Chapter 9
As it turned out, Georgia was busy on the Saturday and so, still not knowing the area all that well, Zoe had canvassed ideas for places to take her mum for a day out instead.
She’d settled on a National Trust property called Allan Bank, chosen partly because she hadn’t yet visited Grasmere herself, and partly because it seemed like the sort of sprawling place that would give them plenty of things to do and see in tranquil surroundings that she hoped would soothe her mum’s frayed nerves.
There was a haze over the hills as Zoe drove them there after picking her mum up from the train station, a sky that threatened rain but wasn’t quite sure it had the energy.
That suited Zoe, who could do without bad weather on top of trying to keep her mum’s thoughts off her dad’s impending nuptials to Chantal.
‘I haven’t brought my umbrella,’ Cherie said, glancing out of the passenger-side window at the distant peaks.
‘I should have known that would be a mistake. And I suppose it’s all out in the open, this place you’re taking me to?
Nowhere to shelter if the heavens open. At least in the Arndale Centre you can get out of the rain. ’
‘You’re saying you’d rather be in a shopping centre than out here in all this?’ Zoe tipped her head towards the rolling vista of green and browns.
‘You used to like a Saturday out in the Arndale.’
‘I’m not saying I didn’t, but only as a place to hang out with my friends that was easy to get to.
I’m sure if you’d asked me…’ She shook her head.
‘Scratch that. I suppose back then, as a teenager, I would have preferred to be in the Arndale than anywhere else. You should have said if this wasn’t what you wanted to do.
When I suggested it, you seemed keen. But we can—’
‘I’m sure it will be lovely,’ Cherie cut in. ‘I only meant if it rains, we’re going to be stuck with no shelter.’
‘There’s a big house that you can go into. If it makes you feel better, we won’t wander too far away from it, though I was hoping to show you the grounds.’
‘I thought you hadn’t been here before.’
‘I haven’t, but they look nice from what I’ve seen on the website, and Lavender at work says they’re beautiful, so…’
‘Didn’t your Alex want to come?’
‘He’s got things to do. I told you that on the phone.’
Cherie looked around sharply, Zoe catching the action from the corner of her eye.
‘He wanted to,’ she added, clipping her tone. ‘But he really couldn’t spare the time. Besides, Billie needs someone to be close by; it’s too far to come out and leave her alone.’
‘She’s old enough, isn’t she?’
‘Well, yes, but she’s also getting really close to the birth now.
Alex would never forgive himself if he was missing and she went into labour.
He thinks the absolute world of her – he just wouldn’t do that.
But they’re both looking forward to meeting you later when we go over.
Billie’s making dinner for us. She’s a great cook. ’
‘That’s nice,’ Cherie said in a voice that suggested she didn’t really have an opinion on whether it was nice at all. ‘As long as it doesn’t have coriander in it. You did tell her I don’t eat coriander, didn’t you?’
‘It won’t have coriander in it, Mum.’
‘Remind me how old she is.’
‘Twenty-three. Twenty-four soon, actually.’
‘Oh yes, that’s right. The baby’s father was killed speeding, wasn’t he?’
‘Not speeding, no. He went off the road on a sharp bend. It’s a notorious accident blackspot – everyone who lives around there knows it.’
‘I expect he was taking it too fast, though.’
‘Well, the investigation was inconclusive on that point as far as I know.’ Zoe pursed her lips tight as she stared at the road ahead. ‘Alex and Billie choose to assume it was an accident. And if they say it was an accident and nobody’s fault, then it was.’
‘I didn’t mean to insinuate it was anyone’s fault. I was only pointing out what could have made him go off the road.’
‘They have red squirrels at Allan Bank,’ Zoe said, forcing a brighter tone.
‘I thought they were all gone now. You know, because the grey squirrels drove them out.’
‘It says on the website they have some. I think there are still places that have a small population.’
‘I don’t expect we’ll see any… not in this weather.’
‘I suppose they might be hibernating… It would be a shame not to see them – I was hoping to.’
‘Well, that’s life, isn’t it? You think you’re about to get something nice, and then you’re hit with the inevitable disappointment.’
