Chapter 13
They’d bid a friendly farewell to Nigel and Chantal and headed back to Hilltop Farm.
It had gone well, despite the odd hiccup in the form of Magnus and Geoff being at the same restaurant.
Zoe was relieved to have it over with, but she was happy Alex and her dad had finally met.
They checked on Billie, who had nothing to report except that she wished the baby would hurry because she was bored of being fat.
Zoe laughed. ‘Don’t wish it here too quickly. You think it’s tiring now, just wait.’
‘At least I won’t be this big.’
‘I hate to break it to you, but you might still be bigger than you were before for a while. Your tummy doesn’t just snap back, you know – it takes time.’
Billie looked horrified at this statement, and Zoe’s gentle laughter grew. ‘What? But the baby will be out!’
‘Yes, but you’ve grown defences to protect them through your pregnancy and all that will take time to disperse.’
‘Great!’ Billie flopped into a chair and folded her arms across her bump. ‘Perfect.’
Alex had been diplomatic in his silence as the discussion had progressed, but as he put the kettle on to boil at the other side of the kitchen, Zoe caught his eye and could see humour sparkling there.
‘Who wants a drink?’ he asked.
‘I’ll have a hot chocolate,’ Billie said. ‘But can you do the one with milk, not the instant one?’
‘Hot chocolate with milk,’ he said, going to fetch a pan. ‘For my little girl, anything.’
‘Dad…’ Billie groaned.
‘I know, I know, you’re not little now. You are to me, and you always will be. Sorry.’
Zoe shared another grin with him as Billie picked up her phone and began to scroll.
She loved their relationship. It was complex, as it was in many families, and they’d had more than their share of hardships to endure, but one thing that shone through was their absolute love and loyalty.
She loved her own dad, it went without saying, but she couldn’t help but think, when she watched Alex and Billie together, that there was something missing from her relationship with her dad – perhaps with both of her parents.
She’d never been able to put her finger on what it was, though she’d often felt it.
Perhaps it boiled down to the fact their marriage had always been so difficult that it had cast a shadow over their family life for as long as Zoe could remember.
At times it had undoubtedly distracted them from their roles as parents – not that Zoe had ever expected their worlds to revolve around her, of course.
She’d never asked her brother if he felt the same, and perhaps she never would, but she got the feeling that he probably did.
Billie drank her chocolate and went to bed, leaving Alex and Zoe time to reflect on the day. On the sofa, a nightcap each waiting on the coffee table, Alex folded Zoe into his arms and kissed her head. ‘So you think it went all right? Your dad likes me?’
‘Absolutely – how could he not? More to the point, did you like him? And Chantal – because I’ve totally accepted that she’s in my life for good.’
‘You didn’t think that before?’
Zoe shrugged. ‘I suppose I was a bit sceptical… like everyone else was. It’s not so surprising when you think about it. There’s the age gap for a start, and I wondered if she was just looking for someone to take care of her rather than a romantic partner.’
‘Can’t someone be both?’
Zoe shook her head with a faint smile. ‘I suppose they can. It’s just…
well, sometimes it’s harder to see things clearly when it’s about people who are close to you.
It was my dad, and I just couldn’t imagine him with someone like Chantal, or that it could be serious. Obviously, I can see now I was wrong.’
‘You’re all right with that?’
‘It’s funny because today I saw, for the first time, that Chantal really does love him. Dad is less showy about it, but I think he loves her too.’
‘He’s certainly happy to give her anything she wants. At least it seems that way.’
‘It does, doesn’t it? And he was never really like that with Mum. Looking back, they were always battling one another for what they wanted out of their marriage, but it’s not like that with Chantal.’
Beyond the windows of Hilltop Farm, the full moon was rising over a dark hill.
‘Chantal is really quite sweet. I feel bad for saying it because I know how my mum feels about her, but you can’t help but like Chantal when you get to know her.
We’ve nothing in common, of course, apart from Dad, but perhaps that’s all we need to get along. ’
‘I think she was making a big effort today, so it must matter to her that you get along.’
‘She was, wasn’t she? We had a good chat in the ladies’.
It cleared the air, put us on an even keel finally.
In fact, she was even kind of’ – Zoe smiled to herself – ‘wise. I’ve never really seen that side of her before, but I suppose I never gave her enough attention to see it.
The funny thing is, I don’t think she even knows when she’s being wise. ’
She suddenly sat up and faced him. ‘Actually, I’ve made up my mind.’
He frowned. ‘About what?’
‘If you and Billie will still have me, then I’d love to move in.’
‘With us?’
Zoe nodded, and he pulled her into a long, heavy kiss.
‘That’s amazing!’ He pulled away to hold her in a gaze full of passion and joy. ‘But what changed?’
‘I don’t know. I was talking to Chantal, of all people, about it, and she said some things to me, and I thought, she’s right.’
‘Whatever she said, I need to thank her!’
‘Well, you’ll be able to soon enough because there’s a wedding coming!’
‘Before then, we could have them over to dinner at Hilltop if you like. It’s bigger than your place, so it might be easier. And as it will be home for you soon…’
Zoe’s answering smile was brighter than the moon now dominating the sky outside.
‘That’s an exciting thought, isn’t it? Hilltop Farm – my home.
’ She was suddenly doubtful. ‘What do you think I should do about Victor and Corrine? My lease isn’t up yet.
I’d hate to leave them in the lurch by moving out early.
They’ll miss out on a couple of months’ rent… ’
‘We’ll talk to them. Victor’s half expecting this anyway – or that was the impression I’ve been getting.
If it’s only a couple of months and it really is going to inconvenience them, we’ll pay the remaining rent whether you’re there or not.
