16
Darkness can offer refuge, but beware of the monster that lurks within it
I ran from the party until the music faded into the distance. And that’s when I had a complete meltdown.
I took off the stupid high heels and threw them as far as I could.
I rubbed my hand across my face, like that would wipe away all the ridiculous makeup.
I even let out a scream of pure rage. It was so charged with anger that, in the end, I just stood there, shaken and defeated, trying to process what had just happened.
Who the fuck was he to tell everyone that my mom was ill?
This was such a sensitive subject for us.
My mom was fine one day but not the next.
It was unpredictable—pain, sudden infections, fatigue, depression .
. . Her illness had broken me inside. And for Aegan to bring it up in front of everyone, basically mocking me to my face, like it was all part of his games, made him the most evil person in the world.
He was the most despicable being I’d ever come across.
And this was just the beginning.
The more I stood up to him and tried to tarnish his reputation, the crueler he’d be and the more he’d try to destroy me.
He’d dig into my life, waiting for me to slip up.
And the worst thing about it: I wasn’t afraid of what he might do to me, but I was afraid of what he’s do to everyone around me.
He had warned me, that night in car, that he would go to war if needed.
After showing me, tonight, that he’d be willing to do anything to bring me down, I wondered if maybe I should ditch my plan.
I couldn’t think straight because my head was spinning. I was starting to regret not grabbing a bottle before running out of the party.
I sat on a rock in virtual darkness. I cried for a while, letting everything out, holding nothing back so it wouldn’t resurface later .
. . Hey, crying is good. If you want to cry like the heroines in period novels, go ahead; but afterward, you’ve got to pluck up the courage to wipe away your tears and get back up again.
I wiped away my tears, but I just stayed there, staring into space as I struggled to keep my rage under control. Being angry was normal, but having too much of it can lead to slipping up. I needed to calm down.
All I knew was that there was no way I going back to that fucking party. I thought about sneaking back to the room and going to bed, so I started walking back toward the house, looking for side entrances where I wouldn’t run into anyone.
At one point, I lost all sense of where I was, surrounded only by trees and darkness. Then, suddenly, I noticed what looked like a treehouse.
Maybe I could spend the night there. I’d do anything to keep away from the Cash brothers for a few hours.
I climbed the wooden rungs. But as I leaned in to peek inside, I nearly lost my balance when I spotted somebody inside. I didn’t scream though, because I could make out who it was, even in the dark.
It was Adrik, holding a bottle in his hand.
A few hours without the Cash brothers? No chance; that was impossible around here.
I thought about climbing down and getting out of there but then I remembered he’d jumped into the pool as soon as Aegan had tried to stick the knife in. I didn’t know if that was just a coincidence or if he’d meant to do it, but he’d saved my ass.
“Can I?” I asked, after clearing my throat.
He turned his head, seeming to only just realize I was there.
“Only because there’s booze in my system,” he said, sounding indifferent.
I finished climbing up, but I couldn’t fully straighten up. The treehouse was built for kids, and, obviously, neither of us were kids anymore, so I sank down beside him, feeling defeated.
“Here I am, just as you predicted, right after something ridiculous has gone down,” I said, letting out a weary sigh. “What’re you doing here?”
“I don’t like being around so many people,” he replied.
I leaned my head against the wooden floor and didn’t say anything. All I could hear were Adrik’s swigs from the bottle and his calm, steady breathing. For a few moments, it was comforting to have some company, even though he wasn’t there out of any real consideration for me.
“Thanks,” I finally said, breaking the silence.
“I didn’t do it for you,” he shot back.
Of course, he always made a point of putting a damper on things.
“Well . . .”
“I did it for me,” he said. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
“Were you looking to get everyone’s attention?”
“I didn’t want Aegan to get away with everything, for once.”
I frowned. Adrik was unexpected.
“Did you know he was going to say that at the toast?” I asked him.
“Jude,” he said, saying my name so seriously that I thought he was going to tell me off. “Do you still think that the three of us spend our time coming up with ways to humiliate you?”
I had noticed that the three of them each had their own attitude, such as Adrik’s indifference toward the things Aegan liked, and Aleixandre being nice to me, but I found it hard to separate them in my mind.
