25
No regrets
Twenty-four hours before the fair
I wasn’t sure how to get the videos to play on the stage screen.
I was also kind of restless and nervous. I was still human after all. A human with an evil plan, but human all the same. So, there I was, in the main library, doodling in my notebook because I couldn’t concentrate, when I was startled by the Tagus PA system coming on.
“Could all students who are free at the moment make their way to the auditorium? The management team will give a talk on this year’s selection and academic improvement processes. Participation will be graded.”
Graded participation? They were going to award us points just for going to a conference? Wow! I grabbed my things and left the library. In the hallway, I ran into a big crowd of students, all dying to make the most of the extra points.
At the massive entrance doors, a few students were handing out attendance forms that we had to sign before we could go in.
The auditorium was bowl-shaped, with a massive stage.
It had a red curtain that was now pulled back.
There was a projection screen at the back of the wooden platform.
There was a podium for the speaker on one side and a row of seats where a few teachers were sitting.
I was looking for a good spot when I noticed an arm waving at me. It was Artie, who’d saved me a seat next to her, Kiana, and Dash. I rushed over to join them, apologizing to everyone as I pushed through the crowd. I plonked myself down on the seat between Kiana and Dash.
“What happened?” I asked them, turning to look at them.
“We’ll have to wait a few minutes for them to finish fixing the sound system before they can get going,” Dash replied, sounding a bit annoyed. Then, giving me a curious look, he said, “What’s up with you? You’ve got a weird look on your face,” basically implying I looked awful.
I already knew this. The day was really getting to me. Aegan and Owen were sitting in the front rows chatting.
“You must be nervous about tomorrow, right?” Kiana whispered to me. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. Do you need any help?”
Well, I needed to know something. “Do you know who’s doing the sound and working the screens at the fair?”
“Artie knows,” Dash said, looking intrigued.
Artie scratched the back of her neck, looking kind of embarrassed.
“The guy I was telling you about,” she whispered to me, leaning in to tell me like it was a big secret. “He’s called Lander.”
“Could you ask him to do me a favor?” I whispered back, trying to be discreet.
Kiana had picked up on it, though, and tried to hold back a smile. “Oh, what are you plotting, Jude?”
They had no idea. Not even I knew how things would pan out.
“Actually, it’s something Aegan said he needed,” I lied to keep them from thinking it had anything to do with my plan to destroy him.
“I’ll send you Lander’s information,” Artie assured me.
Just then, a teacher stepped up to the podium and got the conference underway. I tried to pay attention, but my nerves got the better of me once again.
I couldn’t help but wonder if I should really go through with what I was planning for tomorrow. Am I doing the right thing?
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t notice what was going on until I realized the teacher had turned around and was motionless, staring at the projection screen. As soon as I saw the images, my stomach dropped.
On the screen was an image of Adrik and me kissing in my apartment, the air thick with incense.
Holy fucking Christ!
Our voices boomed out from the speaker system saying, “I’ll make you laugh,” and “Jude, stop.” Everything was so clear that there was no doubt what was going on: me straddling him, his hands on me, our lips locked in a raunchy kiss . . .
A seemingly normal kiss, if not for one glaring detail that everyone picked up on: I wasn’t kissing Aegan, my boyfriend; I was kissing his brother.
As soon as I snapped out of my state of shock, I glanced around.
The entire auditorium had fallen into a tense, expectant silence.
Every single person had stopped what they were doing to watch the footage.
Kiana and Dash were gobsmacked, while the other students were sitting there open-mouthed, eyes wide; some even had Machiavellian grins, like demons who thrived on gossip, misfortune, and other people’s mistakes, exactly the feast they were being served.
I shifted my attention back to the stage and studied the row of teachers sitting there. They had no clue what was going on. They were stunned.
The video ended, the screen went black for a few seconds, and then the conference footage started playing. I exhaled deeply, but there was still plenty of air left in my lungs. There was a brief pause, like everyone was trying to process what they’d just seen, and then murmurs and voices broke out.
The chancellor spoke into the mic, calling for everyone to be calm, insisting that this was completely out of order, disrespectful, and wanting to know who’d tampered with the projector.