It won’t be all that different to how things are now because you’re only half living there anyway and we’re paying two lots of bills on two houses. ’
‘And I suppose in some ways we’d be doing them a favour because they could find a new tenant while I’m still paying them rent.’
‘Exactly. Everyone wins.’ He stroked a gentle hand over her hair. ‘Billie will be made up. We meant what we said, you know. Just because you know about babies, we’re not going to expect you to be the live-in nanny service. Billie wants to do it herself.’
‘I know she does. And in truth, I don’t know that much about raising them. Once someone has popped one out, it kind of puts me out of the picture. If you think about it that way, Billie and I will be learning a lot together.’
‘This is the best day. We should open a bottle of something to celebrate. I’ve got that champagne left from Christmas that Magnus gave to us. It’s in the fridge at Kestrel Cottage. I should go and—’
‘You’re surely not going out to get that now!’ Zoe said with a laugh. ‘All the way across those fields in the dark just for a drink? We’ve got wine here – it will do just fine. Save the champagne; we’ll drink it another time.’
‘When the baby comes? Then Billie can drink it with us.’
‘If she’s breastfeeding, then the baby will be sharing it too.’ His face fell, and she had to laugh again. ‘Don’t look so stressed! I’m joking! I mean, it’s true, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.’
‘I don’t remember it being so difficult when Jenny had Billie, you know. It seems like I hardly remember what it was like having a baby at all.’
‘I would imagine that’s because Jenny did everything and left you to be the fun parent.
It often happens. Fathers think they’re sharing the childcare, but that’s only because they don’t see what mum is doing all the time under the radar.
You wouldn’t believe the times I’ve sat and listened to a new dad going on like he’s father of the year. ’
‘I never thought… now I feel bad.’
‘Don’t. From what I’ve seen, you’ve more than made up for anything you might not have got quite right when Billie was born. You’re a brilliant dad, and you’re going to be a brilliant grandad.’
He grinned. ‘I still can’t get used to the idea of being a grandparent.’
‘Imagine how I feel – I’m going to be dating one! And I had the nerve to judge my dad and Chantal for their age gap!’
‘We’re not that far apart!’
‘Not technically,’ she said with a coquettish look, ‘but I might occasionally enjoy reminding you that you are a grandparent. Just to keep you in your place, you know.’
‘Fair enough. I wonder if Billie’s still awake? I want to let her know the good news.’
‘Don’t you dare go up! It will wait until the morning!’
‘I can’t – I’m too excited!’
‘Me too.’ Zoe pressed a tender kiss onto his lips. ‘I think I’ve made one of my better decisions today.’
He paused, studying her. ‘Not that I want to change your mind, but it seems… well, you seemed against it before. What changed your mind so suddenly? It can’t only be what Chantal said.’
‘I don’t know. I wasn’t dead against it; I was just cautious.
It was a bit of what Chantal said and some other things.
I suppose there’s a bit of me that’s felt in limbo.
Living half at Kestrel Cottage and half at Hilltop, I mean.
It felt as if I was neither here nor there.
Once I’m here, I’ll be able to settle, I suppose, make it home.
’ She shrugged. She didn’t want to say how seeing her mum alone, seeing first-hand her bitterness and resentment, had galvanised Zoe herself into action.
She would never have ended up like that, but she was scared to risk it.
‘You can decorate, if you like.’
‘You’ve just decorated, and it’s fine the way it is.’
‘But if you want it to feel more like home.’
‘You’re here – that’s already going to make it feel like home.’
‘When?’ he asked.
‘You don’t mess around, do you?’
‘Is there any point? We’re ready when you are, so name the day.’
Zoe grinned. ‘Tomorrow!’
‘Tomorrow it is!’
‘Hey, I didn’t mean… You’re serious? You’d let me move in tomorrow?’
‘Of course I would! In fact, you could move in tonight!’
Zoe shook her head with a broad smile. ‘Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow is pushing it too. After the wedding? Just to get one thing out of the way before I launch into something new?’
‘After the wedding? That’s ages! You’re already halfway in – why not just bring the rest of your stuff over the next few days?’
‘I’ll have to make a list of all the paperwork I need to do as well. There’s a ton of change-of-address stuff to do and—’
‘I’ll help with that.’
Zoe giggled. ‘It’s mad! We must be mad, doing it, just like that!’
‘Life’s too short,’ he reminded her. ‘When you know it’s right, why wait?’
‘It’s lucky Victor and Corrine will be good for sending post over and that sort of thing, until I’ve got everything in order. I hope they’ll be all right about it. I mean, it’s sudden; I hope it doesn’t put them out.’
‘Like I said, we’ll see them right. It’ll be fine.’
‘It’ll be so weird seeing someone else living there, you know.’
‘You’ll get used to it.’
‘Oh, I know, but still… I suppose that’s what it must have felt like for their daughter when she moved out and I moved in.
Houses are funny things, aren’t they? They’re just a box to store people in, but they feel like living things with thoughts.
You almost imagine you’re hurting their feelings when you leave them. ’
‘Come here,’ he said, pulling her into a kiss. ‘That might just be the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Mad but sweet. That’s why I love you so much. You’re always thinking of others, even houses.’
Zoe melted into his arms, warmed by his words but suddenly troubled.
She was happy right now, of course she was, but she wasn’t kind, and she didn’t always think of others.
And though she knew she wasn’t meant to point that out right now, she still feared the truth of it.
Because if it were true, how was it she felt she was going behind her mum’s back by befriending Chantal? Would karma bite back?
She shook such negative thoughts and decided to focus on her happiness. Or, more specifically, on Alex’s happiness. He was thrilled and excited, and that was all that mattered.