22. Circling Our Attraction
CIRCLING OUR ATTRACTION
“Well, we made it to the ferry with fifteen minutes to spare, so you could have changed. We can sit here and chat or get out and go inside to do it where there are people around. Your choice,” she said cheerfully, looking at him in his suit, sitting in his car.
“Here is good unless it bothers you. You said it makes you claustrophobic.”
“It does if I’m just sitting here and my mind is wandering, but the time will go by with our chat.”
“Do you want to start?”
She really didn’t but knew one of them had to, and the way he was trying to hide how anxious he was over this, it was best if she took charge. If he had a problem with it, she’d find out now.
“I’m not going to apologize for being a bit aggressive last night. I mean, you weren’t exactly fighting me off.”
He laughed. “I think you could take me if I tried to.”
She held her arm up and flexed. “I’m pretty strong, but also a good judge of character. We’ve been circling our attraction for over a month. Correct?”
“Correct.”
“Maybe we’ve both been afraid to say it. Well, we’ve been texting it, but not really speaking it.”
“True.”
“So it got me thinking that it was really hard for you. And I’m tiptoeing here.”
“Don’t,” he said, putting his hand on her thigh. “Nothing drives me more insane than people not saying Zoe’s name. Or not addressing what I went through. It was there. It happened. It’s life. I’ve moved on.”
She blew a breath out. “I see you’re trying to. It sounds like you’re trying a lot more than you had before you moved, so I don’t feel as if I’m pressuring you. You could have stayed the same. Or more so in a new place.”
“That’s right. I could have. I choose not to. I think I was held back there. I can’t explain it.”
Her hand landed on his, her thumb rubbing over his knuckles. “You don’t have to explain it to anyone. Least of all me.”
“Thanks. I’m not hiding anything. I don’t think you believe that.”
“Nope. Not at all. You’ve been upfront about it and you are awkwardly adorable as you adapt to being single in this dumpster fire of a dating world.”
His lower lip went between his teeth. “Am I single?”
“Do you want to be?” she asked. “That is part of this conversation. I’ll start by saying, I’m not someone who sleeps with a man unless I feel some kind of connection. We work together, though don’t see each other daily, so it won’t be awkward either way.”
“I don’t take sex lightly or casually,” he said. “But again, I’m out of my element.”
“You didn’t answer me on if you want to be single or not. Maybe you like the single life now that you’re feeling your way around. I’m your first since Zoe, right?”
Maybe her voice lowered some at the end of that last question, but it had more to do with her own insecurity than anything else.
Did she want to do a friends-with-benefits situation? Not really.
But she wouldn’t force Luca into something he wasn’t ready for.
That wouldn’t be good for either of them.
“You are. If I have to be honest, I’m not hard-wired for the casual thing. Maybe that is why I don’t do it. I didn’t before I was married either. Not sure if that helps you or not. You’re trying not to put pressure on me. I get it. I appreciate it. But I’m doing the same to you.”
“Well, we need to stop that shit,” she said, nodding her head. Might as well put the humor back into this. It was how they handled things the best. “Stop overthinking. Tiptoeing. Protecting each other to death.” She smiled. “It’s exhausting.”
“It is.”
She leaned back, studying him for a second like she was assessing a puzzle she had to solve.
“So,” she said, brightening deliberately, “in the spirit of not spiraling, what are we doing with the rest of today?”
He blinked. “That’s it? No chart? No pros-and-cons list? I like graphs. I feel kind of cheated you don’t have one.”
“Oh, I have one,” she said, pointing to her head. “Right up here. I’m just choosing to ignore it for today. You know, it’s starting with a big X through the single section if that helps.”
He laughed, the tension easing out of his shoulders. “Thank God. I was worried there’d be homework.”
“Nope. Today is about getting back to easy.” She ticked points off on her fingers. “Low expectations. Zero emotional processing. Minimal clothing effort.”
“That last one feels loaded. In the best way possible.”
“Don’t read into it,” she said innocently. “Or do. I don’t care. We’ve got all day.”
He smiled, really smiled this time. “Okay. Easy sounds good.” He laced his fingers together and cracked his knuckles in front of him. “What does that look like?”
She swatted at him. “That’s a horrible habit. You need to stop that. You’re a doctor, you know better.”
He winked. “Some habits are hard to break, but I’m smart enough to know where to do it.”
She’d let that pass for now. “Well,” she said, thinking, “We need breakfast. Or I do. I’m too lazy to cook. So we should go somewhere with awful coffee and excellent people-watchers. That will help ease this for you. Get it out in the open right away on this small island that you’re taken.”
Which went back to that big X in the single column without having to say much.
Maybe, just maybe, it was a silent, passive aggressive way for her to lay that claim to him so all those single ladies who approached him last night and a few weeks ago knew he was taken.
He grinned at her and didn’t hesitate to say, “I thrive in judgmental people-watcher environments. But I do need to change out of these clothes first. We’ve both got a reputation to uphold on the island. You’re looking one way, and I’m looking like I’m doing the walk of shame.”
“Fair point. Let’s just go right to your place for that, then out to eat.”
“I can get on board with that.”
“Then,” she continued, “we find something mildly competitive. Nothing that reveals character flaws.”
“So… not video games.”
She was shaking her head rapidly. “Definitely not video games. I suck and hate them and you’ll see a side of me worse than getting a gremlin wet.”
He winced. “I get aggressively invested, but I’m nice about it.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’m not nice when it comes to being aggressive. So.” Her finger went to her chin. “Competition. How are you at trivia?”
“Brutal,” he said. “I’m out for blood. But in a good way.”
“The same. We can make that fun. Trivia it is.”
He laughed again, softer now. “I like this plan.”
“Good,” she said. “Because the goal is simple. We remind ourselves that we’re good together when we’re not dissecting everything.”
“And if we fail?”
“Then we laugh about it. Order takeout. Steal fries. Or better yet, just get naked. That worked really well last night.”
His eyes warmed. “You are serious about that fry thing? I really don’t like sharing them.”
“Deadly serious.”
He reached for her hand, squeezing once. “Okay. Easy day. No pressure.”
“Exactly,” she said. “Just us being us.”
And for the first time since the conversation had turned real, it actually felt possible.
It felt like something she’d been hoping for.
Waiting for.
Only she found it with someone who was as skittish as her, no matter how much he was trying to pretend otherwise.