After all, they were brothers, raised together, loyal to Aegan, and quick to cover up his mistakes .
. . Basically, they really couldn’t be trusted.
“It doesn’t matter what I think,” I sighed, instead of going into more detail. He took a deep breath and exhaled with resignation.
“I thought he was plotting something when he kept going on about a special toast,” he confessed, like he had no other choice but to answer my previous question.
“For Aegan, ‘something special’ means ‘something I’ve meticulously planned,’ so as soon as he started his little performance, I did what I had to do.
That’s all. Here, take this, it’ll help. ”
To my surprise, he passed me his bottle. I instinctively hesitated, but I really needed it, so I took a big swig. It burned as it went down, yet it also felt like a shot of courage.
I handed it back to him.
“Do you know how he found out about my mom?” I said, still savoring the powerful hit of booze.
Adrik shrugged.
“No, but I do know that he has his ways to find things out. He shouldn’t have done that in front of everyone.”
I was surprised he was acknowledging just how cruel Aegan had been to me.
But I still couldn’t get over it.
“Well,” I sighed, “like you said once: ‘Whatever happens to me is my own fault.’”
After that, we didn’t say a word. Adrik took a swig and then handed me the bottle again. And we stayed like that for a while, drinking in silence.
When you drink, you go through different stages: at first, you’re clear-headed, and the booze gives you a buzz; after a few more drinks, you relax and start enjoying yourself; and then after the next few, you go into what I call “the delicious dizziness phase,” when the world feels unsteady and the drink tastes delightful.
At this stage, two things can happen: you either can’t stop laughing because your mental alertness has gone to shit, or everything affects you more than it did before.
I was experiencing number one.
I was already caught in that delightful buzz, feeling like the treehouse was spinning, when I suddenly burst out laughing. And the funny thing was, Adrik started laughing too. His laughter wasn’t as out of control as mine, but I could tell he wasn’t exactly sober either.
“You shouted, ‘Suck my dick, Aegan,’” I reminded him, trying to hold back my laughter. “Is that the first time anyone’s ever said that to him?”
“To his face, maybe,” he said.
I kept laughing while thinking about how he had leaped into the pool. Imagining him flying through the air was just too funny.
“I never thought you’d do something like that,” I confessed. “You’re always so serious and look like you hate everything . . .”
He clicked his tongue. “I had to have a few drinks beforehand, but even a serious guy like me can do crazy stuff sometimes.”
We continued passing the bottle back and forth. When you share a bottle with someone, you form a kind of bond with them. Those aren’t my words; they’re the words of alcohol science.
I had to make the most of this bond while it lasted.
“I need to ask you something,” I said suddenly.
Adrik took another swig and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Shoot.”
“Why are you so hard on Artie?”
“I’m not hard on her,” he said, seeming annoyed. “I just don’t like her, and I don’t want to lead her on.”
“But . . .”
“I went to your apartment that day to give you those books,” he cut me off. “And you and Aegan decided that the four of us would go out. From then on, he was trying to set her up with me. I was never up for it. Or do you recall me saying otherwise?”
No, I didn’t.
He took another swig. He sounded half-normal, but he was obviously only answering my questions because he was halfway to drunk.
“Look, Aegan, Aleixandre and me only have two things in common: our surname and our bloodline, because we’re all really different,” he said, sounding bitter, as if this pissed him off. “The whole world thinks what Aegan is striving for is right. And he wants us all to be his clones.”
Fuck, was I really hearing this?
I was now excited and curious. That was almost like breaking through one of the barriers of the silent, reserved, and serious Adrik Cash.
“And you don’t want to be like him,” I said, but really I was trying to encourage him to say more.
He let out a bitter laugh.
“I’d cut off one of my balls first.” He took another swig and then licked his thin lips. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this, knowing that you’ll just tell everyone as soon as you get the chance.”
I snatched the bottle out of his hand and took a swig. Disgusted at the suggestion, I spoke.
“Do you really think that I—as someone who’s been humiliated by Aegan more than I’d ever let on—would go around telling everybody you’re the only Cash brother that has ever been straight with me? I would sooner thank you.”
I thought I saw Adrik smile.
“Well, you aren’t that stupid then,” he said.