tends to put me in a good mood. Just a little,” he said, pinching his fingers.
“A good workout for me does it,” she said. “Chocolate used to do it, but then I’d hate myself after. Might as well find something that was better for me.”
“I’m right there with you.” He turned his head.
“That door right there, that’s my bathroom with a shower and a closet.
I’ve got a few changes of clothing in there.
No, you aren’t expected to launder them.
I do it myself. But I do often run in the morning and come here in my workout gear, then get ready. ”
“That’s smart,” she said.
“Gets it out of the way and puts me in a better mood. Sometimes, I run after work. Not even every day. Kind of go with the flow.”
“So not a planner?” she asked.
“I plan some things but not all. I heard you are a planner and that is good. Something I need.”
He needed a lot, and the woman in front of him was at the top of the list.
“Blair told me your weaknesses.”
“How dare her,” he said in mock horror.
Nora laughed. A genuine one. “I think it was to prove what I listed as my strengths would help with your weaknesses. Pretty presentation and data collection being at the top of the list.”
He shuddered. “Thank God. Do you have questions for me?”
Her upper lip disappeared into her mouth. The mouth that he remembered so vividly on his body.
“If you’re seriously considering this, do you think it’s possible it can work? I know you said the words, but do you feel as if you can really forget it?”
“No, I can’t forget it. I’m not going to lie, but it will work because I can be respectful of your wishes.”
She blinked her eyes a few times, her smile lifting. He wondered if anyone had ever said those words to her before.
“That’s good enough for me. If I’m under consideration for the position. And if not, no hard feelings either. It’s kind of a hard—”
“Stop talking, Nora.”
“Okay,” she said, grimacing.
He got up and walked to his desk, then returned with a piece of paper. “Your offer letter. You and I can negotiate if it’s not acceptable.”
He knew it would be. He wasn’t stupid and came in high. Not as high as Blair, but higher than he was positive she’d made at any other job. Higher than he was offering before it was her.
“Oh my God,” she said, her eyes wide. “Is this right? Everything?”
Her salary, time off, and all benefits were listed. More than other positions would get. Even bonuses.
“Yes. Does that mean you’ll take it?”
“I’d be crazy not to.”