‘Still, even if we don’t see any, the grounds are meant to be lovely.
Like really stunning. And there’s this bit where the butler used to live where you can go in and make your own hot drinks.
I mean, that’s good, isn’t it? I don’t think it will rain, but if it does, we can cosy up in an armchair with a hot drink and we don’t have to pay for it. ’
‘I would imagine we’ve paid for it in the price of the admission. The least they could do is give us a cup of tea.’
‘Still, you don’t get that everywhere, do you?’
‘That’s because everyone is out to get what they can.’
‘It costs a lot to keep these places open, though.’
‘Costs a lot to pay company directors too, letting them drive around in their Rolls-Royces, living in some country pile somewhere.’
Zoe let out a long breath with more force than she’d intended to.
She’d been looking forward to seeing her mum, despite the circumstances that threatened to impact their relationship, and she still wanted to spend that time with her, but she was beginning to see that the day was going to be hard work.
As they arrived at the entrance to Allan Bank, Zoe was pleased to see her mum break into a smile.
‘Oh, this does look pretty!’
‘Doesn’t it?’ Zoe said as she searched for a parking spot. ‘If it’s a good day, I might see if Alex fancies coming another time. I might even join the National Trust – they’ve got loads of properties around here that I could visit.’
‘Surely you wouldn’t get enough use of it to make it worthwhile. You’re never free when I call.’
‘I mean… well, I know I’m busy, but I’d make time.’
‘I wouldn’t waste your money. You’re always telling me how busy you are, so I don’t see how that will change just because you fork out for a National Trust membership. Unless membership includes them doing your job for you so you can swan around their houses.’
Zoe couldn’t think of a reply and decided it wasn’t worth the bother.
If her mum was having a dig, then she wasn’t going to rise to it.
Sometimes – and she hated to admit it, even privately – she could see why her dad had left.
Zoe loved her mum dearly, and most of the time she was kind and considerate, but if anyone could smother a pleasant meet-up with negativity, she could.
‘It’s a shame the flowers aren’t all out,’ Cherie continued. ‘I bet it looks wonderful in the summer.’
‘If we like it here, there’s no reason we can’t come back to see it in the summer,’ Zoe replied.
‘Oh, I don’t know if it’s worth that. Unless you get your membership, but I doubt I’d bother with one, and I wouldn’t want to pay again when I’ve already seen everything once, so…’
‘There’s a lot to see, and they do events throughout the year, so they might be worth coming to.’
‘Once you’ve seen one old house, you’ve seen them all, haven’t you?’
Zoe pulled on the handbrake and turned to her. ‘If you don’t want to go in, we can find something else—’
‘I do. Anyway, it was your idea to come. I’ve never been into poetry and whatnot, so none of this means anything to me.’
‘But surely… it’s not just random poetry, is it? It’s Wordsworth’s home! I mean, he’s almost as famous as Shakespeare – everyone has heard of him. I thought you might be interested, even if you’re not into poetry.’
‘I am. I’m just saying it wouldn’t be any skin off my nose if I didn’t come back.’
Zoe turned off the engine and got out her phone.
‘Is everything all right?’ her mum asked.
‘What…?’ Zoe looked up. ‘Yes, just pulling up our tickets. I thought it would save time to book them online before we came.’
‘Right. I wondered if your dad had messaged you or something. Or your Alex’s daughter had gone into labour.’
‘No, nothing like that. We’re all good. Shall we go?’
The sun was trying to break through the blanket of grey, a point of haloed brightness in an otherwise heavy sky. The path crunched beneath their feet as they approached a sprawling, putty-coloured house, the entrance hugged by trees, hills stretching into the distance beyond.
‘I thought it would be bigger,’ Cherie said. ‘Seeing as it belonged to someone so famous.’
‘Maybe he wasn’t all that rich. And I suppose he’s famous now, but perhaps he wasn’t so well known back then. You know, when he lived here.’
‘I’m sure he must have had some money. It’s not exactly a hovel.’
‘Well, yes… not exactly a hovel. But not as big as I expected either.’
‘A bit underwhelming, really.’
‘I think it’s nice. I wouldn’t say no to living here if someone offered it.’
