41. Had To Wait
HAD TO WAIT
“Gabriela,” Kate said before lunch. “You’ve got a call. I said you were with a patient, but she said she’d wait, hoping you’d be going to lunch soon.”
“Can you get a name and number and I’ll call them back? I don’t want someone to wait. I don’t know how long I’ll be with my next patient.”
Shouldn’t be too long. Just a college physical. It warmed her heart when she had them.
It wasn’t only the babies and cuddles that she looked forward to.
Sometimes it was the youth taking a leap into the world.
“I’ll get the information and text it to you,” Kate said. “I’ll make sure that she knows you requested it and will call right back.”
“Thanks,” she said, her hand going to her mouth to cover her yawn. It was going to be a long day and her lunch plan was a massive Diet Coke chased with the yogurt and handful of cookies she shoved in her bag before she left.
Sugar and caffeine.
“Philip,” she said, moving into the room.
“Hi, Dr. Gabriela.”
“How can you be going to college?” she asked, shaking her head in wonder, a grin on her face.
“Tell me about it,” Philip’s mother said. “My last baby is leaving the nest. He’s going early and starting with summer courses.”
She kept her smile in place. “You just want to get out and spread your wings.” She pulled up the release on her computer to fill out as she went. “Where are you going?”
“Clemson. My cousin is there. I’m going to live with him this summer and take two classes before I move into the dorms.”
“Sounds like a great plan to get a head start,” she said.
Philip’s mother clucked her tongue. “More like a head start to party, but my son says otherwise.”
She winked at Philip, went through the exam and sent them both on their way.
Back in her office, she pulled her phone out and saw the text to call Martha Brewer.
She was fumbling with her phone as she hit the blue link in the text.
Oh God, did something happen to Luca?
Why else would his mother be calling her?
“Gabriela?”
“Yes. Hi. Is everything okay with Luca? I almost called him first.”
“He’s fine. I mean as fine as he can be. I talked to him this morning.”
Her heart that had been ready to burst out of her chest hit the brakes slightly.
It was still racing but not enough to make her feel like she was going to pass out.
“So you know what happened?”
“I do,” Martha said. “My heart breaks for him. I’m worried. He says he’s handling it, but I’m not so sure he is. Or knows how. And he’d be livid if he knew I called you. I hope the staff there won’t let him know.”
“No,” she said. “I’ll make sure of it. But they wouldn’t anyway.”
“I’m glad he called me, but I feel horrible. He’s playing it off like it’s just another patient.”
“It’s not,” she said. Her eyes filled, not surprised he’d do that to not worry his parents.
“I don’t feel that way either, but I know it’s harder for him.
I wanted to be with him last night, but he said he needed some space.
It didn’t seem right to argue when I don’t know what he needs in a situation like this.
It’s horrible to say, but most of our time is about fun. ”
“He tells me. Or has told me. That you’ve never fought, and get along great.”
“We do. I know that’s odd. So this is a little hard for me to figure out. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had plenty of serious talks, but this... this is more than that.”
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you he locked himself away when Zoe died. Do I think this is on the same level? No. I don’t. But I’m still concerned.”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried also. I had to work today. If I could have called in, I would have, but it’s not easy to get coverage last minute on the island unless it’s an emergency.”
Could she have called in sick? Sure. They would have pulled in a nurse practitioner or rescheduled appointments. They’d done it before.
But she wasn’t going to impose herself on Luca if he needed space. Not now. Not after everything.
It wasn’t a big ask—just a little time for him—but she also knew there was a limit to how much she could step back.
Still, she lingered in that quiet of her mind, fighting the urge to call him again, to text, to make sure he was hanging in there.
Some things couldn’t be rushed. Some things had to wait.
Even if waiting was the hardest part.
“You won’t let him know about this conversation?” Martha asked.
“No. It’s coming from a place of caring. A place of love on both of our parts.”
“Exactly. He said that you understood that he needed space.”
She couldn’t control the snort that escaped her lips. “No. Well, yes. Maybe. I don’t know. We were both exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I’m not sure I understood, but I wouldn’t fight him either.”
Though it was on the tip of her tongue to do it.
