39. What Works For You
WHAT WORKS FOR YOU
The next morning, Gabriela was barely functioning. She’d finally fallen asleep around two, got up at six thirty, showered and was at the hospital a little after seven.
Enough time to check in on her patients since she’d seen them not that long ago.
The night was quiet, which was good news.
She needed something good after what happened.
And Luca wanting to be alone. Yeah, not good at all.
It hurt. Hurt deeper than anything she’d experienced before.
By now, she was positive her family knew what happened and would be reaching out to her. Maybe she was glad she was working and wouldn’t have to talk to them.
What was she going to say?
That the man she loved pushed her away?
No one wanted to admit that.
By eight thirty, her patients were seen and she dragged her exhausted body to the maternity ward to check on Taylor. It was still her patient.
She knocked on the door, the teen turned her head, her eyes opened but not really focusing.
“How are you doing this morning?”
“Everything hurts,” Taylor whispered.
“I know. You just had major surgery. You’re going to need months to recover fully from it.”
“Months?”
“Yes. You’re going to have to take it easy.
There is a lot going on in your body right now on top of it.
Hormones out of control, emotions that you might not understand fully.
” She reached for Taylor’s hand. “I want you to know that we are going to get any help you need. Get you in touch with resources.”
“I don’t know what I need. I just want to go home and hide in my room.”
Boy, did she know that feeling well.
“In a few days you can do that,” she said. “You can get under the covers in your bed and you can sleep until you feel strong.”
“Luca said he’s not mad, but I think he is.”
“He’s not,” she said, shaking her head. “He’s sad. Just like you are. Just like I am. But life is sad and things happen. You need to focus on you. That is what is important.”
Taylor’s eyes overflowed with fresh tears.
“I don’t know what to do. They wanted me to name him and I didn’t want to. I told Luca to do it and he said no.”
She hadn’t known any of that, but she understood also.
It wasn’t his child to do that.
He wouldn’t give a name to a child that wasn’t his and have the connection linger on even more.
It wouldn’t be healthy for anyone.
“The baby is still your child, Taylor. I’m sure the hospital or a social worker will walk you through everything.”
“My aunt is taking care of it with Luca. He’s paying for it all. He said he would. He doesn’t have to. You can tell him that. He asked me if I wanted to bury—”
The teen’s voice broke off.
Gabriela looked up at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling.
She didn’t know why. It wasn’t going to work and it didn’t.
There was no surprise that Luca would have done that.
“That is your choice.”
“My aunt named him. She’s taking care of it all. I can’t. I don’t want to. I just want to forget any of this happened.”
It just wasn’t that easy, but at sixteen, she knew she willed some of those thoughts also.
Not that she ever had anything this serious in her life to worry about.
Taylor was going to have a long road ahead of her if she couldn’t come to terms with what happened, but it’d take time.
The best they could do was offer as much help as possible to Taylor and her aunt.
“You have to do what works for you,” she said, rubbing her hand on Taylor’s. “I’m sure Dr. Young will be in to see you soon. I’ll be back later tonight to check in also.”
“How long will I be here?”
“Normally two to three days,” she said. “Don’t rush. Please. Take the time you need.”
Taylor turned her head away.
There was no use trying to talk again. You couldn’t force conversations, you couldn’t force feelings either.
When she was walking out of the room to go to her office to start appointments for the day, she ran into Cora coming off the elevator.
Rather than climb on, she stepped aside. “I just saw Taylor.”
“How is she doing?”
“Physically, she seems decent. I read the chart from last night. She’s in pain and will be, but they are monitoring that. I told her she’d be here for two to three days and not to rush it.”
“I told her the same thing,” Cora said. “And maybe I need the solitude to grieve some too.”
“It was a hard night for everyone.”
“I knew we weren’t going to keep the baby, but I just didn’t think this was going to happen. Taylor has some mental health issues. She gets depressed but would never take any meds. Then she gets out of control with her actions. Like there are no consequences.”
Things she wondered if Luca knew about. She was betting he hadn’t.
Not that it would have changed him wanting the child.
“We’ll try to get you in contact with some good resources. She needs to take time for herself. Maybe be evaluated for any kind of mental health issues that you think. The strongest of people crack when something like this happens. Losing a child, she’s going to need a lot of support.”