‘And have people in anoraks traipsing through day and night making themselves free tea and coffee? No thanks. I’ll keep my house in Manchester.’
‘But,’ Zoe said with a faint smile, ‘if I owned it, then I don’t suppose I would have people traipsing through.’
‘What would you do with it then?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t actually think someone is going to gift it to me. It was just a throwaway comment.’
‘So what about this farmhouse your Alex owns?’
‘What about it?’
‘You’re going to move in there eventually?’
‘I don’t know. He’d like me to.’
‘But it would never be your house.’
‘We haven’t discussed that. I mean, perhaps not, but then Kestrel Cottage isn’t mine either. I rent it from Victor and Corrine.’
‘Renting still gives you some rights. But moving in with a man who owns it leaves you high and dry if things go wrong.’
‘I suppose we’d talk about all that when the time comes.’
‘Be careful. Make sure you have a backup plan.’
‘I would always do that.’
‘You didn’t do it with your Ritchie.’
‘Ritchie and I were both on the mortgage – I didn’t need a backup plan.’
‘But it all went south, didn’t it? In the end, and he led you a merry dance over it.’
‘And I learned my lesson, which is what we all do as we travel through life, isn’t it?’
‘You’d think. I wish someone had given me this advice before I met your dad.’
‘Mum…’ Zoe held back the biggest, most impatient sigh. It was taking all her strength not to walk back to the car and drive off, preferably without her mother. ‘Can we not just enjoy the day?’
‘You don’t want me to talk about things that are on my mind? What’s the point in us being together if we don’t talk?’
‘We can talk, but…’ This time the sigh pushed its way out. ‘Of course we can talk, but the business with me and Alex and where we’re going to live… right now it’s all hypothetical. Can we talk about something else? Something a bit cheerier?’
‘I would if I had anything cheery to share with you.’
‘There must be something good happening for you right now! What about the ladies at your Zumba class? Are you still all going on that weekend away you’d been talking about?’
‘Not since Maxine decided to make it a week in Greece rather than a weekend in Whitby. I can’t afford Greece, so it looks like I won’t be going.’
‘Oh… hasn’t anyone had anything to say about that? Doesn’t seem fair that some won’t be able to stretch that far. What happened to all of you being a support network for one another?’
‘Everyone else can afford to go; it’s only me who can’t, so nobody’s made anything of it.’
‘That’s not the sort of support network I’d want to be a part of. Hardly one for all and all for one.’
‘It doesn’t bother me. They were all starting to annoy me anyway. I might stop going to Zumba, in fact. It’s become far too cliquey.’
‘But you said you loved it!’
‘I’ll find something else.’
‘What about the salsa classes you told me about?’
Cherie gave her head an emphatic shake. ‘Oh no, I can’t possibly go there now.’
‘Why not?’ Zoe showed her phone to the woman at the entrance, who scanned their tickets with a nod.
‘Would you like a map of the grounds?’ she asked, holding up a leaflet.
‘Oh… yes, thanks…’ Zoe gave her a distracted smile.
‘There are a couple of special exhibitions on today,’ the woman continued as she handed the map over. ‘They’re in this building…’ She opened up a map of her own and showed Zoe the spot.
‘Right… thanks…’ On any other day, Zoe would have been far more enthusiastic. ‘We’ll take a look…’ She turned back to Cherie as they went inside. ‘What happened at the salsa? Was it cliquey there too?’
‘I have no idea; I didn’t go.’
‘Why didn’t you go?’
‘Her mother goes there.’
Zoe sighed. One thing she knew for sure, she wasn’t going to breathe a word about the possibility that her dad and Chantal might get married at St Cuthbert’s.
Her mum’s mood was on a knife edge as it was, and the last thing Zoe wanted to do was push her over it.
She wished she’d had a chance to explain to Alex and Billie that they shouldn’t mention it either.
Though she trusted that they’d both have enough insight to know that, she still worried that she ought to have made it absolutely explicit before her mum’s arrival.
If she got time and a moment where her mum wasn’t looking, she’d shoot Alex a text to warn him so they’d both be clued up before Zoe took her mum over to meet them later that day.