“I know my son. I’m worried he’s going to lose himself again like he’d done before. I’m repeating myself again too, I know.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t let that happen. I talk to him daily when I’m on shift. My plan was to call him when I was walking to the hospital like normal. It’d give me an idea of how he was doing.”
“He’s going to act like he’s fine,” Martha said.
“I can see through it. I think he knows that too. Don’t worry. He won’t be alone. I promise. He needs me and I’ll make sure he’s aware of it.”
“Thank you,” Martha said, her quiet sobs coming through. “I worried about him taking this step with the adoption. I worried Taylor would change her mind. That he’d get so excited and it’d fall through. I just never thought it’d be this way.”
“I don’t think anyone thinks or plans it like this.
” She was going to do as best as she could to relieve some of Martha’s stress.
“I love your son. I see a future with him. I think he sees it too. But I can’t rush or push him either.
I want children just as much as him. I told him I worried he was losing hope more than anything. ”
“I said the same thing.”
“I’m not going to let him lose that hope. Not while we are together.”
“I believe you. Is it too much to ask if you can let me know how he is doing without me bugging him too much?”
“Of course. I’ve got your number now.”
“I told him I’d check in later and he said I could.”
“I’ll do the same. I’m glad you reached out.”
“Me too,” Martha said, then hung up.
Her fingers itched to call Luca now, but what she had to do was play it like she’d planned.
To keep their routine going.
To give him that space but at the same time, let him know she had him.
But even though they had talked briefly on her check-in call, hours later, when she left the hospital, rather than go home, she drove to his house without telling him.
The lights were on, so she parked and rang the bell.
The curtain moved, he looked out and went to the door.
“Hi,” she said, walking right past him into the living room.
“I didn’t know you were coming over,” he said, confusion showing through exhaustion.
“It was a last-minute decision.”
His laptop was out, his hair was standing up on end from running his fingers through it. The question was, was it in grief or frustration? Or some other emotion like all the ones slamming into her body today.
“Are you staying the night? You don’t have a bag.”
“I’d like to and can go home and change in the morning. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”
He sounded better when they talked earlier, but there was a part of her that wondered if he was just really good at hiding it.
“I’m better.”
“Am I interrupting anything?”
Her eyes were on the box on the floor.
“I’m cleaning things out.”
“What things?” she asked carefully.
“Pictures. Zoe’s parents gave me copies of what they had when we lost it all in the fire.”
“Can I look through them? I hope you aren’t getting rid of them because of me? I’m okay if you keep them.”
He hesitated a beat, yanked her into his arms and just held her. Held her tight.
As if she were his anchor when in actuality, he was hers.
His hand went to the back of her neck, massaging it, his lips pressing to her forehead.
The change in him was sudden but oh so welcome!
“I love you. I love that you’re there for me. I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said.
Martha was wrong. There was no reason to be worried he was holding it in.
He was letting it out now. And much sooner than she’d thought.
“You did, but you’re allowed. We do or say things in those moments that we can’t control. I worried that if I came over I might have hurt you. It was for the best.”
Even if it didn’t feel that way last night.
“Neither of us would have slept last night. I didn’t do much anyway and there was no reason to keep you up.”
“We could have been up together,” she said. “I’m beat. I don’t want to tell you the amount of caffeine I had today.”
“I probably don’t want to know,” he said, then inched back. “Sit.”
He moved the box closer to her and she reached in, pulled out the photo on top. A wedding photo.
“Her dress is beautiful.”
“It was. She was stunning that day.”
She touched Luca’s body in the picture. How handsome he looked in his tux.
Jealousy was a horrible emotion in this moment, but she couldn’t control it.
“You look just as good.”
He laughed lightly. It sounded like it was a true sound and not forced. “Thanks.”
She swapped it out for another photo. “Can I ask why you’re going through things?”
“It’s time to pack it all up,” he said. “Not to get rid of it. Just not have it sitting in a corner with me dreading what is in it. I can do this now. I’ve moved on more than I thought.
I think this is the final step. I took all the pictures of her off my phone too and put them in a file on my computer. ”
She turned sharply. “You didn’t need to do that. I don’t care.”