“I know,” Cora said. “I’m trying. I’m struggling myself, but her mother is of no help. I called my sister this morning to tell her and... you don’t need to know what the response was.”
No, she didn’t. But she could only imagine.
“I’ll come back and check on Taylor later tonight.”
“When you see Luca, can you thank him? I’m not sure if we will again, or when he works next.”
“He’ll be here on Sunday. I’m not sure if Taylor will still be here. I’m thinking they will try to keep her as long as they can, all things considered. A social worker is going to come in any way. It’s mandatory when something like this happens to anyone during childbirth.”
“Good. I’m glad. Maybe Taylor will listen, but I’m not sure,” Cora said.
“I’ll be here if you need anything. The same as Luca. We aren’t going anywhere.”
“He didn’t have to pay for the burial. I told him that.”
“He’s a great guy. He does what he feels is right.”
“Taylor, she doesn’t understand. She wanted Luca to name the baby, but I got it.
That’s too much to ask. I named him after my father.
Thomas Mitchell Owens. I’m going to have him cremated and his ashes scattered by my father.
I thought it’d be fitting, as it would have been his first great-grandchild. ”
“I think that’s a lovely gesture.”
And would bring closure for at least Cora.
The minute she was in her office, her phone rang. If she thought it was Luca, she was wrong.
It was her mother.
“I heard,” her mother said.
“I figured you had.”
“How are you doing? How is Luca? Not that I need to ask because I can only imagine.”
“It was a long night. I came in a few hours late. I wasn’t going to leave his side last night.”
“Of course you wouldn’t,” her mother said. “Do you want me to come to the island? Do you need me to be there for you?”
Her eyes filled again.
There were days she was reminded again and again how lucky she was to have such support in her family.
“I’ll let you know. I’ve got today and tomorrow left of work. It will keep me busy.”
“Don’t overdo it, Gabriela. Even if you didn’t have somewhat of a connection to what happened, it’s still emotionally draining when it’s your patient.”
“I know. I don’t know how Dad and Garrett do this. I really don’t.”
“You’re strong in your own right. You work to your strengths. You love children. Your personality can relate to them. You get them to befriend and trust you with your humor just like your brother does his patients with his compassion.”
“Thanks, Mom. I needed to hear that.”
“You didn’t tell me how Luca was doing.”
Gabriela sighed and sat in the chair, her body wanting to relax, but it couldn’t. Not yet. Her day was just starting.
“About as well as can be. I didn’t want him alone last night and he told me pretty firmly he wanted to be.” There was silence on the other end. “Mom? Did you hear me?”
“I heard you. I’m processing the best response.”
“Just tell me what you feel. You always do.”
“That you’re hurt. I know you are. You feel rejected.”
“I do. That’s it exactly. I didn’t think it’d cut this deep, but it’s like it’s still bleeding when I think of it. Like I can hear his words and his tone telling me I don’t matter when I know that isn’t what he meant.”
“That’s not what he meant at all. I’m positive of it.”
“I can tell myself that all I want, but it doesn’t change the outcome. He’s not ready to be around anyone. He claims he knows what he needs and it’s obviously not me.”
“Don’t be that way, Gabriela. That’s you being a bit selfish. Give him space. He’s gone through something tragic once already. This wasn’t the same thing, but it might be close in his eyes.”
“I told him I understand it was the lost hope that he’s grieving.”
“You’re smart,” her mother said. “That was what I was going to say too. And hope when it’s cut down is often harder to recover from.”
Not what she wanted to hear.
“I don’t know what to do for him,” she said, looking at the ceiling and trying to battle the tears back. “But I don’t want to let him do this alone. Mom, he holed himself up for two years after Zoe died. I can’t let him do that again.”
“Gabriela, it’s not for you to let him do anything. It’s up to you to just be there for him and what he needs, and if it hurts you, then you’re just going to have to deal with it silently for now.”
She groaned. “I don’t do anything silently.”
“No. And this will be a test for you both. Just be there for him. It’s the best advice I can give you.”
“Thanks.”
But she’d already figured it out herself.
She just hoped she could follow through with it.