But nobody paid any heed to her. They were all talking or looking at me.
The worst thing was that they were all looking at me.
I could feel the full weight of their judging eyes.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do, whether to stay there and sink back into my seat or get up and bolt out of there.
I was so embarrassed. I wanted the ground to swallow me up and spit me out on another planet.
Liking Adrik while I was with Aegan was a bad enough secret on its own, but now that everyone knew, it was like a mortal sin.
I decided to stay put and face the onslaught of social judgment, thinking it would be just stares and whispers.
But I had seriously underestimated what Tagus students and Aegan’s little fan club were capable of. They were evil and entitled.
“Fucking slut!” A girl shouted from somewhere in the auditorium. I sat frozen in my chair, stunned. The insult rang out above the other voices, before things quickly spiraled out of control.
“You could always tell from your face, Jude!” another girl shouted from somewhere.
“I wouldn’t mind spending some time with you, as long as Aegan’s okay with it!” some guy shouted, followed by cruel and lewd laughter.
“She’s really ugly!” another girl shouted, followed by loud laughs.
“Did your AIDS-riddled mom teach you that?” shouted another girl from one of the front rows.
That last one went through me like a sword. My astonishment quickly turned into an anger that made me want to get up, rip the chair from the floor, and hurl it at someone. I couldn’t tell whether standing up for myself would strengthen my position or just make things even worse.
In any case, something else happened that blew my mind.
“I’ll bust your face, asshole!” Kiana shouted, out of the blue. She was standing up and clenching her fist, ready to start throwing punches. For me.
“Have you got an army of slags, Jude?” someone sneered, over the laughter and voices.
Kiana was seeing red, and she started shouting back.
At the same time, everyone else started insulting and mocking me.
Meanwhile, the teacher was shouting instructions from the platform that went unheeded.
Everything spiraled into a complete and utter chaos of shouting, laughter, and jeers, guys and girls reveling in the turmoil with mischievous delight . . .
And then Artie jumped up out of her seat and ran out of the auditorium.
Something inside me was saying, Go after her: she’s the only one who can help you and she’s probably confused by what she saw.
I got up and hurried down the aisle between the rows of seats.
It seemed to go on forever. I felt like Cersei Lannister in Game of Thrones during her infamous walk of shame, exposed and humiliated for all to see.
Even fully clothed, I felt exposed. As I made my way out, they hurled every imaginable insult at me, each one making me angrier.
I stopped Artie as soon as we were outside. She was really pissed. I never thought she could get this angry.
“‘I fucking hate them! There’s nobody that can take them down!’” she exclaimed in a mocking tone, glaring at me, clearly harking back to the things I’d once said about the Cash family. “And then this happened? Right. What do you have to say, Jude? Nothing—they caught you, you pig.”
“It was the incense; I didn’t have a clue what I was doing,” I tried to defend myself. At least that part was true.
She couldn’t have cared less. She gave me a harsh look, the kind you reserve for a stranger.
“I really didn’t expect that from you, Jude,” she said, shaking her head. Her voice was dry. “I believed every word you said about having a plan to humiliate them . . .”
I tried to set things straight. “What happened with Adrik changes nothing.”
“It changes everything!” she exclaimed with an unmistakable anger. “Do you really think I haven’t noticed? You’re hesitating, and that’s what always happens: they get you to question even yourself.”
I wanted to come up with some sort of comeback, but fucking hell, she was right. I felt ashamed that it was so obvious I was having second thoughts, and I was really pissed off with myself because something had changed, and it wasn’t good at all.
“The plan’s still going ahead,” I said, trying to sound confident. “It’ll be even better than you think because—”
She didn’t want to hear me.
“Do you know what made you so different, Jude?” she said, cutting me off.
I really wanted to block out whatever she was about to say, so I was tempted to tell her everything. Yeah, there was a big reveal that she’d soon discover.
“Artie—” I tried to stop her, but she blurted it out anyway.
“You grew up away from all of this, so you were supposed to be better. Now there’s no difference between you, me, and everyone else. You’re just as weak.”
And then she turned around and stormed off. I stood there watching as she walked away.