Chapter 23 #2
‘Yes. If it’s natural, then it has to be all right, doesn’t it? That’s what Arwen said. She said if there’s only nature’s pantry in there, then how can it harm me?’
Zoe was tempted to give a few examples of nature’s pantry that she wouldn’t ask anyone to eat or drink, but she didn’t think her sarcastic response would help and so she bit it back. ‘I really couldn’t say. Did you take it?’
Fern reached into her coat pocket and pulled out what looked like a rinsed-out pop bottle with some brown liquid sloshing around in it. ‘I thought I would show you first.’ She held it out.
Zoe took the bottle, though she wasn’t sure what she was meant to do with it.
‘You can open it if you want to sniff,’ Fern said.
‘Fern, please don’t be offended, but I don’t think I do want to sniff it.
I don’t even want to look at it. As a student, I watched an enema, and what’s in here looks like what came out of that poor patient.
I’m sure it’s great and was made with love, but I wouldn’t put it anywhere near my face, let alone drink it. ’
‘Arwen said you’d be cynical about natural remedies. She said you wouldn’t understand what didn’t come from a lab.’
Zoe put the bottle on the desk and folded her arms. ‘I don’t think that’s fair.
I think it’s Arwen who doesn’t understand that what comes from nature can be useful, but it’s silly to discount science.
When done properly, nature and science can work brilliantly alongside one another.
For instance, women in my care have natural births all the time, and usually it’s great, but if they run into trouble, then science can save the day.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I wish Arwen would come and talk to me properly.
She’s accusing me of having a closed mind, but I think it’s her who needs to be more open.
Maybe, if you come to see me again, she can come with you, then we can have a chat about it.
I’m happy for her to look to nature for solutions, as long as they’re safe and proven.
Yes, let her make a drink to help with your sickness, just as long as what’s in it doesn’t make things worse. ’
Zoe wondered if that was all Fern had come to see her about. It was a lot of effort just to show her a bottle of dirty water. Had Fern snuck out of the commune to come here? It was early – maybe she had gone before anyone else was up.
‘I don’t think she’d do that,’ Fern said after a gap.
‘Well, if she decides she does want to come, my door is always open.’
There was another pause and then, like a stopper being forced from a bottle, Fern’s next sentence almost exploded from her. ‘I want to leave the commune!’
Zoe sat down again. Here it was, the real reason Fern was here. She didn’t say anything because she could see she wasn’t done.
‘It’s too…’ Fern seemed to be reaching for the right words, looking over each one and then dismissing it in her mind. ‘People,’ she said finally. ‘There’s people all the time. When I don’t want them, all times of the night and day. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much.’
Zoe sat to attention. What was Fern trying to tell her? ‘Fern, nobody is bothering you in a… sinister way—’
‘No,’ she said, ‘nothing like that.’
‘But it’s so bad it makes you feel you need to leave?’
‘Sometimes,’ Fern said. ‘When I first decided to go there, it looked so nice, and everyone seemed to look after everyone else, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go because my parents… well, that’s a story I don’t want to go into…’
Zoe gave an internal shudder. She didn’t know Fern’s past, but she sensed it hadn’t been a happy one. It was easy to see now why she’d felt joining the commune might be her salvation. The fact it hadn’t turned out that way broke Zoe’s heart.
‘You really want to leave?’
When Fern nodded, Zoe asked, ‘OK. What do you need from me? How difficult do you think it will be? Can you just pack your things and go? Or is it harder than that? Would someone try to stop you?’
‘I don’t know. People have left before, but they didn’t talk to me about it before they went.’
‘So you didn’t know they were going beforehand?’
‘No. I’d just wake up in the morning and someone would say that person had gone, and that was that. It doesn’t suit everyone to live like we do.’
‘I can imagine. I’m sure it seems idyllic until you get there.’
‘I’ve got nowhere to go, that’s the thing. I thought maybe you’d know somewhere I could stay for a bit. Like a homeless shelter or something.’
Things had to be miserable if she was ready to go into a homeless shelter.
Zoe considered her options. She had contacts at schemes that could help, but that would mean Fern leaving the area.
Zoe wasn’t so sure that was what she needed, and it didn’t sound as if there was any danger of the other members of the commune coming after her.
There had to be a way she could help and still keep Fern in Thimblebury.
‘When are you hoping to leave?’ she asked finally.
‘I thought today.’
‘Could you hang on a day or two? I need to talk to some people to see what I can do.’
‘I suppose so.’
Zoe didn’t like asking her to go back to the commune.
Even as she suggested it, she racked her brains for another way.
‘I mean, if you’re desperate to go now, I do know of a women’s refuge.
It’s not really where I’d place you ordinarily, but it might be a stopgap until we can work something else out. ’
‘You mean where women go when they’ve been beaten up?’
‘Well, some are victims of domestic violence, but there are other reasons they could end up there. It’s a safe haven, somewhere to give them a breather while they sort their lives out ready to move on. The staff there are amazing – you’ll really like them.’
‘It feels like a commune to me. Loads of people living in the same house, except I don’t know any of these ones. I’m not sure. I was hoping you’d know how I could get a house. Like one from the council. I thought because I’m pregnant I’d go to the top of the list.’
‘You might, I couldn’t say, but it’s not that simple. You’d still have to go on the list, and that doesn’t happen overnight. There are forms to fill in, people to speak to. And where would you go? There are no council properties in Thimblebury, so you’d have to leave the area.’
‘I’ve thought of that. I suppose I would.’
‘That doesn’t bother you?’
‘I like it here, but I would be further away from the commune if I left, so that might be better.’
‘In an ideal world, what would you want?’
‘I’d want a house here in the village. Maybe a job where I could keep my baby with me while I did it. Like something from home. Or somewhere with cheap childcare…’
‘Hmm…’ Zoe opened her laptop. It was quite a shopping list, and she’d asked the question not because she thought she’d be able to give Fern everything she wanted but so she’d have a starting point.
‘I need to chat to some people to see what can be done. But there might be a place for you to go and sit today while I sort something out. Unless you’d rather go back to the commune, perhaps sneakily pack some things while I try to get things in place for you? ’
‘I think I’ll do that,’ Fern said finally. ‘I’ll come back later.’
‘Make it much later,’ Zoe said. ‘I’ve got some other things to do, and I might not be able to reach the people I need straight away.’
‘OK.’ Fern got up. ‘It feels weird,’ she added.
‘What does?’
‘Thinking I won’t live with everyone.’
‘You’re not sure about leaving?’
‘It’s not that. It’s not all bad, you know. I don’t want you to think I’m leaving because it’s horrible. I just don’t think that life is what I want now.’
‘Having a baby on the way can make you rethink your choices,’ Zoe said. ‘What’s your gut telling you?’
Fern gave a half-smile. ‘It’s telling me I’d love a little house that’s just for me and my baby, nobody telling me it’s my turn to dig the field or muck out the pigs or cook dinner for thirty people or what to read or what time to go to bed and what time to get up.
I’d love to watch telly sometimes and lie in bed on a Sunday until noon. And lots of other normal things too.’
‘Well,’ Zoe said with a smile of her own, ‘we’d better see what we can do about it, hadn’t we?’