“I did need to do it,” he said, his fingers brushing her hair back. “I had to do it for me. It was time. Just like it was to take my ring off five months ago. I’ve got someone else in my life. My memories of Zoe won’t disappear, I know that now. I don’t need these crutches to keep her alive.”
He didn’t seem too upset with his words.
He didn’t seem as if it was a fact he was reciting.
It was as if he’d... healed.
Even after what happened yesterday.
“Five months,” she said. “How is that possible?”
“No clue,” he said. “What happened yesterday hurt, Gabriela. The pain was sharp and brutal, but not fatal. Not for me. It can’t be.
You brought up the loss of hope. Last night, that is what it was.
But today, I realized that I found you. If that isn’t hope, then I’m not sure what is.
And keeping all these things out.” His hand waved around.
“Even in a box, they are still a reminder. It’s a reminder that I wasn’t ready for that hope. That’s not true anymore.”
“I think we found each other,” she said, smiling, putting the picture of Zoe back. She didn’t need to look at it anymore. She had what she needed in front of her. “On this island. I always said I didn’t believe it, but I guess I have to. It’s that fate thing.”
“I’m not sure what it is, but it’s given me that hope back.” His finger traced her jawline. “I don’t know what tomorrow brings.”
“It brings me right back here after my shift,” she said almost leaning into his touch.
“I hope so.”
“I love you, Luca. I’m worried about you. Or I was. I guess I still am, but not as much.”
He laughed. “Make up your mind.”
“I am, but I think seeing you, I’m better. I know you’re not hiding behind something else.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m not doing that again. It hurts. Last night… I won’t lie and say how bad it was in the moment. Even thinking of it now. It will take time, but it will lessen. It wasn’t meant. That doesn’t mean there isn’t another day for that hope though.”
She smiled, her arms going around his neck. “That’s right. My mother called me this morning. The news reached her. I thought to myself how lucky I was to have that kind of support in my life. That you had the same.”
“I do.”
“And I was going to make damn sure you knew I was there for you too. For whatever it was you needed from me, I’d be there.
But I won’t be giving you space. If you need me to be your funny sidekick while you process everything, I can do that.
If you need lots of hugs, I’m right there too. But I’m not letting you do it alone.”
He leaned in to kiss her. “You were just as invested as me, Gabriela. I know it. Admit it. You were seeing this baby as yours. As ours.”
She held her fingers up in a pinch. “There was a part of me that was starting to feel it, but I told myself not to get caught up... not yet.”
“It didn’t work though, did it?”
She blew a breath out. “No. But you were closer to it. Closer to Taylor.”
Because she’d stepped back and let him go through the process without interference to prolong it.
“I was, but you were right there with me. You’re grieving just as much and trying not to let me see it. It won’t trigger me. I promise you that. We’ll get through this together.”
“We will,” she said, pulling him into her arms, glad to know she didn’t have to try to hold back for him. “Because we’ve got each other.”
“We do.”
“My mother worried that this was a big thing in our relationship. The first. And how we’d handle it. I have complete confidence in our ability. Do you?”
He laughed. “You’re not cocky in the least.”
“Nope. But in all seriousness, Luca. Laughing now doesn’t mean it’s over by any means.”
“No. It’s going to come in waves until we move to the next step. It takes time, but time we’ve got.”
“And I’ll give it to you as you’ll give it to me. And in between those waves, don’t hold your breath. Don’t worry you’ll drown. I want you to reach for me. I want you to know I can be your life vest.”
“And I can be yours,” he said. “I didn’t have this before in my marriage. Not like I should have. I carried us both. I was used to doing it.”
“Don’t get used to it. That’s not how I work. We can shoulder it together.” She flexed. “I’ve got some pretty sick shoulders here. And this guy I’m in love with, he’s been teaching me how to lift properly now.”
He tapped her on the nose. “It’s because this woman I love, she’s a fast learner.”
“Which is why we are so perfect for each other.”
“Through the ups and downs,” he said.
Her hand went to his cheek. No laughter. No jokes.
Nothing but love.
“Because that’s life. And as long as there is love, there is hope.”
“And there is us.” He lowered his head and kissed her with all the tenderness that she’d never experienced before and it was more powerful than the lust they shared.
Because this was what love truly meant and she finally found it!